Don't be So Proud

Chapter 13.3 — I’ve Always Been Here (3)

What is the thing you’re most scared of in life? The thing you’re most scared of is when your plans get disrupted.

Shen Xi pondered carefully. She had always thought she did not really have any plans, but it was only when something happened that she realized that was not the case. Concealed in her heart was a great plan—that was, after she graduated, she was going to turn herself into Mrs. He.

Previously, when her [older, female, patrilineal] cousin broke up with her boyfriend of many years, her cousin had told her this: Your love relationship is the thing you most cannot plan for, because there are too many variables and too many factors can affect the relationship. Even a small matter may lead to the two people breaking up.

She had disagreed with this at the time, but now?

She still thought, no matter what, if He Zhi Zhou himself wanted to go abroad, she would definitely support him—tearfully support him! She had so much bigness in her. His mom undoubtedly did not know that… Sob sob…

Shen Xi was in such a tangle inside of herself that her little heart was already crumpled into a ball. When she got back to the apartment, she immediately went to do a mask treatment to calm her mood. The mask she was doing was a mung bean mask, a really large can of it. As she was in a knotty mood, she accidentally spread too much on. In the end, she decided simply to slather some on her neck and arms, too, until they were all green. The deliciously fragrant mung bean aroma of the facial mask was very similar to the scent of a type of popsicle called “Green Mood” [绿色心情 name of a mung bean- flavoured popsicle in China].

The scent was simply too sweet and fresh. Inside the bathroom, He Zhi Zhou could smell it while he was shaving, and he reminded her, “Shen Xi, don’t eat popsicles at night.”

“I’m not eating any.” Still doing her mask treatment, Shen Xi decided to have a good talk with He Zhi Zhou regarding the matter of that American research institute. She pushed open the door and then said straightaway, “He Zhi Zhou, we need to sit down and have a talk.”

“What’s that?” In front of the mirror, He Zhi Zhou turned his head in her direction. His eyelid twitched, and out of instinct, his whole body retreated a step. Inadvertently, the sharp blade of the razor in his hand nicked his chin, drawing a shallow cut on it.

He Zhi Zhou looked at Shen Xi. Such a “green and glossy” [绿油油 usually used to describe lush greenery] girlfriend. “Shen Xi!” Displeased, he made his tone stern.

Eventually, the two did sit down for a talk. Before beginning, He Zhi Zhou pulled Shen Xi over and washed her face, neck, and arms clean. Shen Xi, too, had looked over the little cut on He Zhi Zhou’s chin with an ache in her heart.

“Did I scare you just now?” As Shen Xi adhered a bandage to his chin, she could not help asking this.

He Zhi Zhou flicked a look at her. He did not want to talk.

Shen Xi’s lips turned up in a pout, extremely unhappy. “I get it now. Those story lines on TV, where no matter what the girlfriend has turned into or how she has changed the boyfriend will still love her, they’re all lies.”

He Zhi Zhou: “Those are two completely different things.”

Shen Xi: “No need to explain. I already understood when I saw your reaction just now. I’ve seen people getting scared; I’ve never seen someone scared to your extent.”

He Zhi Zhou rubbed his forehead. He already had no strength left to explain.

As for the serious matter to discuss tonight, before Shen Xi even opened her mouth, He Zhi Zhou had already taken the initiative to ask her first. His tone was very insipid and indifferent, as if he was mentioning an unimportant matter. “What did my mom come to find you about today?”

Shen Xi pieced her words together in her mind, racking her brain.

Taking a book, He Zhi Zhou thwacked her head with it to snap her mind back from her thoughts. Shen Xi lifted her eyes. Right as she was about to tell him, though, He Zhi Zhou was already stating the situation himself. With certainty, he said, “Did she tell you to persuade me to go to the U.S.?”

Shen Xi: “You know about it?”

He Zhi Zhou’s face was calm. “Aside from that, she wouldn’t specially make the trip back here.”

Okay, then, the problem had already been laid out in the open. Shen Xi asked He Zhi Zhou, “What are you thoughts?”

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He Zhi Zhou’s reason was still that same one. “Shen Xi, I told you before, I’ve already signed with S&N. I’m not going to the U.S.”

