Fairy Tale Chronicles

Volume 2, Chapter 3

Translator: Einbedo

Editor: Weasalopes

_______________________________________________________________

「You there young lass, what song were you hummin’ just now?」

「Hmm? Oh, it’s a lumberjack song from back in my homeland.」

It was at the logging spot shared between three villages that Haruna, who was there at the request of Hiroshi, found herself surrounded by forest giants who were dying to find out more about the tune she was humming.

「That tune great I tells ya.」

「I’ve still gottem shivers runnin’ down mi spine.」

「Mi too.」

The forest giants were merrily chattering while effortlessly one-handing axes that would fall under the great category by any other race’s standard.

「Lass, may I ask ya a question?」

「Would ya mind teachin’ us that song?」

「No problemo. I’ll sing out the lyrics and you all follow along.」

Haruna gladly took up the forest giants’ request and taught them the song phrase by phrase accompanied by the correct melody. Thirty minutes later, just as the forest giants began singing the most memorable part of the song in one big unison.

「Haru…why that one?」

Mio, who had shown up for some other business, put Haruna on the spot while exuding disbelief from every inch of her body and yet managing to maintain a vacant expression.

「When you think lumberjacking you think of this song, right?」

「Well, you’re not wrong…」

She’s not wrong and Haruna doesn’t have any objections, it’s just that…

「Haru, your actions are at times more dumbfounding than sensei’s.」

「Are they?」

「Very much so.」

Mio looked on in pity as Haruna tilted her head to the side.

Haruna Toudou. The perfect lady at first sight, be it her looks, her personality, her academic achievements, her physical prowess or her home econ mastery. However, as fate would have it, nobody is perfect and Haruna’s imperfection lies in her complete musical illiteracy which causes her to have some questionable song choices at times. A real fly in the ointment.

「Anyways, what brings you here?」

「I brought saplings.」

「So you did.」

Haruna got the message after being shown the tens of saplings from Mio’s backpack. The forest giants, who had just found a good place to put down work, gather about.

「Our job’s to plant ’em but only once we get done eatin’」

As he says that he washes his hands with water from some thermos shaped magic item and reveals a massive rice ball bento. The rice balls inside were as big as a baby’s head, but in their hands they only looked somewhat on the larger side.

「There are fewer young trees than I would’ve expected but the forest doesn’t appear to be dying out as fast as you’ve made it sound. Do you get firewood from elsewhere or?」

「Our heatin’ ‘n cookin’ devices are powered by magical devices so we can provide for our daily needs with whatever thinned wood we’ve got on hand.」

「That would make sense.」

As she finished processing the giants’ explanation Haruna brought out her lunch, which seemed way too jam packed to ever be cleaned out by a lady. Ever since coming here she’d been burning through a lot more calories than she used to back in Japan so her intake proportionally increased to compensate. Having said that, her portions are still the most meager amongst her team since Makoto and Mio go even harder than her in that regard.

「I kind of feel like my self-restraint has started spiraling out of control.」

「In what way?」

「Eating this amount of food in one go isn’t normal.」

「Haru, yours is on the lighter side.」

Said Mio while comfortably going through her own bento which was twice the size of Haruna’s, casually ignoring the fact that the comparison was drawn between the average person’s food intake and not Mio’s own personal monstrous eating habits.

「For humans that’s aboot the standard amount.」

「Aye-aye.」

「Whereas we’re massive so we need a lot more.」

「Actually don’t that little rascal stuff a bit too much?」

The giants were luckily a lot more sensible than Mio. Haruna cracked a faint smile at the remark and began approaching her meal starting from the tamagoyaki. Meal time ended just as it had started – in good spirits.

「I think that should just about do it.」

After retrieving whatever usable dirt he was able to find Hiroshi wound up in the workshop which housed the updraft kiln and, as had been agreed upon, dedicated his entire being to molding flower pots.

The aforementioned updraft kiln is used not just for elven craft but the craft of all other remaining races as well. Its high quality clay serves as one of the villages main exported goods but although it can be made quickly it takes a while to properly process, so the operating ratio isn’t ideal by any means.

