I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

Chapter 1: This is What it Feels Like to Date a Male Capricorn

001

Last year, when Mr. F was on a business trip to Japan, I discovered a thread online titled “Sisters, how do you guys normally tease your boyfriends through text messages?”. The answers in the thread were hilarious to say the least.

Coincidentally, I had just changed my mobile number that day. As such, I sent Mr. F an anonymous message: “Hey Big Boss, do you need any special services?”

He didn’t reply.

I persevered in my efforts, sending him yet another text message: “Little lonely wild cat has a fiery and burning passion, and will be delivered to your doorstep. Satisfaction guaranteed.”

After a while, he called me. On picking up the phone, the first sentence he said was, “Are you very bored at home?”

I was extremely shocked, “How did you know it was me?”

He said, “Only you would be bored enough to pull such a stunt.” He paused momentarily, thinking before continuing, “I’ll be returning the day after tomorrow.”

“So soon? Aren’t you only scheduled to return next week?”

“Sudden change in plans.”

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Sometime afterward, his colleague came over to our house for dinner. The conversation naturally turned to the recent Japan trip, and the colleague said, “Mr. F didn’t even attend the celebratory dinner. The moment his work ended he rushed to the airport without a moment’s delay, claiming that there was nobody at home and he had to return to take care of the cat.”

He surveyed our surroundings, and asked out of curiosity, “Speaking of which… where’s the cat?”

I flushed immediately. Mr. F placed a piece of fish in my bowl, and replied calmly without a change in expression, “It’s easily scared and is afraid of strangers.”

I wanted to bury my face in the bowl.

002

Mr F. was always an extremely stern and proud person in front of outsiders. As such, people often referred to him as Ice Man. Conversely, I was the exact opposite. As an experienced lunatic, I had a burning passion for acting, and Mr. F always tells me off by claiming that it was a pity that I haven’t pursued an acting career.

Once, while we were eating out, I suddenly stopped and told him seriously, “Brother-in-law, how can we face our sister after what we have done?”

Initially, he would, along with the waiter, stare at me with a thunderstruck expression. However, he gradually got used to it over the years, and even managed a calm reply yesterday – “I’m sure your sister give us her blessings from Heaven.”

There was one time when I was suddenly struck by inspiration, and I told him enthusiastically that I wanted to act as the lovestruck and loyal second male lead.

I managed to meld into my role fairly quickly, and roared at him, “I am the one who loves Joey the most! I will never let you have her!”

He leaned against the bookshelf, browsing through his book cursorily whilst managing a halfhearted reply, “Take her then.”

I was stunned – according to the script, the story should not have unfolded in such a manner.

I continued, “I’m going to take her away tonight, and leave you forever!”

He snapped the book shut in an instant, and said coldly, “Try taking her away – if she dares to leave with other people, I’ll break her leg.”

Kao! Who authorised you to change the script!

003

The neighbours living above us had commenced renovation, causing each day to be filled with incessant loud noises. As such, I decided to book a room in a hotel in an attempt to find some peace when writing.

At night, Mr. F arrived to deliver my dinner. My two eyes shone brightly and I asked him mischievously, “Doesn’t this feel like we’re having an affair?”

He glared at me severely.

Who could have predicted that on entering the room, this man would start to disrobe immediately? I asked him what he was doing.

He replied me with a serious expression on his face, “Hurry up, my wife ends work at 5PM.”

004

When returning from a business trip, I received a telephone call from my best friend at the airport. She had just experienced a breakup and was crying uncontrollably. Dragging my luggage, I met up with her for drinks.

It’s often said that a long-lasting relationship is an anomalous phenomenon; it’s akin to a treasure that descended from heaven, and is simply extravagant to hope that it’s like the distribution of lunch boxes at lunch time in that the moment lunchtime arrives, everybody will manage to get one set.

On returning home, I felt particularly melancholic, and hugged Mr. F tightly. “My luck has always been rather bad; the only lucky thing that happened in my entire life is my meeting you, so I’m extremely grateful for our relationship. Having grown so old, the one and only thing that I have relentlessly persevered in is loving you.”

He replied, “Yup, I’m touched you think this way.” He paused, “But don’t think that just because you said this I’ll forgive you for returning home at 3AM in the morning.”

He glared sternly at me, and headed to the kitchen to brew a cup of honey for me to help me neutralize my alcoholic drinks.

005

I am a chatterbox, and I often ramble relentlessly to his ears. One day, I asked him rather abruptly, “Do you feel that I’m extremely long-winded?”

He was driving then, with his eyes glued to the road ahead. He replied me expressionlessly, “Yeah, pretty long-winded.”

I was slightly unhappy – so he has been feeling annoyed by me all this while.

He broke into a smile, and said, “I have to listen to your long-winded speeches my whole life anyway. It’s fine since I’m used to it.”

006

We were high school classmates. When he was studying, he was exactly like how he is now – although he appeared to be extremely cool on the surface with a poisonous tongue, he had an extremely good heart within. Subsequently, because of various incidents, coupled with our immaturity at that point in time, we severed our friendship.

He went to England to study, and we lost contact for many years. During one of our class reunion dinners, someone mentioned that he had previously dialed Mr. F’s old number by accident and surprisingly, the call actually managed to connect. It was then that I realized that Mr. F had kept his original number all these years.

“But isn’t it very inconvenient for him, since he is staying overseas?”

Nobody could understand why Mr. F chose to retain his original number, but the final conclusion we reached was that the mind of a great genius is not something we mere mortals can possibly understand.

Not long afterward, Mr. F’s birthday arrived. I mustered sufficient courage to send him a text message, hugging my phone throughout the night. But there was no reply. On the second day, he finally replied, with a very distant and courteous phrase – “Thank you.”

When he subsequently returned to China, I brought a body solely filled with courage and travelled to Beijing to look for him. There, we made up and decided to be together. One day, whilst rifling through his bookshelf, I found the Nokia N97 that he used in the past. I turned it on – the call history and messages were all deleted, and only the draft folder for text messages had anything left. Out of curiosity, I clicked it. There were more than ten draft messages inside the folder.

Today, I met a girl at ASDA who looked like you.

Paul came out with a new album, and it feels like you’re sitting right next to me when I listen to his songs.

The weather has grown colder in Changsha, so remember to keep warm and wear more clothes.

I forgive you, so please give me a call.

…

The final message was: I really miss you.

The time of the message was his birthday.