Kitsune in the Shadows

Chapter 46 – Come In

Please…

That word repeated over and over in my mind as I tried my hardest to block out any other thought.

Please…

I quickly made my way through the familiar streets, deciding to slip through the more dangerous back alleys to get there just a little faster.

Please…

It wasn’t long before I stood in front of the large black stone door of Ovia’s temple.

Please…

I pushed against the door with all the strength I could possibly muster, but it didn’t budge. It might as well have just been a wall.

Please…

*Thud*

My foot slipped from under me, and I fell onto the cold, hard stone below.

“Please… just… let me in…”

…

Nothing.

Not even a sound, neither from inside nor outside.

“Please…”

…

I picked myself off of the ground using the door as a support. Looking down, there was now a gash stretching from my knee down my shin. I tried to push myself off of the door, but my leg just couldn’t take the weight, forcing me to lean back against the door.

“Please… just… please… I… I don’t know…” The all too common feeling of tears falling down my cheeks came back, “I don’t know what I’m… supposed to do…”

…

Still nothing.

…

For the first time in a long time… I felt… alone…

…

…

“I… thought I was used to this…” The tears only got worse, showing no signs of letting up.

A small pool of blood started to form beneath my foot as the pain in my shin started to flare up. Strangely, the pain drew my eyes to be drawn towards the black ribbon still tied around my wrist.

“… She’s not…”

The realisation of what I had just done continued to sink in. There was no Ava to heal my leg,  no Raynelle to help me open the door… It was just… me… just like it used to be.

…

“What’s wrong with me…” my tears started mixing with the still-fresh blood as they continued to cascade off my face and onto the stone below, “What am I supposed to do?…”

…

Then, without warning, the door pulled away, almost causing me to fall again.

“Oh, come on! Who is it-” Beni poked his head out from behind the door, immediately cutting himself off as his eyes fell on me, “Oh, it’s you… What are you doing here?… I guess your visit was supposed to be today… but is it not a bit early?”

“…” I just looked up at him, unable to say anything.

“Wait! Why are you out here alone?! Have you been crying? What happened to-” He stopped himself again as his eyes slowly moved downwards, “Just… come in… Luckily, I’m not alone right now…”

He gestured for me to go in, but my leg still wasn’t able to take my weight.

Please…

Using the door as a support, I took a single step, being careful not to slip on the pool of blood beneath me. However, as soon as I took that step, I was lifted up into the air by a chain that was coiled up beneath me.

“If it hurts, just say so, alright?… don’t try to do everything yourself…” Beni said as the chains beneath me carried me into the temple.

…

I…

I didn’t even know what to think after hearing him say that…

…

The temple seemed a little different from the last time I had been there; it was just a little brighter than before. In addition, some of the pews had been removed, and in their place was a single round table surrounded by a few chairs and topped with a bottle of a dark red liquid that was probably wine.

Sitting in one of the seats was a woman with brown hair tied into a ponytail, though that was far from what stood out about her. In the darkness, her golden eyes made her resemble a lighthouse, lighting up whatever she was looking at. It was almost funny to look at, so much so that it almost made me forget why I was there in the first place.

“Celica… We’ve got a guest who could use some help…” Beni called out.

I was immediately cast in the spotlight as Celica turned her attention towards me.

“Oh my! Is that the little kitsune? Are you doing okay? Have your growing pains come back? Oh no, what happened to your leg?” She tried to get out of her seat, but Beni gestured for her to sit back down as he brought me closer.

He gently placed me down on Celica’s lap as he sat just opposite the two of us.

“Have you been crying?” Celica ran her finger across my cheek, “Your eyes are a little red.”

“…”

“Still not talking? Wait! That doesn’t matter right now. Let’s fix that leg of yours first,” She didn’t even hesitate before placing her hand on my bloody shin.

The whole room was lit up as she used her magic, though, for some reason, it just… didn’t feel right to me.

It’s… wrong…

It’s… too clean…

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…

It’s not…

…

Ava…

No! Stop!

Stop doing this to yourself!

It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, my mind was determined to remind me of just what situation I was now in at every possible opportunity.

“Is that better?” Celica asked as she lifted her hand.

…

My leg… doesn’t hurt anymore…

But…

…

…

I just nodded, not wanting her to ask any more questions.

“That’s good…” Beni spoke up, with the bottle that was on the table now missing, “Now… why are you here so early?”

…

I…

…

I want…

“… to see… her…”

Silence filled the room.

Neither of them even reacted to me talking; they just sat there silently, staring at me.

Why?

What did I do wrong this time?

…

I… I don’t know… Please…

“How are you so adorable?” Celica suddenly wrapped her arms around me, “Is there some kind of secret? Can you tell me? Maybe it’s-”

“*Cough* Unfortunately… you’re a bit too early…” Beni immediately interrupted Celica’s line of questioning, “The Goddess is still preparing…”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything.

But… what else am I supposed to do?

I…

I don’t know…

…

“Now… while your waiting here… what has happened?… I noticed your big friend isn’t with you…”

I… I don’t know…

It- It’s my fault… I did it…

“Aww, don’t cry,” Celica wiped my tears away with her sleeve, “I might not be able to help with what’s bothering you, I’m not very good at this kind of thing. You see, my magic doesn’t work on the heart, or would it be the brain?… But that doesn’t matter at all. You’ve got the best possible person to talk to sitting right in front of you!”

