Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 35 – Don’t Force Yourself

It’s too… bright.

…

Keeping my eyes closed, I reached for my tail to cover my eyes but couldn’t find it anywhere. I could still feel it attached to me, so it definitely hadn’t disappeared, though I couldn’t move it around very much.

…

Reluctantly, I forced my eyelids open to figure out what was going on.

Where… is it?…

…

I tried to turn around, but something was stopping me, holding me in place. Looking down, there were two muscular arms coated in many small scratches along with streaks of dried blood that were gently wrapped around my waist. Tight enough to hold me upright but not so much that it was uncomfortable.

Immediately, the memory of what had just happened flooded my mind, waking me up fully.

…

I… I did it… I really did it.

…

Right?

Following the arms up, I saw Raynelle’s head softly bobbing up and down just above me. She was fast asleep, yet somehow still holding me in her lap. Ava was also asleep, although she was leaning up against Raynelle’s shoulder with her wings twitching every so often.

I squeezed my way out of her arms by slowly sliding my body upward, being very careful not to wake either of them up. Unfortunately, as soon as I freed my waist, I lost my balance and rolled forward onto the floor, inevitably brushing my tail up against Raynelle’s face. While still sprawled out across the floor, I looked up at her to check if I had disturbed her at all.

…

Still asleep.

Right as I let out a sigh of relief, Umbra crawled out of my shadow before walking up and licking my cheek.

…

“Okay, I understand,” I scooped Umbra up before lifting my body off the floor, “And… thank you.”

“*Yip*” They responded sharply before nuzzling into my elbow, sending a small chill straight through my arm.

…

It’s… just not the same…

…

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It hadn’t even been a day since I had last seen Ovia, but I already wanted to go back and tell her all about what happened. All about how I figured out Umbra could store things in my shadows, all about the food Ava cooked and most importantly, all about how I managed to tell both Raynelle and Ava my name.

But… I can’t…

There are still six nights in the way…

…

I… I can’t afford to forget this.

“Umbra, can you give me my notebook?” I asked as I scratched the back of their head.

The little grey fox looked up at me before gracefully jumping out of my arms and into my shadow. They quickly returned with the notebook as well as a few pencils, even though I hadn’t asked for them yet.

“Thank you… again,” I crossed my legs to give Umbra a place to sit.

Seeing this, Umbra happily climbed up into my lap before curling back up.

…

Do you do anything other than sleep?

No, now’s not the time to be thinking about that.

I opened the notebook straight to the picture of Ovia with her arms outstretched, which I had drawn only a few days ago, and ended up pausing for a moment.

…

I… can’t let her see this.

What would she think of me?

I flipped forward a few pages in the notebook to hide the embarrassing drawing before reaching down and picking up one of the pencils.

…

What do I even draw?…

I knew that I wanted to draw something, both to show Ovia and to make sure that I wouldn’t forget anything, but I just couldn’t think of what that something should be.

My eyes drifted up from the notebook until I was looking up at Ava and Raynelle sleeping peacefully together.

Maybe that would be good…

…

I did remember what happened when I saw her holding me…

…

I wonder if I could ask Ovia to do that…

No, come on Kierra… Don’t ask for too much.

Before I had the chance to change my mind, my hand seemingly started moving by itself, trying to recreate exactly what was laid out in front of me.

The pencil gracefully slid over the page, effortlessly capturing even the smallest of details, from the numerous scratches along Raynelle’s arms to Ava’s feathers draped over her back, almost like an elaborate cape.

Just like before, it was like my body just instinctively knew exactly what to do. However, this time, it was even clearer than last time. I could now see the little imperfections in the drawing; I could now see all the missing lines; I could now see the final drawing; it all just made sense to me, even if I couldn’t quite put it into words.

However, maybe because of just how much sense it made to me, I could feel that something was missing. Like an extra step, or maybe something was wrong from the beginning like I had been drawing the wrong thing the whole time. But that couldn’t be right; if it was, then how were my hands moving so naturally?

Why do I even know all of this?

I don’t remember learning any of it.

…

My hand stopped abruptly, but I didn’t have the time to continue drawing anyway as Raynelle slowly opened her eyes.

“Ah, Gods…” She said as she brought one hand up to her forehead, “How long was I out?… there’s no way that it was only five minutes… If it was, I wouldn’t feel this stiff…”

“I was… ahh… what was I supposed to do?…  Oh, that’s right… I was supposed to take her to her bed…” She looked down, and almost immediately, panic spread across her face, “Where?!-”

She cut herself off as soon as she looked at me and instead just let out a brief sigh as she quickly calmed herself back down. Once she had relaxed, she focused on me again and started speaking.

“So, are you doing okay now?” She asked, her voice a little quieter than usual.

I nodded.

“That’s good… that’s good… You gave us quite a scare there y’know… though it’s lucky Ava was around. Your wrist was swelling up pretty badly after you banged it on the table.”

I… completely forgot…

…

Looking down at my wrist, it was perfectly fine; there was no swelling or bruising or any other mark left behind.

“That aside, it’s been a while since I’ve slept on the floor like this. Though I really can’t say that I miss it at all,” She let out a chuckle, “I hope it wasn’t too uncomfortable for you. I was going to take you to your bed, but the two of us were up a little late last night, and… well, I guess you can see what happened.”

Before waiting for my response, she tried to get herself up off of the floor but was abruptly stopped by Ava wrapping her arms loosely around her neck while still asleep.

“Not yet…” Ava wrapped her wings around Raynelle, “My pillow… can’t run away like that…”

Both Raynelle and I just stared at her for a moment as she settled back down.

I… kind of… want to try that…

I wonder if Ovia…

…

No, you already thought about this.

It’s not possible.

“Guess I’m not allowed to get up yet,” Raynelle said as she settled back down onto the floor, “By the way, I must say you’re surprisingly feisty when you want to be. I never thought it would be so hard to hold you still.”

She laughed a little, but I couldn’t help but look down at her arms as she said that, still covered in the proof of what she was saying.

“Oh, this,” She slightly lifted one of her arms, “Don’t worry about it; I’ve been through much worse. And even then, once Ava wakes up they’ll be good as gone.”

But… It still hurts…

I know it does…

There’s no way it doesn’t.

“But onto more important things,” She paused for a moment, “I might have misheard you, but… you said your name was… Kierra?”

That… That’s right!

That means… I really did it!

And nobody can say otherwise! There’s proof!

“Are you… okay with us calling you that now?” She asked a little hesitantly, “I just want to be a little careful, as well y’know…”

…

I… I want to try again…

I can do it… I did it once before…

I can do it again.

“… Y… Ye…” I tried to force the word out, just one word, that was all I needed to say.

However, before I could actually get that one word out, Raynelle interrupted me.

“Hey, look, it’s okay, don’t force yourself,” She stuck her hand out in front of her, “You can take your time.”

…

“…Y-Yes!…” I forced it out and felt my heart rate increase ever so slightly, but thankfully it calmed down quickly.

Raynelle stared at me in silence for a few seconds, looking ready to jump up whether Ava was holding on or not. Thankfully, she ended up pulling back a bit.

“Alright…” She let out an exaggerated sigh, “Well then, let’s do this properly. Hello there, Kierra. I’m Raynelle, but you can just call me Nellie. Though please don’t force yourself.”