Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 423 HOME SWEET HELLHOLE

I once called Jaya in One Piece a wretched hive of villainy and scum. Then Robin ruined the joke, but that wasn’t the point. Either way I was wrong, there were so many worse places. Like Gotham. 

Despite how often my old self tried to forget. He was born in Gotham. Though I didn’t ever remember it being stated in the comics, Gotham was in New Jersey. Which by itself was hilarious to the original me. But it also made sense because Jersey was always depicted as a crap hole. 

Gotham was an island just East of the southern tip of New Jersey. Roughly 30 miles square we were only a tenth of a mile from the mainland. But the depth of water around the island made Gotham a central port for the East coast either because of or despite all the crime. 

Metropolis was to the West of us in Delaware. Answering another question for me. I always wondered why Batman and Superman were always up in one another’s business. That reminder made me frown. 

“Why is there no Batman in this world?” I asked myself as I flew toward the toilet bowl of a city. I had seen clips of the Flash. Hints of Aquaman. And I knew the Queen family was real in Central City. Which by the way was in Pennsylvania. Centrally located between New York City, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, D.C., Gotham, and Metropolis; that was how it got its name. A lot of major highways and a river that connects Lake Eerie to the ocean travel to the Centralized city. 

I knew of plenty of crime in Gotham. Old me had kept up on the place since he grew up there. Penguin was a crime boss. Joker was a lunatic, but I didn’t know of any other classic Batman villains. I thought maybe I remembered the Wayne’s getting killed but for some reason old me thought Bruce was killed back then and the mom made it for some reason. The old me from this world didn’t really care about the rich assholes in Gotham back in the day, so I didn’t know for sure. Hoping to get a hold of a computer as soon as possible, I continued flying East. 

After dealing with some lawyer crap I was officially set free. Time served. A lenient judge signed everything and I was flying to my home base of Gotham thanks to some bullshit Waller pulled. Yes, I was free, but she had me on parole. 

I had to keep my nose clean for 6 months before I was officially free of my crimes. It was annoying, but I felt I could handle it. Especially if I became a superhero. 

“But do I want to?” I mused as I turned around to stare at the clouds as I flew. 

“I don’t want to be a villain. But is being the Anti-hero so bad? I fought it pretty hard in My Hero Academia at the start. I didn’t receive quests until the world updated. So if I’m an anti-hero at the beginning it probably wouldn’t matter. I could kill the villains I feel like. Help where and when I wanted. And skip a lot of the bullcrap Batman is supposed to deal with.” 

That was always something annoying about Batman. There was a reason that in the jingle the Joker got away. Because his villains were all allowed to live to fight another day. They killed, allowing the processes to repeat. I doubted I wanted that. 

“I still haven’t been told what role I got though,” I said. Which meant there was more to the Superman quest. I would have to wait for that to happen though and keep my ear to the ground. 

“What to do in Gotham?” I asked again. For some reason I kept thinking of Dune. The main Atriedes family kept talking about local power. In their home planet of Caladan, to be strong you needed water power because the planet was covered in water. On Arrakis you needed desert power, because the planet was covered in sand. 

“In Gotham I need villain power,” I said. The city was littered with bad guys. “Maybe I should take over the crime families. Kill a few here and there. Push the Anti-hero role. Start calling the shots secretly.”

It was more than a little appealing. I couldn’t hide my face so easily without chakra, but I could create another Villain Slayer persona. Maybe I could be the Batman if there was none in this world. 

“Now that…is an idea,” I said. “I’m Batman,” I said in my Bale voice of the Dark Knight. “No wait. I’m Batman,” I said more gravelly. Then I tried a higher pitch and played with the voice for a bit until Gotham came into view. 

To my surprise it really was as dark as the comics. The place almost always had a shadow cast over it at all times. Some sort of weather anomaly of the area where it was always raining or about to. 

Large skyscrapers at the center of the island there were very few parks and greenery. Just a concrete and steel jungle covered in graffiti. The rich neighborhoods sported the most green, but they were on the edge of the island. Seawalls erected around the island made it look like a bowl which proved that the Riddlers plan from The Batman movie could come to fruition. I’d have to watch for that. Unless he was the cartoon variety which preferred to make deadly Escape Rooms. That actually sounded fun. 

“Where are you, GCPD?” I asked as I drew closer to the island. About to rain, I threw my hood over my head and descended. Landing on the platform for a tram no one noticed or cared about me. The random citizen’s Spiritual Energy radiated sadness and fear. Which was crazy in my book. If you were scared of your home, just leave. But it was impossible to explain the thinking of a comic book person. 