「Oooh.」

「Hmmm.」

Artiem and the workshop head watched in awe as Hiroshi pumped out an inconceivable amount of magical energy just to mold the flower pots. Compared to something like the dwarves the elves magical capabilities and overall potential are one of their key defining traits, yet in spite of this Hiroshi’s unprecedented ability easily edged them out, not to mention any other race as well.

Not only was his magic potent but the grace with which he wove it was unimaginable even by elf standards. To make it even more demoralizing he applied his abilities with such tactile precision on something as trivial as a flower pot without even really pouring in any conscious thought, as was evident by the light-hearted humming.

「This is absolutely breathtaking but pray tell, do you always use up this amount of magical energy in other tasks as well?」

「Well, I don’t really get to make stuff all that often but when dealin’ with raw materials I do use about this much.」

The workshop head felt a bit faint after hearing those words.

「What other types o’ magic can ya use?」

「Asides from the usual enhancement magic I can light fires, conjure up water and cast various other quality of life spells. I’ve recently been tryin’ my hand at support magic, so I guess that’s the highest level ones I can pull off.」

For a magic-based race it was only natural to think that this was a complete waste of talent. In practice however, spells, especially the high end ones, take a long time to cast and that’s not something ideal for Hiroshi who has to fight in the front lines. Since it wouldn’t be an effective use of his time learning spells Hiroshi never really was interested in putting his MP to good use.

Having said that he had recently opened up to the idea of learning it and, as such, was now practicing all sorts of support magic so as to not completely waste a valuable combat resource. In the near future, he was also planning on learning an attack spell with no cast time, that would be used for diverting the enemy’s attention and a minor healing spell to boot. However, at the moment, crafting and physical skills took priority.

「That’s quite the simple looking flower pot isn’t it?」

「We’re gonn’ be growin’ a Man Eater an’ anti Man Eater so there’s no need to dwell on the design of all things.」

「What’s a Man Eater?」

「They be the vine plants blockin’ out the front path to the temple.」

「Oh alrighty then. Wait, whaaa-」

Artiem screams in surprise at Hiroshi’s casually dropped bombshell.

「A-are you sure it’s okay to be growing something as unstable as that!?」

This chapter upload first at NovelUsb.Com

「Don’t worry, all the safety measures are in place… more or less.」

「That’s doesn’t sound too reassuring…」

Considering that what’s being grown is a carnivorous plant Hiroshi’s attitude is much too laid back to the point of uneasiness.

「Well how ’bout we get to firin’ this baby up? The magical energy should’ve seeped in by now and we’ve got some perfectly fine firewood here which we’ll be borrowing for now. Don’t worry, Haruna will bring over a new batch to replace it later.」

「That’s completely fine by me it’s just that…」

「Now time to meddle with these a bit.」

All of this commotion for a single flower pot. The high level craftsmen of this world are truly beyond saving.

「I could’ve easily whipped up a pot or two if you had just asked.」

「Thing is we need more than just a regular ol’ pot because of, various circumstances.」

「That be so?」

「Indeedy.」

Sais Hiroshi as he worked some of his ‘magic’ on the firewood and kiln before adding it in and finally firing up the kiln.

「Now then, under regular circumstances it’d take a while for it to finish but thanks to some tamperin’ I did it’ll get done earlier.」

「Why the rush?」

「Well’ be takin’ the most time figurin’ out the perfect plant type to exterminate those pests so it would make sense to shave off as much time as possible from somethin’ as basic as getting’ all the right tools for the job.」

「Makes sense.」

「We’ll be puttin’ everythin’ else in order once that’s over with so for now we’ve got nothing better to do.」

Once the merchandise is in the kiln there was nothing else to do, at most one could adjust the heat if it got too smoky, and since it was well past noon it would be awkward to try and make any new plans.

「So how ’bout ya get a bit more familiar with the village after finishing dinner?」

「Sounds great, but first we got some cleanin’ up to do.」

「I’ll lend a hand.」

Artiem moved over to the workbench to help Hiroshi clean up the residual clay. It was at this time that another one of Artiem’s parlor tricks, which hadn’t reared their ugly head ever since their first run in, occurred

「Woah!」

Artiem tripped on a cluttered set of tools on the ground as she tried to walk over the other workbench and launched herself right at Hiroshi.

Hiroshi, meanwhile, was peacefully crouched over a bucket, doing some wash up work before receiving a devastating flying body slam and making a further mess of the place.

