Losing My Religion

Part 3, Chapter 2

Sophia

Amber and I were supposed to be discussing the plan to keep Lily and Katie safe – really I should’ve been going home, given that I didn’t have an excuse to stay at Lily’s dorm anymore – but instead we sat facing each other on Amber’s rubbish couch, talking about Lily’s letter.

“C’mon why can’t we open it, anything she wanted us to know later we can know now,” Amber whined.

Maybe saying we were arguing about the letter would be more accurate…

“No, she clearly intended for the letter to be opened later, and I trust her judgement,” I refuted.

“What if later is now? What if this contains her opinion on what to do about my mother?” She slapped the envelope in question onto the seat between us, the pale white paper contrasting against the deep red of the fabric.

“If she had something important to say on that subject, she had plenty of time to just tell us,” I leaned forwards and slapped my hand down across from where hers still was. 

Truthfully, a part of me believed Amber was right, believed the letter contained Lily’s opinion on what to do about Amber’s mother. That part of me thought Amber was looking for permission to kill her mother and she would find it in Lily’s enclosed words – and that scared me. 

Lily had drastically changed over the past few months, to the point of being literally unrecognizable, and I worried about whether she would keep changing, eventually leaving me behind. She had already stopped going to church with me – which was entirely reasonable given the circumstances, but my worries didn’t care about reason or circumstance.

Amber and I glared at each other, hands an envelope’s width apart on the sofa, and eyes fixed intently on each other’s. 

She broke eye contact first, blinking and glancing down, slowly retracting her hand and leaning back. “Fine, you’re probably right. Knowing her, it isn’t about anything dire – it’s probably about our relationship, like clarifying where we stand or something,” she sighed, “And as curious as I am, maybe we should let it rest until it’s clearly important or she returns.”

Without thought, I leaned in, taking the space Amber had just freed up between us. Surprise and anticipation rolled through me.

Of course I’d already thought about the letter being about our relationship, but clarifying where we stand…

If there was one issue I had with the current status quo, it was that I felt like Lily liked Amber more than me, despite all of Amber’s faults and mistakes. It wasn’t that I was jealous – well maybe I was jealous of the fact that they lived together – but more that I felt like a third to their already established relationship. 

I never dated Lily previously. I had been relegated to a text-only friendship until Amber did something stupid and I had to swoop in and pick up the pieces. That kind of thing.

So yes, having our relationship clarified, having a written affirmation of the fact that Amber and I were equals, that was something that I needed. “Maybe we should open the letter, just to find out…”

Amber’s head jerked up to face me again, “What?”

“Well, we’ll just argue about it endlessly, so we should just open it and get it all over with – it’s the only way to settle this,” I slowly backed away, sitting up more neutrally.

“What are you talking about? You were right, we should trust that Lily had a reason for delaying the information in here,” her finger stabbed down between us.

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I crossed my arms, “No, we should get it out of the way. If this changes things at all, it would be better to get it over with and start mulling it over.”

Amber glanced down at my crossed arms before her eyes shot back up. “No, if there’s something that shakes things up between us, it’s probably better buried, at least for now. The last thing any of us needs is to be crying over getting broken up with instead of protecting ourselves from assassin-witches.”

I flinched back, “You think one of us is getting broken up with?” The letter seemed larger in the corner of my vision than it had been just a moment ago.

“No, no, no,” she scooted forwards, waving her hands in front of her in a crisscross motion, “I was just using an exaggerated example of why shaking up the status quo might be dangerous.”

“Maybe you’re right…” I slumped into the stiff upholstery, finding no comfort in its lack of soft curves. 

Amber slapped her palm into her forehead and leaned her shoulder against the couch to mirror me, letting out a sigh. “I look forward to having this argument with you every day they’re gone…”

“Me too…” I mumbled.

—

I got ready for bed in parallel with Amber, brushing my teeth in her bathroom before shedding my clothes in Lily’s room and settling into her bed alone.

We discussed whether I would stay, or why I was staying – I suppose I could’ve used the excuse that I wanted to be close in case of an emergency, but as Amber had already pointed out, I wouldn’t be useful in a magical emergency to begin with.

In truth, I didn’t know why I was here, in Lily’s room. It didn’t provide me any kind of comfort, instead fueling my sense of being out-of-place. I didn't belong in Lily’s room while she was away any more than I belonged in the world of magic, surrounded by demons, witches and werewolves. 

I didn’t belong here, and the one place I’d trusted to make me feel like I did belong – my church – had lost its power. After Lily had stopped showing up, I’d continued going, despite not agreeing with her ostracization. The bitterness surrounding her father’s treatment of her infested the rest of how I thought about the place, warping an already tenuous bond.

Of course, I hadn’t stopped going yet. That church and the community surrounding it were the last I had left of my parents, and even though attending had eventually become associated with my lingering grief, the alternative would be to give up on all of my lingering feelings about them.

I knew that wasn’t necessarily true – my parent’s influence marbled throughout my very being, manifesting in the dishes I cooked for myself, the music I listened to, and the way I approached my life.

But as I got older and learned more, those small pieces shrunk and were replaced as I outgrew things I’d picked up from my parents as a child. One day I would be left with only the memories of my memories of them, the impact of their deaths looming larger than their lives.

I tossed and turned in Lily’s bed, unable to make myself at home. The realization hit me that I’d never asked Lily if I could use her bed, followed by the realization that I was intruding on Amber’s dorm, something she was almost certainly upset about, but not saying anything for Lily’s sake.

