Reincarnated as a Phoenix

Chapter 20 – Perversion

As I placed an item on the pedestal, it seemed to evaporate and disappear as it made contact with the surface.

“Why were you carrying that around Ikarus?”

“It… might not be best to ask such questions Nathan”

I’m getting slight looks of disgust and disappointment from these two after placing an item down on the pedestal, I can understand why they might be slightly disgusted but you can blame my hoarding tendencies, there’s no perversion here at all. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I bought I lot of crap in the capital.

“*Sigh*… At the very least, it’s opened up a hidden door. Let’s just move on, okay?”

The item I placed down wasn’t that big of a deal, I think? It’s just slightly weird that a female would be carrying such an item around. I'm actually surprised it even worked if I'm being honest.

[<-User- shouldn’t make excuses>]

‘Don’t you start judging me too… the knight and priestess really aren’t going to let this go, are they?’

[<Affirmative>]

The three of us enter the hidden door that has just opened up and we find ourselves in another room the looks identical to the one we were just in. This time, Nathan picks up the note to read.

“It says… to continue on, one must give another sacrifice. However, this sacrifice must be a person’s first”

…

I’m really starting to hate this place, where’s the enemies, the insanely difficult boss battles? Whoever made this place is just a perverted creep.

“No wonder the prince and mage never had this dungeon completed; this place is a disgusting joke”

“I’m inclined to agree, Ikarus-sama”

(Nathan) “Anyone have any idea what this one means? I’m a little confused”

Okay, both me and the priestess both understand what it’s asking for, I can tell just by looking at her face.

“Nathan… think about it. It’s a perverted dungeon, what could be someone’s first?”

“Erm… a kiss?”

Wait a second? He’s actually right. I didn’t realize his mind was so innocent. That, or is my mind is actually perverted? I’m not the only one though, succubus-sama looks relieved from that as well.

“Okay knight, you may have just found a much a better alternative”

“What was the other?”

“You’ll find out when you’re older”

“Wait, you mean… that? I’m such an idiot”

He puts his hands on his face trying to hide his embarrassment, me and the priestess both give a little chuckle to his reaction.

“Well… anyway, I don’t think we’re going to get past this one”

“Why not?”

“Because Nathan, me and succubus-sama both lost our first’s a long time ago”

“I’m inclined to agree unfortunately”

Although I don’t know if it counts since I’m a bird, I had my first kiss years ago. Of course, the blushing succubus-sama would have had hers as well, I didn’t even need to ask to know that.

“I’ve never had a first though, it only says one must lose their first. It is possible to do”

Then the knight looked at me and I instantly got the hint, my stomach started churning from the suggestion.

“NO! I’ll throw up if you come near me Nathan, I’ll actually stab you before you get the chance”

“I didn’t hint at anything! I’m just saying it’s doable, not that we should actually do it. No offence Ikarus but I’d think I’d rather turn gay then do that with you”

Okay, that was really offensive but I’ll ignore it since were arguing the same point. Damn it, that was offensive.

“Good… if any guy tries to kiss me, they’ll get a sword or a claw in the groin… actually… that’s a bit tame”

“You’re not straight Ikarus-sama?”

Oh, for God’s sake. I’m starting to get stressed out being down here and I’ve now got to explain to a religious fanatic that I’m not into guys. You know how judgmental people can be, she’s got a problem with my drinking, she’ll have a massive problem with this.

“You got a problem with that priestess-sama?”

“While the Lord prefers men with woman, he’s not all that fussed about it…”

That’s good. Their religion must allow same sex relationships then, this world isn’t all that bad after all.

“… Although, the church hates such relationships. So much so, they might even hunt you down. Me and the Lord don’t share such misguided beliefs, they refuse to change despite my repeated attempts to guide them”

Damn it, that’s a massive red flag for the future, I bet I’m going to have to destroy the church to have a relationship, it’ll be my own Romeo and Juliet love story. The poison just happens to be fanatics and there’s two Juliet’s instead a Romeo. That wasn’t a very good analogy though.

“You just gave me some important information but we’ll discuss that later… let’s just leave and find another dungeon, this one isn’t worth it anymore”

“Actually Ikarus-sama, I’ll take the burden on. My Lord is actually encouraging my involvement here”

She really needs to go into detail on how her voice works since it only ever seems to come up at certain times, I doubt she’ll give me a good answer though. As for why her God is encouraging this, I bet he’s a bit of a perve too then. I’m not going to complain if this completes this shitty dungeon.

