Pokemon: Reborn As Ditto

That Time I Reincarnated as a Slime

I wake up on ground, with sun blazing on my face. 

Motherfucker, what in the hell is going on?!

I try to stand up, but my legs are gone, replaced with a squishy pink mass that feels like a cross between Jell-O and a wet sponge. My hands? Forget about it, all I've got now is a goddamn appendage that looks like someone barfed up a pink blob of snot.

I stare at this... thing, my mind reeling in shock. Where the hell are my arms and legs?! How did I turn into some kind of slimy abomination? The last thing I remember is getting drunk at the bar with a chick who wasn't as impressed by my pickup lines as I was, then stumbling home to try and get some action going.

Apparently, that's when I blacked out, because now I'm this... this... pink slime person. And not even a cool blue one like those anime slimes I've seen before, just a bland, unremarkable pink slime.

My mind is racing, trying to wrap itself around the situation. Why a slime? Of all the creatures in the world, why did I have to become a useless, slimy blob?! Is that some kind of sick joke?!

Towering trees, overgrown shrubs, and a sky that seems to be trying to swallow me whole. I'm surrounded by a forest, with no sign of civilization anywhere.

I did see something flying in the skies but the blazing sun didn't allow me discern its shape properly.

Great, just what I always wanted: a second chance at life as a useless slime creature in the middle of nowhere. This is going to be a blast. Nope, just kidding.

I start to squirm and writhe around, getting used to this new body. It's slow-moving, but it'll have to do. Now all I need is some answers, and maybe a way to get out of this godforsaken slime form... or at least find someone who can appreciate my unique appearance.

I don't even have my long hard sword with me now...

Ugh, my life is officially ruined. Time to start slime-ing it up and find a way to get back on two legs... or at least one leg, I'll take what I can get at this point.

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As I squirm my way towards the sound of water, I start to feel a sense of myself and my surroundings. And when I finally reach the water's edge and see my reflection, something clicks in my brain.

This isn't just some weird, unrecognizable slime creature – this is me, or at least, a part of me. A Déjà Vu-style feeling washes over me as I stare into the pinkish blob that used to be my body. It's like I've seen this exact same slime before, even though I know I haven't.

I open my mouth to speak, expecting some sort of incoherent slime noise to come out. But instead, a voice I don't recognize says, "Ditto!?"

What the fuck?

I tried again. "Dittooo?".

The words hang in the air like a challenge, daring me to make sense of them

Am I am fucking ditto now?.

Motherfucker, what's happening here?! My mind is racing as I process this sudden transformation into a Pokémon. 

Wait a minute... if I'm Ditto, that means I'm in the Pokémon world! The Pokémon universe! This isn't some medieval fantasy setting – this is a world filled with goddamn monsters and insane trainers.

I'm a part of that now, a slime who can transform into anything I want

Wait a moment! Transform into anything...

I burst out laughing at my own perversion, "Di di di di!" The reflection of the pink slime in front of me mirrors my own excitement, and for a moment, I'm lost in the absurdity of it all. 

Worry not my sword, the day we meet again is not far away

But then, something unexpected happens. My reflection starts to change, rippling like the surface of the water. Suddenly, a bright red fish with wide, derpy eyes stares back at me from within the watery depths. It's a motherfucking Magicarp! 

The little fish trills out a dumb-sounding "Magiii!" and I can't help but chuckle at its antics. This is it, proof that I'm indeed in the Pokémon universe!

The world of Pocket Monsters, where creatures like this adorable Magicarp exist.

I feel my excitement growing as I realize the possibilities. As Ditto, I can transform into any Pokémon I want- Fuck Yeah!

The thought sends a thrill through me...

The Magicarp swims closer, seemingly curious about its new slime friend. I reach out with my pink appendage, trying to make contact without scaring it off.

I give the Magicarp's head a gentle touch, feeling its smooth scales beneath my slimy appendage. As I do, my mind starts racing with all the possibilities in this Pokémon world.

First off, I gotta figure out which version of Pokeverse we're dealing with here – manga, anime, or game. And I'm not looking forward to it being manga, 'cause that shit's dark, man. Pokémon getting killed left and right, people chomping down on Pikachu... no thanks. I'll take the more kid-friendly versions any day.

But one thing's for sure: I need to get stronger if I wanna survive in this world as a Ditto. And lucky me, I've got the ability to transform into any Pokémon I want!

The Magicarp just keeps staring at me with those big, dopey eyes, occasionally making "Magiii carppp" noises that are supposed to be some form of communication.

Now, I know I'm a Pokémon too, but for some reason, all I hear is the same Pokémon noise that normal humans can't understand.

Am I not a "real" Pokémon or something? Or maybe this little guy just ain't got the cognitive abilities to speak? Either way, it's pretty damn frustrating. I mean, I know I'm a Ditto and all, but come on – I've got thoughts and feelings too, you know!

I look at the Magicarp again, wondering what the hell is going through its mind. It seems happy just swimming around in circles, making those silly noises. Maybe I should just try to chill with it for a bit and enjoy the ride... or maybe I'll just find it annoying.

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