「It’s freezing cold!?」

「Eek.」

Artiem toppled the dirty water filled bucket over in such a spectacular fashion that it somehow ended up landing over her head, at which point she begins to struggle violently in an attempt to get it off. In the meantime Hiroshi looked as though he was going through an out of body experience from being smudged under her rack.

Artiem was the fan service character if we were to be Meta for a second. It’s not like she’s particularly ditzy or anything, in fact she’s just as composed and down to earth as any other elf her age in most circumstances, except for when the opportunity to be a vehicle for fan service arose, that is. In that case it was as though she’d been granted temporary divine powers that took over the wheel and crashed the car straight into the fan service ravine.

Be it a relatively run of the mill little accident that could be avoided by just moving out of the way, something somewhere is going to go wrong and it was going to conclude in the most comedicly erotic way possible. Like how even in this situation her clothes had become transparent from all the water or how they got torn in an oddly suggestive manner. Whenever she tripped over something someone’s going to inevitably either have their face crushed under the weight of her breasts or have their hands cup them in the perfect groping position.

Conversely, whenever a guy fell over in her vicinity it was going to play out in one of three equally probable ways: He was either A) going to topple her over and bury his face deep in her bosom, B) topple her over and have his hands perfectly situated for some breast groping action or C), topple her over and somehow manage to land face-first onto her crotch. On rare occasions a mixture of the three.

But worst of all, the guy in question, without exception, wasn’t going to appreciate this happening to him. With all the women around silently judging him there was no taking one’s sweet time in thoroughly enjoying the moment as it happened and not to even mention all of the envious glares from the other guys. When you think of it like that did the guy really hit the jackpot or did he actually hit the deep end?

「Owie.」

Artiem groans lifting her aching body off the ground as various knickknacks fall to the ground and beads of water gently trickle down her clothes.

Even on the rare occasion that one gets to sink their face right in some lady’s fine breasts, assuming the impact is large enough, pain would precede any enjoyment derivable from the event.

As fate would have it, that’s exactly what ended up happening here. Although in the case of Hiroshi in particular, regardless of the specifics, his gynophobia would make quick work of any possible enjoyment he could be getting from occurrences of such nature. Even as we speak his complexion was growing worse by the second and he appeared to be on the verge of spilling out the contents of his stomach.

「Artiem you’re crushin’ our guest, get off of him already.」

「Eh? Oh, S-sorry about that!」

Artiem sprang to her feet upon hearing from the workshop head.

「I’m so terribly sorry!」

Upon making enough room for Hiroshi to get back on his feet, Artiem begins intensely bowing in a manner reminiscent of a dippy bird. Hiroshi’s shivers subsided and he was finally able to get up just around the time Artiem had finished her fifth bow.

「You ‘ere groanin’ rather painfully back there, did you injure yourself anywhere?」

「I’m all good, the groanin’ is a product of somethin’ else.」

「Somethin’ else?」

「I’d rather not talk about it.」

Hiroshi took a good look at himself after finishing the sentence. Having been doused with muddied water his clothes were in complete shambles. Thanks to the anti-stain enhancement he had put on the clothes they’d be spotless after just a single quick wash, although without a change of clothes he’d be forced to wait around naked ‘til they dry out. Thankfully enough he had a spare in his backpack, but before that.

「The season’s still chilly, ya should warm yerselves up in the hot spring.」

「Aye, besides the spare clothes would get dirty if we don’t get the dirt off.」

「Oh and Artiem, ※◆■▼＠＃％＆＋￥…」

「Eh? Oh, ok understood.」

Artiem responded back to the abrupt Elvish speak with Farlanish out of force of habit. It was all hastily spat out so he couldn’t make out what was said exactly, but judging from Artiem’s reaction, the workshop head must be up to something no good. Hiroshi looked over in his direction and, as expected, his sinister smile told the whole story. However Artiem would end up not taking notice of this.

「Why me of all people…」

Muttered Hiroshi as he desperately tried to wash away the dirt that had gotten all over his hair. Just recently Hiroshi had gotten pinned down face-first by Artiem’s breasts, a sensation which, having lost all composure at the moment, he had failed to properly take in. Even though all the blame lay squarely on the girl’s shoulders, if he had done anything funny at that time, especially considering the two barely knew one another, it would have ended in disaster for him. Compared to the anxiety of accidentally messing up the impact from the fall was nothing.