“Erm… how should we do this Charlotte?”

“Just relax Nathan, it’s not like I’m going to hurt you or anything”

“I’m going to go back into the other room while you two do the deed, try not to make too much noise, alright?”

[<-User- should read the room>]

‘Hey, that was funny’

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Both of them get even more flustered from my comment. It turns out, I don’t even have to try to set them up, succubus-sama’s God is in agreement with me! It feel’s good having a God agreeing with my meddling.

__________

“It’s done Ikarus-sama”

“You can come back in”

After returning into the room, I notice both their faces are bright red now. Awwww, the sight of a new relationship is blossoming. It probably isn’t but I like the sound of my own stupid thoughts.

“Let’s continue”

Heading into another secret doorway with the exact same layout as the other two, it’s my turn to read a note now.

“Seeing that you two have both already read a note, it seems like it’s my time to shine”

Walking up to the next pedestal, I take a look at the note and my irritation once again returns back to how it just was before.

(To finish the last trial, one must bare all and face witness to the Gods)

“Well… of course, they save the worst till last. This one… is full nudity”

“Are you sure that’s what it means Ikarus-sama?”

“Maybe the note can be interpretated differently?”

“It literally says, one must bare all. If that’s not implying nudity, then I’m a complete fool”

Both of other two realize what this means and their faces turn to embarrassment, I guess even priestess-sama doesn’t like getting nude. I really shouldn’t assume her past is full of nudity and stuff like that. Oh come on, it definitely is, she’s a freaking succubus! It’s a very safe bet.

So, the real question is, which out of the three adventures will make the ultimate sacrifice and bare all? Is this a stupid question? Never!

“I’m more than happy to take the burden on my shoulders”

“No Charlotte, this isn’t something you can do. I’ll step up”

“You two are both being complete idiots…”

I can’t help but insult them, they really aren’t thinking this through.

“… Tell me, did any of you bring spare clothes?”

Both their faces looked even more embarrassed.

Thing is, most people don’t seem to carry spare items of clothing when travelling in the world, I do though. It’s nothing to do with cleanliness of anything like that, it’s simply because I know how stupid I can be at times. It wouldn’t surprise me if I accidently change form without taking my clothes off first, that would end up destroying them. Sometimes I do think ahead believe it or not, this is nothing to do with hording.

“It’s pretty obvious who needs to do this… I do warn you knight; you should not look. It’s not for my sake, it’s for you own”

Once you get a look of pure beauty, nothing else compares. The knight doesn’t deserve to have his expectations ruined by anything he ever sees after this. To clarify, I’m joking, I’m not that vain. I’m only doing this so I don’t have to think about myself naked again.

“L-Let’s just get this over with. F-Fucking perverted dungeon”

“I don’t like the word you use to describe it Ikarus-sama, but even I would go that far, this place is physically draining”

“I’m closing my eyes now, okay? Tell me when it’s fine again Ikarus”

Ikarus has stepped forward to make the ultimate sacrifice, the dungeon is very pleased!

‘I hate this place’

__________

“This has to be, the stupidest thing, I think I’ve ever had to do. I know I’ve already said that to the mage but this is just as stupid. This place needs to be forgotten and destroyed”

(Charlotte) “Agreed”

(Nathan) “Definitely”

Were all in agreement that was stupid, let’s just move on. I’ve already replaced my lost clothing with an exact copy I had in storage, this ring really has helped with conquering this bastard dungeon.

I still don’t know how this dungeon thing works though, wasn’t I supposed to receive a power or something for completing this dungeon? For some reason, I was expecting a new ability or a progress bar saying one out of ten completed. There’s nothing, even Aesa hasn’t mentioned anything about it.

[<-User should take enchanted clothing>]

‘Speak of the devil’

Oh, right, the sealed glass case is now open in the entrance room, that’s where the exit to the third pedestal room led. No-one even seemed to notice it since we were all so disappointed in this dungeon.

“You actually want me to pick that up system? No chance”

I’m purposely saying this out loud to shame Aesa, I’m ain’t touching that!

[<Item is heavily enchanted, does -user- have no curiosity?>]

‘Oh come on, don’t be saying that, you’re just manipulating me!... Damn it, why do you know me so well?’

