Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

Chapter 315: Chapter 315: Conan (Final)

(I'm taking a break this week. I'm working on an important arc, and since it's the holidays anyway, I decided to take some time off. I'll see you guys back next Monday.)

[General POV]

{Edward nodded. "Yeah. My house is gone, and now the insurance company keeps postponing my payout, so I can't buy a new house. I've been sleeping in hotels and crashing at friends' places. The media keeps trashing my name. Overall, December is not a very good month for me."

Conan leaned back in his chair, looking at Edward with a mix of admiration and sympathy. "You know what? I feel really bad for you now."

"I feel bad for myself too," Edward laughed at his own misery.}

TBS broadcasted the interview immediately after they won the bid. Without any promotional efforts, Edward didn't think the interview would be a success; however, he was wrong.

"I guess we were so focused on the cool things he did that we ignored what he had to go through," Leonard commented as he watched the interview with his friends and Penny.

Sheldon added, "I heard from Amy that he helped someone cure their degenerative brain maledictment. She's bound by her NDA from telling me the details, but he funded the research using his own money and never took any credit for it."

Penny looked at Sheldon in confusion and asked, "Why are you speaking so highly of him? Didn't you think of him as a rival?"

Howard interrupted, answering the question for Sheldon, "He did. But when Sheldon realized how similar Edward's life is to that of a real superhero, he became his little fan instead."

"Hey! I resent that! I'm not his little fan. I just don't hate him as much as I did," Sheldon protested while his friends laughed at him before they continued watching the interview on TV.

{Conan asked, "Don't you feel scared when the whole thing goes down? I mean, I would freeze and wouldn't even know what to do until it's all over. You stepped up to help when you could have just turned them away and enjoyed the evening with the ladies. Why did you decide to take them in?"

The viewers and the studio audience were curious about this. Many wondered why Edward put himself at risk; he could've just walked away from it all.

Edward thought for a moment before replying, "I guess... it's because they need help? I didn't think much about it at the time."

The audience exclaimed in amazement. Conan asked, "You weren't scared?"

"I was scared. I was scared shitless at that time," he added with a distressed expression and a forced smile. "I had my close friends inside the house, and they could be implicated too. I could have jumped into the ocean as a last resort, but Taylor doesn't know how to swim..."

The crowd chuckled at his remark. Edward turned to the audience, laughing, "I'm just kidding. She does know how to swim."}

"The person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed, without a doubt, a real superhero," Sheldon suddenly said.

Leonard turned to him and asked, "Where is that from? I think I've heard it before."

Sheldon replied, "Stan Lee."

Penny looked at the screen in amazement and said, "So he's like someone who escaped from a comic book."

"Based on what he's done, it could be," Sheldon agreed with Penny.

{Conan asked, "Luckily, everything turned out well. I don't recommend that you or any of the viewers try to do what he did, but at the same time, it's really amazing what you have done."

The crowd applauded and cheered for Edward, supporting and admiring him. The applause went on for quite a while, almost five minutes, but Edward cut it out of the final interview and made it time for a commercial instead.

Conan changed the topic after a while, "So, you're thinking about buying a new house. Why is it taking so long?"

"I still want to live by the beach. I love watching the ocean," Edward replied, slightly adjusting his seating.

Conan smirked and said, "It's because you grew up around ships, isn't it?"

"Kinda," Edward agreed, which made the audience chuckle a bit. "I'm used to watching the sea whenever I wake up in my seaside villa. I wanted to be able to do that in my new home. However, I don't think I can do that anymore."

"Why not? Is it too expensive? That's impossible for you," Conan teased slightly. As the audience laughed, Edward replied, also laughing, "Not that. I've already looked at several places, but when the people there find out it's me, they get scared and beg me not to move in."

The audience furrowed their brows, expressing frustration on Edward's behalf.

"Why not? Why don't they want you there?" Conan asked again, his eyes filled with confusion and slight irritation for the people who treated Edward that way.

"Don't get mad. I'm fine with it. I'm not mad," Edward reassured Conan.

This chapter upload first at NovelUsb.Com

"NO! I want to get mad!" Conan exclaimed exaggeratedly, which shifted the audience's mood. "You're not my therapist. You can't tell me what to feel," he added playfully. Then he asked again, "Why didn't they want you to move near them?"

