Fate Weaver’s Legacy

#030 – Delicious, delicious fast food!

Another day, another non-euclidean maze.

Honestly, I didn’t even expect anything else at this point. The first time was shocking, the second time was annoying, but by now it was an old routine like waking up, brushing my teeth, and having breakfast.

Speaking of breakfast, this particular maze was going to drive me nuts with its delicious fast food smells but a distinct lack of food anywhere.

“Chat, this dungeon is doing it on purpose, I swear…”

It was still technically way-too-early-o-clock but the fake sun in the sky was enough to trick my brain into switching to daytime action mode. This was really going to screw with my sense of time, even with chat around and my magical wristwatch.

Other than that, the third floor so far hadn’t been too bad. The enemies were more or less the same as those on floor one, except armed with knives, and a little faster and more skilled, compared to their hobbling-on-all-fours counterparts.

It probably said a lot about what I’d had to deal with already that knives being pointed at me barely fazed me now. Granted, this was the first time the dungeon had whipped out actual weapons against me, rather than trying to smother me with clothes, but I still didn’t feel all that threatened. Especially since I could easily dispatch the zombies in numerous ways.

I lit my key sword on fire, held it like a javelin, and tossed it at my opponent with full force.

It flew through the air a tad awkwardly, but still hit its mark, burying itself in the zombie’s stomach, and causing it to get knocked over and vanish into mist a moment later.

Then I held out my hand and the key teleported back into it.

GeorgeDoshington: boomerang lol
uptonMIKE: be careful not to run out of tempor

I hummed as I walked deeper into the maze of fast food buildings.

“Good point, Mike… Although I can’t even tell how much I have or how much I’m using. It’s not as obvious as Ether is. But yeah, I still don’t want to know what it will do to me if I run out.”

If running out of Ether made me lose control of my body, would running out of the other two do the same? Or would it do something different to me? I wanted to know but I also didn’t want to find out…

I appraised the key again and took note of the innate skill saying that it supposedly used a ‘minor’ amount of Tempor. That probably meant I wasn’t going to run out very quickly, but still… There were never any concrete numbers, so it was hard to tell how much a ‘minor’ amount really was. Regardless, I would have to be a bit careful with how much I used Quick Fetch, just in case.

I readied both my weapons and kicked open the next door, ready to smack down on more zombies.

To my surprise, there were none. Instead, there was a chest right at the back of this kitchen-esque room.

My eyes went wide and I perked up in anticipation.

“Chest! Please tell me it has food. Come on, dungeon! Come on, RNG gods!”

I approached it cautiously as I appraised it and proceeded to poke the thing with both my weapons for a minute.

FouxMoux: c’mon jus topen it
FouxMoux: we all know it’s not a mimic

I tsked three times while shaking my head.

“No, we don’t. Mimics always strike when you least expect them, so the best way to combat them is to always expect them,” I said wisely, only half-joking.

Once I felt like I poked the chest enough, I put away both my weapons, pressed my hands on the lid, and heaved it open.

I held my breath for a second in anticipation and when I saw the loot, I stopped for a moment before firing off Appraisal just to make sure I wasn’t imagining things.

Ether burger
A burger made out of ancient burger buns, ancient lettuce, grilled Sea Serpent meat, Minotaur cheese, and ketchup.

Time-freezing popsicle
An ancient strawberry popsicle infused with Tempor to keep it from melting. Restores Tempor when eaten. Excess Tempor is used to accelerate time for the user.

“It’s fooooood, chaaaat!” I cheered with a massive grin.

Then I noticed the ingredient list for the burger.

“...It’s really freaking weird food chat, but it’s still food!”

Then I looked closer at the popsicle’s description and was momentarily bewildered by its insane ability to apparently dilate time.

Well, chat had theorized Tempor to be about spacetime, but still…

I shook away these thoughts and instead looked at the juicy lump of greasy deliciousness. I grabbed the burger covered in paper wrapping, unwrapped it, and bit into it, despite part of me still being a bit alarmed about the whole ‘minotaur cheese’ thing.

It tasted absolutely divine. I couldn’t complain. Ten out of ten.

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The meat had the texture of a beef steak, but tasted like salmon. It was quite weird, but the taste was great, so I couldn’t complain much.

FouxMoux: a hearty breakfast
uptonMIKE: eating burgers early in the morning…
GeorgeDoshington: a heartattackey breakfast lol

“Quiet, you lot. It’s not like I have any other food choices here,” I argued between the bites.