It was ten at night, meaning the trains weren’t running, but if I hurried, I could catch one of the night buses that ran infrequently. I threw on my clothes, scribbled a vague note to Amber, saying I needed to return to my dorm, and, after making sure I could leave the door locked, I strode off into the night, back to where I belonged.

Lily

Katie and I decided to try the library first, using the logic that since we didn’t need sleep as much as humans, they might be open for longer hours. 

That ended up not working out. The sign on the doors said they closed at 21:00 – it seemed that demons used 24 hour time, or however many hours they had in a day. We didn’t know exactly what the time was, but given that the doors were locked, it was probably after closing.

“Shoot, now what?”

Katie eyed me skeptically, standing one step down from me in front of the library. 

It was a grand building, much bigger than anything else, just like Kelith had said, the four stories towering over most of the other buildings’ two. It was also wide, taking up the width and length of two buildings – although the rest of the buildings weren’t wide by the standards of department stores and suburban houses.

She spoke after a moment of silence, “How am I supposed to know? Aren’t you supposed to be the responsible adult leading me around a foreign country?” 

I grumbled to myself, “When did she get that impression of me…?” And strode off with apparent purpose.

There were plenty of people around, walking through the street and going into shops and restaurants. Once we’d gotten to the library I’d noticed more and more businesses, taking the spots that had been empty further out.

The people were diverse, giving me a vague idea of what other demonic races were like, not that I could tell who was a succubus by sight, let alone other races. Skin colours ranged across the rainbow, the only consistent factor being that no one I saw looked human.

If I’d been more energetic, perhaps I would’ve been more interested in learning about the people, but as it was, the stress of being in a strange place with nowhere to rest was starting to build. 

My primary goal was to find someone that didn’t look too intimidating and ask them for directions to a hotel, where we could try to work something out for a room – not my best plan – but I couldn’t even start given that, despite how everyone was smiling and waving at us, they still felt unapproachable.

Most people looked in the age range of 20-40 and hot, which was intimidating in its own way, not to mention the horns, fangs and tails they had. In short, I led Katie around in circles for a while, not wanting to stray too far from the library and get lost, but struggling to make any progress.

My indecision was finally terminated by a kind soul taking pity on us. Unfortunately for my pride but fortunately for our well being, Kelith had returned.

She strode up to us, a slight sweat showing on her face. I hadn’t noticed earlier, being too distracted by other things, but she wore exercise shorts and a tank top, showing off her toned, lithe limbs. 

Katie nudged me, breaking me out of my staring. 

“Hello, Kelith, what brings you around here?”

She eyed me with amusement, “Hey there little ‘ccubi. I was just passing through on my way back home,” She thumbed further into the city, “Did you finish up in the library already?”

I shook my head, “No, it was closed.”

“Oh! My bad,” she knocked the side of her head, “Silly me, I forget that the South library closes earlier for some reason,” she rolled her eyes, “So what were you looking for there, can you find it in one of the other libraries?”

How many libraries does one city need? I’m pretty sure the one in our hometown was about to close after being starved of funding…

Katie finally spoke, “Um, we were just going to do some research, it doesn’t particularly matter where.”

Kelith narrowed her eyes, “You came to Seriza to go to any library?” she seemed more bemused than suspicious, “Where are you from that doesn’t have libraries?”

Shoot. I knew this would be an issue…

“Yea… You know how it is. We’re from down South,” I hedged.

Her eyebrows raised, “You’re from the capital?!” 

“Uh… no, the other place down south,” sweat rolled down the side of my face.

She barked a laugh, “I’d hope so, because the capital is to the North…”

“Oh, of course…” I chuckled nervously.

“So where are you really from?” She grinned, showing her sharp teeth.

I grabbed Katie’s wrist, pulling her closer as I inched away from the demon.

“You’ve gotta be from some remote place, I can’t imagine not having libraries.”

“We have libraries on Earth,” I protested.

“Earth?”

Shoot, the jig is up…

I inched further away while Kelith was searching her mind for the name, pulling Katie along with me. “Yea… the place with all of the humans?”

“Oh, yea!” She pulled a face, “Isn’t it kinda…” She didn’t say it, but I could hear the ‘you poor things’ in her expression.

“It’s not that bad!” I glanced at Katie, “Right?”

Katie shrugged, “I don’t know… Your dad did try to have you killed…”

I shrunk, sandwiched between their pitying expressions. In the face of someone that wasn’t relying on me like Katie was, someone who appeared to be kind and reliable, my mature facade cracked. “Fine, it sucks and I hate it there and we only came to Hell to escape,” I let go of Katie’s wrist to punctuate my frustrations with waving arms, “And we can’t even find a place to sleep or eat and we don’t have any money, and I have no idea what’s going on,” my rant went from angry to pleading.

Kelith maintained her expression. “Do you need somewhere to stay…?”

“I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience…” I grumbled.

“Honey, you’re no problem. I was the one that approached a couple of lost looking girls and wanted to help out. I’d be happy to have you stay the night, and my daughter is coming over tomorrow.”

“We’ll get out of your hair before she shows up.”

Katie chimed in, “Thank you for your hospitality.” 

“Sweeties, that’s not what I meant, you can stay as long as you’d like. I was just letting you know because you seem a bit shy. And you’re very welcome,” she started walking, waving at us over her shoulder, “Now c’mon, let’s get you rested.”

I glanced at Katie and we both shrugged before following Kelith. 

I guess we’re doing this…?