If Tatsuya was in his shoes he would’ve probably gotten back right on his feet and acted as though nothing had happened. If it was Layotte he wouldn’t have even batted an eye. If it was Avin he would’ve seized the moment only to shift back into his natural state right after. The most universally laugh worthy reaction would come from Mark, who’s just destined for this kind of thing.

「It still won’t come off.」

Trying to wash out solidified dirt that’s stuck to one’s scalp is a laborious task. Capillary motion might be at play here, because it’s not giving in easily. It also happens that they’re out of shampoo and how ironic is it that he had been planning on preparing some today. After rinsing it for three whole times the water had finally stopped showing traces of dirt particles.

And this is with short hair, Layotte must be spending more than a fair amount of time on caring for his long hair, although Hiroshi immediately regretted his thoughts going in that direction. Because at that very moment he could sense the presence of a girl he had gotten to fully know in three days closing in on the bath.

「Ooh?」

Although he couldn’t see clearly through the steam there was no doubt she was heading in his direction.

「Compared to the dressin’ room this place is awfully spacious, ain’t it?」

The bad feeling Hiroshi had only got stronger by the second. This was his first time at a public bath since these past few days he got to use Alte Ortem’s bath. As such, he was completely clueless as to how public baths work. This one in particular came to be from a complete coincidence, when hot water was stumbled upon in the process of digging down for a well. Basically it’s a hot spring with a freely flowing water source. A Pomey was gently floating along the surface of a basin. As a side note it was the returning Farlane elves who spread bathing culture among other elves. Up until then there was no bathing custom around.

Being a fairly unknown spot, mixed bathing is a common occurrence in this hot spring and that understanding only made the bad feeling grow worse. Not to mention that Artiem had been handed out some questionable information by the elderly workshop head. To add insult to injury, before entering the building, Artiem had went over to a nearby persons house to borrow a change of clothing and because of that she had yet to be informed of proper bathing procedure. As she faded into the distance Hiroshi pondered whether or not the average elf’s clothing would actually fit her, particularly around the breast area, but he figured that holding out till she got her stuff back would be easy enough so he didn’t think much of it.

As Hiroshi hastily refocuses his derailing thoughts an outcome comes to mind, and that outcome leads to a single conclusion.

「Was it a setup?」

There was no other feasible answer. The majority of village elves were no different from regular old village folk at heart, except that they had a thing for pranks of a lewd nature. That meant that it wasn’t too much of a stretch to assume that they’d pull something like this.

Since there were next to no boys around her age growing up Artiem shouldn’t be used to this kind of thing and very self-conscious about her body because of that. Back when Hiroshi rescued her she was awkwardly covering up her chest, but that was more because an area that is usually covered up had been exposed through tearing and not because she was afraid of being seen in the nude, those two things are similar but different.

Although it was possible that these village elves weren’t raised in an environment where this kind of thing mattered and it still wouldn’t have changed the fact that it was a matter of life or death for Hiroshi.

「I’d be better off getting out while I still can.」

The long awaited outing to the hot springs would have to wait as Hiroshi knew he wouldn’t have been able to fully enjoy it in his current state anyways. Judging from Artiem’s personality it was unlikely she’d use this experience as teasing fodder, despite being the one to barge in in the first place, but if this was to get picked up by either Haruna, Makoto or Mio things would get out of hand quickly. In these situations it’s almost always the guys who gets blamed even though, in reality, the victim here would be Hiroshi.

「The dirt came off already, time for a tactical retrea-」

Hiroshi washes himself one more time just to be safe and just as he begins poking around for Artiem’s presence.

「Are you ready to go?」

「What in the blazes!?」

Artiem’s voice came from much closer than Hiroshi had anticipated, startling him. He thought that since she had to go around it’d take more time to get there but those calculations proved to be completely off and he got caught completely defenseless.

How was Artiem able to get there that quickly? The answer is simple, there’s a secret door in the very corner of the dressing room that only ladies are able to interact with. Artiem had used this to her advantage.

