Husband of the Goblin Tribe

[v2] Chapter Twenty-five – In which Ark does some digging, making room for guests and a new member of the tribe.

To call the room I crafted for Cobi and the Breath of Fire party a lair would not be an understatement. Both Cobi and the Breath of Fire party came here from the Adventurer’s Guild located in the town of Thorn, which just so happened to be the town that Kairos, Stella, and I picked up the subjugation request for the goblins. Like me with the Bloodmaw, Cobi is in a similar situation with the Kobolds. Not that he’s a prisoner or anything, but they’ve laid claim to him as a man.

“So… they’ve only got one hole?”

“Only on the outside. There are actually two holes inside, one for receiving and one for expelling.”

“Do you ever slip inside the wrong hole?”

“Do you?”

“With the right Goblin, she does the slipping for me.”

Cobi snickered.

“But seriously, you only porter for them? You don’t fight as well?”

“I don’t need to. The girls are clever and resourceful enough to handle things on their own. They prioritize keeping me safe, and in return I handle all the miscellaneous tasks they either don’t want to do or are too lazy to do. This includes things like grooming them while they rest.”

“Grooming them?”

“As a distant relative to dragons, they shed their scales often. While they can do it themselves, having me do it is like some kind of sensual thing. And they ask me to do it all the time. Usually, it leads exactly where you might expect. The best I can explain my situation with them is that they’re pets who think that I am their pet.”

“That’s a bit…”

“Yeah. It’s fun travelling with them. They have an abysmal sense of money, though, so I try and manage the party’s funds as best I can. I also take care of their hoards, which is interesting because you’d think money would be a part of it… but it’s mostly useless junk.”

“And you carry all that around in your bag?”

“I do. They’re almost too trusting about it, but I don’t think I’ve ever been treated as well in any party I’ve portered for as I have been by them, so I take my job quite seriously.”

“I’m curious… how did you get hired by them?”

“Nymfi just approached me one day in Thorn’s guild after I’d hit a dry spell for work. She offered me two gold pieces to have me carry their luggage. She brought me to meet the rest and they all quickly agreed to hire me.”

“Two… gold?”

“I know, right? No sense of money at all.”

“Mind if I ask what rank you all are?”

“The girls are all Steel-rank. They climbed up quite fast once they recruited me.”

“Steel? I never made it past copper…”

Cobi reached for his necklace tucked in his shirt and pulled out a familiar looking rectangular metal place.

“Me either. Being a porter doesn’t get me promotions, but being attached to their party means I’m not restricted by the quests they take, either.”

“Nice loophole. What’s the strongest monster you’ve gone up against?”

“If you mean together with the girls… we took down a cyclops a couple of months ago.”

I whistled.

“And here I couldn’t even beat a few goblins with my own party. Guess I wasn’t cut out to be an adventurer when my talents apparently lay in being a goblin breeder.”

“Could be worse.”

“How so?”

“They could have been a tribe of all male goblins.”

I made the exaggerated motion of tilting my head back and slitting my throat with my finger.

“You’re right. I avoided a fate far worse than death.”

Cobi laughed.

I had wrapped up the final touches on the guest room for the Breath of Fire party, and then brought Cobi to the upstairs location of the shit-pit. I hadn’t installed toilets yet for the orcs, but I did give permission for him and the Kobolds to use the ones on the ground floor if they wanted. As well as the bath.

Cobi and I returned to the Goblin’s Guild where I saw Diana Artemis and Primrose close to the pile of napping Kobolds.

“Diana, Primmy, need something?” I called out to them.

“DaDEEEE!” Primrose immediately ran towards me so that I could pick her up. She was almost two weeks old, but unlike her sisters, she wasn’t in any hurry to grow up.

“Hello my precious little Primmy. Came to see daddy?”

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“Yeah! Time for Pimmy to go on big hunt with sisters! Want grand weapon! Make Pimmy one!”