I sat then, my back against the chest and kept my eye on the rest of the room as I enjoyed my probably-not-very-healthy breakfast.

Actually, the meat was from Sea Serpent and seafood was supposed to be super healthy, right? Maybe this was secretly a healthy version of a burger then.

trelipideliberitation: yoooo morning
trelipideliberitation: you already up so early?
GeorgeDoshington: sup

“Hey, Trelip. Yeah, I got woken up by rain outside and then was too awake to go back to sleep,” I grumbled before smiling again and lifting the burger into my vision. “But look! I found food again!”

trelipideliberitation: what
trelipideliberitation: wait where even are you?

“Floor three, past the gate.”

trelipideliberitation: oh cool
trelipideliberitation: what did you spend your skill points on?

I blinked and stopped chewing for a moment.

“Right, skill points. I totally forgot I was going to spend them… Why didn’t the rest of you tell me?”

FouxMoux: didn’t know you had extra
GeorgeDoshington: we were testing you

“...Uh huh. Anyway, might as well do it now then… Hmm, I could still get the other two upgrades for Fire Breath…”

uptonMIKE: weren’t you going to get fusion?

I hummed again and checked the cooldown on Craftsman. It still had two hours left before I could swap it back in. Although, if I did swap it in, I would have to sacrifice one of my current skills… Ugh…

“Yeah, but the problem is that I would want Appraisal with it just to check the results. But if I keep Appraisal, I would have to swap out Fire Breath or Flameguard and I kinda need both of those to fight…”

uptonMIKE: why not take a day off then?

I stopped for a moment and blinked.

I… could take a day off, couldn’t I? That way, I could swap in Craftsman, get Fusion, spend a day experimenting with it to upgrade my gear, and the next day, I would swap Craftsman back out while keeping the fused equipment… in theory. I didn’t actually know if the fused items would automatically fall apart as soon as I lacked the skill, but since the description didn’t mention anything about that…

Also, I was going to try and practice channeling Ether on my own while using Craftsman as training wheels, wasn’t I? That would be the perfect opportunity to do so.

The only reason why I hadn’t really taken a break was because I’d been starving… But the burger right here was much more filling than either the fruit or the bar from the previous floors. And if I was lucky enough to find another chest with food in this area, then I wouldn’t be in immediate danger of starving anymore…

“You know what…? I think I could do that. But before I do, I want to find one more chest with hopefully more food in it. Just in case.”

With the plan of action decided, I leisurely finished my burger while talking to chat. Once done, I pulled out my shower head and soap and washed away the grease on my fingers before drying them with the towel.

Nothing like using magical items for mundane purposes.

Then I took the other item in the chest and briefly glanced over the silly plastic wrapping. It said ‘POP! Sicle’, but the ‘O’ was replaced with a frozen clock, icicles hanging off of it.

Like the Ether bar from the previous floor, I didn’t know any popsicles of this brand, but I didn’t think it was a real one.

…Or at least, not from Earth. Since this world had burgers and granola bars and whatnot, then it was safe to assume it also had its own manufacturers and brands, right?

Not much of a fantasy world. Except then it had also cheerfully informed me that minotaur cheese and Sea Serpent burgers existed.

All of that painted a picture of a world that was a strange mix of a modern and a fantasy setting… with some sci-fi thrown in, because why not? But when I actually looked outside of the dungeons, there was nothing. No civilization, no animals, not even insects. One would expect a technologically advanced world to be teeming with life. Or at the very least, the dungeons full of loot should have some settlements nearby. Or, you know, other people raiding them.

But there was nobody.

It was uncanny.

The more I thought about it, the more unnerved I felt. There was something inherently wrong about this world.

GeorgeDoshington: dont mind her shes all broody and shit today
trelipideliberitation: oh no the emo phase already?

I scowled as I refocused on chat again.

“I’m not broody! Just a bit lost in thought. Hmph!” I slid the popsicle into my backpack, idly noting that it didn’t feel cold to touch at all. “Anyway, let’s keep going, everyone!”

I left the kitchen and continued exploring passages I hadn’t been in yet, all while fighting both the zombies and chat’s allegations that I’d reached the rebellious age and was an emo kid now.

Seriously. Chat could be so dumb sometimes.