「A-Artiem, shouldn’t ya be o’er at the wihmen’s bathroom?」

Asks Hiroshi while turning his entire body away from Artiem in an attempt to slowly slither away towards the dressing room. Since he got approached from the back Hiroshi is yet to lay eyes on Artiem’s gorgeous naked body.

「This is a mixed bath.」

「Y-you don’t say…」

That reaffirmation drove Hiroshi further down the pits of agony. If only he knew that there was another public bathhouse around with separate male and female baths all of this could’ve been avoided but how could he have if he didn’t even know of the existence of any hot springs in the area, let alone any specific ones. He was doomed from the very outset.

「Aren’t you going to be bathing? Time wise you should’ve just barely finished washing up by now.」

「I’ll get around to it sometime later, preferably when no one’s around.」

「What if you catch a cold?」

「I can handle miself just fine, if anything, ya should be the one in there right aboot now.」

「What’s the big deal? Let’s just go together.」

Hardly surprising but Artiem’s feeling little to no shame from this whole ordeal, so little in fact that she’s comfortable enough to expose that voluptuous body of hers without so much as a tinge of embarrassment.

「It’s a Farlanian custom not to be enterin’ the bath t’gether unless married or otherwise engaged in a serious relationship.」

「Is that so?」

「Aye, just you try enterin’ the bath like that in a human city in yer birthday suit and you’ll be easy pickins for any starved male.」

「I see. I’ll be sure to watch out.」

She says as she casually waltzes on over to the faucet in the least wary matter possible. Has she still not put two and two together or does she think this warning only applies to human cities? Before any of that it’s highly possible, judging from her demeanor, that she’s yet to be taught about the birds and the bees and has no clue what being ‘easy pickins’ is even supposed to mean.

「You better be. Now, if you’ll excuse me.」

Artiem still hadn’t fully wrapped her head around Hiroshi’s warning but she seemed willing to let him off the hook on the basis of cultural differences. Just as Hiroshi began carrying out his escape plan, desperately making sure not to turn back, he picks up on the barely audible voices of Mio and Haruna with help from his keen ears. Those voices indicated that they were about to head to the bath.

All of Hiroshi’s worries will turn into reality if they walk in on him right now. Those worries are mostly centered around Mio, who’s completely ruthless when it comes to this kind of thing. Makoto’s just as bad as her but she’s currently out with Tatsuya on a mission to familiarize themselves with the locations of the forest giant, goblin and fairy villages but that doesn’t really make matters any better.

It happened just as Hiroshi was trying to hastily escape, realizing what a traumatic outcome had potentially awaited him in the near future.

「Ah-」

Artiem slips and crashes right into Hiroshi’s back. What’s worse is that she somehow, in a physics defying matter, managed to make a one eighty turn midair and now her breasts were squashed against Hiroshi’s back.

「Eek!」

Hiroshi reflexively braced for impact and as a result he got to experience the full extent of Artiem’s tender breasts. Under most circumstances this would be something worth celebrating, after all, how often does one get the opportunity to come in contact with a naked lady’s body without fear of legal repercussions? Or at least that’s how it would work in an ideal world, in reality the guy would get the short end of the stick, regardless of circumstance. Due to Hiroshi’s condition he can’t just go with a ‘if I’m gonna do the time I may as well do the crime’ attitude and make the best out of the moment.

As a result he tried to forcefully shake off Artiem, the same girl he put up his social life at stake to rescue, and this realization induced a second wave of despondency to run over him.

「Woah!!!」

「Aaaa!」

Sudden movements on a slippery floor exponentially increase the risk of falling over, so it’s no real coincidence that they did, but they did not just simply fall as Artiem pulls yet another one of her physics defying parlor tricks, to which Hiroshi falls victim to once more.

「Ouch.」

Hiroshi smacked his head against the ground with a thundering sound as he turned to shake her off. Hiroshi was now squashed under Artiem’s body weight, except this time around they’re both buck naked. Excluding foggy early childhood memories this was the first time he had ever had his arms wrapped around a naked member of the opposite sex.

If this was a game or a manga it would have either panned to a different scene and allude to what went down afterwards or went straight into the nitty-gritty with detailed visuals and all that jazz. However the one in center stage is Hiroshi. Before he can even think of taking advantage of Artiem’s innocent nature he must first go toe to toe with his fight or flight response. This blocks out any urges he may have had at the moment and most certainly prevents him from acting on any of them.