“You two, don’t say anything, I just want to check what’s it enchanted with, nothing more, nothing less”

They did give me an odd look back but it wasn’t from disappointment this time.

Picking up the skimpy outfit and putting it against my ring, I can’t help but feel grossed out even when I’m barely touching it. It absorbs into the ring and system evaluates it.

[<Enchanted clothing increases -user’s- stats by x2. Item is still affected by maximum stat though>]

“It doubles my stats!?! I actually don’t care though; nothing is worth the embarrassment”

In theory, if it doubles my stats, I could live over eight hundred years with my curse in effect. I seriously don’t care though; I’d happily sacrifice four hundred years never to have to wear that crap. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this adamant about something.

[<-User- should be more open minded. Enchanted clothing is extremely effective>]

Okay, system is pissing me off now.

“Listen Aesa… I don’t care if that armour makes me freaking invincible, I’m NEVER wearing it”

[<-User- should wear it under clothing in case -user- has to remove clothes>]

System is really not letting this go, I’m not backing down from this, I don’t care how effective it is.

“NO! It’s not happening. The second we get back; I’m selling it just to shut you up. I don’t care if it doubles my stats, it’s not an option, understand?”

[<Aesa will stop pestering -user- but -user- cannot sell enchanted clothing>]

“I can’t sell it? That’s not how this relationship works Aesa. I’m selling it and you don’t have a choice!”

[<Aesa will not allow -user- to take enchanted clothing out of -subspace- ability>]

“You traitorous piece of shit! That’s it, I’m drilling a hole inside my head and destroying you one way or another! That item taints everything else in storage! It makes me feel sick even just thinking about it!”

Both the knight and priestess are giving me weird looks while I’m shouting at system, I don’t care though. I cannot allow this injustice to continue.

[<-User- should give up, -user- cannot win this battle>]

“Damn it!”

I’m never too proud to admit I’m a very stubborn person, I really couldn’t care if that it could double my lifespan and my stats, it’s a huge no!

And even if you forget about the extremely embarrassing nature of the clothing, strutting around civilization wearing something like that would either get you arrested or make people think you’re providing a certain kind of service. To even consider wearing something like that, I’d have to lose a bet with the devil.

And this stupid system apparently wants me to keep it? Sigh… I’ll just let it win this battle, it can’t force me into putting it on, even it has its own limitations. I’m just going to have to trick it into letting me dispose of it.

For some reason, I can’t help but think this isn’t the last time this stupid piece of clothing is going to come up though. I better not be foreshadowing something.

Once everything was finished up and as we were leaving the dungeon, Nathan just had to get something of his chest.

“I’m sorry Ikarus, but I’ve got to ask, why did you have a protective cup in your enchanted ring?”

Damn it, he just couldn’t let it go. Why does he care so much about the item I placed on the pedestal?

“Honestly… I thought it was something else, couldn’t exactly return it once it was bought”

(Nathan) “What did you think it was?”

(Charlotte) “I’m curious as well”

These two won’t leave me alone, this is bullying! I did something stupid, just leave me be.

“J-Just please forget about it, okay”

[<-User- was being perverse>]

‘That’s not the reason, you stupid system! You’ve pissed me off enough today, I’m putting you in time out!’

[<-User- cannot->]

‘Zip it!’

__________

“Looks like the three adventures have finally come out into the light!”

“You’re trespassing in these woods, it’ll cost ya”

“We’re friendly enough, just surrender and we won’t hurt you”

At the entrance to the cave, we’re greeted by three bandits. Any anger I had from that cave is completely gone and is now replaced with joy,

“Priestess, please don’t get involved”

“Fine Ikarus-sama, I’ll allow you to do God’s bidding”

“Can I get involved though?”

“Sure, just let me kill them”

‘Status’

[Name: Billy   |   Species: Human   |   Level: 6]

[Health    250/250]

[Stamina 201/350]

[Magicka 0/0]

----------

[Name: Jack   |   Species: Human   |   Level: 7]

[Health    350/350]

[Stamina 191/350]

[Magicka 0/0]

----------

[Name: Domino   |   Species: Human   |   Level: 8]

[Health    500/500]

[Stamina 179/300]

[Magicka 0/0]

‘This is… pathetic. They shouldn’t even be able to breathe with levels that low. I don’t care if I’m exaggerating, this is dumb’

“Hey Nathan, don’t get involved please. They might die from a gust of wind, can’t have you stealing my EXP”

“Okay Ikarus”

The knight takes his hand of his sword and leaves it in the holster, the bandits sensing somethings wrong start rambling again.

