Depthless Hunger

After so long skirting the wilder parts of the Commonwealth, Kai felt a bit uncomfortable moving back into civilization. Yes, the crowds on the roads gave them more cover, but it also risked the chance that they would be discovered. Their elven cloaks had hidden them for many days now, he just doubted they could last forever.

On several occasions he'd used Thunderbird's Wings to take them over a large area, since it was one of their best methods of movement that couldn't be detected by any chakra art. It was draining, though, and carrying his allies was extremely distracting when he wasn't half-mad with battle adrenaline. Now they settled in for a more careful pace as they neared their next destination, and one of their primary goals for so long.

It took them five days to reach the Kama Altar, and as they got close, Kai began to wonder what this place actually was. Since it supposedly would unlock Zae Zin Nim's chakra, he had assumed it would cater to warriors. All around them he saw... couples. Mostly young with a few old, many infatuated with a few pushed by families. Their warrior trio stuck out enough that he worried about drawing attention.

Many of the couples seemed to be visiting for the sake of various shrines, inns, and other establishments centered around marriage. Only relatively few were headed toward the largest building, which was a circular tower topped with a yellow glass dome. Along the side he saw a number of symbols, one of which he actually recognized: the Sacred Creed followers had shown him similar symbols while talking about "lingam" energy.

What the hell were they walking into? He'd assumed that Zae Zin Nim was being so cagey because it was personal or feminine, but now he began to wonder...

Some other couples attempted to approach the large building, only to turn away with fallen expressions at a circle of human-height posts surrounding it. He had no idea what to think of that until they approached and he felt an aura wash over him... it was like the elves' glamours or the Banchlain aura of fear, but weaker. The three of them pushed through it easily, then they were away from the main crowds.

There weren't many others on the path to the building, which only meant more attention. Kai felt very self-conscious walking with two beautiful women in an environment like this. One young man stared long enough that his presumed bride slapped him and they began to argue.

When they reached the door, they were stopped by a middle-aged man with a shaved head and a wrap that passed over one shoulder. Kai saw several others dressed in similar monk-like fashion, both men and women with one breast uncovered. He was so discomfited by the whole thing that he didn't even stare, just focused on the man in their path.

"You've traveled far to come to the Kama Altar," the monk said. "Its energy has been exhausted for the day, and will not be renewed until we have passed through the enveloping yoni of night and the rising lingam of dawn."

"There are many others who seek the same thing. There is a pair ahead of you, but that is immaterial, we must understand just what y-"

"Can we skip over them? There might not be much time."

The monk stared at Zae Zin Nim, shot suspicious glances at the others, and then frowned at her. "The Kama Altar is ultimately a martial shrine, so there are challenge rituals, but these are not commonly used. It does not behoove you t-"

"I'll fight them. Where are they?"

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While Zae Zin Nim bullied the monk, Kai grabbed Omilaena's shoulder and pulled her a step away. "What's going on here?" he asked.

"You haven't talked about it?" Omilaena let out a low whistle. "And I was giving you time and everything. Oh, this is going to be a mess."

"Zae Zin Nim has been acting weirdly. Can't you at least give me a straight answer?"

Omilaena's expression and voice went flat. "The Kama Altar is one of the most powerful sites of sexual magic on Rosemount. Couples come here to conduct rituals, which are exactly what you think they are. The result strengthens both, or for the ordinary people, is just meant to grant a long and fruitful marriage."

"Then..."

"Yeah."

Kai looked back to Zae Zin Nim and suddenly some of her behavior made more sense. But why wouldn't she talk to him about it, and why was she pushing so hard? They seemed to have escaped their pursuers, so there was no need to force their way to the front of the line.

What that meant brought him up short and Kai had to force himself to refocus. His thoughts were tumbling so rapidly he could barely put together a coherent idea, so when Zae Zin Nim impatiently gestured for them to follow, he went along after her. Everything had always moved so slowly between them and now it seemed to be moving much too fast.

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The altar monk led them into the building, then away from a staircase that led up to some raised central chamber. Instead they entered a smaller room of polished marble where a couple waited: a muscular local man and a lithe lizardkin woman. They barely had to speak to the monk before marching up together.

"You want to challenge us?" the man demanded. "Don't be foolish, just wait your turn. I'm a Commonwealth Guard, Second Class."

"And I am a master of the Divine Yoni," the woman added, "first in my clutch and wielder of the foreign yin."

"We've been practicing together for years. If you and that oaf really think you can beat us combined, then step forward and-"

Zae Zin Nim stepped across the room, striking both of them with a palm to the chest. It was a light blow for her, but they hurtled into the opposite wall. When the couple got to their feet unsteadily their confidence had vanished. They looked angry, but they weren't about to attack Zae Zin Nim.

"There's really no need for this," the monk wheedled. "The altar has enough energy for several couples per day. If you simply wait and conduct your cleansing rituals, both couples will be able to get what they want."