「Eek!」

Hiroshi’s eyes finally come into contact with Artiem’s naked body, which he had been trying to desperately avoid staring at out of pure horror. Needless to say that plan failed and now that same body is squarely in front of him. All he could do was scream, and that scream marked the beginning of yet another unfortunate tragedy.

「What’s going on!?」

「Sensei, are you okay!?」

Mio and Haruna charge right into the men’s bath, which they had already gathered was a mixed bath based on the construction, without hesitation, since they couldn’t sense anyone else there beside those two, after hearing Hiroshi’s shriek.

「Eeeek!!」

Hiroshi’s shrieking intensifies upon the arrival of Haruna and Mio. By then Haruna had a good gist of what had just went down.

「Artiem, can you get on your feet?」

「Eh? Oh, I mean yes, I think.」

「Well, then, what are you waiting for? Get off of him!」

「Y-yes sir!」

Artiem, overwhelmed at the sight of a frantic Haruna, attempts to hurriedly get back up. This backfired, a common occurrence produced by panicking in any intense situation, as she tried to get up too quickly and ended up slipping in the opposite direction. Haruna tried to hold her up without realizing that she was actually next in line to fall prey to another one of her infamous magic acts.

「Woahwoahwoah!」

「Watch it!」

Due to the distance between them Haruna wasn’t able to completely stop Artiem’s fall. Luckily by pulling on her arm she did manage to prevent her from banging her head against the ground but the rest of her body laid flat across the ground. What she didn’t notice at the time was that Artiem’s other arm had tried to latch onto something.

Considering the circumstances there isn’t a whole lot to grab onto but Haruna hadn’t realized the fact and that was her downfall.

「Haru! The towel, the towel!!!」

「Eh?」

After hearing Mio screaming she looks down to her lower body and then to Hiroshi’s face. During that whole sequence her bath towel had slipped off to the ground, revealing a naked body where fleshiness and a tinge of elegance interlace, creating the perfect male-enchanting piece of art that, while enticing, at the same time carries an intimidating aura about it, flicking away all the weak-willed that would dare to approach it.

Despite not being interested in attracting the attention of males there was a striking lack of hair in places where one’d expect to see some, although that probably falls within the lines of personal grooming, more or less. The thing that makes it striking, however, is the contrast between her and Artiem, who was completely indifferent about such matters. Long blond hair, well-shaped, bountiful breasts supported by a back which, although maintaining a healthy appearance, in contrast looks like it could be snapped in half by applying a light amount of force. Their upper body lines had a certain motherly feel and a curvaceousness to them. It’s because the two are so similar that their slight differences are brought into prominence, or at least that was Mio’s impression.

Hiroshi didn’t have the time to be distressed about being seen in the nude by Haruna, because he had fainted with his eyes open after having seen all that good stuff which would usually mark the end of any man’s future social prospects.

「M-Mio! Put something on and get a man to help out!」

「G-Gotcha!」

Haruna barks out orders as she heavy handedly raises up Artiem back to her feet. Hiroshi’s condition was so dire there was no time to be feeling embarrassed over the whole ordeal. Mio, who understood the gravity of the situation, ran right out to find help in the village with only the bare essentials draped over herself upon hearing out Haruna’s instructions.

Luckily for them Artiem’s towel had conveniently landed right on top of Hiroshi’s crotch, concealing it and saving the girls from losing composure at its sight. If it hadn’t played out the way that it did, well, needless to say, the panic wouldn’t have died down as quickly as it did.

Haruna and Artiem make sure to put something on themselves in a great hurry before help arrives. Haruna made a mental note that Hiroshi and Artiem were, under no circumstances, ever to be left alone unattended.

「I see, that sounds like quite the thrilling experience.」

「For Hiroshi that might’ve been life threatening, but since he got to lay his eyes on two alluring naked girls can’t say I feel too sorry for him.」

「If we posted this on the net I bet the reply section would be teeming with stuff like ‘kys normie’ and ‘go stick your junk in a ceiling fan’.」

That was Takeya’s and Mio’s reaction to what Hiroshi, who was still passed out, had gotten himself into.