Getting on the tram I followed it for a few stops. The thing went all around the city and there were a few city maps mounted on the tram walls the ruffians didn’t get to. The car was pretty rowdy with Joker’s wannabe goons and others. After hitting a few with Sparks they quieted down though. 

I got off at the stop closest to the Gotham City Police Department and made my way over there. Police cruisers driving this way and that, old me got nervous but I pushed that away. He had hated these cops with all his heart. Me, I was just annoyed by them. Most were corrupt so I didn’t feel any attachment to them, but many at least tried to follow the law. 

I got to the reception desk at the front and asked a man in uniform, “Parole Officers?”

“Third floor,” the guy said while on the phone. Hardly looking at me he pointed to a clipboard and I signed in. Once in the doors behind him, the place roared with activity. 

Officer desks filled with people giving statements or yelling about this or that, it was a madhouse. Watching everyone with my Haki I was sickened by how much corruption was going on. Many police were thinking how they could leverage crimes for bribes. Others were thinking about mistresses or terrible things they had seen or done. It was…Gotham. 

With a sigh I got to the stairs and ran up them. Taking them three at a time I got to the third floor to just as much chaos. A cute girl acting as the receptionist, she smiled sweetly at me as I approached. The $20 you could barely see under my hand helped widen her smile. 

Her hand moved to mine and expertly transferred the money to herself. “How can I help you, honey?” I had forgotten that the city ran on tips and bribes. I wouldn’t forget that again. 

“Looking for my parole officer. Parks?”

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“Ah, one of those, are ya? Umm,” she looked behind her at the lines of desks. “All the way back. Small office at the end.”

“Thanks,” I said with a nod and headed back. Officers arguing with parolees. Others yelling on phones or bidding on EBay with bribe money, I went down the line of them watching everything. Who knew what I could leverage around there?

The office was small. More of a box with clouded glass windows around it, I knocked. After no answer I knocked again and the guy woke up. 

“What?!”

“Candy gram for Mongo,” I said. 

“What?!” He yelled louder, not hearing me. I opened the door. 

“You Parks?” I asked. 

“Whose asking,” he asked, squinting his eyes. 

“I’m your new parolee,” I said. “You should have received a fax.” At least I hoped he did. 

“Fuck,” he said. The rotund man sat upright and pointed to the chair opposite him. I sat down as he began digging through a stack of papers. “Name?”

“Weston Walker.”

“Walker,” he mumbled digging through his piles. After pouring through them once he didn’t find me. Then he started up again and my file was on top. He opened it up and began reading. “Says you weren’t supposed to be here till tomorrow.”

“I decided to take an early flight,” I said. “My 6 months doesn’t start until I see you. Or so they said.”

He ignored me. Looking through the files on me he read slowly. “Rift? The Rift?” He asked. I opened my mouth but he continued. “Did the Lineman heist. UAW treasury robbery. Shit even hit a couple banks around here? And they let you out?” He looked at me surprised. 

“Good behavior,” I said with a shrug. 

“Must have been blowing the warden,” he said. I didn’t answer. “Well shit, pretty standard. I’ve seen crazies get off on less around here. Let’s see. Looks like you’ve never been on parole before. You know the deal?”

“Not really?” I admitted. I’d seen TV but who knew if that was real. 

“Drug tests weekly-“

“I don’t do-“

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, setting a small plastic cup on the table. “You got a place to stay?”

“Not yet,” I admitted. Liking this parole BS less and less. 

“You call this card when you find out. Leave a message. I make unannounced visits.” He handed me a card with his name on it. “You got a job lined up?”

“No, I literally flew in-“

“You got a week to find one. The girl up front can give you a list of places that don’t mind hiring you guys.” He looked through the folder again. “And looks like you’ll need to see a psychiatrist weekly too.”

“Psychiatrist? What the fuck. It doesn’t say that,” I said. Leaning forward to read what he was looking at. He handed me the sheet. On it was a mention of my homicidal tendencies and repressed sexual rage. I felt Waller had something to do with that. 

“That bitch. What if I were-“

“There’s a new girl at Arkham. Harleen something she might be good,” he said to himself. 

“Harleen Quinzel?” I asked, perking up. 

“Yeah. Think so. You know her?”

“I…” of course I did. It was Harley Quin before the Joker crazyfied her. Who didn’t have some sort of crush on the ultimate sidekick? Possibilities began playing through my mind as I thought furiously. Eventually I came to a decision. 

“How much to forget most of this?” I asked. 

“For what?”

