I, Your Father, Carry a Big Stick

Chapter 37: I, Your Father, am a bit of a Bully

“Hmm..?”

Though his senses were obscured by the cave wall and encompassing mountain, Wu perked up when he sensed three decently sized Chakra signatures within his range.

Noticing Wu’s reaction, Tayuya ceased eating to ask, “What is it?” She was also a decent Sensor, but her detection abilities relied on a form of echolocation. It helped her target enemies while playing her flute, but it was nowhere near the level of Wu.

Rising to his feet, Wu said, “Finish your breakfast. I’m gonna go out and say hello to our guests.”

Furrowing her brows even further than usual, Tayuya attempted to say, “I’ll go with-” before Wu interrupted her, his expression serious and his tone firm as he said, “I don’t babysit people. If you want to follow after me and observe from a distance, feel free. Just stay at least 2km away. I can’t guarantee you won’t get caught up in my attacks if you’re any closer than that…”

Without waiting for Tayuya’s answer, Wu raced out of the cave. He could sense that one of his opponents was also a Sensor, so he wanted to head them off before they could discover the location of his base…

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Shortly after Wu departed his hidden base, the blonde bombshell leading the search team made a stopping gesture, her voice deep yet calm as she ordered, “Karui, Omoi, swords out. One of our targets is fast approaching, distance-”

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Before the woman could finish speaking, a teasing voice sounded behind her, tickling her ear as it appended, “Zero meters…”

Though the pupils of her sky blue eyes shrank to the size of pinholes, the bob-haired blonde managed to channel lightning-infused Chakra through her body, drastically increasing her speed and reaction time as she turned around, slicing the afterimage of Wu with her tanto.

(“He’s fast…!”)

Looking around and seeing no hide nor hair of her opponent, a bead of sweat formed on the woman’s brow as she shouted, “Triangle formation!” before leaping back to join her much younger charges.

As neither of them had seen Wu, the red-headed girl, wielding a lengthy katana, asked, “What’s going on, Samui-sensei…!?” while looking around, the pupils of her eagle-like eyes rapidly expanding and contracting as she focused on various objects in her surroundings.

Instead of answering Karui’s question, Samui focused her senses to their absolute limits, determined to sus out the location of Wu. If she knew that the person she was looking for was currently perched atop her shoulder with a pensive expression on his face, a fresh layer of goosebumps would replace those already covering her body.

While resisting the temptation to slide down into the woman’s abundant cleavage, Wu internally mused, (“So this is the standard of a Kumo Jonin and Genin…not the worst, but far from the best…”)

With several seconds passing without incident, Samui softly whispered, “The enemy appeared behind me for a split second before disappearing. We should assume they specialize in silent assassination, so stay on your toes and watch each other’s backs…”

Hearing their Jonin-sensei’s words, the redhead’s body tensed while the white-haired youth outright shivered, muttering, “An enemy that not even Samui-sensei can sense…is this penance for putting butter in my cereal? Or is it-”

Though she would ordinarily humor her young protege’s penchant for babbling when he was nervous, Samui’s tone hardened as she hissed, “Omoi! Stay focused…!”

Before the quibbling youth could respond, Wu sent shivers down Samui’s spine as he said, “It won’t help. The fact I’ve been able to sit here for so long should tell you how screwed you are. The real question is, how badly should I beat you…?”

While Samui was unable to see Wu’s location due to being just above her collarbone, Karui quickly spotted him with her incredible vision, shouting, “He…he’s on your shirt!?” before promptly appending, “How the hell is he so tiny!?”

As if she were swatting a mosquito, Samui used her lightning-fast reflexes to smack the location Karui was looking. However, while she was able to land a direct hit, Wu’s durability remained unchanged, even in his smallest form. Samui had also held back to avoid injuring herself, so he was utterly unscathed when she tentatively raised her hand to check.

Raising his own, Wu offered a friendly “Yo.” before remarking, “You should know that it’s my policy to return violence with violence. You can’t change the fact that you’re going to suffer a beating, but the intensity depends on your actions. But don’t worry. Even if I spank your ass until you can’t walk, I won’t kill you.”

Though her first instinct was to smack Wu many, many more times, Samui suppressed the urge, asking, “Who are you? Why are you sneaking around the outskirts of Kumo…?”

Making himself comfortable on Samui’s shoulder, Wu replied, “Does it look like I’m sneaking around? If I wanted, I could infiltrate Kumo and sit in the Raikage’s chair without anyone noticing. Right now, I’m just pissing about and having a bit of fun…”

Punctuating his words, several other Wu’s appeared around Samui and her group in an instant, one even popping up between them to shove the two Genin away. They did their best to keep their footing but soon found themselves face-planting into the ground as the Wu’s on their backs grew to their full size.

“Omoi! Karui…!”

Before she could go to the duo’s aid, the trio of Wu’s surrounding Samui began poking at her with the tips of their staves. She was faster than him in terms of speed and reaction time, but the near-perfect coordination of his clones was enough to leave even Hiruzen feeling helpless. The force behind his thrusts was also reinforced by 8,000kgs of weight, so Karui’s attempts to block ultimately resulted in her being knocked back and forth like a pinball. When she tried to jump up to escape the encirclement, one of the clones he had waiting on her foot manifested itself, grabbing her by the ankle and slamming her to the ground.

