Merchant Crab

Blue huffed, fogging up the glass of the window in front of her. There were two humans inside that place, and they had Balthazar tied up and hanging from the ceiling.

The drake was not happy at all.

Who did these men think they were to be tormenting the crab?

No one was allowed to do that but her.

Next to the angry beast, Druma was frantically tapping his feet back and forth.

“Boss is in trouble,” the panicking goblin whispered to her. “Druma and Blue must help.”

The drake frowned, her golden eyes fixed on the pair of bandits inside. She agreed that they needed to do something. Those men looked pathetically weak, and if she allowed them to harm her alleged paternal figure, that would be an unacceptable humiliation to her.

They would have to intervene, for the sake of her pride. Rescuing the merchant was secondary, obviously.

The azure creature looked around. She knew the window they were peering through was too small for her.

Sniffing the air, Blue felt confident there were no more bandits in the area save for those two inside. A shame. She wouldn’t have minded a bigger challenge and an opportunity to snap a few more of them.

The goblin popped his head around the corner, holding his hat with one hand. “Druma find door!”

The drake followed him to the back of the building, where the goblin stood in front of a large metal door, scratching his head as he stared at it.

“Blue can pick lock again?” he asked her.

She looked at him and sighed before giving the door a try with her head. It was locked.

While she was certainly powerful, Blue knew she did not have enough strength to bring such a sturdy adversary down by ramming it. If only the door had been made of wood, then she could easily burn it down. But alas, her opponent was instead made of solid metal, and even if her flames could melt it, that would surely take far too long.

The draconic creature stared the door down as if expecting it to open out of fear, but the big hunk of metal remained immobile.

Facing a foe worthy of a stalemate, the drake decided to just walk away and go back to the window. She would let the petty door live this time.

“Druma don’t know how to get in!” the small assistant bemoaned as he joined her behind the glass. “Blue have idea?”

She peeked inside again. The crab was still tied, and the bandits were talking to each other, one holding the backpack Balthazar had been carrying on his shell. Neither of the merchant’s companions could hear whatever was being said inside, but the thugs certainly seemed agitated.

Glancing up, Blue spotted something that made her narrow eyes widen: a glass skylight, letting natural light shine into the room.

Druma followed her gaze and accompanying smirk.

“But… boss say no fly,” the conflicted goblin muttered.

The drake stared him in the eye, a frown of determination to her expression as she made it very clear to the goblin that this was the time to break rules.

***

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Inside the building, Balthazar had been hanging upside-down from the ceiling for a while, but that wasn’t what bothered him. Had he been a human, he might have started feeling dizzy from all the blood rushing to his head. But as a crab, he had no head, only his shell, which had plenty of room for his blood no matter the position. He could also twist his eyestalks in order to see things the right way, so that was no big deal either.

What really bothered him wasn’t even the being tied up, it was the gag in his mouth. Preventing the merchant from speaking was like keeping him from breathing.

Now what? Can’t talk these idiots into letting me go, can’t really snip anything with my claws tied, and nobody knows I’m here.

As Balthazar tried to come up with a plan, his two captors discussed their next move.

“Looks like Jake was right, the crab did come sniffing ‘round,” the larger one said.

“Of course he was,” said the smaller bandit. “But what do we do with him now?”

The other thug eyed the crab’s backpack that they had tossed to the floor while tying him to the ceiling.

“Dunno. But for now let’s see what this crab is carrying.”

The smaller one snorted like a greedy pig. “Yeah! He a merchant, so I bet he got a lotta goodies in there.”

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No! They’re going to loot my stuff! I need that to trade!

The crab struggled and groaned from behind his gag, protesting against the humans looting his bag. At least Balthazar had always performed the courtesy of looting others after they were no longer alive, unlike those mannerless bandits.

The Marquessian ruffian grabbed the Backpack of Holding and shook it a few times before opening it.

“Well?” his partner in crime asked with a rotten smile. “What’s he got?”

“Huh?!” said the other, cocking an eyebrow at the inside of the bag. “The hell is this?”

Putting his hand into the leather backpack, the man rummaged inside what sounded like a very empty container.

“It’s just a few loose pieces of junk and small trinkets. There ain’t even any food here, just a piece of moldy bread.”

What the hell?!

The smaller bandit scowled angrily at the crab.

“Oi! What’s this about? You not a merchant?! Where’s your stuff at?” His eyes went to the coin purse tied to the side of Balthazar’s shell. “Maybe he sold it all. That money bag’s lookin’ real fat.”

No!

The fiend walked up to the crab with his greedy eyes shining as he reached for the Bag of Holding Money.

