Merchant Crab

“Pie!” Balthazar exclaimed. “That’s what the delicious thing was called. It was apple pie!”

Shaking himself fully awake again, he stared at the new level up prompt in front of his eyes, slowly moving away from the central focus of his attention, the pie, and to the rest of the words.

“So I can level up from trading things too?” he said. “That’s good to know, I guess. Was that sword that special that it warranted me gaining all that experience? No, surely not. It must have been the pie. It was clearly some kind of divine item.”

Looking back at the text, Balthazar tried focusing the same way he did before, in order to bring up the next screen. With a smooth slide, the increasingly familiar stats presented themselves again:

[Level 3]

[Attribute Points: 1]

[Skill Points: 2]

[Strength: 3] [+]

[Agility: 2] [+]

[Skills]

“That’s right, I completely forgot about this whole skills thing, thanks to those two.”

Figuring he might as well stick to his winning strategy, Balthazar bumped his Intelligence up to 13.

“Now let’s see what this is all about,” he muttered, while focusing his eyes on the [Skills] option.

The previous text moved out of the way, and from above, as if cascading in front of his eyes, a stream of many small text cells began sliding in front of him.

“This is a lot. I’m not even sure what half of these are.”

The options were so many they wouldn’t fit within his field of view all at once, scrolling down as his eyes reached the bottom each time. Obvious things such as [Archery], or [Carpentry], but also strange ones, like [Dark Magic] and [Necromancy]. And what in the world was [Knitting]?

While scanning through the many skills, a few stood out to him, as they were listed at the top, and marked differently:

[Medium Armor: B]

[Fishing: C]

[Slashing Weapons: C]

Skipping down the list, he noticed everything else marked with an “F” instead. Balthazar wondered what those letters were supposed to mean, and just as he began considering possible F-words, a small label on the top right of his view conveniently caught his attention.

[Skill ranks, highest to lowest: S>A>B>C>D>F]

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Still unsure what the letters actually meant, he at least now knew what they represented. Returning to the top of the list, he reflected on his top skills.

“Fishing… I suppose that makes sense, I’ve been fishing for most of my life. Medium Armor,” he said, while giving the top of his hard shell a small knock with his claw, “that tracks too. And Slashing Weapons…” he looked at his two mighty pincers, “that fits as well.”

Trying his best to ignore the insulting fact that the thing in his eyes was determining him as having no S, or even A skills, he looked at the nearly endless list of skills and his two available points, Balthazar released a small sigh, his shell deflating slightly closer to the ground. All he wanted in that moment was to taste something like that pie again, the memory of its taste still lingering on through his mind, but he had no idea which of those skills could help him achieve that. If only he had been able to ask those two how they had come into possession of such a valuable item, but alas, they didn’t understand a word he said.

“Wait a moment…” his eyes shot up from the grains of sand he was staring at in defeat and focused back on the many skills still listed in front of him.

“Wasn’t there something here that—aha!”

His sight was now focusing on one of the skills on the list, [Speech].

“This has to be it.”

He tried focusing on the small skill, pushing all others away, and a new screen presented itself:

[Speech: F]

[The ability to better verbally communicate and influence others]

[Next Rank Requirements: Level 2, Intelligence 3]

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[Upgrade]

“Yes! Verbal communication,” he said excitedly, “that’s exactly what I want.”

Without hesitation, Balthazar pressed [Upgrade]. After a pondering moment, he shrugged and pressed it a second time, spending both of his points. If he was going to speak, he was going to speak good.

Once again, the wall of text minimized itself into a tiny arrow at the very corner of Balthazar’s vision, barely noticeable unless he really paid attention to it. Curious, he tried focusing on it again, and a new screen scrolled up in front of him:

[Status]

[Name: Balthazar] [Race: Crab] [Class: Undefined] [Level: 3]

[Attributes]

[Strength: 3] [Agility: 2] [Intelligence: 13]

[Primary Skills]

[Medium Armor: B] [Fishing: C] [Slashing Weapons: C] [Speech: C]

“Very good, now we’re getting somewhere,” the crab said, sliding the status screen back down and out of his sight. “I don’t sound any different, but I’m hoping those knuckleheads will understand me now.”

He looked down the stone path now being bathed in the warm mid-afternoon light of the sun. Of course, when you actually need one, they’re not around. Typical adventurers.

If he was like them, he’d be strapping a pack to his shell at that point, ready to head out in a quest to find someone who knows the secrets of pie. But Balthazar was no silly adventurer. He knew better than to leave the comfort and safety of his pond to go into the unknown world out there, full of dangers, monsters, and, worst of all, other adventurers. No sir, smart crab like him knows to stay in his territory, keeping to his daily routine that he had ever since he could remember, almost like that’s what he was made for. Not like he was one to believe in destiny. He knew he belonged where he was because that was his choice, not because some external force decided that’s where he would dwell his whole life. That’d be silly. And also a little depressing.

Shaking away the ridiculous ideas of stepping outside his comfort zone and risking losing his beautiful abode to the next crab who came along, Balthazar looked back at his pond, which was still a complete mess. Dead adventurer here, dead wizard there, items everywhere. And then he remembered that small piece of glass that he loot—that he acquired from the wizard but never had a chance to inspect properly.

Skittering his way back under the tree, he lifted the driftwood cover and retrieved the small object. Carefully holding it between his massive pincers, the thin silver chain attached to the rim swinging under it, he looked over the strange trinket once more, still none the wiser as to what its purpose was. Bringing it closer in front of his eyes, the crab tried peering through the glass surface.

