I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

Chapter 323 – Lament (Part Two)

Darkness. 

It was so dark. 

I couldn't feel anything- no, I didn't want to feel anything. Never again. 

They died.

Because of me.

Everyone.

Everyone.

Everyone.

I couldn't see anything- it was too dark. 

Even so- I could see the faces of the dead… their grief… their anguish…

There was a white place in the middle of this darkness- a place I knew. I'd been there before. 

I'd been here before. 

I wanted to go there- I wanted to get away from this darkness. 

But my feet didn't move. My body didn't move. 

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I just didn't want to move. 

I wanted to be here.

I wanted to stay here. 

I wanted to just fade.

Perhaps I wanted… death…

***

Drip.

Drip! Drip!

Something was coming this way. Something big. Something dark. 

Something terrible. 

I'd seen it before. 

I'd feared it before. 

I'd avoided it before. 

But now, did it really matter?

It stopped just in front of me. A husk of darkness. "Weak." It spoke. 

The voice- almost like mine. 

Perhaps it was me. A part of me. 

But now it didn't matter. 

Now nothing mattered. 

Everything was over. 

Everything. 

In the end, I was just a coward. 

"WEAK!" It roared. 

I didn't look up. 

I just stared at the darkness below. 

It grabbed me by the neck, gradually pulling me up. 

It stared at me, I, at it. 

"You are weak," said the flowing liquid darkness. 

"I- I am aware." I didn't want to talk. I didn't even want to feel. 

I just didn't want to be. 

"You let them die."

I wanted to grimace- I wanted to scream. I wanted to- but I didn't. After all- it was meaningless now. "I did."

"And yet, you're sitting here, pretending. While he goes about cleaning your mess?"

"Cleaning my mess" I wanted to snort. I really did. "He always wanted that body, did he not? He was always there- always trying his best to seize the moment. So now that I gave him my body, you think he's just cleaning up my mess?" My voice remained feeble but levelheaded. I felt a bit warmer. Something was happening. 

"You were always the ignorant one." It paused. "We are one. Yet, you refused to acknowledge us. Even when we tried to coexist. You denied us." The darkness moved its head about. The motions were inorganic and definitely not human. 

"You killed grandfather!"

"No, you killed him." The liquid darkness raised its massive arms. 

The white room in the middle flowed this way. 

And white streaks of screens- memories flooded. 

Memories of that day. 

That fateful day when it all went wrong. 

"What are you- talk-" My body again went cold. I was remembering. 

All those events. 

How it started. 

How it went wrong. 

And how- I almost killed his own grandfather. 

'It was me?'

"If it weren't for Hyora he'd have died right then and there. If it weren't for Hyora you too would have died. And if it weren't for Hyora the world would have been destroyed. She was evil and your enemy but she never once tried to kill you. She only wanted to be loved…And you killed her-your benefactor due to family squabbles."

"The hell are you saying?" I refused to believe it. 

These images- these memories had to be fake!

How could I do all that on my own? Wasn't the Kin side- this damn monster of darkness responsible?

Then why was I normal in the memories? Why was I intentionally destroying- killing? Why?

Why?

'And the hell are those patterns over my body?'

It just stood there. "YOU!" The liquid darkness let me go and pointed at my head. "You were mutating. And that mutation was a very rare one. No one could have ever imagined something like that happening. And you were far, far too strong and that power was uncontrollable…We, the shadow, and I were born shortly after Hyora divided your soul for the sole reason of controlling your power- for you. If it weren't for her, the world and you would be dead. And though I'd been cursed and stuck here for the whole time because of her, I still bear respect for that woman. You didn't hesitate to kill her in the pretense of what happened in the past, but when you let your family get killed, now you lose focus and become a nobody? Didn't you claim you didn't live in the past?" he let out an exhaust. "I pity you; you damn hypocrite."

The words felt like knives…

My hands shook. I fell on my knees. "The hell are these memories…." Tears threatened to leak but I glared forward. "Then why didn't you tell me before? Why'd you asked me to kill you? Why didn't you!"

"The seals made it irrelevant. And though I can remain sane at this moment, once I'm free, I will not be able to maintain my conscience. I'd destroy everything. Hence it was better for me to be sealed. But the shadow is different. He'd requested a thousand times but you never listened. In the end, he chose to snatch your body from you. But when he realized, you were changing, you were becoming a better man and perhaps you'd accept us- he decided to stop his plans and watch over you for the time being. And yet, you- you let everything go wrong. You-" The liquid darkness pressed on his chest. "Are weak. And now everyone will pay for your weakness." But- it pressed on my chest. "You are me. We are you. It's time you stand up. It's time you change… it's time for you to accept reality and move on. For your mother, your sister, your unborn child, your grandmothers, and the rest of your family and friends. You have to STAND UP!"

And I knew that. I did stand up but all those fancy things were just words… at the end of the day, I was just a hypocrite and I was just a coward. But I did want to save my family and-

And wait- "Grandmothers? I have more?" Tears started to leak. 

Both of my grandmothers were dead. 

"Well-" the liquid darkness kind of looked away. "Enira might or might have been the sister of your late grandmother and she has another sister. So… yeah-" He was flustered. 

'This damn thing's is me, isn't it?' And it was just as awkward as me. 

Wait, did it- no, he just say Enira is my grandmother?

"What in the actual fuck?" I started chuckling- the tears started streaming.