“I don’t want to deal with this crap,” I admitted. “What’s your price to-“

“Walker,” he said sadly. “I’m going to let this pass. One time. I give each of you one chance and one chance only to make a play like this. As far as the city is concerned I am the deciding factor on if you are fit to stay in the civilized-“ he stopped as I dropped $10,000 on his desk. 

His high and mighty speech was good. I could see in his spiritual energy that it was all bravado. As his eyes widened I knew I wasn’t the first to ask the question. But I was one of the few to show some real money. I dropped another $10,000 on the table. 

“$20 grand. You don’t do surprise visits. I pick where I work. You piss in a cup. And I don’t see you for the next six months,” I said. He licked his lips, staring at the money. He thought about asking for more but I locked eyes with him. “Anything comes up. I will increase the amount…for your headache.”

He slowly nodded and reached for the money. I set my hand on his, gripping it as he did the same to the money. “But I’ll still go see your psychiatrist. You know, to see where it goes.”

—-

I had $932,441 salvaged from my sub-space after I threw the bomb inside. My Rift’s subspace had been in shambles but the majority of it survived. After Waller took her cut of jewels and gold, I was excited to fence the rest. Starting out rich in a world was nice. But it was even nicer that I could use the money in other worlds as well. 

No longer struggling like in the Manga Hall, I had all I needed to start the world how I wanted. It was just too bad I didn’t know what to do in the DC world. 

After getting a suite at an upper class neighborhood I did some shopping and bought a laptop. While it downloaded all the updates it needed I decided to patrol. Requiring a place to train in peace I flew around Gotham. Keeping my eye out for crime, I zapped a purse snapper and one group of potential muggers before I noticed something strange. There were no Jesters. 

A Jester, or Jest, was the name of this world’s Joker henchman. Men and women that wore the white painted face of the Joker had been everywhere earlier. All causing havoc, laughing loudly and randomly, I didn’t like them. 

This world’s Joker had appeared out of nowhere some time ago. Basically a cult leader. The painted faces of the Jests became synonymous with anarchy of the very reclusive leader. Teaching his people about the most important punchline, or guiding them to the last laugh, he was like every terrible cult leader rolled up into one. What made things worse was the fact that the police couldn’t find him. 

Having taken credit for fires, robberies, and every little thing in the city his following had grown quite large over the years. Where the mob was quiet about what they did. The Jokers and Jests were loud and proud. It was about what I expected from the comics but slightly different. 

What I was used to was a disorganized band of psychos. This worlds version felt more doctrine oriented. I felt that meant they were more dangerous. 

As I noticed that the lackeys of the best Batman villain weren’t around, I set out to find them. When that didn’t pan out I ended up bribing a couple of coke fiends who happily pointed me in the direction of where the Jesters laid their heads. 

At an abandoned warehouse downtown, I found a few hundred Jesters having the biggest party I had ever seen. There were barrels lit on fire, fireworks going off, people fucking out in the open, it was like Burning Man for these people. 

After one of them moved off to take a leak I knocked him out and took the clown mask he was wearing. Putting it on, I began to wade through the debauchery of the Jester party. 

People were shooting up in the open. Others were doing tricks that often ended in injury. Whether it was doing flips or trying to hold their hands in the fire for long periods they were all on something. Worst of all was the sex. 

I saw now why there were so many Jesters. They had hot female members. The easiest way to get men to join cults was sex, and these women would let it happen anywhere. I noticed more than a few just standing in a group having sex as if their life depended on it. Then the guy would finish and some other guy would take a turn at her. 

It wasn’t hot either. More like watching some nature documentary of a viagra fueled Woodstock. The people were on drugs, the women were either playing some power trip or felt so low about themselves they didn’t mind being passed around for a little bit of enjoyment. It was all so depressing. Where Delilah in Marvel had been a ray of sunshine and hope, these people felt wrong and twisted. 

Wearing my clown mask I headed into the warehouse they were congregating by. Much worse was going on inside. People upended purses they had stolen. Others showed off loot. More sex and less sanitary, there were no bathrooms inside so they sectioned off a couple of rooms for it. Making it even worse. 

Unsure if this was a temporary place or if they had been holed up there a while, I wandered in hoping to find something. Maybe get a glimpse of their psychotic leader. As my Observation Haki made out details I found one girl in distress. 

Running up the concrete stairs to the second floor I could see she was being toyed with by a room full of Jesters. Crying and pleading with them I sped through using Timeflow so that no one noticed my passing. As I got to the room I zapped everyone around me with my Spark causing them to yell, convulse, and lose consciousness. 

