Isekai’d Shoggoth

Chapter 24: Pizza Party (And One Worried Squire)

Setting myself firmly into the chair in my room, I spin a bunch of eyespiders and direct them to Ambercrombe's office to determine the extent of damage and run some mitigation if needed. Much to my relief, he is not engaged in self-mutilation. However, it has to be said, he makes a very concerned go at self-inebriation, because that's two empty bottles of brandy, and he is chugging the third one without even bothering with glass. Hitting him with a low-level scan to ensure he's not going to die from alcohol poisoning (or any other exposure issues), I notice something amusing. Dean is apparently made of sterner stuff than his tapeworm, because I seem to have had outright killed his parasite with fear. It tracks as missing its nerve ganglion, which is replaced with a bit of soot. Which, in turn, likely means the dean is going to have a nasty surprise next time he visits chamberpot. Yeah, well. Let's call it "vengeance well served with consolation prize". I imagine he would like to actually stop feeling hungry all the damn time.

Tossing the dean out of mind, I stretch out languidly. Technically speaking, there's dinner, but I honestly don't feel like showing up. Hardlock will be there expecting apologies that he won't be getting, and I'll have to smack him down again, and... yeah, just... no. Fuck him. I have no doubt he is spreading around the "she will be expelled, mark my words", though, so I send out Bridgit to find and invite Moon Unit and Selene for a close-quarters dinner. While I myself busy with making the dinner nice. I, ah, take flagrant advantage of my inherent production advantages to create a decent try at pizza. I only have two varieties of cheese, though, and one of them is something brined that does not melt when heated, so that part has to be simple by necessity. On the other hand, there are four different versions of tomatoes, a bunch of bellpeppers and all the greens I could possibly shake my fist at. Even some sort of mushrooms that should go pretty well lightly fried over in slices. Ham will round out the presentation.

Girls walk in just as I'm unlocking the conjured "oven". Really, it's just a pair of pans that I stack one over the other and hit with fire magic to maintain a baking temperature. Selene sniffs the air, her eyes turning to the pan - "...If that's what I think it is..." She trails off and swallows visibly. Goodness, Selene, don't drool on my floor.

I stand up, hugging Bridgit and Moon Unit together and kissing their cheeks. "Greetings, everyone. I had an annoying conversation with the dean about the Peacock, so... yeah, not feeling up to showing up in dining hall right now." - I offer, as I let them go and everyone settles themselves at the table, waiting for me to pull the pizza out - "No need to worry, though. I'm fine, dean had understood the problem after some discussion, so I expect Peacock to be let go shortly, if not outright arrested. Though probably not until tomorrow, I have a hunch dean intended to get drunk after the conversation. Whatever Peacock is saying is his fancies, I'm neither expelled nor offering him any apologies whatsoever. If he feels slighted, he is entirely free to challenge me to a duel over it."

Selene and Moon Unit snicker at that. Bridgit just sighs and shakes her head. "Mistress..." - she chides - "Try not to drive any of the other professors to drink or humiliation, or you might have to teach the classes yourself."

Moon Unit pipes up - "Well, I for one wouldn't be missing that particular cur. He had all but told our class that our best option is to, and I quote 'avoiding quarrels with people of nobility, lest they crush you effortlessly'."

"Yeah! One'd think we didn't pay the jackass exactly for teaching us how not to let that happen." - Selene pipes in - "Good riddance to useless trash, I say! Now, onto more important things. Alyssa, is that pizza in the pan?"

I carefully decant the well-baked pizza onto the conjured china platter. Two pairs of eyes stare at it, while the third closes as their owner lets out a belly growl that would make a bear cautious. Conjuring a disk part of a pizza cutter, I use minor telekinesis to slice pizza up and distribute a slice to everyone. Selene grabs it and immediately starts eating it, much to the shocked confusion of Moon Unit and Bridgit.

"Lady Selene, wait! We DO have cutlery here..." - Bridgit begins, hopping to her feet only for Selene to stop her.

"MMf, nhah, huppst tho eaf laiseees." - she announces, blushes and turns aside to swallow - "Sorry. I mean, you're supposed to eat this with hands."