She looked up at Beni, making him squint as the light shone directly into his eyes.

“Celica…” Beni started to talk but was immediately interrupted.

“He’s lived like… three whole lifetimes!” Celica was moving around a lot, making her lap incredibly uncomfortable.

“I haven’t-”

“You must have,” Celica interrupted Beni again, “You’ve done way too much and have way too many stories for just one lifetime, so you must have lived more, that’s the only explanation!”

Beni simply sighed in resignation as if he had been through this many times before and already knew that trying to argue any further would be pointless.

“I had an… eventful life… before I became an Emissary…” He sighed again, “Both the twin Goddesses and Celica… seem to like my stories… but that doesn’t matter right now… what’s going on with you?…”

…

Ovia… likes them…

…

“… What… stories does… she like?…” I asked.

“What about?… no… if you don’t want to talk about it… I can’t force you…” He sighed again, “Well… she likes my stories from when I was an adventurer… she’s always asking for more… though I don’t have too many… and don’t get any new ones these days…”

Adventurer?…

…

“Now that looks better…” A slight smile spread across his face.

What?

“Huh, You already stopped crying? It was that easy?” Celica pulled me backwards into her chest and lifted my chin up, so she could see my face, “You look much better when you’re not crying… I knew Beni would be able to do it.”

“I didn’t do anything…”

“You did.”

“No, I… whatever…”

“See, Beni is good at this kind of thing. It’s almost like his own unique magic.”

…

“… I… I don’t know…” I muttered.

“Well… I don’t know either…” Beni leaned forward in his chair, “You haven’t told us anything yet…”

…

I want… help but…

…

“I don’t know…”

“Well… I can tell you what I do know… No one has all the answers… there just isn’t enough room in your head for all of them…”

I couldn’t tell if that was an attempt at a joke or if he was serious, as his expression didn’t change in the slightest.

“That’s why we look for other people… they might know the answers we don’t… does that make sense?… and you’ve got some alright company… you even know two Goddesses… you just need to ask someone…”

…

But… I don’t… I can’t…

They’re not…

…

I… No…

…

I ruined it…

I’ve already ruined it…

…

What am I… supposed to do?

…

I… I want-

“Ooh! I like that!” Celica shouted, interrupting my train of thought, “Can I use that one for myself?”

“Have I ever said no?…” Beni responded.

“No?”

“So… what do you think my answer is?”

“… Yes?”

“Yes, Celica… you can use it…”

“Great!” Celica shouted straight into my ear, almost making me scream out from just how loud it was.

…

Am I even supposed to be here?

“Now, now, Celica… can you let go of the little fox?… I think she is getting a little uncomfortable…” Beni said as he gestured towards me.

“Oh no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Instead of letting me go, she squeezed me tighter before using her magic on me again, immediately making the pain in my ear disappear.

“Celica?…” Beni’s voice was unusually stern.

“Awww… fine…” She pouted as she finally released me from her hug.

“Is that better?” Beni asked.

I nodded.

“I don’t know which of you two is more of a handful… but… back to what I was saying… If there is something you don’t know… you just need to ask… If we’re too scary… I’m sure you could ask one of your friends… or even one of the Goddesses… I know at least one of them would drop everything if you asked for help…”

What?

…

What does that mean?

I don’t… understand…

Why would the Goddesses-?…

“So… is there anything you want to ask?… is there anything either of us can help with?…”

…

Is there anything I want to ask?…

…

I…

…

What even… is the problem I’m having?…

Why am I-?…

…

I… I…

“… I… don’t know… anymore…” The words slipped out in between my sobs, “I… I… What is… wrong with me?…”

Beni knocked his chair over as he got up and knelt down in front of me, grabbing both my hands, “Whoa there!… There’s nothing wrong with you… Okay?”

“I… I…”

He squeezed my hands just slightly, “Just calm down… you’re not alone…”

“But…”

… I am… and…

It… It’s my fault…

I ran away… I left them…

…

I… I ruined it… I… I… Please…

“No buts… you have the two of us here right now… right?” He glanced just over the top of my head as he spoke.

“That’s right!” Celica placed her hands on my shoulders from behind.

“Look… if there’s something going on… you can always come here… or you could go to the other temple if you’re hurt… though that might be a little harder… with how busy it is…”

“Yes! You should visit more often, even if nothing is wrong.”

…

“But… I think the best people for you to talk to… would be your two friends…” He squeezed my hands again, almost like he was worried I was about to pull them away, “Those two care an awful lot about you… maybe even a little too much… I still remember how our first encounter went…”

But… I…

…

Can’t…

…

I ruined it… I ran away…

I can’t…

…

It’s my fault…

“Oh, come on… don’t start crying again… you-” He was interrupted by the appearance of a small dark orb just next to his ear, “… Alright, she’s already here… I’ll send her on her way soon…” The orb vanished just as quickly as it appeared, “Well… I’m sure you can guess… but the Goddess is ready for you now… and I don’t think you want to show her you crying…”

…

“… N-no…” I responded.

“Alright…” He wiped my tears away as I tried my best to stop them from flowing, “Now… go forget about whatever is bothering you for a bit… just relax a little… do you promise?”

…

I nodded.

“Good… I’ll still be here after you come back… so if you feel like you want to talk afterwards… I will be ready and waiting…”

Both Beni and Celica then released me from their grasp so I could make my way further into the temple, into the darkness and… towards Ovia once again.