Evil God Average

Volume 2, Chapter 8 – Invaders, or Rather, Customers

『Welcome!』

There are various dungeons across the world, but there is probably none that welcomes people with such a line.

If there was, then it would be plenty reason to question the sanity of that world’s inhabits.

Incidentally, the invaders, or rather, customers haven’t reached the dungeon yet. What awaits them is a trial of ambushing assassins that block their way. Using my power as an Administrator, the Intelligence Perusal, I was peeking o-, I mean, observing them.

『Mister, I recommend our inn!』

『No, come to ours!』

『We’ve got cute girls!』

『Weapons, armours, we have everything! Please come to our shop!』

『You’re missing medicinal herbs!? You mustn’t go to the dungeon without being fully prepared!』

『If you leave your things with us, you can fail in the dungeon without a problem! The storage store is this way!』

『Won’t you buy a map? without this the dungeon will be quite hard, you know!』

Indeed; the assassins known as touters.

Before they reach the dungeon, the challengers are exposed to the mad scramble for customers by the workers at the inns, shops, and storage stores in front of the dungeon. At this point, 9 out of 10 will drop out. Well, I say drop out, but it’s not like they die or get seriously injured or anything. They’re just a day late to the dungeon.

But still, these salespeople are all really formidable merchants. Are they really Evil God followers? Or could it be that I overly motivated them with my revelation the other day?

The small fraction of challengers that make it past the iron willed assassins, as well as the people that folded and come a day late can reach as far as the temple that serves as the entrance to the dungeon.

Hearing the words ‘Evil God Temple’, most people would be pretty cautious, but we don’t have gatekeepers or anything, and the doors are wide open.

However, lurking by the door are the second round of assassins.

And right now, a victim… Ah, my tongue slipped. Sorry, a new challenger had freshly arrived. And as though completely natural, the second round of assassins appeared before then.

『Do you believe in Anri-sama~!?』

『OWAH!? W-, who the heck are you.』

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It was a blonde haired man in luxurious priest’s clothes… the Merry Pope Harvin. Any head of state should be really busy, but whenever new guests come, he often appears.

『Anri as in… the Evil God? Of course I don’t believe in something like that!』

Hearing his reaction, I basically thought “Well, yeah.” but the Pope looked up at the sky like it was the end of the world.

『Oohh, what sin! Anri-sama! Please grant these pitiful lambs your mercy.』

『Who the hell is a pitiful lamb!』

Please what?

By the way, this is a bit of a digression but this is his fifth time screaming those words today. There have also only been five batches of challengers today. And each time, the Pope had grieved like it was the end of the world. The challengers all yelled angrily at his words, but he wasn’t moved at all.

『I present this to you. A precious scripture copied personally by my hand. Please read this and learn of Anri-sama.』

While saying that, he took out a single book and handed it to the challenger. The man took the book by reflex, and accidentally accepted it.

…Indeed. He accepted it.

『The heck is… Wai-, UOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!? Ain’t this the Black Scripture? What the fuck have you done!』

Apparently the infamy of the scripture that I wrote is already well-known throughout the other countries, and so the man realised what had been handed to him. Once somebody accepts the cursed scriptures, they continually meet with misfortune until they transcribe a copy and hand it to somebody else, and apparently through this method, the scripture was already slowly spreading through the surrounding nations. …It’s a book of morals on how to live properly though.

When I showed Leonora the stuff I had written, the curse kicked in, which was how this whole thing started, but since I really do feel sorry for causing misfortune to befall others for no reason, I at least made sure to have the rules properly added onto on the back. Thanks to that, everyone immediately knew how to cope with it, and the recognition of the scriptures as a dangerous object quickly spread.

But still, just how many copies has he written. This is almost the 20th book he’s taken out of his pocket, today alone.

『I’LL REMEMBER THIS YOU FUCKERRRR!!!』

Leaving behind a clichéd line, the challenger ran out of the temple with the scripture in hand. I’m sure he’s gone to grab the things he needs to write a copy.

And like that, through the second round of assassins, the challenger who had finally made it to the dungeon dropped out as well, and once again, today the “Holy Land of the Evil God” continues to boast of being impregnable.

*imouto*

*imouto*

…Wai-, isn’t that bad? How is anything going to get done if everybody gets driven off at the entrance.

It’s great that the dungeon is impregnable and all, but I’ll be troubled if the guests give up and never come again. The first round of assassins──the touters──are fine since they’re just slowing them for a day, and aren’t driving them away. But the second round is no good.