When they were out, the girl stopped pleading. Her clothes ripped, tears in her eyes I approached her, taking off my clown mask. “Let’s get you out of here,” I said. Picking her up without another word I blasted the window next to us with Nen and flew her away. 

She screamed of course but her Haki was convinced she was hallucinating. Flying away I landed her in a better neighborhood and dropped her off. “Can you get home from here?”

“What,” she asked, looking around. 

“Home. Go home,” I said and flew away. Pretty sure she would be fine I gave her some cash and headed back to the warehouse. Unsure if more of that was going on, my rage was boiling. Ready for some action I landed on the warehouse and headed down. Clown mask on. I blended in nicely. But as I walked this time, many were walking in the same direction. 

Unsure what was going on I eventually came to where everyone was heading. It was the storage area of the warehouse. A wide expanse, four stories tall and taking up half the building there were even more Jesters gathered. Most all of them were on the ground staring at a raised platform. On the platform was a giant fish tank with a black liquid inside. Over the liquid was a wood plank. Sitting on the plank was the Joker himself. 

He was about what you would expect. Long green hair slicked back, his skin was pale, lips a deep red, wearing a dark purple suit. The only thing I hadn’t expected were his eyes. They didn’t blink as he stared at all the Jesters around him. His eyes almost red, his jagged yellow teeth were always showing an abnormally wide grin. 

I gulped as I felt his Haki. Since my skill with sensing emotions had increased I hadn’t run into anyone as twisted as him. His Spiritual energy was like an illness infecting those closest to him. Spreading like a disease that the only way to fight was to burn it away. Cut off the part that got near him. 

He began to laugh and a shiver ran up my spine. It was a deep laugh. Full of hate and love all at once. I didn’t know what I was expecting. But this Joker was freaking me out. 

“Welcome my fellow jokesters,” the Joker said in a low voice. No one spoke. All staring at him as they hung on every word. “I know it has been some time since we have been together. But thank you for answering the call.”

“Fuck me,” I whispered. My voice echoing in the clown mask. This group was organized if they could call everyone back. How dangerous was an organized army of psychopaths? I didn’t want to know. 

“Now, order of business one. It’s Justin’s birthday,” he said as he clapped. People cheered congratulating one of the Jesters as he laughed. Someone brought out a cake and it wasn’t long until it was thrown in his face. “Be sure to wish him a happy birthday later.” The congratulations quieted as the Joker's laugh cut through the noise. 

“Number 2,” he said. Pulling out a gun he fired it, shooting someone nearby right in the head. I internally cursed but no one else reacted. As the body fell he explained, “some people failed their background checks. Charlie there used to be a recruit at GCPD. He neglected to mention that before. But luckily we have the best HR team in the city.” He pointed to a rather big guy in a clown mask. 

People cheered and laughed. Others in the crowd felt disgusted. I realized there were actually a few undercover police in the crowd. I would need to remember that for the future. I couldn’t just kill Jesters willie-nillie.

“Oh and one more thing. The Haunt,” he said, silencing everyone again. “You all have heard rumors of it. Creeping and crawling through the city. Beating up our poor defenseless brethren. The Haunt has been so interested in us for so long. Well now we have him.”

I didn’t know who the Haunt was. But I was apparently about to find out as one of the large Jesters walked onto the wood plank the Joker was on. Picking up a large chain out from the black water he pulled it up revealing the head of a super hero. 

The hero breathed in and out deeply. Having been submerged in the black water for some time. Their mask was carved into the shape of a skull. The mask was black. Deep eye sockets, smooth cranium, jaw with human-like teeth etched into the side. It was an intricate mask I didn’t recognize. 

“Here he is, boys.” The men and women Jesters roared in approval. “I caught the mysterious Haunt outside…” the Joker continued on but I wasn’t having it because I received a quest. 

Not that I needed a quest to know what to do, at least I would be rewarded this time. The Joker was as crazy as I feared and his people were just as bad. The worst of the worst in the city. Whatever they were for, was the opposite of what I was. 

Jumping over the handrail I took flight as I ripped off my clown mask. Pulling up the hood of my hoodie I flew right at the black fish tank. Despite the surprise of a flying hero in their midst it didn’t take long for them to brandish guns and begin firing at me. 

I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it though. Unsure if I wanted to end the Joker without a reward I went right for the Haunt. Kicking the guy holding him off. I grabbed the chain and broke it easily. The Joker fired at me point blank but I ducked to be missed and flew straight back. Taking the Haunt with me we flew through the glass windows of the warehouse out into the night of Gotham.