I Fell For My Nemesis

Keith was fairly certain he was going to lose his mind sooner or later. His relationship—if you could call it that—with Joss wasn't getting anywhere. 

He knew it was largely his fault. He was afraid to rock the boat. She had been having such a hard time with her recovery and he didn't want to make things more difficult for her. Especially since she was less sure of her feelings than he had been at the start of all this. 

He tried not to care about that; he really did! But it had always been impossible to know what was going on in that woman's head unless she said something specifically. Her emotions didn't show on her face very often but it was more common than it used to be. He was gratified that at least he could make her blush somewhat regularly now. 

She was starting to become slightly more opinionated but still didn't always say when she liked or didn't like something. He had noticed she was starting to like certain colors better than others after she painted all of those stars.

Joss tried to keep the number of each color about the same but whenever she did have uneven numbers she would pick either teal or hot pink to make up the difference. The natural thing to do was get her a teal blouse for Christmas. She could use more color in her wardrobe. 

That blouse became her most frequently worn and Keith couldn't tell if it was because of the color, the fact that he gave it to her, or both. She mentioned off-handedly that she had never gotten a present before.

How was that possible? Even he had gotten presents before when he was in foster care. What kind of cold environment had she grown up in that she had never gotten any? 

Though it would explain why she was the way she was. She said she had to stay quiet and unnoticed to survive before without giving any details. If she went unnoticed of course she wouldn't get presents. But what kind of jacked up parents would do such a thing? Why hadn't social services gotten involved? 

Keith was angry on her behalf. Joss didn't deserve that. 

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He was determined that once he was in a better place financially that he was going to buy her all sorts of presents. She would never have to deal with that sort of thing again. 

She was a lot more fragile than she seemed. He knew she was an incredibly capable person both as a hero and in her career but when it came to managing her emotions properly she was rather inexperienced. He didn't want to take advantage of that while she was still figuring things out, which was part of why he was about to lose his mind. 

Keith had been so taken aback the first time she kissed him because all that time he had thought she was putting up with him doing it rather than actually enjoying it or desiring any form of reciprocation. She was so nonchalant about it too! As if she hadn't even realized what she had or hadn't been doing. 

What did that mean? Did Joss like him kissing her or was she just trying to copy what he did? 

She didn't rely on him more than she absolutely had to. She let him kiss her or hug her or help her do things like get onto her mattress because of her leg but never initiated touching him unless it was in a teasing way before then. She occasionally poked him or something when he was being self-deprecating but that had been about the extent of it. 

Keith didn't know what she truly thought of him beyond being her most important person and he was too afraid to ask. He couldn't very well ask if she found him attractive and would be willing to do more now that she was feeling better point blank. 

If he did that he would probably die of embarrassment. So he kept his thoughts to himself and tried to focus on enjoying his time with her. 

He needed to give her time since she had never considered being in a romantic relationship before she was afraid to lose him. Sometimes he wondered if the only reason she put up with it was because she would rather have him in any capacity than not at all and this was how she was able to do it. 

That wasn't a very comforting thought. He didn't want her to feel forced to be his girlfriend, which was a large part of why their relationship hadn't progressed at all in the months since he found out she was Frostine. 

Keith had said that he didn't mind that Joss needed to figure things out as long as he could still be around her and at the time he meant it. The problem was that now it didn't feel like enough. 

He had spent most of his adult life not knowing what he wanted. He only developed goals for himself at all less than a year ago. 

Those hadn't included anyone else because he was used to being on his own. He had wanted to get his own place where he could live life on his terms without any roommates giving him a hard time and have a career he could fall back on when he couldn't be a hero anymore. 

As far as goals went, they hadn't been much but they were still more than he ever had before. Now his goals had changed to include Joss. 

Keith wasn't sure when it happened exactly. But he had the thought one day that it would be nice to watch TV together on a real couch where he could hold her more easily. It was difficult to reserve the TV in the living room at his place because of how many people lived there so he wasn't sure he wanted to do that even once she was more mobile. 

After that he started thinking about both of them getting more kitchen utensils and learning to cook together so they didn't have to utilize as much takeout. Having her origami or paintings decorating his apartment. Going on trips outside of New York City. 

Before he knew it he had started planning out his whole life as if she would always be in it. Which was a horrible idea because he didn't know how invested she was in all of this. 

Joss had said he was better-looking than Mercury but he was fairly certain she was just messing around to make him feel better when he got insecure. He hadn't realized they were still in contact until she said something. 

They hadn't been friends as heroes the way Delta and Frostine had. It wasn't fair that Mercury found out who she was first!

Keith could reluctantly acknowledge that Mercury didn't have things as easy as he used to think once he found out about the situation with his wife being his nemesis. But that didn't change the fact that he felt like he had always been second fiddle to the man. 

He thought he had gotten over that once Frostine told him he only needed to be himself because he was plenty likable on his own but it reared its ugly head again when he found out that she was still in contact with him. He was jealous. 

A good chunk of his life he had been jealous. Of the people whose families were normal.  Of stability. Of popularity. But nothing made him quite as jealous as the thought of Joss being interested in someone else. 

Her reassurance made him feel slightly better but he was still worried and it got him wondering more and more what her true feelings for him were. At this point he was fairly certain he loved her and the thought terrified him. The last people he loved—his parents—had let him down horribly and ultimately left him. 

Keith had known for a long time that he couldn't afford to lose Joss but that only got worse the more time he spent with her. He didn't know what he would do without her. 

The very thought of losing her filled him with panic so he couldn't help but wrap his arm around her waist and pull her closer to him as they stood in front of the giraffe exhibit. She looked up at him and smiled before turning back toward the informational plaque she had been reading. 

He needed to pull himself together. Joss wasn't going anywhere, especially not in favor of Mercury. 

She was here with him, having a good time by the look of it, and he should be doing the same. He was fine. Everything was fine. She might not be his in any official capacity but she had still chosen to stick around this long, hadn't she?

Keith needed to work on his insecurity if he was going to commit to any sort of real relationship. Provided that was even what she wanted.. Not knowing that for sure was the most frustrating thing of all.