Really? As Shen Xi gazed at He Zhi Zhou, her mood was going up and down. He said he was not going to the United States, and the reason he gave her was that he had signed a contract with S&N. But the contract actually did not pose any big problems to He Zhi Zhou.

So the words he was stating were more like an excuse he could use for forcing himself to stay.

Today, when Zhong Jing Yue came to find here, there was one sentence that had especially pained her heart. Zhong Jing Yue had said Shen Xi was the reason why He Zhi Zhou chose to stay in China. With her head bowed, Shen Xi asked in seriousness, “He Zhi Zhou, if we hadn’t started dating, would you still have stayed in the country? Would you still have signed on with S&N?”

He Zhi Zhou was silent.

Shen Xi pressed her lips together. “I get it.”

“No! It has nothing to do with you.” He Zhi Zhou stood.

Nothing to do with you!!!

Shen Xi followed suit and sprung to her feet. What did he mean, nothing to do with her? His one sentence caused her temper to flare instantly. Shen Xi was so furious she stomped her foot. The result, though, was merely that the man who incited her anger was already wisely leaving the battleground and gunfire, returning to the bedroom with a wave of his arm and not bringing so much as wisp of a cloud with him.

He had terminated the possibility of the two of them getting into an argument. But she did not want it to be like this! She would rather have an argument!

Shen Xi walked out to the balcony to let the night wind blow on her. The city shone brightly. Splat, splat. She shed a couple of tears. Then, she played with the two little turtles out on the balcony before slowly shifting her steps back into the living room.

The door of the larger bedroom was wide open. He Zhi Zhou was already inside, facing the computer and hammering away on it. On the desk was a glass of warm milk—warm milk that had not had any drinks taken from it.

She stood unmoving at the doorway. He Zhi Zhou turned his head and looked toward her. His dark, fine, long eyelashes quivered as he lightly told her, “I warmed a glass of milk for you.”

Shen Xi turned her eyes to the milk that was on the desk, not uttering a word.

Ha ha. He thought one glass of milk would be able to bribe her?! Her face devoid of expression, Shen Xi walked up beside the bed, picked up the little pillow on the left side, and, without even a backward glance, strode out the room.

Shen Xi, don’t go… He Zhi Zhou had silently watched Shen Xi walk in, then silently watched her leave again. The entire time in between, he had been using the look in his eyes to try to persuade her to stay, but the effect was nil.

He knew which sentence had angered Shen Xi. It should have been that ”It has nothing to do with you.” When the words came from his mouth, he had merely not wanted Shen Xi drag all that baggage onto herself. He wanted her to be a little less stressed and more relaxed.

When two people are in a dating relationship, there will always be one who has to bear a little more. That person absolutely had to be him and not Shen Xi.

He Zhi Zhou frustratedly shut off his computer. With his heart and mind in a state of turmoil, he downed the entire glass of milk on the desk in front of him. Outside the door, Shen Xi was holding her pillow and heading toward the smaller bedroom. Before she stepped through its door, her gaze swept over He Zhi Zhou, guzzling down the milk with a look on his face that showed he was relishing in the delicious taste.

Humph! Sure enough, men were all jerks! How could he have the gall to even say that the milk was for her! Honestly, so shameless!!

In that small bedroom that housed only one person, Shen Xi lay on the bed and surfed through Weibo. She could lie down however she felt like. So darn free and unrestrained!

Monkey had reposted a fun Weibo post. A smile tugged at her lips, and she also followed suit and reposted it. Monkey came and found her to chat.

Xixi, it’s nighttime. How come you have time to go on Weibo?

What were those words all about? Shen Xi replied to him,

Aren’t you the same?

Monkey came back with,

Not so, not so. I am a lonely, single dude.

Leaning against the head of the bed, she private messaged Monkey and then asked him about the matter of that American research institute. She had asked skillfully, and Monkey did not put any sort of filters on his lips either, so he told her everything.

