Heart of Darkness

Chapter 32 - 28

Angelica paced back and forth in her room feeling anxious while her brother followed her with his gaze until he became dizzy and gave up.

"Why didn't you tell me first?" She scolded.

"I am sorry. I thought it was the right opportunity." He said.

She stopped pacing and looked at him. "Why did you tell him?" she asked curiously. She thought he liked the King the most.

"He is honest. If I tell him, I will know his intentions. He won't pretend to be kind and then betray me."

Angelica didn't know him as much as her brother knew him, so she trusted his intuition. "What about the King?"

"I can't know for sure if I can trust him." William replied.

If the King was a charmer, then it would be hard to know what he was thinking if William told him. She was proud of her clever brother.

When they went to bed at night, William was reading Lord Rayven's book. The one that had caught her and his attention in the bookstore. He had refused to lend it to her, but he gave it to William. He definitely had something against her.

"It seems like you are getting along with Lord Rayven." She began the conversation.

"He is easy to talk to." Her brother said.

Easy? She wanted to laugh. Clearly, her brother preferred honesty over politeness. Or maybe Lord Rayven only behaved like that toward her.

"Did you speak to the King?" William asked.

Her brother was still concerned about the monsters and wanted her protected.

"Yes. We should forget about him. He doesn't want to marry me." Angelica admitted blatantly.

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"Why not?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

He had said something about their fate ending badly. Something about a woman who looked like her. Angelica suspected that it was a past lover from the expressions on his face while he spoke about her. Could he have been affectionate toward her because of the woman in his past?

Angelica realized that her brother was studying her while she was thinking. "What is it?" she asked.

"You don't seem sad or heartbroken." He noted.

"Well, I never gave him my heart so it can't be broken."

He frowned. "I was wrong then."

She chuckled. "No. I do like him of all the men I have met, but…" she tried to find a way to explain it. "I don't know. I am disappointed but not heartbroken."

Angelica was disappointed because she had hoped that she would at least marry someone who understood her and someone she liked. Now she would have to struggle to find someone she could at least tolerate. She dared not hope for more in fear of being disappointed again.

"What will you do now?" He wondered.

"I am sure there will be someone else to like." She lied. She was not sure.

William went back to reading his book.

"Is it frightening?" she wondered.

??

"No. It is sad."

He seemed so engrossed in it and read it with a frown on his face. Angelica was becoming too curious, but didn't want to interrupt him. When he finally fell asleep she took the book and began to read it.

It was about a man and a monster. Both trapped in the same body. Both being each other's companions in sorrow and pain. The man was tortured. He didn't want to be with the monster that kept growing inside his body and having more control over him each passing day.

It was a dark and haunting story. Heart Wrenching sometimes and intriguing other times. Angelica became glued to the book. She kept turning pages but soon the pages had notes written on them.

No. It seemed to be poems. Written by Lord Rayven, she guessed. Angelica began to read them and slowly became confused and sad. His poems weren't that different from the man's story. It seemed like Lord Rayven saw himself as a monster as well. Even worse. He described himself as evil.

His poems disturbed her, made her feel sad for the way he saw and described himself. What made him think like this? There was so much pain and sadness in his words. So much loneliness.

Angelica kept turning pages reading his poems one after the other. On the last page she found his last poem.

Monster, is what they call me

Evil, is all I am known to be

Now I shall be punished for my deeds

Someone like me is not what the world needs

They say my heart bleeds

That I can be saved

Only if I changed

How I behaved

But I am too far gone

To be redeemed

To be free

Is what I once dreamed

Now I breathe

But I am not alive

I am only waiting

For my death to arrive

Angelica closed the book carefully, her thoughts going in so many directions and her emotions… she didn't know what to feel. Sorrow settled in her heart.

Lord Rayven. Just what have you been through?

She turned to her side and stared out the window.

Rayven.

Names were often given with love but his seemed to be given to him with degradation. What a lonely man. At least her mother loved her before she passed away.

Throughout his poems, he kept mentioning punishment and how he deserved it. A lot of self-blame was involved. Why?

Unable to sleep because she kept thinking about his words, she decided to get up. She took the book and went to her desk. Lighting the candle on her desk, she opened the book. Angelica wasn't good with poetry but decided to write small poems next to each of his.

She hoped her words would encourage him. When she was done, she closed the book and went back to bed. Now she could sleep peacefully.

When the morning came she was well rested and now that William had something to read before he went to sleep he seemed less tired than usual.

"Did you put the herbs on your wounds?" She asked him as they ate breakfast.

William looked up and blinked a few times. "I gave it to Lord Rayven." He lowered his voice.

Oh.

"You are so kind, dear brother." She ruffled his hair. "I'll make you another one."

"William! Hurry, I am leaving!" Her father called from his room.

William stuffed the last piece of bread into his mouth and stood up.

"Wait!" She said grabbing the book beside her. "Give this back to Lord Rayven."

Her brother looked confused. "Why? He gave it to me."

"I know. I just think he really likes the book and he has notes in it. He would be happy if he got it back."

Her brother nodded. He took the book and wished her goodbye before running after her father who was already walking out the door.

Her father had been strangely busy these days and Angelica was still a little worried. She couldn't understand the increased work dedication that he showed but then he was greedy and always wanted more. He could be working toward a new goal to get more wealth.

Angelica watched the carriage leave from the window and when it was out of sight, she sighed and went back to the table. She wondered if Lord Rayven would accept his book back and read her poems. What would he think of them?

Would he be angry that she saw his poems or would he find comfort in hers?

She remembered the way he treated the dog but last night he had shown her nothing but resentment. Why was he so annoyed with her and always running away?

Well, she was annoyed with him too. The man could be extremely rude. Did he really think that threatening her would work? He should learn to respect a woman.

But her annoyance with him didn't last long. From what she read last night, the man had more to learn than just manners.