Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 553: Despite This and That, Let's Start Again!

One afternoon, in Yoshiwara, in Kawaki's room, after finishing a round of gaming, Kiwaki suddenly receives a call from Kagura...

"What? A monkey with a bell around its neck? What is that?" Kawaki, holding his phone between his shoulder and ear, stares intently at his monitor and responds casually.

"We need to find that monkey now! It's the Shogun's nephew's pet!" Kawaki's voice carries a hint of urgency.

"So, you… like bell-wearing play? Pets and their owners... There are such shops in Yoshiwara, but I won't give you a discount."

"Listen to me seriously for once! We're all trapped in a phone booth right now! And there's a bunch of monkeys throwing poop at us outside!" Kawaki shouts, "Just write down that stinky monkey's name!"

"Alright, alright, you say."

"Let me talk to Kawaki," says a new voice on the phone; it's Hijikata. "Look, Kawaki, remember this well; it's about the Yagyuu family's honor..."

Before Hijikata can finish, Kawaki hangs up the phone casually and tosses it aside.

Buzz, buzz...

As the phone vibrates incessantly beside him, Kawaki finally picks it up, but Hijikata's voice comes through first before he can speak.

"Shouganai Shouganai...Shit-throwing Machine... Shinpachi's life yesterday... Balmung Fezalion... Isaac Schneider, one-third pure feelings, with the remaining two-thirds focused on flesh thorns... The inescapable betrayal can be escaped... Leaving home for a trip... Squid pancake... Katsuo... Fish roe... Our cesspool...(Katsuo) Fish... This Katsuo is different; it's from Ike no Katsuo... Spicy Emperor... King's Palace... Kimura Emperor... Small Poop Sphere! Did you get all that, Kawaki?! "

(Note: "One-Third Pure Feelings" by SIAM SHADE, the sixth ending of the anime "Rurouni Kenshin." "The Inescapable Betrayal" is a famous Yaoi manga by Kiyoteru Otagiri, adapted into an anime in April 2010. "Leaving home for a trip—(Ike no) Katsuo" is a word chain. "Ike no Katsuo" is a Japanese comedian. "Emperor—Spit" is a classic resurrection spell from DQ2.)

"Uh, Tsukuyo, do we have a courtesan here named… uh… Shou…?" Kawaki turns to ask Tsukuyo, who has appeared at the door, "Er… what was it again? Well, it doesn't matter, just if there's a courtesan named Stinky Monkey?"

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"You didn't remember a single word, did you!" Kawaki yells from the phone, "And you're still talking about courtesans! Even now, you're talking about courtesans! You need to restrain yourself a bit, damn it!"

"How could a courtesan possibly have such a name?" Tsukuyo folds her arms and looks at Kawaki with a strange expression.

"That's just how it is; you must be mistaken about the shop." Kawaki casually replies into the phone, "Goodbye…"

"Hey! Wait a minute! Pass the phone to that woman! If you keep it, you'll never remember the name in your lifetime!" Kawaki yells again.

"Really can't help it," Kawaki shrugs and, without looking back, throws the phone at Tsukuyo. "Tsukuyo, trouble you."

"Why do I have to do such a troublesome thing?" Tsukuyo looks at the phone in her hand with disdain but eventually puts it to her ear, "Moshi moshi..."

Two minutes later...

"Shouganai Shouganai...Shit-throwing Machine... Shinpachi's life yesterday... Balmung Fezalion... Isaac Schneider, one-third pure feelings with the remaining two-thirds focused on flesh thorns..." Tsukuyo pauses, puzzled, "What? Are pure feelings one-third? What about the other two-thirds? Wait a minute, that underwear from before; when did it get involved?"

"They've been involved all along..." Kawaki's voice drops, followed by Shinpachi's complaints.

"Keep it down! Pass me the phone!" Shinpachi roars, then continues, "Miss Tsukuyo, it's Shouganai Shouganai... Shit-throwing Machine... Shinpachi's life yesterday... Balmung Fezalion... Isaac Schneider is one-third pure feelings, with the remaining two-thirds focused on flesh thorns... I know the inescapable betrayal can be escaped... Leaving home for a trip... Squid pancake... Katsuo... Fish roe... Our cesspool... (Ike no) Katsuo... This Katsuo is different; it's Ike, not Katsuo. Spicy Emperor... King's Palace... Kimura Emperor... Small Poop Sphere!"