He said,

That research institute over in the U.S. is honestly really good. The ones who can get into it are all top talent. Leader previously was an exchange student in the U.S., and the purpose of doing that was just to lay the way for getting into the research institute. But, the fact that our Leader chosen to stay in the country means he definitely wants to have both love and career, a double harvest! Xi Xi, Leader honestly really likes you.

Shen Xi typed a row of words, but then she deleted and deleted away. Finally, she wrote only one sentence:

I understand.

From the outside of the door, there was the sound of knocking, three knocks in a row. Then, He Zhi Zhou’s probing voice echoed in. “Shen Xi, are you asleep?”

Hurriedly shutting off the light, Shen Xi slipped her entire body under the thin blanket.

Outside, He Zhi Zhou was looking down at the crack under the door. The light inside the room suddenly extinguished. He stood outside for a little while, then stepped over to the balcony. They were raising two small turtles out on the balcony. Inside their glass bowl were colourful little stones that Shen Xi had bought. Someone had deliberately used those stones to separate those two little turtles that originally had been living together. Needless to say, it was Shen Xi who did that.

The little turtles were crawling and crawling, each unable to find his or her little companion. With a slight flick of his finger, He Zhi Zhou destroyed the “mini Great Wall” that Shen Xi had piled up.

Studying at that American research institute had indeed been his plan before he met Shen Xi.

What kind of path is research? A lonely and tedious one. Originally, he had thought this path was most suitable for him. There would not be too much in terms of relationships and other emotions that would bind him; only simple data would keep him company. Whether he could generate any achievements was only a secondary consideration. At least in this lifetime he would have something to do.

So, it turned out he was actually afraid of being lonely.

And hence, prior to meeting Shen Xi, he had arranged this path for himself. He had no interest in those so-called glories and awards. He had simply been trying to enrich a little bit of his life’s journey, which he had foreseen would be lonely.

Lonely. Solitary. Dull. Tedious… He genuinely had believed his life would merely be those things. Until he met Shen Xi. Since being with her, these days seemed like there was an endless spring of water pouring into his still and dry life.

What kind of feeling was it when two people were in love? That he had the opportunity to go to higher and farther places—but he also wanted to retain the happiness that was normal and of this world.

Shen Xi turned off the light and lay alone on the small bed, reading a novel. The final, sad ending left her with tears streaming down her face. She swiped at her tears, so filled with grief her chest clenched painfully.

He Zhi Zhou came and knocked on the door again.

Shen Xi had not opened the door earlier, and now, looking like this after crying, she even more so was not going to get up and open it.

Creak. He Zhi Zhou opened the door with the key. Reacting very sensitively, Shen Xi shifted herself to the wall to try to elude him, but ended up actually opening up a space for He Zhi Zhou.

He Zhi Zhou did not turn on the light. Walking over beside the bed, he sat down and quietly said some things, telling her all his innermost thoughts and feelings. Shen Xi did not give him any response, but he knew she was listening. After saying everything, he lay down on that unoccupied space and put his left hand on Shen Xi’s waist.

Shen Xi bit down on her lip, tears still spilling out.

On her pillow, there was already a patch that had grown cold. He Zhi Zhou reached his hand over and touched it to Shen Xi’s cheek—a warm and damp feeling. It was covered in her freshly-produced tears.

He Zhi Zhou wiped her tears for her, his actions quiet and gentle.

Sob, sob. Flipping herself over, Shen Xi threw her arms around He Zhi Zhou and pressed herself against his chest, then carried on sobbing.

After she had grown tired from crying, she began to talk. Whatever she said, He Zhi Zhou would oblige her and talk with her about it; whatever she asked, he would answer. Finally, He Zhi Zhou turned on the light, got up from the bed, and brought over a warm towel for her to wipe her face.

The light glowed a soft white.

Holding the towel against her red and swollen eyes, Shen Xi’s lips broke into a grin. She and He Zhi Zhou sat cross-legged, facing one another, seeming as if they were cultivating their martial arts. The lamplight spilled onto He Zhi Zhou’s jet-black, short hair, creating a gem-like sheen on it so that it seemed as if there was glow moving about on the top of his headd.