Believing that kindness toward one’s enemies was cruelty to oneself and allies, the ten clones surrounding Samui prevented her from bouncing back to her feet. Whenever she would try, they would intercept her with a lattice formed from their staves before ultimately pinning her neck, wrists, and ankles with two each. Omoi and Karui didn’t fare much better, but as they were around his age, Wu just pushed them around for a bit until they stopped resisting.

Plopping down in front of where Samui was pinned, Wu sat cross-legged and asked, “Does it hurt? I mean, lying on your chest like that can’t feel too comfortable…”

Despite the numerous bruises covering her body, Samui’s eyes were as sharp as daggers as she glared at Wu and asked, “What do you want? If you-”

Before Samui could finish speaking, one of the Wu’s placed the tip of his staff on her spine, forcing the air out of her lungs as it slowly slipped out of his grasp. At the same time, the original narrowed his eyes and said, “It isn’t polite to answer one question with another…”

As the weight on her spine increased, the pained groan Samui was stifling became an anguished scream. She felt like her spine was about to snap in two, but the clone eased off just as she screamed.

Just as Wu was about to ask a different question, Samui, panting with one eye closed, groaned, “Just…kill me…! I’ll never betray my village…!”

Tilting his head to the side, Wu asked, “Are you an idiot? I don’t recall ever asking you to betray your village. As I said before, I’m just pissing around and having fun. This little display of mine is to prevent you from believing you have ‘any’ right to question or detain me. Understood?”

To demonstrate his point, Wu waved away his clones, adding, “Let’s give our new friend here some breathing room. Oh, and heal up the brats while you’re at it.”

While his clones went off to carry out his orders, Wu returned his gaze to Samui, brows raising as he asked, “Do you enjoy being pressed down that much? You look confused and disappointed…”

Furrowing her brows, Samui propped herself and attempted to rise to her feet. Before she could, Wu asked, “Did I say you can stand? Take a seat. I might not ask you to divulge your village’s secrets, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a chat.”

Though she narrowed her eyes, Samui did as instructed, sitting in seiza despite having nothing to protect her knees from the abrasive, ice-cold stone. She had spent her entire life in the Land of Lightning, so she was fairly used to the pervasive chill that permeated the whole region.

After nodding his head in approval, Wu surprised Samui by ‘revealing,’ “My name’s Dadi, Saiko Dadi. You may address me as Dadi-sama, Lord Dadi, or Dadi, the Magnanimous. And you are…?”

Since there was a good chance Wu had heard her speaking to Karui and Omoi, Samui honestly replied, “Samui…just Samui…”

Nodding his head, Wu mused, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Just Samui. However, considering I just wiped the floor with you and your little Tag Team, I would appreciate it if you addressed me formally. You wouldn’t want me to think you’re disrespecting me, right~?”

“…”

Though she wanted to say that Wu had done nothing to deserve her respect, Samui begrudgingly replied, “Please allow me to express my sincerest apologies…Dadi-sama…”

Narrowing his eyes in amusement, Wu made Samui think he was about to try and pry information from her. Instead, he promptly rose to his feet and dusted himself off, saying, “Well, see you around, Samui-chan. When you return to Kumogakure, notify the Alphabetical Ape that I’ll probably be in the area for a couple of days. He’s welcome to send people after me, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be as nice as I was today.”

Finished with what he had to say, Wu walked past the stunned Samui with his guard down. Luckily for her, she did not attempt to attack him as an additional seventeen hair clones were loitering around within her clothes. If she ‘had’ struck, not only would she have found her face firmly planted in the dirt, she would have been forced to walk home naked…

As that thought crossed his mind, Wu internally mused (“Maybe that’s what I’ll do to the next group~?”) before disappearing from the stupefied blonde’s senses…

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Witnessing how effortlessly Wu had played the group from Kumo, Tayuya found herself at a loss for words. She knew he was strong, but seeing dozens of clones blink in and out of existence, effortlessly overwhelming his opponents, she didn’t know what to think. It was just so-

Eliciting a surprisingly girly yelp from the usually aggressive tomato, Wu placed his hand firmly on Tayuya’s shoulder, teasing, “Enjoying the view?” before backstepping her attempt to turn around and kick him in the chin.

After seeing that it was Wu who surprised her, Tayuya’s surprised look morphed into a glower as she growled, “Don’t sneak up on me like that…!”

Tilting his head to the side, Wu asked, “How ‘should’ I sneak up on you then? Because, after hearing that little yelp of yours, I’m definitely going to keep doing it…”

Going red in the face, Tayuya attempted to punch Wu, surprising herself as the hit actually landed. Immediately afterward, however, she regretted her actions as an intense pain radiated through her hand and wrist.

Wincing in pain, Tayuya angrily hissed, “What the fuck is your face made from!?”

Tilting his head to the opposite side, Wu replied, “Pure, unadulterated badass? Either way, you probably shouldn’t try to strike me in the future. While I find your little outbursts cute, it gets annoying ‘having’ to dodge just to avoid injuring you. Now, give me your hand…”

Without waiting for Tayuya’s response, Wu grabbed her hand and began healing it. Her first instinct was to tear it away, but upon realizing what he was doing, she clenched her teeth and bore it. When he was finished, however, she immediately shoved him, saying, “Don’t fucking touch me…” before storming off toward their little love ne—cave.

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