「Joke all you want but it wasn’t funny to any of us at the moment.」

「I wouldn’t have thought otherwise. Especially Haruna who got dragged into the mess and had to clean it up afterwards.」

「All of that’s fine with me, it’s just that his well-being is worrying…」

「Having the girl who was one of the victims watch out for his well-being would be enough to get him labelled as a normie.」

「If this was anyone else involved I would’ve definitely been the one saying ‘kys normie’. Though even as a joke I don’t intend on doing that in this case, in light of the circumstances.」

As it was with Reina’s case there’s still a disconnect between Haruna and the eldest of the group, which is most likely because she witnessed the events unfold right in front of her eyes while they weren’t even present.

「So, how’s he holding on?」

「Same as what happened after the assassin encounter, he’s having nightmares.」

「That’s one consistently inconvenient condition he’s got going there.」

「Tell me about it.

「There’s no point in trying to rush things but it’d be nice if he was to finally overcome it one of these days…」

Tatsuya and Makoto let out a tired sigh at the thought of Hiroshi repeating the same cycle over and over. Mio was also visibly worn out from having to see the same comedic situation play out exactly as it did the last however many times. While they didn’t have any intention of giving Hiroshi flack over this, they did, however, find it odd how he was just fine when living under one roof with a bunch of women back in the workshop and only after they went out on a journey did this spree of accidents start occurring.

「I think the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of the villagers on this one.」

「What do you mean by that?」

「From what I got out of Artiem, one of the workshop people instigated this event despite having a rough idea on how things would play out.」

Tatsuya seemed oddly on board with what she was saying, to the extent that Haruna herself looked taken aback.

「It’s just that these kinds of shenanigans were so commonplace back in my granddad’s village that my general impression of old people formed around them.」

「I see.」

Haruna appeared satisfied by Tatsuya’s explanation, as though she had found the last missing piece of the puzzle. Those elderly probably got their kicks by clowning with Artiem who’s clueless when it comes to raunchy matters. From their perspective it was Hiroshi’s fault for getting caught in their schemes.

「It’ll be quite the chore to fish out the exact one that did it from a sea of others just alike.」

「Not to mention that there’s more of them than us.」

「Hrm…」

What Tatsuya and Mio point out stumps Haruna. Attempting to lecture someone over hundreds of years older than one self would prove to be too tall a task, even for her, especially when taking into consideration the difference in life experience. What’s likely going to happen is that elderly will just use cultural differences as an excuse and leave them completely empty handed.

「That much could be easily accomplishable.」

「Hmm?」

「Mako, what do you have in mind?」

「What are some rice dishes this village wouldn’t know about?」

「Oh, I see where you’re going with this.」

Tatsuya almost immediately latches on to what Makoto was trying to say. If there’s anything yesterday’s omuraisu uproar proved is that the village people would, without a doubt, thrown in the towel and give themselves in at the prospect of exotic food.

「They shouldn’t know about gyuudon, there’s little in ways of beef and, more importantly, no soy sauce in sight. From that I think it’s fair to say that any dish served over rice that uses soy sauce would also fall in that category.」

They count down the list of potential foods while referencing what Artiem had confirmed about their food situation. As a side note elves do also eat beef, or sometimes a type of meat very similar to beef.

「Is there anything else I’m missing?」

「They certainly don’t have Japanese style curry. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even seen them use spices.」

「Interesting stuff.」

「Then there’s also the Doria, which they could make out of the ingredients they have, but probably don’t. I’ve also never seen them steam anything so zongzi are also out of the question.」

There appeared to be plenty. To summarize Haruna’s findings any meal that has to do with adding flavor to rice is virtually nonexistent. On the other hand side dishes accompanied with rice or ones that don’t involve soy sauce or miso are mostly all in place. Although even with the right ingredients at hand they didn’t think to make their omelets thin or to cut up their meat before cooking, so their food making expertise is about on par with Farlane.

「Also, surprisingly enough, they don’t seem to be making takigohan either.」

「Judging from their selection of seasoning it’s not that surprising.」

「Ah, right, since both soy sauce and stock are used in the making of takigohan that would make sense.」

「Bingo.」

「So that’s why they have rice gruel topped off with salt, mushroom stock and whatnot but no takigohan in sight.」

They look on with a faint smile as Haruna spoke as though she had reached some sort of groundbreaking revelation.

