Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

Chapter 336: It Doesn't Go Away

Yalei and Jin Chin.

Two cultivators, both higher in realm than me, at high Foundation Establishment and early Core Formation. And both geniuses in their own rights.

So. My scan showed me they would come with us. Now I can find out why. Though I still have my own suspicions.  

They start off with a bow before Jin Chin speaks for the two of them.

Young Master James, I apologize for us bothering you at this time. We wished to share our thoughts with you, if possible.

Even with their obvious distaste for each other, both of them seem in sync for a moment. A shared front.

Theres nothing to apologize for, as I was just planning on taking a walk. What did you guys need?

After exchanging glances, Yalei takes the initiative to speak.

Weve heard that you were planning on traveling soon, to Monchon City. We believe for safety; it might be prudent to have us come with you.

Thats what they say but what are the actual reasons? It seems the right approach is to be direct.

Giving a sigh, I give them a disapproving look.

Your words sound truthful, but seem to be missing some aspects. Youve seen how I like to operate.

I wont pressure you too much, but Id like you to give me the actual reasons you want to come with me.

They both freeze for a moment before apologizing. I stop them before they can go further.

Stop, stop. I dont want to hear apologies. Tell me why you want to join us on the trip. And please, dont lie to me. If youd rather not say, say so.

While I say this, I try to put on somewhat of a stern look.

Im dealing with two higher realm cultivators. I don't have a problem with it, but weakness is viewed poorly here. Since they are stronger than me, I need to set my lines now so I dont get exploited in the future.

Even friends can take people for granted. How much more easily can it happen when that person is more powerful than you?

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But my colder reaction appears to finally break the ice and cause Yalei to open up first. In a way, that is surprising.

She stutters.

I-I cant stay here, Young Master James.

I need to approach this situation delicately.

I see. Why is that, Yalei?

The room falls silent, with even Jin Chin looking at her in a bit of shock at this admission. She goes still, to allow her to speak. Though, it seems shes come to her own conclusion.

Its not much longer before Yalei speaks again.

Ive done terrible things to everyone here. I worked with that man to hurt the others. Coming up with new ways to do so.

I glance over at Jin Chin, almost as a subconscious way to confirm her words. She gives a nod at this.

Yalei was a psychopath.

And she didnt just work with him. She functioned as his partner at some points. Which must have made her being betrayed by him and left to the group to tear apart an even more horrific experience.

With that said, the removal of her psychopathy has made her a better person but that doesn't mean the group will forgive what she has done. Each of them received therapy, but healing these scars takes time and this culture isn't known for forgiveness.

Likely, the only things holding them back are the contract, that she was a victim too (in her own way), and that shes shown genuine remorse in the group therapy sessions.

Remembering that first session is terrifying in its own way.

She apologized to the group and there was only silence. No one spoke. Or even looked at her. It was like she wasnt even there.

It took several sessions for them to even acknowledge her. More to speak normally with her.

In response to her words, I give a nod.

I understand. Things will get better with time. Trust me.

But you are right. Some space away from them will be healing for all of you.

Thank you, Young Master.

Following our words, a noticeable pause ensues, leaving everyone uncertain of what to say.

Jin Chin speaks up.

Well, I You really dont remember?

Yalei interrupts Jin Chin before she can speak.

What do you mean, Yalei?

I know what she means.

what we talked about. What we did together?

I know it was all in my head, but surely there has to still be something still there?

Despite her anger at being interrupted, Jin Chin's face instantly shifted to pure agreement at her words. Yalei isnt alone in this feeling.

In fact, all the victims have said as much in at least one of their sessions.

The me that comforted them. The me that was healing them, with my words and actions in their comas.

That person isnt real.

And to have that person say their goodbyes, only to come back in the next instant, but not knowing anything about what you shared together? Its terrifying. Mind-bending. And more than anything, heartbreaking.

Jin Chin adds her piece.

Youve explained it before, but it still doesnt feel real.

While I still have my own, other, reasons for wanting to come with you, I cant deny wanting to see at least a little of him again. And maybe

Her voice trails off, but her unspoken words are clear.

This is the downside to using that mental health technique in this way. I cant cut that connection or have them forget it. Otherwise, it will hurt their growth.

That aspect was still me just portrayed in a way that made it easier to heal them. But because I dont have any of those connections or memories, it makes the divide for them that much harder to bear.

I suspect some of them lived lifetimes with me in their minds. Not everything would have been the torture scenes, as that wouldnt be the best way to heal. There would be escapes, memories from childhood, and

For these two, Im sure of it now.

Im sorry. You already know the truth of this. With that said, theres nothing stopping us from creating our own memories in this world. While I may not remember what happened, you probably already know that I want the best for you all. Just like he would have.

They say nothing, but I feel like my words reached them.

However, Jin Chin isnt the type to sit on her feelings. She grabs them and pulls them forward.

I have the other reason. I need to know that we can trust you. You arent the person I knew from my experience. But I will not let you die out there before we can learn more about you. Considering that everyone else will be staying at the fortress until they are trained, there's no need for me to protect them yet.

"In addition to that, your combat medical team will require someone close to you who has a better understanding of how it should be run. While those jade slips are certainly helpful, with me here watching and learning, Ill be able to train the others that much better when we get back. Especially, since well need to use those tools you mentioned before. Guns and vehicles.

She raises a point.

I can understand that. Also, I was thinking the same thing on the weapons and transportation. Ill have one of our people coming along to become our Qi Treasure Creator. You may not remember him, but his name is He Wen. Hell also be learning on the road with us.

Both of them give a quick nod. Being cultivators, they have excellent memories.

But theres a hesitation before she says something else.

Why him?

Thats kind of mean.