“Alright my little murder machine. Daddy has a few things he still needs to do, but I’ll visit Ivory later and see what bones I can find to make you one.”

“Pimmy want swingy weapon!”

“Swingy? Okay, I’ll try and think up something fun for you to swing.”

“Biteys?”

“Shoulder only.” I said firmly, letting Primrose have a bite of my shoulder. I’d rather not deal with any holes in my hands or arms at the moment.

“Cobi, the bitey one here is my youngest daughter, Primrose. The one over there is my eldest and one of the strongest Goblins around here, Diana Artemis.”

Cobi offered a polite and quick wave of his hand to acknowledge them.

“Eldest daughter? How old is she?”

“About six months.”

“She looks like she’s about fifteen or so. Compared to a human, I mean.”

“Goblins grow fast. She’s already of the mind she’s an adult.”

“Me Diana Artemis!” Diana said in the human tongue, surprising me. I wasn’t even aware she knew how to say her name in it. “Next Guardian of tribe! And adult goblin! Who you?”

“Me? I’m Cobi. I’m an adventurer just like your father. It’s nice to meet you, tribe Guardian.”

“What those?” Diana asked, pointing to the pile of Kobolds.

“Those are my Kobold party mates.” Cobi answered her.

“Smell like you. Kobold Husband?”

Cobi laughed.

“I just might be. But please don’t tell them that.”

Diana grinned.

“Big tall. What Cobi do?”

“My job is to carry heavy things for my friends here so they don’t have to.”

Diana nodded.

“Diana Artemis job keep tribe safe. Came see who come Goblinhome.”

“Well then, I assure you we mean no harm to your tribe. The Great Protector sent us here to make a delivery to your… daddy.”

Diana crossed her arms.

“Ark Diana Artemis Husband.”

Cobi shot me a knowing glace.

I gave a one-armed shrug in reply since Primrose was still enjoying biting my shoulder.

“I see. Well, I’ll leave you to your Husband then. I have a few Kobolds to move to their room if you’ll allow it?”

Diana nodded.

“Only came see.”

“Cobi, I’ll catch up with you later. I left Dara in the care of a couple irresponsible goblins while she was enjoying the heated bath on the lower floor… I should go check on her as soon as possible.”

“That’s fine. I’ll probably enjoy a short nap myself after I relocate the girls.”

“We’ll take care of dinner for you all later on.”

“I’d appreciate that. I won’t turn down a chance to take a break from meal preparation.”

I managed to detach Primrose and put her back on the ground, holding her hand while Diana and I exited the Goblin’s Guild.

“Those Kobolds… are strong.” Diana said once we stepped outside and out of earshot of Cobi.

“Oh? Is that your appraisal of them?”

“Yes.”

“Think you can beat them in a fight?”

“Maybe? Probably not all six of them if they attack together. Might need Button and Glace to help.”

“What did you think of Cobi?”

“Diana Artemis would rather make strong-ones with Husband.”

“Uh… wasn’t what I asked… exactly. I meant did you think he was strong?”

“He is tall and has muscles so maybe he can chop trees good like Doll, but he doesn’t have any sense as a hunter. Not worth wasting big-seed with… if he has any to begin with.”

“I see… And what makes you think he doesn’t?”

“If he was a hunter, he would have noticed I intended to kill him after you introduced us.”

I sighed.

“Please don’t kill him, Diana.”

Diana crossed her arms again, and I felt a sudden sense of danger from her. I stiffened up for a moment and instinctively pulled Primrose behind me.

“See, only threatened. Husband noticed right away because he is a strong hunter, even if he looks weak on the outside. This is why me and my sisters are strong. Diana Artemis has known this since before we hunted the Black-claws together.”

“…alright, alright. I get it.”

“Good.”

Primrose giggled.

“Pimmy get strong too, with biteys!”

I ruffled Primrose’s short hair.

“You are definitely one of the best biting goblins I know. Just like your mommy.”

“Gwe~hee~hee~!”