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Bridgit is dubious, but Moon Unit is feeling more adventurous and grabs the pizza by the crust edge, copying Selene. She bites off the tip, and starts chewing on it, only to slow down and try to inhale more air. "Ow, hof hof hof!" - she yelps, as she struggles with overly hot molten cheese. I pass a glass of plum juice to her and she gratefully chugs it. "Ahh. Better. This is a very strange kind of food, it keeps the heat inside it!" - she offers - "Bridgit, eat it carefully."

My maid is hesitant to try, and ends up barely starting on her first slice by the time Selene is already working through her third. Thankfully, I baked a big one, and after finishing the third slice, she leans back with a sated sigh. "You know." - she offers conversationally, sipping the juice - "I'm somewhat tempted to leave Ed be and apply for a position on your harem instead." She grins at the expressions and raises her hand - "Kidding, kidding. But seriously enough, thank you. This is another thing I didn't know I was missing until I had it."

Moon Unit is slowly working her way through the second slice. "Thish ish very filling." - she offers between bites - "There's some sort of bread on the bottom, and the top has... actually everything I think. This is very convenient."

"It is, isn't it?" - I agree, nibbling on a slice of my own - "This is called pizza. A little something something I dreamt about last night. Though a fair warning - eating this too often will make you fat."

Selene shakes her head - "Where did you even find an oven...." She trails off as I show her the "conjure pans" - "stack them face to face" - "heat them" in quick sequence. "Good grief. There's cheating, there's blatant cheating, and then there's you. How did it go, hm?" She takes more than a few tries to conjure metal, but eventually manages to create a dish-sized oven. Bridgit is at first standoffish, but then takes interest in Selene's experiments and starts giving her advice. Meanwhile, I take advantage of them being busy by pulling Moon Unit on my lap and tickling her gently.

Eventually, Selene and Bridgit proudly present the pancake they managed to bake with the newly learned spells. Well, they start proudly presenting. Then they clear their throats and look awkwardly asides, because tickling had switched to making out while they were putzing with dough. We spend the time fooling around, trying (and inventing) simple spells and fixing up homework. Eventually, it's late enough that both Selene and Moon Unit bow out and return to their respective rooms. I'm... a little bit miffed Moon Unit didn't just stay over. Actually, I need to work on that problem. She's still on the bottom floor, and I have one room empty next to mine. I just need one last piece of the puzzle to fall into place.

As Bridgit puts away what wasn't conjured on the fly, which is remarkably little, I reach out and grab her by the waist as she passes by, pulling her on my lap. "...Miiistresss..." - she whines as I kiss her possessively - "I need to finish cleaning..." I push out a couple tentacles in lieu of an answer, sorting the remaining few items as I lift Bridgit up in bridal carry and stroll to the bedroom. "Mine." - I whisper in her ear as I start on her dress, untying the bindings and undoing the buttons. She shudders and moans, rubbing against me, agreeing - "All yours, mistress..."

___

I need to make it a habit to sleep with someone at least every other day. My irritation and tiredness are pleasantly alleviated overnight, as I slow down everything other than just perceiving Bridgit cuddling against me. She is feeling more confident about sex now, and occasionally, even shows initiative in that. I try my best to encourage her. I can feel her waking as I trail the tip of my tongue along her neck, kissing her good morning at the end of it. "Mistress." - she offers muzzily - "Not out of bed yet and already spoiling me?" She chuckles and stretches, her breasts rubbing against my side as she does - "I must be the most pampered maid anyone ever had."

I am about to answer, when peace and quiet is shattered by a hoarse scream of terror from the professoratorium. I guess Ambercrombe finally visited chamberpot and met his tenant. I wonder what will come out of it. Bridgit jerks up, but I don't let her jump off the bed, instead stroking her back softly. "Shh, it's nothing that concerns us." - I murmur to her. Still, I need to get up soon and attend the classes. The next day, however, is a holiday, and I already have plans involving Moon Unit, Bridgit, an oversized picnic basket and a nice spot on top of the academy roof that I built a lightweight gazebo on. Amusingly enough, there is plenty of evidence that roofs are constantly and consistently used by more crafty students as getaways, as I have found a number of stools, tarps, baskets and assorted flim-flam obviously recently used to establish basic comforts. I don't think anyone else went so far as I did, because my gazebo is the first structure on the roof.