About an hour and a half, I found exactly what I’d been looking for – another chest. A few minutes of obligatory poking it with my swords later, I opened it and grinned at the contents inside before firing off Appraisal at the large flat box.

Paradox pizza
A box containing a pepperoni pizza. Infusing the box with a moderate amount of Ether and Tempor restores any missing pizza slices and keeps it fresh.

My jaw dropped at the description and I couldn’t help but stare in shock.

This was… This was literally…

“It’s infinite pizza, chat!”

GeorgeDoshington: holy shit the dreeeeeam
trelipideliberitation: oh no she became too powerful

“My food problems are solved forever!” I cheered and whooped.

So, of course, someone had to ruin it.

uptonMIKE: you really are going to get heart attack at this rate

I pouted.

“Let me have this moment, Mike! I know eating pizza all the time is gonna kill me, but it’s still better than starving!” I grumbled. “And I’ll probably find more food later…”

I idly shot Appraisal at the other item inside.

Ether pop
A can of Miakola-flavored soda infused with Ether.

Hmm. Cool, but not that useful. I already had the Tempor water to drink from, and life ooze for restoring Ether, if that was what this did.

Still, it was loot, so I shoved it into my backpack and then picked up the infinite pizza box.

“Well, anyway… Now that my food problem is solved, I guess I can finally take a break from dungeoneering!”

GeorgeDoshington: what no thats lame
trelipideliberitation: awwww
FouxMoux: time to experiment with fusion?

“Exactly! I’m taking a full day off from these stupid non-euclidean mazes to do some mad science!” I cheered as I left the room and began to make my way back through the maze.

It took me a bit and I got lost for a moment, but it wasn’t as hard without a helpful Ebi mapping my steps as I thought it would be. I just went into rooms that felt vaguely familiar and lacked zombies.

In another half an hour, I was out of the fast food hut and had to shield my eyes from the fake sun again.

As far as I could tell, the sun hadn’t moved at all even though it had been a few hours.

How the heck wasn’t everything half-melted around me if it was constantly bombarded by the sunlight, I would never know. Probably more dungeon nonsense at play again.

I made my way through the gate and down the corridor. I picked out a room beyond one of the windows that had a table, a chair, and plenty of space to work with, and settled down there. I placed the pizza box and my backpack on the table and began pulling things from it. My trusty bucket, the shower head, the soap, the wallet, and so on.

Once everything was out on the table, I clapped my hands together.

“Alright! Now then…” I opened my skills and prepared to do something that felt very wrong.

Replace [Fire Breath] with [Craftsman]?
Note: [Fire Breath] will not be re-equipable for 24 hours.
Y/N

Yes.

Purchase the [Craftsman] skill upgrade [Fusion] for 6 skill points?
Y/N

Yes.

‘Fusion’ skill upgrade unlocked!

“Heheh! It’s time to craft, chat! Let the tinkering stream begin!”

GeorgeDoshington: didn’t you leave some stuff outside?

I paused.

“...Oh yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

I huffed to myself, annoyed that my enthusiasm was getting interrupted.

“Fine, I’ll go get it real quick…” I turned to leave, but then stopped and looked back. “...My stuff isn’t going to despawn if I leave, right…?”

I wasn’t quite sure why I was so paranoid, but better safe than sorry.

With some more grumbling, I packed everything back into the backpack, and left the room.

Unfortunately, it was still raining outside the dungeon. I would have to get wet to get to my stuff.

I grumbled again.

uptonMIKE: maybe grab some rainwater with the bucket?

I hummed and shugged.

“Sure, why not? Having some water can’t hurt, I guess.”

I pulled out the bucket, zipped the backpack so that water wouldn’t get into it, and then ran out of the dungeon with the bucket in my hands straight toward the ooze lake where I’d left my stuff.

By the time I got there, I was completely drenched, but still didn’t feel all that cold, probably thanks to the cold-resistant clothes I had.

Regardless, I quickly grabbed all the stuff and began shoving it into the backpack – some rainwater still got inside, ugh – before legging it back into the dungeon.

I got back inside the room I’d picked earlier, pulled out the towel from the backpack and got myself dry.

Then I pulled out everything out of the backpack and onto the table again, before flipping the backpack over and letting all the rainwater drip out of it.

Finally, I stood in the middle of the room, overlooking all my stuff and my mind began to race with possibilities.

“Okay… Now let the tinkering stream start!”