"It's not that hard to figure out. They're scared another missile will hit, and the property values around the area will go down. Some of my neighbors in the seaside villa area even planned to sue me to make up for their losses, so I guess—"

Conan interrupted, "They wanted to sue you!?"

"That's not important; they dropped it after finding out there was no basis for their lawsuit," Edward said dismissively. He then added, "For my next home, I guess I'll have to find something in the mountains, you know, somewhere I can be isolated."

The crowd reacted to Edward's experience and his saddened expression when he mentioned the isolation. Some expressed anger, while others showed deep sadness for him.

Edward noticed and turned to the audience, "Don't worry, it'll be fine. Despite not being able to live by the beach anymore, I can trade it for Batman's house, so it's a fair trade."

The audience chuckled at Edward's words. Conan nodded slightly and asked, "You found Batman's house?"

"No, so far, I only found some land," Edward replied with excitement. "I'm going on a world tour for two years, so I'm not in a rush to find a new place. I decided to build one for myself."

"I wouldn't be surprised if, in two years, he actually builds a Batman house," Jay muttered after watching the interview.

Phil commented, "With the Batcave underneath it."

Luke added, "With the Batmobile parked in it."

The interview ended after Edward discussed his world tour with Conan.

{Conan asked, "You mentioned the world tour. What kind of world tour takes two years? No one has actually done that before."

"Oh, it's not a work-only world tour per se. It's more of my dad and me touring the world over two years," Edward clarified with a smile.

"I want to see the world too and learn new things. Some people get mad that I learned Japanese to sing in Japan, but I wonder if they'll get irate when they learn I'm going to perform in Italian, French, Portuguese, Spanish, and I even prepared a performance in Mongolia, learning their traditional throat singing."

"Mongolian throat singing? What's that?" Conan asked.

Edward demonstrated by singing a bit of Mongolian throat singing, which made the audience laugh at the abruptness of it.

"What?" Conan was flabbergasted. Edward laughed and said, "That's how they sing their traditional songs."

"Tell me, why are you learning all of this? Are you just bored? Is that it?" Conan asked, slightly teasing but looking serious.

Edward laughed and replied, "No. It's a bit more personal. Um, the reason I made the songs for the world tour is that I think that when songs are translated, they lose a certain nuance or meaning behind them. I guess that's why I try to learn new languages."

The crowd was amazed by Edward's intention behind the song. When the interview was posted on Netflix, the international netizen felt Edward's sincerity and it earned him a lot of new fans.

"Some people thought I'd be gone for good, but I already bought my Super Bowl ticket, so..." Edward joked. "I'll be back. I promise."

Conan replied, "And when you come back, make sure you tell me all about your trip around the world."

"On your new show?" Edward quipped, which made Conan look momentarily depressed. Then Edward surprised him: "The Conan Show on TBS. They just picked it up. Make sure you don't get canned from that too before I return."

The crowd applauded excitedly after hearing Edward's announcement. Conan blanked out for a second before muttering, "What— I mean, WHAT?!"

"Hey, Conan really signed on with TBS for The Conan Show," Howard said after quickly Googling the news.

Although the pay was less than what he received at NBC, Conan would have more creative freedom on his own show. TBS offered him a $10 million per year salary, which was more compared to what he would have initially received, around $5 to $7 million.

It was $2 million less than his NBC salary, but with more creative control, Conan felt it was worth it. The negotiations had already been in place, and Edward's interview just made it happen earlier.

{"Before we end the interview, Edward said he wants to share an interesting fact with us all." Conan said after hugging Edward and celebrating the announcement of the new show.

Edward suddenly leaned forward and said, "Do you know humans have no pain receptors on our lower lips?"

"Huh? Really?" Albeit confused, Conan tested it out by biting his lower lip. Edward quickly took out a camera and snapped a selfie with Conan while some staff members took pictures of the audience.

Conan couldn't even react before Edward shared the picture on the screen, showing him biting his lip seductively. Embarrassed, Conan stood up immediately and exclaimed, "HEY! DELETE THAT!"