Panic hit Balthazar. They were going to take his coins. His precious life savings.

He grunted and wriggled in his bonds, struggling to break free. They could not take his first love.

All those shiny, beautiful coins he had collected over the past months.

The several thousand crowns in his magical coin purse.

That he had been carrying on his waist that whole time.

Because that was obviously the safest way to carry a small fortune. Right where he could see it at all times.

“Argh, I can’t get it off him,” the bandit complained as he tried to fiddle with the money bag. “It’s tied real tight.”

Once again, the eight-point pincer knot proved its worth to the crab in a tight spot.

“Just cut it off,” the other bandit groaned.

“Right!” the sniveling coward exclaimed, pulling his knife and bringing it closer to the coin bag as Balthazar wriggled and grunted in protest from behind his gag.

No! Away with you, fiend! Get your filthy paws off my money! I earned that!

Just as the blade was about to touch the rope tying the purse to his shell, a noise of something crashing on the floor came from the outside, making both bandits freeze, listening with eyes wide.

“What was that?!” the smaller one murmured.

“Dunno, but it came from outside,” said the bigger one, gripping his own knife tightly. “Go check it out.”

“Why me? You go!”

“Because I’m telling you to, and I’m bigger than you,” the other said with a slightly threatening tone. “I’ll stay here guarding the crab, just in case.”

Grousing with discontent, the smaller ruffian let go of Balthazar and headed to the door, kicking dust bunnies as he went.

The merchant breathed out with relief. His beloved coin was saved by the bell. Or crash. Whatever noise that was. Could someone really be out there?

“Alright, it’s just you and me now,” the remaining bandit said, approaching the crab with his knife still in hand.

The crustacean gasped with concern. His beloved coin was at risk again.

To his surprise, however, the human reached not for the purse, but for his gag instead.

“I’m gonna take this off to ask you something, but you better not try anything funny.”

Was Balthazar about to be tortured for information? The crab just nodded.

“It was the mayor!” he blurted out as soon as the rag came off his mouth. “She had me look into the missing mangoes!”

“What?” the baffled thug said. “What are you talking about? I don’t care about any of that.”

The merchant arched his eyestalks further to look at the man straight. “You don’t? Then… what do you want?”

Coming a little closer, the bandit lowered his voice. “I was wondering… I heard some stuff about this… bandit rights… something…”

Balthazar’s eyestalks jumped.

“Oh! The Bandit Rights Association!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, that!” the man said, nodding. “I was wondering… could you tell me more about it?”

The crab stared at him for a moment, unblinking.

Is this guy serious?

“I know, I know,” the ruffian added, bouncing his knife back and forth as he spoke. “Weird circumstances to be askin’, but that’s the point. I’m real tired of this life, you know? All these bad hours, tying people up, acting tough all the time. Sometimes I find myself longing for something else. Something… better.”

After a moment of being baffled, Balthazar finally snapped back into it.

“Of course! I totally get it. We all want better. We all deserve better. That’s what the Bandit Rights Association is all about. Why should only the chiefs get to enjoy all the perks of banditry while guys like you have to live in squalor in dumps like this all day, right?”

“Yeah, exactly!” exclaimed the excited bandit, using the knife to point at the crab in agreement. “I been havin’ this real bad toothache lately, and I heard somethin’ about this… what was it…”

“Dental?” the merchant said. “Right, yes. Our movement fully supports full coverage for dental stuff. Going around mugging people with bad breath is just shameful for your entire class! But wait until I tell you about the six-day bandit work week.”

The thug’s eyes widened. “Oooh! Tell me more!”

“Well…” the crafty crustacean said, rolling his eyestalks. “You know, it would be a lot easier to chat if I wasn’t hanging upside-down and all tied up.”

The bandit frowned slightly. “I don’t know… The boss would be real mad if I let you escape.”

“Oh, come now,” Balthazar said. “We were just starting to talk about your interest in your rights as a bandit, why would I want to leave now? Of course not! In fact, I very much would like to talk to Onion Jake about this now.”

Come on, you big oaf, just cut me loose.

“Really? You mean it?”

“Of course,” said the crab. “My word is golden!”

[The Gift of the Crab: success]

“Oh, alright!” the enthusiastic thug said with a smile as he brought the knife up to the rope tying Balthazar to the ceiling.

Just as the blade started chewing through the fibers, a noise came from above, like the sound of something cracking.

“Huh?” said the bandit as he took a few steps back to look at the skylight above them.

Glass shattered loudly as a large blue blur dropped from the ceiling, crash-landing right on top of the man.

“Ahhh! We here to save boss!” the goblin riding on the back of the drake shouted.