“Husband is busy doing things today, Primrose. How about we practice on the parkour course and then I’ll push you on the swings after?”

“Okee! Pimmy like swingies! Play with DaDEE later!!”

It’s not like I couldn’t have spent some time pushing Primrose on the swings, but I went ahead and headed to the breeding room so I didn’t see what was going to inevitably happen with Diana Artemis down the road… Diana taking care of her own little one that I will have put inside of her.

I feel like that’s something I don’t want to deal with until it happens. It’s different from Melon, when… the Monster took that choice away from me. Ah, I don’t know. I’ve always been so proud of Diana being my daughter that thoughts of her being my wife and the future mother of our own children just… leave me feeling disassociated.

I guess I still have a few stages of acceptance to go through before it becomes total.

Reaching the bath, I found Dara, Ivory, and Truffle all half-passed out with their heads above the water line. A little pouch resting on the lip of the pool let me know Truffle had brought some of her illicit color-spin-think powder to… make things interesting.

“Any of you conscious?”

The only one to respond to my voice was Dara.

“Ye, these two goblins‘re an alright sort… real welcoming…”

I entered the bath to check on both Truffle and Ivory who were both completely passed out, or just unresponsively high. I immediately lifted up a very pregnant Truffle and carried her out of the water and over to my room, where I placed her down on my straw bed. Then I went back for Ivory to do the same, placing her next to Truffle before returning to Dara.

“Gonna carry me as well?”

Dara was only teasing me. She must have a strong constitution because she was already out of the bath and had her clothes mostly on already.

“I’m ready to begin working on your room. Just need to figure out an entry point to go down.”

Dara just pointed at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

“Underneath here’d be good.”

“You sure?”

“Can feel the stone. Side of the mountain is about twenty-five paces past the West wall there. Would be good to set the forge there. Can attach my room to the Northeast so that it connects with your shit-pit.”

Dwarves must have some kind of cave-radar or something because she was spot on with the optimal locations for her residence.

Making the entry point a little West along the South wall of the breeding room, I began to magically shift the stone of the cave and created a winding passage going down about ten feet, so that there was a bit of a ceiling space to be had.

After that, I began to widen the space slowly with Dara placing her hand and running it along the smoothed and compacted wall.

“What kind of sand-diggery is this? You ain’t even swung a pick and managed t’make a shaft faster than any dwarf I e’er met!”

“It’s just basic land magic.”

“My smooth bald arse it is!”

“Even if you say that, this is how I make caves for everyone around here.”

“Rock and stone.” She said with exasperation, but I couldn’t tell if she was awestruck or cursing.

“This way, then.” She said and began directing me to hewn out the wall in various places until she was satisfied. A large squarish room had been created about three-quarters the size of the breeding room.

“Aye, this is good enough. Just need to place a ventilation shaft here and I can begin building my forge right below it.”

We ended up leaving that detail undone for the moment, moving to the Northeast of the underground floor, where I created a gap hallway for future development and expansion before I began carving out another spacious room for Dara to actually live in. By the end of my magical digging, she was now Berry’s downstairs neighbor. Turns out the shit-pit goes down further than ten feet. Dara had let me know that the stone became hollow less than a foot on the other side of the North wall I had expanded. I decided to stop there and simply widened out the cave to the East and West until she seemed satisfied with the amount of empty space she had.

“Gork’s beaded tit-hairs! Do y’have any idea how long it would have taken a dwarf t’dig this much? At least three days! And here y’went and dug the whole damn thing in no time at all!”

“Hm? But we’re not done yet?”

“Wha?”

Walls were turned into shelves, storage cubbies were made, a bed was erected that would need some straw gathered, a small kitchen space was crafted… the private bathroom would need to wait for right now until I got Toy to make another wooden toilet, so I told Dara to just endure and use the ground floor shit-pit for the next couple of days.

Dara quickly pushed me out of the room and back into the space meant to become her forge.

“Ain’t foolish enough t’spit on a durn good thing. Sooner it’s done, sooner I can get ready f’r mining and forging!”

