I Can Turn into a Fish

Chapter 10: Internet Publicity

Translator: Aristophaneso Editor: Caron_

“Xiao Man, turn off the stream! Today’s stream is over!” the Witch said with an angry huff.

Xiao Man bitterly nodded her head and said to the camera, “Handsome guys and beautiful ladies in the chat—today’s show ends here! Don’t forget to subscribe to the Witch’s Taobao Store!”

“And... cut!” Xiao Man said. The viewers were still bubbling with excitement when she exited the stream and put away her device.

When Chu Xian heard this last sentence, he was dazed for a bit. Then, an idea popped into his head. His eyes shone with an unusual light as he looked at the Witch.

“Let’s go! We can find a place to gamble for real!” the Witch said, to his surprise.

“Eh, I’m not playing, but if you want we can have some tea,” Chu Xian said helplessly.

The Witch’s expression changed back and forth – she was a streamer and a magician; though the cards in her hand seemed normal, any good magician could figure out something was off. If Chu Xian wasn’t a magician, then he had to be a pro-gambler. Just judging from past experience, he was probably the latter. This situation made her curious and she wanted to figure him out.

But Chu Xian’s straightforward answer rendered her speechless. All she could do for a moment was stand and stare at him.

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“Why don’t you both come into my shop and sit?” Chu Xian graciously extended the invitation—he had some ideas of his own as well.

“Okay!” the Witch agreed without hesitation. Her eyes brightened as she curiously asked, “What’s your shop? Is it a casino?”

Chu Xian’s face turned black. Without any pleasantry, he replied, “Where do you think we are? Macao? A casino?!”

After saying these words, he walked to the small shop nearby and took out the keys.

“Ah? This?” the Witch said, with some disappointment. The store had the three words ‘Ornamental Fish Shop’ carved onto a wooden board hanging in front.

Chu Xian didn’t pay her any mind; it was best if they came in, but it didn’t matter much to him if they didn’t—his idea would just go smoother if they helped him.

“You sell small goldfish?” the girls asked after walking into the shop and seeing all the tanks and fish.

“Of course. I’m just an ornamental fish vendor, not some magician, and certainly not a god of gambling like you thought! Water?” Chu Xian asked.

“I’m not thirsty. Then how’d you know which card was which?” the Witch asked curiously.

“I just have a good memory. When you showed me the cards, I remembered the order,” Chu Xian lied.

“That simple?” the Witch said in disbelief.

“That simple. I really don’t know any magic tricks, and I definitely don’t have any gambling skills!” Chu Xian said with a shrug.

“Fine then!” the Witch said, disappointed. Looking at Chu Xian’s honest expression and at the fish in his shop, she turned away, bored.

“Okay, can I ask you a question?” Chu Xian asked hurriedly when he saw her preparing to leave.

“What kind of question? I didn’t lose to you, so if you ask any weird questions I’m not going to answer!” the Witch replied with a wary look.

“Eh...” Chu Xian muttered, a little speechless. Waving his hand he said, “It’s nothing like that. I just wanted to ask—if you help me sell my fish online, how much would that cost?”

“You want me to sell fish?” the Witch said, full of surprise. Pointing at the ornamental fish she said, “You’re asking me to advertise your shop, selling these small fish? You’re better off without me; the advertising fee would be more expensive than all these fish together!”

“Of course I’m not asking you to advertise these common ornamental fish. If I want you to stream the fish I want, how much would that be?” Chu Xian asked again.

“Eh, this?” the Witch said hesitantly. “I’ve never done any advertising, much less advertising on a stream. I think I’ll pass.”

Chu Xian was a little disappointed at the Witch’s refusal, but after thinking a little, he asked again, “Then where do you think would be the best place to advertise ornamental fish?”

“I’m also not sure, but if you want to sell your fish, you can try the Fast Hands app. You can post videos of your fish or stream them live and introduce them that way!” the Witch suggested.

“Fast Hands,” Chu Xian muttered. He immediately used his phone to download the app. He’d played with this app for a little bit before, and it had some funny videos, big boobs and slender leg videos—pretty much an entertainment platform—but after he switched phones, he hadn’t bothered to download it again.

“You also use this Fast Hands app?” Chu Xian lifted his head and asked.

“Of course! I have more than two million fans!” the Witch replied with some satisfaction.

“Oh? What’s your account number? Let me check it out.”

Chu Xian looked at the Witch’s profile, and it was true—she did have two million plus fans. He said, “Okay then beautiful lady(1), can you follow me? I’ll post some goldfish videos later. If you want any, I’ll give you a discount!”

The Witch’s mouth twitched, but she didn’t refuse. “Fine, give me your account number and I’ll follow you.”

“En,” Chu Xian nodded.

The two girls left after a few more minutes. Afterwards, Chu Xian immediately closed the door. Turning towards the hundred plus goldfish, he began to remold them one at a time.

By the time night came, Chu Xian had only molded a little over fifty of the goldfish divided among eight varieties in five hours—remolding was both time and energy consuming.

After rubbing his eyes a little, Chu Xian turned back to his beautiful, luxurious goldfish. Smiling, he scooped out a Panda Goldfish and put it into a small tank by itself. Chu Xian took out his phone and started filming with the app.

After filming a couple of different videos, Chu Xian chose the one that he liked best, and after some thought, he wrote in the text section: “Selling all kinds of precious ornamental goldfish. Panda Goldfish video—price 2000 RMB. If you’re interested, please add me on WeChat: 15xxxxxx.”

Chu Xian clicked the ‘Submit’ button and reviewed his ‘My Works’ tab with satisfaction.

Pushing open the shop door, Chu Xian left and looked for a restaurant to have dinner.

After returning, Chu Xian started his battle once again and continued remolding until all the fish had been transformed. After stopping an hour to midnight, Chu Xian looked at all the tanks full of exquisite goldfish with a face full of excitement.

After taking out his mat and blanket, Chu Xian dove under the covers and took out his phone. Opening the Fast Hands app, he clicked on the ‘My Works’ tab.

“Thirty thousand clicks?” Chu Xian said with shock. “It looks like I’m trending!”

Chu Xian happily looked through the trending searches and started reading the comments. Having so many people viewing his work could spread the news about his goldfish quickly.

Translator’s Thoughts

Aristophaneso

1- So 帅哥美女, lit. handsome brother and beautiful woman, is a very common way to address people in Chinese. My impression is that 帅哥 (handsome bro) is used slightly more often than 美女, but they are both pretty neutral. It’s not creepy to say this, and it also is not necessarily very truthful either, but my impression is that 美女 tends to be more truthful, but I’m not sure.