Losing My Religion

Chapter 2

There was only so much time I could spend pouting, moping, and napping until reality caught up with me. While I couldn’t be completely sure what Amber had meant by ‘next morning’ I didn’t want to risk guessing wrong. 

That meant either finding a way to transform back, or ‘borrowing’ some of her clothes, given that mine had vanished with my manhood. 

I’d wasted the entirety of the night, and now, at seven in the morning, two hours before I had to be at my first class, I was scrambling for a solution.

I considered googling, ‘help I turned into a demon,’ but I was paranoid that it would somehow get traced back to me, a surefire way to be ostracized from my church group and hunted down by my father. 

Other than that, I’d been praying endlessly, asking for forgiveness and for guidance. I hadn’t gotten a response yet, but it seemed like if there was ever a time to pray, it was now. 

Thankfully, despite it being around the time I usually ate breakfast, I wasn’t feeling any hunger – at least not that I was aware of. I was, however, extremely aroused, something that irritated me to no end. I knew better than to fall to the temptation of lust again. 

After precious minutes of no results, all while not knowing when Amber would return and kick me out, I changed strategies. Perhaps I can try to control it, resummon my God-intended body with my mind. I knew that I was grasping at straws, but I had no other options.

My focus turned inwards, imagining my body and all of the things I knew about it. There were the broad, bulky shoulders, the unwieldy height, the inconvenience of having a penis, but, most importantly, the humanness of it, the pale skin, the lack of horns and tail.

I felt my body shift in response to my last thought and I hurried over to the mirror to check the changes. 

Instead of what I’d expected, the body I’d known for twenty years, a normal-looking college girl stared back at me in the mirror. She looked every bit like the twin sister I didn’t have: pale, freckled skin and medium length red hair. The main differences were in her height, which matched the demon’s height, and her gender.

It immediately stuck out to me how much her face matched that of the demon’s; I’d initially assumed that the demon didn’t look like me at all, but looking at her human version made the similarities more obvious.

Well, I suppose it’s progress in the right direction…

I closed my eyes and ignored the temptation to examine the image in the mirror further, focusing my thoughts on the things that still needed to be fixed. 

A few moments later, everything shifted again, and I opened my eyes to normalcy, my everyday body staring back at me.

Ignoring the fact that I’d just shapeshifted, that I’d been cursed to have a demonic form, that my girlfriend had just broken up with me, everything was looking up.

—

The rest of the day was strangely normal – no one treated me any differently, despite the fact that I was a corrupted heathen.

I’d gone to my chemistry lecture in the morning and had felt awful about not turning in the assignment, and now I was in my business 101 course, trying to keep up.

I was only half of a semester into my degree and it was already wearing on me. The endless drone of the old man as he explained a list of self-explanatory vocabulary with the emotional range of a text-to-speech program enticed my wandering mind to think about anything else, to dwell on the events of the previous day, the fact that I’d already started skipping assignments, or that I was one mistake from everyone finding out about my demon-ness.

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All of that meant that when the class ended and my friend Chris approached me, I was startled when he spoke.

“Hey, man I heard–”

I shot out of my seat, yelping in a voice that sounded more like demon-me than real-me. I really need to think of a name for her so it’s easier to refer to her, not that I want to get used to her being around.

Chris stared at me, concerned, for a moment before trying again. “Sorry,” He shrugged his shoulders, “I heard about what happened, major bummer, dude.”

My heart raced. 

I stared back, feigning confusion, trying to figure out how much he knew.

His brow creased. “Are you okay?”

I remained impassive, “Yeah, everything’s fine, what’s the big deal?” I said a little too quickly.

“Uh, your girlfriend just broke up with you… and that’s a bummer?”

I blinked. “Oh. Yea… it’s a bummer, majorly so.”

“Yeah…” He trailed off, looking at me curiously.

I glanced away from his face to look at his body. It was the same as it always was, but something about it seemed more present, more tangible than usual. 

Chris was a swimmer, but was not at all the norm for the group, especially around where we lived. Most swimmers here were tall, skinny, white, and had massive shoulders.

Only a couple of those were true about the short, muscular man with tanned copper skin that stood before me. The dark freckles scattered across his nose stuck out, and despite his normal expression of a crooked smile being absent at the moment, he had a kindness to him that never went away.

“So…” He swayed back and forth, looking for what to say, “Did you want to like hang out or whatever – help you get over what’s her name?”

“Amber,” I supplied.

