Beers and Beards

Chapter 7: The Firmament (1)

It’s been a couple of days since Balin and Annie got together. Balin nearly fainted when Annie talked to him, and I think the only thing that kept him from keeling over was my hand propping him up. He flapped his mouth a few times and I pulled him away before he could go all in without consideration first.

Apparently, that was part of my ‘job’ as a stand in for Balin’s clan.

He and I chatted about Annie’s proposal, alongside the deal I had arranged with her. His eyes grew a bit wide at that, and he congratulated me on the good deal. Apparently, he was looking for carpentry work in Minnova before he was tossed into the prison mine. He never imagined he would get a romantic relationship AND a job out of his stay.

Balin went back and talked to Annie, and now the whole mine knows they’re a thing. I was surprised to learn just how well-liked Annie and Balin are in the camp. I’ve been so focused on my own predicament that I hadn’t really spent much time paying attention to other things. Balin has one of those outgoing personalities that does so well in an organized environment. Like the popular kid at school or that one guy in the office. You know the one, who makes stupid jokes that for some reason everybody laughs at, and he always seems to cross certain social boundaries but never gets in trouble? Yeah, fuck that guy. Balin was like that but cool.

Which brings me to my current predicament.

“From the top Peter.”

“My name is Peter Samson. I’m 48 years old.”

“Where are you from?”

The Okanagan, Canada, British Columbia, the year 2022. Instead, I replied, “I don’t remember.”

“Where are you now?”

“The city of Minnova Prison Mine camp, in the country of Crack.”

“What year is it?”

“Uh….. I forgot.” Damnit Balin, did we not even go over the year?

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“What day is it?” That’s an easy one!

“Yearday.” I smiled, like a child finding the correct answer on a test.

Doc Opal sighed as she removed her glasses and massaged the bridge of her nose. Her beard style was a bit different from the other dwarves, it’s close cropped and her moustache is faintly pointy. It’s also shock white, which I’m guessing is an effect of age. We were currently seated at a table in the mess hall. The rest of the dwarves were all out working, and I was currently being tutored by Doc Opal. There were no medical emergencies right now, and she had decided to put some serious effort into my ‘re-education’. Apparently, word had come down from administration that since this ‘Peter’ troublemaker had been injured while on the job, he needed to be properly taught at the prison’s expense. There weren’t any titled Hypnotists in the city, so it fell on Doc Opal.

We started on the basics, like numbers, letters, times and days of the week. I can’t believe Balin and I never covered those, but I had more important concerns at the time, like beer. Each day is 32 hours, and each hour is 64 minutes and each minute is 64 seconds. Most things in Erd seem to be based off of the Gods, of which there are 8. So 8 days of the week, each named after a god à la thorsday, a base 16 numbering system, an alphabet with 32 letters, et-cetera. This was where I discovered that I’m not speaking English. The dwarven runic alphabet is NOTHING like our letter system, and it gave me a moment of cognitive dissonance as I realized I was reading the runes, but wasn’t really READING them. It was more like I could understand the meaning in my head without actually comprehending each letter. That’s when I realized I was doing the same with speech. I wonder if it’s a side effect of my ‘Outworlder’ milestone. Speaking of milestones, my stats changed a bit after the past few days. My charisma went up to 10 after my first few lessons with Opal. I guess the combination of my deal with Annie and my lessons have paid off! I’m finally an averagely charismatic dwarf, which isn’t saying much.

“What can you tell me about the Fundamental Elements.” Doc Opal continued, leafing through some papers.

“Like water, earth, fire, and air?” I asked, confused. Did they have those here too?

“What? No, why on Erd would fire or water be an element? I mean the Fundamental elements of creation.”

“Sooo atoms?”

“Adams?” Opal shifted through her notes. “We don’t have an Adam in the camp. Is that someone from your past?”

“No, never mind. What are the elements?” I sighed inwardly. Avatar Aang had done me so wrong.

“They are Matter, Aether, Magic, and Nether.”

“They are Matter, Aether, Magic, and ma-mag-magic?!” I gaped. Wait, magic is real here?! How have I not noticed or heard that yet!

“And Nether.” Opal frowned. Screw nethers! Well, I mean, yes that’s what they’re for, but also screw nether! I want to hear more about magic!

Opal placed her hand over her heart in what I was beginning to recognize was a religious gesture and recited a verse.

“Tiara of Matter is all that has form,

Aaron of Aether the heart of the storm.

Archis of Magic is all that’s unseen,

And Yearn of Nether is all in between.”

We then spent a bit of time going over what are called the “Fundamental Elements” because they’re the Elemental Gods of the Firmament. They represent all the ‘stuff’ that makes the universe actually exist. I already knew Tiara, but for the sake of my teacher I’ll try and keep them all straight here.

Tiara as Goddess of Matter and Possessions is the God of everything physical. Rock, stone, metal, if you can touch it, it’s matter. Her blessings give your body and everything you carry [Strength of All].

Aaron is the God of Aether and Exchange, which is anything you can feel but not ‘touch’. That’s air, water, fire, all gasses, smoke, I could go on. His Blessing grants you [Move in Aether], for a slow fall or glide, or faster swimming. It also gives the ability to [Sense Deals] apparently. That must make shopping fun.

Yearn is the Goddess of Nether and Relationships which I’m a bit fuzzy on, and who sounds sketch as hell. Apparently, she’s everything that is but isn’t as well as nothingness? I'm thinking that the fundamental forces like gravity, atomic attraction, magnets and so on might fit the bill. I assume particles still exist, but Doc Opal doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I try to discuss it. Relationships are a kind of concrete form of attraction that have no real form so I guess that makes sense. Her blessings give [Stealth] and [Sense Emotions].