「Well then, which one are we going to kick off the war effort with?」

「Tatsuya, I recall you mentioning earlier how you wanted to get your hands on some gyudon, is that correct?」

「You betcha!」

「That settles that then.」

Tatsuya cracked an ear to ear smile upon hearing Haruna’s suggestion. He’d been in high spirits ever since arriving here because he’d gotten to eat all his favorite foods to his heart’s content.

「Tatsuya, Makoto, you call over Artiem while I prepare the finest gyudon from the highest grade cut of beef you’ve ever seen, oh and give her the birds and the bees talk while you’re at it.」

「Why us?」

「If we keep sheltering Artiem from anything remotely sexual Hiroshi will be suffering the brunt of it and there’s no trusting any of the villagers to do it, I’ve got my hands full at the moment and asking Mio to take on the responsibility is a big no-no.」

「Right… That certainly does make perfect sense…」

Tatsuya mumbles after hearing out Haruna’s reasoning, delivered oddly uncomfortably. Haruna herself wouldn’t admit so but it’s questionable if she herself would be able to properly deliver the birds and the bees talk.

「But first, let me make one thing clear right off the bat.」

「What is it?」

「Whatever you do, do not bring up BL or anything of a similar nature.」

「Why would I? Oh and Makoto, there’s no such thing as a man pussy, in case you weren’t aware.」

「E-Even I know that much!」

Makoto stutters as she responds to Tatsuya’s snarky remark. Although she did try her hand at making BL doujinshi back in the day, her perception of yaoi wasn’t dreamily idealistic to the point of discarding reality.

Ever since being outed as a fujoshi from scattered pieces of various dubious evidence by Mio, Makoto’s lost most of her credibility when it comes to these matters. She did, however, lose all of it the second she was caught trying to ship Hiroshi and Tatsuya. That’s not to say the other members weren’t accepting of her preferences, it’s just that the line had to be drawn somewhere.

「Just as a word of advice, try your hardest not to take advantage of Artiem’s cluelessness in an attempt to expand your fellow comrade circle, ’cause that would put you on the same level as all of those geezers.」

「I get it…」

From Makoto’s perspective the only acceptable means of initiating anyone into the wonders of BL is to have them willingly approach first, being well aware of what’s considered the norm and yet making that final step regardless of the fact. There are various other approaches to this issue but Makoto was a firm believer of corruption by choice.

Having said that it was still true that she had been longing for like-minded individuals to discuss shared interests. Back when she was out adventuring in Wulls she was able to track down these birds of a feather through a kind of intangible aura of comradery, but ever since leaving she’s been itching for someone to talk to.

Haruna knows and occasionally sings a few anime songs, but her tastes are traditional in every other aspect. She did dabble in manga way back when, but not the extent of being labelled an otaku. Occasionally she’ll pick up on some of the nicher terminology during conversation but that’s about as far as her knowledge goes. Mio on the other hand dedicated her entire being to living out the otaku lifestyle, and yet never managed to get into BL stuff. Tatsuya and Hiroshi were off grounds by default, one would have to be off their rocker to bring it up in conversation with them.

Thus it’s not difficult to understand why they’d be suspicious of her intentions when she hasn’t had an outlet to talk about her interests in a long while. Thankfully Makoto already had a plan of her own, so there was no need to bring over a child to her side.

「There were quite a few fairies who looked like they could get behind the idea, so it would be more efficient to try and talk them into it over forcefully dragging Artiem into the abyss.」

「Of course there were…」

「Don’t underestimate our numbers. Oh and by the way, Tatsuya, how come you know what a man pussy means?」

「One of my wifey’s buddies was a fujoshi. She went up to me and asked if man pussies were a real thing with a straight face.」

Haruna begins preparing dinner as Tatsuya and Makoto carry on with their colorful conversation.

「Haru, let’s have curry tomorrow.」

「Roger.」

「I’ll bring Artiem over. Haru, make the smell as inviting as you can.」

「Leave it to me.」

Haruna sees Mio off and begins working her cooking magic to put together the best possible gyudon. Ultimately the granddad’s of the village succumbed to the temptation and submitted to Haruna. The very next day they had to sit through one of her rigorous lecturing sessions.