“Divine Punishment.”

I teleported the tray from atop the table, to high above his head… right above it.

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『Haha, I truly apologise. I was a little too eager in my missionary work.』

I was conversing with the Pope across the screen, who now had a lump on his head. I’m thankful for his missionary work, but the way he’s doing things is terrible. No matter how you think about it, far from converting them, all it’s going to do is make them more hostile. Well, it might make them more fearful, so I might gain some faith through that instead though.

『Proselytising is fine, but chasing them away is forbidden. Rather than aiming for them when they come, it would be better to go for them when they leave.』

『I see! In other words, it would be easier for them to accept you after they experience your mighty power, Anri-sama. I am in much admiration of your wisdom.』

No, that’s not what I mean but… Well, whatever.

*imouto*

『Have all the visitors been human?』

『Yes. At the very least, I have not seen any demons that have made it as far as the temple.』

I asked the Pope about the challengers thus far, but apparently he hadn’t seen anybody from the demon side yet.

But I had predicted this to an extent. Where we are now was originally part of the Human Territory, so it was enemy territory for the Demon Race. If a large number of them came here at once, there would be the chance of the neighbouring countries overreacting, so the demons have no choice but to proceed with caution.

What’s more, looking at Leonora, the Human Race and Demon Race look basically the same. They don’t have horns or wings or anything. I asked her before, but at best you can only tell them apart through hair and eye colour. If they’re mixed, then the characteristics would average out, but as two races that were created as enemies, romantic relations between the two are pretty rare, so we should be able to tell them apart. But well, apparently thanks to taking in Summoned Heroes and the like, they’re gradually becoming mixed though.

My biggest worry would be a fight between humans and demons arising in the temple or the surroundings, but at the very least it doesn’t seem to be a worry at this moment in time. Having said that though, the Dark God set off the demon side as well, so this peace definitely won’t last forever. We need to stay on alert.

『Got it. I’ll continue to leave it to you.』

『Yes, understood. I shall convert them without fail.』

『No, like I said…』

『Oh, my apologies. I was to do so once they left, wasn’t it.』

Will things really be okay?

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“Fumu. It is quite delicious today as well.”

“Huhu, we have plenty, so please do ask for seconds without reserve.”

“Nom nom.”

Tena and Leonora were off early for once, so Lili included, today we were able to eat together. Lately we’ve all been busy and haven’t been able to eat together, so it was a precious chance to do so.

“I see. It truly is delicious, isn’t it.”

“Hmm, ain’t bad, ey.”

“Y-, Yes! T-, Thank you very much.”

…If it wasn’t for these guys, that is.

why are they even here, these two gods. Even though they apparently didn’t need food, they’re sneakily eating ours. What was pitiful was that Tena was quite nervous.

Incidentally, Leonora’s been sitting next to the Dark God and bravely tending to him, while Lili was sitting on the Light God’s lap and being fed. The Dark God is unsociable, but wasn’t unkind to Leonora… It really is the chest huh. Is it her chest?

Leaving the jokes aside, the Light God was pampering Lili alone, and the Dark God was being kind to Leonora, so it was probably due to the patronage of their respective races. Their attitude towards Tena and I was clearly different. I don’t think it would kill them to be a little kinder to us though.

“What is the matter?”

“Hahhn?”

Perhaps because they noticed my gaze, the two of them spoke to me.

“Why are you here?”

“I’ve already given instructions to the Demon Race, so all that’s left is to watch em. So ain’t it better to be close then?”

“I am the same. And also, if I watch over them from up close, when it comes time, I will be able to save the lives of the challengers as well.”

Hang on a moment.

I get that you want to watch over the match from up close since it’ll determine everything from now on, but I can’t ignore that.

“…Are you going to be here the whole match?”

“Of course.”

“Ain’t it obvious?”

Can’t you go home?

“Is there some problem, Anri?”

“Anri-sama?”

Guh-, Leonora and Lili have been taken by the enemy.

I looked towards my final ally, Tena.

“…”

“…”

The silent conversation we had, 『Do something.』 『That’s impossible.』 was decided in an instant.

If the followers of the Sacred Light Church and the members of the Demon Race knew that the Light God and Dark God were staying in the Evil God Temple, I wonder if they would go insane.

While pondering things in a state close to escaping reality, I gave a deep, silent sigh.