Finally there's Archis, the God of Magic (omg magic), and Knowledge. His blessings give [Sense Mana] and [Sense Secrets]. I like both of those, so I’m aiming for his blessing. You apparently NEED his blessing to be able to use magic effectively. Doc Opal gave me a very technical explanation of magic that I understood none of. I did nod along while imagining shooting fireballs and lighting bolts though.

“So how would I go about getting a blessing, Doctor?” Especially Archis's!

“Well, there are several different ways to do that, but they all have the same basic idea. Thank you, Bran.” Opal smiled at Bran as he walked over and presented her with an amazing piece of cake. It was some kind of white fluffy thing with whipped cream on it, and it looked sooo delicious and moist. I’ve been obsessing over beer since I got here, but that’s because alcohol was my life for so long. While the prison food has been healthy and filling, I’m still a modern man. I want my junk food dammit. I wonder if pretzels or peanuts exist here? I could totally make beer and pretzels a thing. “The first thing you need to do is gain the attention of a God.”

“Gain a God’s attention?” I asked, my eyes focused on her fork as she began to gently carve into the slice of cake.

“Yes, scholars are divided on the best way to do that.” Opal said, her eyes closed as she moaned slightly around a mouthful. Damn, Opal! You’re really selling that cake! “Some say it’s by luck, others by hard work, others by ingenuity. One thing that everyone can agree on is that you must complete some great work within the God’s portfolio. Make sure you get a blessing you want though, since you can only have two!”

“Is that why a lot of miners get Tiara’s blessing?”

“Yes, spend a lot of time diligently working with rock and stone and you’ll earn Tiara’s blessing. Similarly, sailors often get Aaron’s blessings, students gain Archis’s, and great lovers and friends gain Yearn’s.”

Interesting. Not as interesting as the cake that Doc Opal is slowly devouring, but interesting nonetheless. So, if I want to gain Archis’s blessing I need to go to school, or discover some kind of lost knowledge or something. Could my knowledge as someone from another universe count? I wonder if that’s why I can earn cupcakes – I mean cakes- I mean pies -dammit, Blessings, more easily.

“How important are Blessings?” I asked, as Opal started thumbing crumbs off the plate into her mouth. I could practically taste the cream, and I wiped a bit of drool off my moustache.

“Very important. Most careers won’t accept you without at least one. They’re seen as a rite of passage to adulthood in society. We can live up to 500 years after all. If you can’t earn a Blessing in all that time, what have you been doing?” I guess that makes sense. If a Blessing is a clear way of indicating a person’s hard work, then you’d definitely need one for any kind of advancement. I guess it’s kind of like a college degree from Earth. Wait.

“500 YEARS!?”

“Yes?” Opal said, her eyes widening as I caught her licking the plate clean. She blushed and coughed as she put the plate down. “Barring disease or a monster attack, the average dwarf will live to be 500 years old. Some greybeards are 700 or older. I’m 398 years old myself.”

500 years! I was only 48... that meant… carry the 1… 452 years?!

I was going to live 452 years, at the AVERAGE!?

“How long do humans live?” I had to know, was this normal?

“An odd question. Humans live to be around 120 years old, though they are more likely to fall to disease. They are also more numerous. Elves live to be around 1000. Gnomes are about the same as dwarves. Beastkin live around 80 years. Only the dragons are infinite.” Hey cool, there are dragons! Also beastkin, humans, gnomes, and elves.

All this talk about death made me think back to my own. I think I’m getting over the loss of my family. My wife and I were married for over 20 years, and in all that time we had our ups and downs. It was especially hard when Samantha was born. We barely had any time for ‘us’ in between the business and the baby. We’d go a whole week with barely a word other than ‘your turn’. This whole ‘reincarnated as a dwarf’ thing is so unreal that I think I’ve emotionally de-coupled fairly easily. This is a new world, and I’m a new dwarf. I’m going to need to forge new relationships, and that will likely include a new family. Balin’s my family for now, and Annie will be soon, I guess. Speaking of which, in all the fiction stories I’ve read, there should have been a hot elf babe by now. One with a pencil moustache and goatee…

Dammit.

“Let’s talk about the Fundamentals of Life, next” Opal said, nodding to Bran as he came to collect the plate. She smiled sweetly at him, and brushed a few crumbs from her beard. “Delicious as always Bran.”

“Thank you doctor, I tried something new with the batter.” Bran’s eyes crinkled at the compliment.

“Well, whatever you did, the cake was especially fluffy today.”

The two shared a companionable silence over the empty plate for a moment. I coughed. Now that I know a bit more about Dwarves, I’ve started to realize the incredible number of romantic entanglements in this camp. It’s like I died and reincarnated into an episode of “Dwarves of Our Lives”. Bran walked back to the kitchen and Opal turned to me.

“Where was I? The Fundamentals of Life - ” Opal was interrupted as a grumble of dwarves made their way into the mess hall. They clinked and clattered as they deposited their equipment, and a cloud of dust was given off as they grabbed sandwiches and beers. Opal frowned. “Let’s finish this outside. Come join me for a walk.” She stood up and made to leave. I followed her, nodding to a few of the dwarves as we passed by. They nodded back, and I even got a few smiles; indeed, a 10 charisma is where it’s at. I didn’t see Balin or Annie, and guessed they must still be in the mine, on a dive perhaps. I’ll see them at dinner, I guess.

“Where are we headed?” I asked as we walked down the road.

“Over there.” Opal pointed to a small ridge just outside of the camp. “We’re going to finish talking about the Fundaments, but I want to show you the city too, and more importantly, the Dungeon...