Things proceed without a hitch. There is a big commotion at Professoratorium around midday, and the rumors that immediately spread suggest that both Ambercrombe and Hardlock are not on the premises anymore, rather involuntarily on the second's part. I wonder where dean went though, and why. Then again, he's been having shocks non-stop since yesterday, I can't blame him for wanting some time away from the Academy to sort himself out. Hardlock is actually not arrested, much to my chagrin, simply forcibly escorted out of premises. Rumor says he got... belligerent when Ambercrombe asked him to explain how did he end up losing.

And now, it's dinner. Aaand... here comes Alistair. Wonder what he wants.

"Good day to you, lady Gillespie." - he offers gallantly, bending to kiss my hand. Heh. Good old Al. Gentleman to the core.

"Good day to you too, sir McGregor." - I tell him - "Something on your mind? You usually dine with prince Edward."

Alistair winces - "I, uh... We had a disagreement. He keeps insisting that interacting with you in any manner is hazardous. Frankly speaking, I'm worried at this point. I could ascribe his earlier actions simply to being misinformed and disliking the arrangement, but he is being... strange lately."

"Ah. So you noticed too. Lady Selene had expressed similar concerns yesterday." - I tell him, and his eyebrow twitches.

"That... was the source of disagreement." - he admits slowly - "Edward reacted... badly when Selene explained she had spent an evening with you. He is currently refusing to see me or her and... I'm very much worried. Lady Gillespie, I know this is not supposed to be widely known, but you DO have a direct copperphone to the king, right? Edward had locked himself in with his own and... I'm at my wit's end. I sent the letter to the king with a runner lately and Edward somehow managed to intercept him and take the letter away. I fear he would attempt to run if I am not here..."

I put the phone on the table between me and him - "Here. Go call his dad. I think it's high time for things to be sorted out for good."

___

Funny thing, but this is the first time I'm ever in Moon Unit's room in person. It is... much smaller than mine. I think that by now we had firmly established my claim on Moon Unit among the school populace... Not that it stopped several particularly foolhardy fellows from trying to offer "better terms". One of the baron sons got very huffy when Moon Unit laughed in his face. And by huffy I mean "tried to hit my waifu". I broke his arm. In dean's absence, the task of dealing with this situation fell on his aide, a very no-nonsense dame by the name of Apricotte. She sat all of us down, listened to each of us telling their side, smacked baron's crotchberry with a fan once he tried talking over me or Moon Unit describing the events as we saw them, and came to Solomon's decision - this is a matter between families. And if, for some inane reason, a son of a baron thinks he has enough oomph to go against the daughter of a count, he is by all means welcome to try. He tried to blather about being "baselessly injured". Dame Apricotte offered him to wait until he's healed then challenge me to a duel over that. He... went kind of silent and muttering after that.

"I'm so sorry." - she mutters - "I just... the very idea of 'better terms' is so hilarious."

I pat her back. Due to lack of space, I'm sitting on her bed, and she is sitting on my lap. Which suits me just fine. "You know, I have a plan." - I offer to her - "Did you know that your affinity with light magic is no less than what Selene can boast? And she got a title out of it. I talked this over with her and prelate and they both agree you're well up there. And then again, you healed a woman from a heart attack by your own in the beginning of the week. This is more than sufficient for your own title."

She nods thoughtfully. "But... I don't think having a title will really discourage them. I mean, some are trying to talk up Selene, and she's pretty much known as Edward's favorite right now." - she complains.

"By itself, no. But with title on you, and your affiliation to my house, I have sufficient reason to get the dean to approve you moving into a room next to mine. It's empty anyway, and as a title bearer and associate of a count's household, you are entitled to better accommodations than this." - I offer - "I believe having me next door will be more effective deterrent to any overly insisting nobles then title alone."

She wrinkles her nose. "Alright. I'm... dubious about this, but if you think it will work out best..."

I keep rubbing her back slowly - "A lot more options will open themselves to you if you have a title. Merchants offer the stock they don't put on display. Inns unlock rooms they don't rent out to commoners. Craftsmen do your orders first... So on and so on. Plenty of benefits to having a title. I know it seems somewhat unfair, but you're not getting it because you lucked out to be born in a specific family. You're getting it because you have a useful ability that you put to good work bettering the society. Your title and the benefits you'll enjoy with it are WELL and TRULY earned in your case, believe me."