"I think I'll make this my profile picture," Edward said casually. Conan was flabbergasted, and then Edward added, "I'll even post it on my Instagram feed."}

It was an act of promotion for his apps, which was a clever idea considering TBS achieved 14 million viewers, setting a new record for the network in the category of interview segments. It was a huge success for the cable network, and the money they used to buy the interview was worth it.

{"Thank you Edward Newgate for being so honest today." Conan said, "Before we end the show, Edward has agreed to share his performance inside the mansion before the missile hit, something that we are all intrigued about, which makes this another exclusive footage from the day of the incident. Edward, what is the title of this song?"

"It's called, "As the World Caves in."

Conan played the footage as the camera pulled back, and the interview ended.}

The edited footage of the final moment in the mansion turned some of the audience members teary, especially when it was accompanied with the emotional song.

Penny turned to the guys and saw Leonard, Howard and Rajesh sniffling. Even though her eyes were also red, she made fun of those guys, "Wait. Are you guys crying?"

"No." Leonard replied, his voice breaking slightly, "We just have some dust in our eyes."

...

[Edward POV]

After the interview was over, I hung out with Pepper and Taylor in the office while Harvey finalized the contract with TBS.

"You talked a lot of nonsense in there," Taylor complained. Pepper nodded and added, "They had to cut it down from three hours to one hour."

I grimaced and replied, "What? I don't know what they'll use in the final edit, so I just answered whatever he asked me."

The final editing was handled by Conan and his team, not me. Right now, I just wanted to focus on counting the money. Thanks to the interview, the insurance company finally felt the pressure and released the compensation for my destroyed home.

"So, you're going to use the money to buy land?" Pepper asked curiously.

I nodded. "Yeah. I think I will. I can get five acres of land for around one million outside the city, or I could buy a small hill near the Palisades for five million."

Pepper's expression shifted as he furrowed his brow. "You don't mean 'that hill,' do you?"

"Kinda," I replied with a wry smile.

"NOOO!!" Pepper exclaimed in disbelief. Taylor looked confused and asked, "What hill? What's wrong with it?"

"The hill itself is fine. But there's a mansion on top of it... a HAUNTED mansion," Pepper said, his tone taking on a spooky edge.

Taylor raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "What do you mean, haunted?"

I smirked and moved behind Taylor, whispering conspiratorially, "It's said that a family of four died there mysteriously one stormy night. After that, every resident who moved into the mansion reported hearing a woman sobbing and children's footsteps running around the hall."

Startled, Taylor looked horrified and slowly pushed my head away. "Stop kidding around!"

In America, about 57% of the population believed in the existence of ghosts. Countless abandoned houses across the country remained unwanted due to these rumors and the unsettling feelings people experienced when entering them. This meant I could buy that small hill for a really, really low price.

"Aren't you scared, Edward? What if they haunt you too?" Pepper asked, concern etched on his face.

"You're going to demolish the house there, right?" Taylor suggested, her brow furrowing.

I shrugged and replied, "If there are any apparitions lingering, I'll make sure to charge them rent."

I was indeed considering demolishing the so-called 'haunted' house. Its foundation was already crumbling, so starting from scratch would be the best option. The main reason I wanted to buy the hill was its proximity—only 15 minutes away from my childhood home. Not to mention it has a stunning view of the city from up there.

However, acquiring an entire hill would require a lot of work and paperwork. Harvey needed to find the current owner of that hill as it wasn't owned by the city.

The landscape was filled with natural vegetation and wildlife, making it a beautiful yet challenging site for development. Even if I started building the house immediately, it would take at least three years for the place to be livable.

Now was the best time for me to snatch up some property. After the 2008 economic market crash, the housing market hasn't recovered fully yet. I even bought some plots of land in the inner city that were sold for cheap. I planned to build some libraries or a basketball court there.

"You're a weird dude." Taylor looked at me with disbelief. "Buy sports cars! Be normal. Don't buy properties like an old guy!"

"Even I don't snatch up properties like you do." Pepper grimaced. I shrugged and joked, "Well you should. I'm going to buy a lot of places all over the country, make the college kids who're learning tradework fix it for me for credit score, and then flip it for money without offering them any profits."

"You're diabolical." Conan, who just entered the room, scolded me playfully. We talked for hours inside the room, and I even brought out the last bottle of Euphoria with me.