“Yeah…” He nodded slowly, eyes never leaving my face, “Well, if there’s something you need just text me…” He gestured to his phone and hesitantly started walking away, like he wasn’t sure if we were done talking.

I nodded and thanked him, excusing him implicitly in the process. I wonder why he was acting so weird, he’s usually much better at socializing. I shrugged and started moving in the direction of my next class. Maybe I need to check on him later.

—

Later the same day, I waited in my dorm room for Chris to come over. We’d exchanged a few texts through lunch and our afternoon classes and eventually we’d agreed to hang out here during the evening. Thankfully, my roommate wasn’t around, although I did have to spray some air freshener to get rid of the musk of marijuana that lingered in our common area.

I’d been keeping myself busy all day, preventing myself from having time alone with my thoughts, so once I was ready and waiting for Chris, the thoughts started to invade. 

Am I going to turn back? If so, when? Is there a way to cure myself?

I had endless questions and not a single answer. The only options for getting more answers – talking to Amber about it, talking to a priest about it, or doing experimentation on my own – all sounded out of the question. So I’d just have to live with the uncertainty for now, live with the knowledge that at any moment I could randomly transform into that… thing. 

It still needs a name.

I ignored the thought. It didn’t deserve a name.

Another thing that sprang up once I had a moment to think was my arousal. While I hadn’t been walking around campus with a non-stop erection, my body had been oddly flushed and sensitive, and I caught myself staring at all the attractive people in my classes – the women, that is, I wasn’t attracted to men. 

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, it’s just that I’m not allowed to be gay, because… well…

A knock echoed through the room, and for a moment I panicked, thinking my roommate had returned, before I remembered that he wouldn’t knock. 

I opened the door and let Chris in without a word, taking in his appearance again. He wore a sweat-stained tank top and exercise shorts, which made sense, given that he’d just come from the gym. He’d suggested taking the time to shower, but given that my dorm was right next to the campus gym while his was further away, near the pool complex, it made more sense for him to come straight here.

The effect that I’d noticed earlier, of him appearing more tangible than usual was more pronounced, and I could smell something sweet in the air, as if the sweat coating his muscles was actually a glaze.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thought. It was probably one of her thoughts, the one that didn’t deserve a name.

We sat down on the futon couch – an old creaky piece of wood that was held together by splinters and duct tape – and stared at each other.

After a moment of silence passed Chris cleared his throat. “So, how are you handling everything?”

I jolted, thinking he knew, not for the first time today, but I quickly realized he was talking about the breakup, something I’d hardly had time to register. “Oh… You know how it is,” I said, waving my hand flippantly, hoping for him to fill in the blanks.

He leaned back into the couch, one arm draped over the back, and stared into the blank television across from us. “Yeah, I guess.” He said, sounding unsure.

He continued a moment later, “I really don’t though, because I’ve never dated anyone, so…”

I turned to him, surprised, “Really? A handsome, kind guy like you? Girls must ask you out all of the time.”

He blushed, turning away for a moment. “Yea, that’s the issue, I’m more into guys.”

“Oh.”

Don’t be like your dad, don’t be like your dad, don’t be like your dad.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” I told him.

He snorted, stifling a full laugh. “Uh, yea, thanks for letting me know…”

“No problem,” I responded absentmindedly, mind still stuck on all those poor women that asked him out only to be rejected.

Another shake of my head banished the strange thoughts in my head and bottled up my feelings. It had been getting harder and harder to control my thoughts throughout the day, something that was surely her fault, and maybe Amber’s too.

After another long moment of silence, Chris laughed to himself. “You know, it’s kind of funny,” he started.

“What?”

“I used to be into you,” he told me, still laughing a bit.

My mind honed in on the important part. “Used to?”

He shot me a sly grin and leaned his shoulder into mine, pressing part of his warm body heat into me. “Why, you disappointed I’m not still into you?”

I tried to lean away, but found myself trapped against the armrest, my hips sliding towards him instead and my back falling down onto the seat. “Uh, no…” I stammered, trying to figure out why he felt so warm and why he smelled so good. 

I gathered some composure. “I was just wondering what changed.”

He tower over me, giving me his crooked grin, “Well, it turns out you aren’t my type, personality wise, “ he shrugged, “You’re still damn cute though, so if you ever want to experiment…” His grin grew wider and he leaned in, not close enough to actually kiss me, but well past the point where the idea was forced into my mind.

The heat I was feeling built, and before I’d figured out what it was, there was a ‘pop’ and I reflexively closed my eyes as my body shifted.

Oh no.