Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu‎

Volume 9, Author Notes

I’m really grateful to you for being able to buy this book. I’m Inoue Kenji , the author in charge of this novel.

It’s been the fourth year since I started when this book is sold. To me, it’s like several days ago, and unknowingly, time passed so quickly. It’s thanks to everyone’s encouragement that I can write these Baka stories. I don’t know how long I’ll continue, but I’ll continue to work hard, so please guide me through.

Alright, it’s now for the usual strange stuff topic. I won’t be revealing anything about the plot this time, but I’m going to talk about the toilet here, so any reader that’s reading and doesn’t want to be offended, please skip these pages and go over to Haga-san’s illustration. Even those who aren’t doing so and won’t be offended, it’s best to skip these few pages since this is totally pointless. I’m serious.

Alright, let’s begin.

Speaking of the toilet in the company, we do use something called an auto-cleaning toilet bowl. After the big business is done, it can automatically clean your butt.

As a product, this auto-cleaning toilet bowl is different from ordinary ones, and the way it’s operated is different. There’s the number of buttons, the settings, the power output level and so on. At that time, my company was using a electric wave type where buttons are pressed on the wall (those remote control kind).

Once I did my big business back then, I intend to press the cleaning button to switch it on.

—Kach

Toilet: ‘…’

Me: “?”

I pressed it, but it didn’t respond. Is it spoilt?

—Kach

Toilet: ‘…’

Me: “???”

I pressed it again, and it didn’t work. What’s going on?

—Kach Kach Kach.

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I pressed it a lot of times,

And then,

Toilet: ‘Uiiin…’

It finally started to move. Looks like I didn’t press the button well.

I put my hand at my chest and heaved a sigh of relief.

After a while, once it was done cleaning, I pressed the stop button.

—Kach

Toilet: ‘Uiiin…’

It couldn’t stop.

—Kach Kach

Toilet: ‘Uiiin…’

—Kach Kach Kach

Toilet: ‘Uiiin…’

It couldn’t stop at all.

What’s going on? No matter how many times I pressed the stop button, the warm water that rushed at my butt didn’t look like stopping.

After that, I realized something, and then checked the control screen on the wall.

I then vaguely saw a symbol on the screen that was so dark it couldn’t be seen.

Toilet: ‘’

…Hoho. I see.

There’s something called ever-changing in this world. In other words, everything in this world is changing. I see. So the battery of the remote control here belongs to this world. It can’t remain in a state full of power. I really learnt a lot here.

Me: “…”

Toilet: ‘Jubabababa’

Me: “…”

Toilet: ‘Jubabababa’

Wait a second!? No battery power in such a state!? I did barely manage to use it just now!? Why must it become like this in such a situation!? Do you hate me!?

The toilet said to this panicking me.

Toilet: ‘Jubabababa’

No, don’t go ‘jubababababa’ over there! I’m done with my business, so stop the warm water! I’m grateful that you’re taking care of me, but I’ll be troubled if this keeps up.

Normally, the crisis in a toilet that people will talk about is ‘no paper’, but this is a refreshing situation I’ve never seen before.

For example, if my colleague appears at the other side of the door.

Me: “Nice timing! Please come help me!”

Colleague: “Nn? What is it? No paper? I’ll throw it to you from the top—”

Me: “No! I want a battery! Get me number 3 battery!”

Colleague: “……Huh?”

Me: “Ah! I want two of them! The ones with power!”

Colleague: “……”

Me: “Do you hear me? If possible, please be fast—”

Colleague: “…Sorry…I…still have to…got for a meeting…”

Me: “Eh!? Ah, hey!!?”

Based on this situation, it might become a case of commercial bullying.

I want to hurry up and get out of here, but if I stand up now, the warm water of the auto-cleaning toilet bowl will drench me completely. I have to avoid that at all costs.

I then thought of how to stop this berserking toilet bowl.

The power source for this thing should be electricity. In other words, there should be power at the main unit. If I pull that out, I can stop the tap.

I remained sitting and checked behind the toilet. Just like what I expected, there’s something that looked like a power cable. Bingo. If I pull that out, I should be released.

After checking it, I moved my upper body to the maximum and reached my hand out for the power cable behind the toilet. I won’t be able to hang on in this position, but if I go a little more…!

Me: “Ah.

—DOTAAAKKKK

Toilet: “Jubababababa’.

…When I was young, I always thought that when I grow up, I will become a mature adult who’s more hardworking than my father. I’ll become a mature man that works hard and coolly protect my family.

I really want to say to the me back then.

The one who showed the butt, collapsed on the floor and got drenched by the toilet bowl water is the grown up version of you.

After this, I discussed this with my friend.

“About that thing, the OFF button takes priority over the ON button, so that normally doesn’t happen.”

He said. Does that mean that it wasn’t that the battery ran out of power, but something wrong with the button…? Well, doesn’t matter now.

Everyone, when going to the toilet in the future, besides checking if there’s any toilet paper, you must check whether there’s something strange with the toilet bowl button. Especially those who still have their dreams from their youth.

I’m sorry for saying such weird things. It’s about time for the customary thanks.

Haga-san in charge of the illustration, Yuuko looks really cute giving bait there! As expected of someone who has a similar appearance to Hideyoshi! And then, the hi-touch between Akihisa and Yuuji is the best! I’m really grateful!

Kagaya-san, who’s in charge of designing, I’m sorry that you have to do work that’s several times for that usual. It would be alright if we could just use words to express them clearly, but I just couldn’t do it…

To K-sama, who’s in charge of editing, the days of consecutive mail from the New Year’s Eve until the third day of the New Year really scared me. You’re really working without any rest…I’ll try my best to hand in the draft script earlier. I’m really sorry…

To the people involved in the anime and manga, I’m really sorry for being unable to help out much (especially the few days right before publishing). It’s thanks to everyone that the world of Baka Test got wider. It’s a story full of idiocy, but please continue to help me promote this.

And then, the readers. I’m sorry that it’s about the same lines over and over again, but it’s because of everyone’s support that my book can be published just like what I wanted. I’m really grateful to everyone. If possible, please continue to suppose me. Also, I’ve excitedly read through all the letters to me. I couldn’t spare much time writing back, but everyone continued to write to me, and I’m grateful for that. Also, I’ll really sorry for being unable to grant everyone’s request…

And finally, a short prelude to the next volume.

The next volume should be a short stories chapter. It’ll include what happened ‘during Minami’s backstory in the first year, how Akihisa, Yuuji, Hideyoshi and Muttsurini met together’ in volume 7.5, the story of ‘what happened when Akihisa and Mizuki were living together’ that wasn’t mentioned in the last volume and this volume, and also, a story about ‘Hideyoshi and Muttsurini’, two people who haven’t appeared much. That’s the case, but I have absolutely no idea how to go about writing…especially Muttsurini and Hideyoshi. I’ll just try to write it, and the content isn’t decided. Whose point of view shall I write from…?

The afterword this time is rather long. Then, we’ll meet in the stage of Baka Test again.