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Report on Methods of Using the Absurd

The existence known as Objective Alice can freely distort any of the parameters based in normal physical laws. In a way, she is a symbol of calamity, and in a different way, she is a symbol of fortune and success.

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Think of her as something like the philosopher’s stone whispered of in the Middle Ages.

Not only can she transform lead into pure gold, but she can change high density nuclear waste into safe platinum.

She is an existence that infinitely takes in any and all laws and then twists and distorts them.

She is also referred to as the “guide”, but her true essence may be closer to something like a black hole to the core structures of this world.

When researching means of applying Objective Alice, great care must be taken to construct safety measures to prevent oneself from being sucked into the countless absurd stories that develop around her.

To be blunt, there is no definite method of doing this.

Objective Alice is defined as an existence that distorts any definite rules, so even if you construct a definite method, that very truth may alter Objective Alice’s existence and provide an update that eliminates that weakness.

We will prepare a number of the absurd stories Objective Alice is meant to scatter. That will guide her to a designated location. That is likely the most important point in this emulation project.

If we are accepted into Objective Alice, we will become the rulers of the entire world. However, if she rejects us and the absurd bares its fangs, we will likely disappear from history. We will be like a side character eliminated in the changes made to history with a time machine.

The result of the formulas we used shows that our methods must be quite cruel, so we simply must hope that Objective Alice is not a reasonable enough existence to feel honest anger upon seeing this sort of violence.

Now then...

Will we receive fortune or misfortune? The time to test ourselves has arrived.