“Oh, what’s this?” Balthazar said, with his mouth open in an inquisitive expression.

The scroll he had hidden in his stash was on the other side, but on the surface of the glass he could see a line of small letters, similar to the text he’d seen before on both the scroll and his own vision.

[Scroll of Character Creation]

Moving the lens slightly to the right, he looked at the small pouch sitting next to the scroll.

[Coin Purse (12)]

With child-like excitement, Balthazar pulled the purse out of the hole and carefully opened it, retrieving a single object from within, and holding it in front of the glass.

[Gold Coin]

“So that’s what these things are,” he whispered. “Coins.”

With great satisfaction in learning the name of his now second favorite thing in the entire world (pie was still currently number one), Balthazar put the coin back in the purse and carefully stashed it in the hole before turning around, ready to find out more about everything around him.

He looked at the ugly upside down metal helmet that now bobbed lightly against the shore of his islet.

[Kettle Hat]

“Hah, imagine that,” he said, while turning to a pair of pointy horns by the shore.

[Bull Horns]

Marching on across the shallowest part of the pond, he looked down at the book the wizard had dropped earlier.

[Tome of Levitation]

“That checks out.”

Circling around to the other side of the crater, he picked up the fallen hat of the fallen wizard.

[Hat of Enlightenment]

[+2 Intelligence]

“Oooh,” Balthazar howled, “interesting.”

He attempted to put the hat on top of his shell, but it immediately fell off, followed by a warning popping up in front of his eyes:

[Item cannot be equipped. Incompatible body type.]

“That’s just no fun!” he said, slightly frustrated.

He attempted to place the hat on himself once again, more firmly this time, but with the same result.

[Item cannot be equipped. Incompatible body type.]

“Argh, fine, you win this time,” he concluded, putting the hat down.

“Hmm, I wonder…” he began, looking at the piece of glass he had been holding in his pincer that whole time.

He brought the tiny object closer to his left eye and attempted to hold it in place between the rim of his shell and the creases of his rugged face. To his surprise, it held.

[Monocle of Examination equipped]

“So this thing is a monocle, huh?”

Satisfied with his discovery, he took the end of the silver chain that now hung from his new monocle and with a skillful snap pierced it into a small hole in the edge of his shell, securing the whole thing to himself.

“That’s much better!”

Turning around, he decided playtime was over. He needed a plan, and the beginning of that plan had to involve cleaning up all the mess of items lying around. Balthazar had developed a genius idea, and it would require that all those bits and pieces were no longer scattered around for just about anyone to take.

That adventurer gave him the slice of pie and took the sword in exchange. Clearly he was a fool, trading something so valuable as that delicious piece of heaven, but if he wanted to make a bad deal, who was this modest crab to stop him?

If one foolish adventurer came, more would follow. He just needed to find the one that carried another slice of pie and then figure out which one of these random knick-knacks they would trade for it. Why would he ever need to leave, when there already were so many adventurers passing by on his road every day?

As he chuckled at his own genius, Balthazar began dutifully picking up the assortment of random items spread around his pond, gathering them one by one at his central islet.

Forks, knives, small daggers, empty glass bottles, bottles with various liquids, some shoes, even socks, everything went into the pile.

“Why would you even carry this with you?!” Balthazar said with a puff, as he propped a large and heavy wheel of cheese on top of his shell and carefully took it to the other side of the water.

Picking up the Tome of Levitation and holding it between his pincers, he wondered about its contents. But then he remembered the falling wizard.

“Nah, better not risk it.”

He had seen enough magic on that day to know it was a fool’s demise. He was better off staying far away from it if he valued his shell. Who had ever heard of a wizard crab, anyway?

Time passed and the busy crab continued his task, slow and steady, until all the contents of the adventurer’s bag—as well as the few items the wizard carried—were gathered at the center of the pond, where he could easily keep an eye on them.

Satisfied with his hard work, Balthazar wiped the top of his shell above his eyes with the back of his claw. He wasn’t exactly sure what for, as crabs don’t sweat.

Crossing back to the edge of the pond, he inspected the ground around the stone path, ensuring no object had been missed, when a shivering feeling ran up the back of his shell, like he was being observed. Quickly turning, he saw his unannounced observer, their eyes locking, rage building up inside the crab.

“You little turd!” Balthazar exploded, “Get out of here!”

A small crow, feathers fully black, sharp beak, and curious eyes, tilted its head sideways while perched on one of the rigid fingers of the dead wizard, examining the crab quickly marching in its direction, before spreading its dark wings and flying upwards with a loud “CAW!”

“I should have known,” Balthazar said, while angrily shaking his claw at the crow disappearing in the distance, “one of your kind would show up, eventually.”

He looked back down at the robed wizard.

“Probably trying to loot the corpse, the shameless creature.”

Crossing his arms, Balthazar looked back and forth at the two dead adventurers through his totally-not-looted new monocle. One looking as if he was taking a peaceful nap, except for the fact that his pillow was a group of hard rocks. The other still firmly interred within his shallow crater, entire body stiffer now, all limbs contorted in awkward directions. To make matters worse, Balthazar couldn’t avoid noticing the surrounding stench.

“Yeah… I need to get rid of these two. Dead bodies are definitely not good for business. Who knows what kind of bad things they could attract?”