More shelves and wall space appropriated for hanging her tools was made, and a small dome-like stone structure was erected which would be the initial forge that would make the necessary fire-bricks for the actual forge she would need to use to melt metals and other minerals into ingots.

Crafting tables and a nice stone chair… she put me through the ringer, but since I had my Quartz Focus Orb for the task, I wasn’t suffering from any mana fatigue having done this much land manipulation.

Vera had wandered down into the forge area.

“Husband?”

“Ah, Vera! Dara here is going to be using our cave-hole to access hers from now on. I hope you don’t mind?”

Vera shook her head.

“Done.”

“You and Crow finished sorting everything?”

Vera nodded.

“You’re the best.”

Vera grinned.

“Ah, yes. Dara. Vera lives together with me in the room above here.”

“She the main wife, then?”

“Eh… her circumstances are special. If you should find yourself needing any enchanting done with Formulaic Magic, she’s your gal. A born genius. Her daughter also happens to be our tribe’s Shaman and can be a bit of a bratty prankster at times.”

“Wife!” Vera had repeated that word in the human tongue. She also grabbed hold of my arm as she said that.

“Methinks she knows her place well enough.” Dara laughed. “’course most women do. It’s the men that don’t realize it fast as they should.”

“No, I realize it. I just don’t think I’m deserving of as good a woman as Vera happens to be.”

Dara crossed her arms.

“Then go on and tell the lassie I’m not looking t’sour relations with m’neighbor from the start. Ain’t naught worse than a cave-quarreling between women.”

This time I chuckled.

“Vera, she…”

Vera covered my mouth with her hand.

“Know!”

Was Vera also able to understand our conversation being conducted in the human tongue like Diana was? I feel like I’m missing something important here if that’s the case…

“I reckon he’s done making me a place to stay, so he’s all yours, lassie.”

Vera took a step forward.

“Vera.”

“Right. The vice guildmaster.”

She shook her head.

“Wife.”

“Dara.” The dwarf replied, extending her hand.

“Friend?”

Vera stared at it for a bit before reaching out for it to shake.

“Friend.”

I’m not sure if peace was brokered there or if it was just two women asserting their places and coming to some kind of mutual understanding, but I was still all but dragged out of the underground floor by Vera and back up to the breeding room, all the way into her room. I could see that Truffle and Ivory were still passed out in my room adjacent to Vera’s.

Vera had me sit down on the floor and then she sat down on my lap. Nothing sexual was initiated, she just wanted to sit there and had grabbed my hands so she could place them on her belly, even though she was showing only a minor bump in the earliest of stages.

I was fairly sure I’d given her enough attention lately, but maybe I was dead wrong? Did she think Dara was going to rob her of more of my attention? Even the orcs… as much as I have gone and taken them in as additional wives and done my husbandly duties with them… it’s not like I wouldn’t rather just have the Bloodmaw goblins as my wives and no one else.

I’d be perfectly fine with Stella continuing to call me a goblin-fucker and having that be the case. But now I get to add being an orc-fucker and potentially a dwarf-fucker as well.

I probably sound like a wimp, for complaining. But a part of me almost wishes that the Monster just killed all the orcs, even the women. But it was also my goblin wives who thrust the orcs onto me in the first place. I get why the Monster wanted Rushk, if it somehow knew she could be transformed into a Bloodmaw, but not the other three.

However, it’s not like I’m running away from things, nor plotting the murder of my orc wives. I’m too much of a pacifist for the latter for sure. I simply wanted the power to help grow the tribe in the right direction, to not be only a breeding slave anymore. Even I see that the orc war-brides and now Dara the dwarf are a means to that end.

And, as a man with capable, adorable goblin wives… making sure they are happy with the way things are is also my responsibility as their Husband. Even if that responsibility means that my personal claim to being a morally decent human being as a result has lessened.

So, with a bit of time available to waste, I got a little lazy with Vera and let her feel as loved as I could…