She gazed at He Zhi Zhou. In his elegantly handsome eyes, she saw a tiny version of herself. She thought, there was one thing Zhong Jing Yue said that was right: when you like someone, you will want him to become even more outstanding.

In this world, only a foolish girlfiend will worry that her boyfriend is too outstanding and will not want her anymore. If such a situation did end up occurring in the future, He Zhi Zhou would not even get the chance to not want her. She would definitely dump him first!

So, what was the next thing she should say? Shen Xi wanted to create a touching atmosphere. The best would be if she could demonstrate her image of being a girlfriend with a big heart. However, when she really did say it aloud, her voice was so soft it was like the sound of a sheep.

She said, “He Zhi Zhou, go to the U.S. I’ll wait for you to come back.”

In this society nowadays, being a Wang Baochuan is not fashionable. When Dou Dou learned about everything that had happened, she began lecturing her. “Nowadays, a good man is harder to find than an eight-legged toad. Shen Xi, if you let He Zhi Zhou go, you’re going to regret it for sure!”

[Wang Baochuan is a character in Chinese folklore. Her husband went away to serve in the army while she waited faithfully and persistently for years in their ramshackle hut for his return.]

Shen Xi was already able to happily discuss, while munching an apple, the issue of being apart in two different lands. She told Dou Dou, “You don’t understand me. He Zhi Zhou is becoming more and more fussy like a woman. I feel the best is if there’s a distance between me and him.”

Dou Dou: “Really?”

Of course not! Shen Xi was tapping away on her keyboard, about to reply to Dou Dou, when He Zhi Zhou frowningly walked over. She hurriedly covered the monitor with her hands, not letting him see. Quickly, she shut down the chat window, then hooked both her arms over He Zhi Zhou’s shoulders. “He Zhi Zhou, are you free tonight?”

He Zhi Zhou: “For what?”

Shen Xi: “I want to have a date with you.”

He Zhi Zhou: “I’m free.”

Every girl has her own young girl’s dream. Shen Xi also had her own young girl’s dream. It was a little absurd but was definitely romantic and exuded string after string of romantic pink bubbles.

Shen Xi’s young girl’s dream was to ride together with the person she liked on one electric scooter, crisscrossing through streets and alleys, while her ears were listening to Jacky Cheung’s “I Want to Go Catch Some Wind with You.”

Shen Xi told this idea to He Zhi Zhou. He Zhi Zhou, as a pure math and science type of man, genuinely could not understand. He said to Shen Xi, “Electric scooters can’t carry adults as the second passenger.”

Staring at He Zhi Zhou with a sad and pitiful look, Shen Xi addressed him. “Big Brother He.”

He Zhi Zhou’s stance relaxed slightly.

Shen Xi decided to completely toss dignity out the window. “Daddy He.”

He Zhi Zhou: “……” Just where did he get such a big daughter from?!

Shen Xi carried on pestering He Zhi Zhou, over and over calling him “Daddy He.” At last, He Zhi Zhou gave in, and ever so suave and cool, he turned around. “Let’s go!”

A white electric scooter and two helmets. The city lights seemed like dancing flames. Streetlamp after streetlamp seemed to move backwards, and on either side of them were splendid-looking buildings. Colourful lights of advertising twinkled and flashed.

At an intersection, people streamed like the tide.

Snug against He Zhi Zhou, Shen Xi said, “Big Brother He, I want to play some music.”

He Zhi Zhou ignored her.

The little electric scooter drove onto S City’s Liangjiang Bridge. The water below the bridge gushed quickly, and the summer breeze that blew into their faces carried a mugginess to it. Patting He Zhi Zhou on the back, Shen Xi once more presented her idea. “He Zhi Zhou, I really want to play some music.”

He Zhi Zhou gave an “mm” while driving that electric scooter and then quietly muttered three words.

“Huh? Big Brother He, what did you say just now?” Shen Xi was scared she had missed out on listening to some sweet nothings and lovey-dovey words, so she declared that He Zhi Zhou absolutely had to say it again.

Finally unable to stand this any longer, He Zhi Zhou yelled out one thing: “I said, ‘What a nutcase!’ It was ‘What a nutcase!’”

Hello?! Who played music while riding a scooter?!