The other couple left the chamber, clearly irritated but not willing to push further. In their absence, the monk turned to them with a stern expression.

"The Kama Altar accepts everyone who can pass through the barrier," he said, "and it is greater than any petty squabbles. At the same time, it does not do to disgrace this holy place. Calm yourselves and do not take these arguments into the morrow." With that, he departed and they were alone in the chamber.

Silence reigned for some time. Zae Zin Nim turned around, pleased with herself until she saw his expression and suddenly looked very uncertain.

"So this is why we've been rushing here?" Kai asked.

"Of course," Zae Zin Nim said. "Isn't this... what we agreed? That we would move slowly, until the proper time?"

"I thought the proper time was when you felt emotionally ready, not when it would maximize our power."

Zae Zin Nim stared back at him, briefly uncomprehending and then anxious. "I thought you would be happy. We waited so long for this."

"You know I care about you, but..." Kai growled and ran his hands through his hair. "You expect me to go from running for our lives to this? If you really want to start a relationship, this is an important day... you should have told me what you were thinking."

"I... I see that now. But you get to... don't you want this?"

Kai had no idea how to answer that. On one hand, of course he did, whether he should blame lingering effects from Anaelina or his own impulses. But this was also Zae Zin Nim at her most frustrating, pushing forward with everything without asking him. He'd expected them to slowly grow closer over years, not suddenly be thrown into something like this.

"That's really not very considerate of Kai's feelings," Omilaena said. "You should know by now that he's a romantic man."

"You." Zae Zin Nim turned on her furiously. "You always knew what this was about, you even advised me, so why are you here?"

"You know exactly what I want." Omilaena turned toward him, meeting his gaze and not looking away, not even blinking. "Kai, I've done my best not to turn this into a hormonal mess. By now you know who I am. I've played a lot of games, but I've always been honest with you when it matters."

"Fuck," Kai said, then realized that was a terrible choice of profanity. He shoved the implication out of his head and rubbed his knuckles into his eyes. "I'm irritated that we didn't talk this out, but maybe I only have myself to blame. If I'd been a man I'd have just been honest with you both from the beginning instead of stringing things on."

"Kai..." Zae Zin Nim stared at him with sorrowful eyes. "Don't you know what you want?"

"I think what I wanted was for us to just keep traveling together. It was easier not to make decisions. Well, that part is on me."

Silence returned. Kai raged with too many feelings, Zae Zin Nim looked miserable, and Omilaena leaned back against the wall with deep weariness.

"No one can make a decision until tomorrow anyway," Kai said. "Squabbling is beneath us. I say we split up and think through things properly. In the morning we can talk and treat one another like we deserve."

They nodded and separated into different chambers in the surrounding structure. There weren't many around, other couples or monks, so Kai found a stone bed against one wall. It was hard and uncomfortable, which suited his current mood.

Was he a naive fool for never thinking through his relationships properly? He could see how Zae Zin Nim might feel betrayed, since the path was so clear in her head. And Omilaena might be justified in feeling betrayed, since he hadn't wanted to simply shut her down. Everything had been so comfortable and he'd wanted it to just continue.

Now he didn't have that choice, so... what did he want? He'd expected it to be an easy answer, since he'd been thinking about a relationship with Zae Zin Nim for so long, yet the idea of leaving Omilaena alone hurt. She'd have finally trusted and worked for something other than her own self-interest, only to be abandoned. He could easily imagine a life with Omilaena, but that would mean betraying Zae Zin Nim.

Yet what alternative was there? He knew how strongly Zae Zin Nim felt about her father's sleeping around, and Omilaena had been used many times before. They'd both been direct with him now, so he owed it to them to make a decision.

Kai lay back on the stone, but didn't find sleep or answers. It was a long, miserable night.

.

..

.

Of course now, after it was too late, Zae Zin Nim could see how foolish she'd been. In a subconscious way she'd been treating Kai like a brute of a man, who would eagerly have sex with any beautiful woman who offered. But Kai had treated her so kindly when she'd been a hacking wreck, and he'd cared for her even before she restored her beauty.

She'd been so focused on her end goal that she'd basically trampled on his feelings. In fact, she was basically using him: she'd been preparing her Yin Chakra for her own benefit, and to become the sort of woman she wanted to be. Despite how much she loved him, she'd taken him and his constant support for granted.

Would it have been easier without Omilaena there? The other woman was certainly an obstacle, but without her, Zae Zin Nim might not have been able to voice her own feelings. She certainly wouldn't have been able to develop everything that had brought her here. It all felt so unfair...

Her mind blank, Zae Zin Nim walked across the hall to the next room. Omilaena sat on a stone bed, leaning against the wall and smoking a pipe. The smoke rolled weakly from her lips and her eyes were unfocused until she looked up at her.

Zae Zin Nim took a deep breath. "We need to talk."