"I really need my lab back." I muttered with a depressed look on my face as I watched the last drop of Euphoria disappear from Conan's glass.

...

It's finally Christmas eve, and I was running around buying last minute presents for my friends. My family from Wisconsin had come to California to spend Christmas with me, although they stayed in a rented house by the beach rather than staying at my place.

Amy and Maggie helped me to decorate my house and the Christmas tree while I watched TV on my laptop.

"Why isn't he helping?" Amy whined as she complained to my grandmother.

"Honey, Edward is working." Grandma Jules explained.

"He's watching SouthPark!" Maggie exposed while pointing her finger at me.

"They are making a special episode with me." I argued back. "Of course I'm going to watch it."

SouthPark made an episode based on the terror attack which was initiated by Cartman. He found a secret missile base and attacked my house just for shit and giggled.

Then, I began hunting him in his city, turning all of his friends against him one by one. Cartman made amends with me by whooping 'Whoopi' on her ass, which was hilarious.

I voiced the character myself, which earned me a lot of respect from the audience of the show as I was okay with making fun of myself. Family Guy also has planned a special episode with me, but it will air after Christmas.

After I finished watching it, I picked up the gifts I had wrapped and walked towards the Dunphy's house. The door was unlocked, and it was open slightly ajar, so I just walked in.

However, when I entered the house, I saw the three kids sitting on the couch and the parents were scolding them, standing beside the Christmas Tree.

"This is unacceptable,and I want to know who did this." Claire scolded, crossing her arms together. Haley stared at her parents rebelliously while Alex looked distressed.

"Nobody, huh? I guess the couch did it to itself. It came home after a tough day, lit up

a cigarette and then burnt itself. Is that what happened?Because that makes no sense." Phil scolded.

"If whoever's responsible doesn't come forward, we'll punish all three of you." Claire gave an ultimatum.

"What?" Haley exclaimed. "That's not fair." Luke retorted with a sad face.

Phil smiled as he saw he was in the children's head, "I can forgive the smoking,but I can't forgive the lie..." As he was stared at by Claire, he quickly fixed his wording, "or the smoking."

"No one wants to confess?" Claire stared at her children and asked with a slightly shaky voice.

Phil got irritated and said, "That's fine, because you know what happens next? We cancel Christmas."

"That's not fair." Luke exclaimed immediately.

"Okay, Dad, sure." Haley said, thinking that there was no way it would happen.

Claire looked at Phil with a slight concern, her eyes shook as she thought about the implication.

[Phil and Claire's commentary]

Claire said, holding Phil's hand, "Phil has a habit of making big pronouncements to the kids."

Phil chuckled and said, "One time, I told Luke that if he didn't put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, we would put them in his bed."

Claire sighed, "Phil's problem is...follow-through."

When this happened, all of the dirty dishes were placed in Luke's bed, which meant that the family had no more plates to use.

Phil sighed, "We had no more dishes, so we were eating cereal out of the goldfish bowl."

[Commentary ends]

"Okay, guess where I'm headed. To take down the tree." Phil walked beside the decorated Christmas tree, " Right, this is your last chance."

"Come on, guys. Whoever it is, just take responsibility. Don't put the rest of us through this." Claire stammered. As a parent, it was important for them to stay on the same side. That's why she's supporting Phil even though she felt that he was being excessive.

Phil looked at his children, his eyes shook slightly, "This is really it." He waited, but no one fessed up. "Here we go.Three... two... one...Goodbye, Dunphy Christmas." His voice broke a bit as he began to dismantle the tree.

"Haley, I guess you're not getting that car." Phil told his eldest daughter

"I was getting a car?!" Haley exclaimed unfairly.

"No, I was lying, because that's what we do now. Dunphys are liars." Phil said as he dragged the tree out of the living room. "Oh Hi Ed." He walked past me casually as he took the tree outside of the door.

"Hi Phil." I greeted casually.

"Ed. When did you get here?" Claire widened her eyes slightly, embarrassed by thinking that she had made a spectacle in front of me.

"Just now. The door's open so I just walked in to drop off the gifts." I replied, "But then I heard Christmas is cancelled over here at this house. Should I bring these back?"