“What the hell is she on about?”

“I don’t know either”

“If you don’t wish to die to our hands, surrender and we’ll let you live”

Sigh… this isn’t even worth my time; this is going to be like taking candy from a baby.

__________

Listen, I’m not a battle junkie but seriously though, I’m not even going to acknowledge how disappointing that fight was. I knew it would be but still, if it wasn’t for the EXP, I’d feel a little guilty, that was just bullying.

I even ended up using my terrible sword skills to deal with them, they were that bad. Every one of them went down with a single slash, no effort or even breaking a sweat. It wasn’t even worth mentioning it if I didn’t get EXP from the encounter.

“You finished with these heathens Ikarus-sama?”

“Yeah sure, you and Nathan can loot them if you want. I’m about to do something else”

“Loot?”

“She means search their body for supplies or coins Charlotte, I’m surprised you’ve never heard of that term”

“Most of the sinners who attack me don’t tend to leave much to scavenge through”

“Oh right, your abili-”

While those two are having a little chat, I want to check my spoils of war.

‘Status’

[Name: Ikarus   |   Species: Phoenix   |   Level: 24]

[Health    3,468/3,500]

[Stamina 2,972/3,500]

[Magicka 3,500/3,500]

[You currently have 1500 unused points]

‘Can get this done nice and quick, you already know what I’m putting it into Aesa’

[<Points are being distributed into -user’s- health>]

‘Good, that will give me close to five thousand days then… Hang on, I’ve just noticed my health. We were in that dungeon for four days, I know we stopped for sleep breaks but that seems a little short’

Yeah, I think might be a bit overdramatic, I thought we had spent at least a week, maybe even two down there. I might need to experience some serious character growth.

[<Agreed>]

‘Like usual, didn’t ask for your opinion. I’m never going to change now, it’s all your fault system’

Then, just as I’m finishing up with Aesa and finally about to leave with the others, an unexpected voice enters my brain.

<Little one, to think that you’d be over here!>

‘Father?... Where the hell are you?’

I start looking around in every direction but no dragon can be seen,

<Just having a slight rest, I won’t bother coming over. That black human is dangerous, she seems fine travelling with you though>

Black human? Oh, he means succubus-sama, she wears black clothing, got it. I know she’s strong but father acknowledging someone’s dangerous, that says a lot. I’m surprised to why he thinks she’s a human though, maybe dragons can’t tell what a succubus is.

‘I’m confused to why you’re over here, this is the other side of the mountain range, you two never go this side’

The forest the three of us are currently in isn’t the same one to the dragon’s forest, it’s completely the other side of the mountain range. That why I’m a little surprised.

<You’re not the only one searching for a cure, little one. I’m returning from speaking to an old friend, I noticed an odd scent and quickly realized it’s you, as well as the scent of booze>

Smell of booze? I haven’t drunk in a while though, dragon scent is a little broken, way too overpowered. It might need a slight nerf.

‘You better not tell on me to mother’

<I wouldn’t do such a thing but your mother would already know, her scent of smell is much stronger than I>

Crap, I’m in big trouble when I return. It’s going to get even worse because I don’t plan on ever stopping my drinking habits.

‘You can tell her, if she wants to make a big fuss over it, I’m never returning’

<I will but you already know what will happen>

She’ll come drag me back, won’t she? Damn overprotective dragon, just let me life my life!

‘Regardless, I’m still not apologizing’

<Fair enough. I’ve got to fly back now little one, take care>

‘Tell Minos I said hi as well’

<Will do, stay safe little one>

“Ikarus-sama, are you okay?”

“You’ve been quiet for a little while”

Didn’t realize their conversation ended. They’re both standing around staring at me, think they might be slightly concerned about why It looks like I’ve zoned out for so long.

“Ah sorry, just communicating with my father, pay it no mind”

“Y-Your father is n-near?”

Nathan’s stutter is back, I shouldn’t have told him that, just hearing me talking about a dragon has caused him stress.

“No, he’s gone now”

“P-Phew…”

It takes me a second but then I realized I’ve missed out on an opportunity.

‘Why, the hell didn’t I ask him to look for dungeons? That could off saved us so much time’

[<Does -user- really think that’s a good idea?>]

‘You’re… probably right. Getting a dragon to look for something might be a bit risky’