"I got it, Shouganai Shouganai... Shit-throwing Machine... Shinpachi's life yesterday... Balmung Fezalion... Isaac Schneider, one-third pure feelings, with the remaining two-thirds focused on flesh thorns... The inescapable betrayal can be escaped... Leaving home for a trip... Wait, what's the chain here again?"

"It's Leaving home for a trip... Squid pancake... Katsuo... Fish roe... Our cesspool... (Ike no) Katsuo!"

"Isn't that a repeat then?" Tsukuyo wonders aloud, "It ends with katsuo too."

"No, it's said that way, but this katsu is different..."

"Oh, I see," Tsukuyo nods, "Shouganai Shouganai... Shit-throwing Machine... Shinpachi's life yesterday... Balmung Fezalion... Isaac Schneider, one-third pure feelings with the remaining two-thirds focused on flesh thorns... The inescapable betrayal can be escaped... Leaving home for a trip... Squid pancake... Katsuo... Fish roe... Our cesspool... (Ike no) Katsuo... This Katsuo is different; it's Ike, not Katsuo. Spicy Emperor... King's Palace... Kimura Emperor... Small Poop Sphere!"

"Not right! There was one less spit; it should be spit spit spit spit..." Shinpachi's voice suddenly stops.

"Moshi moshi? How many spits exactly?" Tsukuyo asks into the phone, but after waiting a few seconds without a reply, she realizes the phone has been hung up.

...

Looking at Tsukuyo, who places the phone on her desk, Kawaki stops his activity and looks up, "Is it over?"

"I don't know," Tsukuyo casually replies, "Something about Shinpachi's poop-stained underwear... didn't hear it."

"Is it really okay to say such things?" Kawaki has a peculiar expression, "It's hard to restart the serialization like this, letting readers imagine such bizarre things. But speaking of which, the novel serialization is resuming after such a long break. Do you have any good ideas, Tsukuyo? After all, you must give the readers, who may not have been waiting, a fresh impression..."

"Indeed..." Tsukuyo strokes her chin, holding her chest with one hand, "After such a long time, although it might have been just a few days, a lot has passed in the story. We must find a way to catch the readers up on our recent circumstances..."

"Since then... I've always been on the toilet."

"Hey, what are you suddenly talking about? I'll slaughter you, you stinky woman." Kawaki makes a disdainful retort.

"Since then... my head has always been in the toilet."

"Why am I becoming more miserable?"

"Since then... it has never been flushed down."

"Enough already!" Kawaki shouts.

"How about this?" Suddenly pushed into the room by Seita, Hinowa raises a finger and smiles, "Let me give everyone a fresh impression, Kawaki, Tsukuyo."

"Just don't go too crazy," Kawaki warns.

"Since then, five years have passed..."

"Wait a minute!!" Kawaki raises his hand to stop her, "Time is passing too quickly! What the hell is five years later?! There's no such thing in Miss Hozuki mode!"

"That man and that woman now have a five-year-old child! But just then, a new crisis appears! The man's elder brother kidnaps the child!"

"That sounds... very familiar..." Kawaki murmurs, rubbing his chin.

"After defeating his brother by sacrificing himself, the man begins new training in another world, learning a skill called 'King Fist,' which he uses to defeat two heavenly beings who come to Earth six months later!"

"Hey! That's Dragon Ball!!"

"But the crisis isn't over! Next, the man faces new formidable enemies and adventures! The emperor of the universe: Frieza! The terrifying androids! The revived Majin! But the man isn't afraid; these powerful enemies excite him immensely!"

"Oh lord! I, Kawaki, am cool... NOT!!" Kawaki clutches his head and roars, "What is all this?! This kind of thing won't work! It'll get complaints!"

"But it's fresher, isn't it?" Hinowa squints and smiles, "You can add elements like super peace and orbs that grant human wishes."

"That's just plagiarism!" Kawaki rolls his eyes in frustration, "And we already have a fighting race! And there are already androids! And about Majin, that idiot prince changing clothes is the same! Speaking of which... even without adding, this work is full of Dragon Ball elements! This is bad, really bad—!"

Kawaki raises his head, looks thoughtfully at the camera, then squints and grins: "Anyway! 'Probably Fake Gintama Z' resumes! We're all cool, cool suzo! Yorozuya Kiku!"

As he finishes speaking, Kawaki, for some reason, has two kunai sticking out of his forehead, rolls his eyes, and collapses.

"Please take care of us." Tsukuyo nods gently towards the camera.

"Please take care of us!" Seita makes a scissor hand gesture at the camera and smiles happily.

"Please take care of us." Hinowa squints and smiles.

And so... it resumes once more...