Shades of the New World

Chapter 78: Memories

Author's note: The next few chapters will include a lot of jumping back and forth between Evin and Evan.

Evin is Eviendra on Alvox, who is remembering his past.

And Evan is Evan Lorelei back on Earth, which was Eviendra's name on Earth. Enjoy.

For the next few hours, Evin simply slouched in Kena's armchair, half-awake and half-dreaming. Hundreds of memories appeared inside his head, one after another, forcing him to remember his past.

His childhood, the death of his sisters, the ensuing fear of dripping liquids All of them appeared inside his head one after another. Evin could also notice a different pile of memories relating to all the "sorted" information about Earth in his head. The pile was huge, with hundreds of different things piled up on it. From everyday objects to various mythical beasts, a plethora of subjects became apparent to Evin once more.

But Evin didn't mind those things that much, deciding to focus on the memories of his life, of when he was Evan Lorelei and not Eviendra.

Evan Lorelei's body became more and more frail as he grew up, due to the nightmares and their effects on his mental state. He would get sick more often than other children, and his condition would be worse as well. The boy didn't complain about the sicknesses much, since he knew in his heart that his fate was much better than his sisters.

'Where did this silent and enduring personality go?! I want it back!' Evin screamed inside his head.

After becoming a spirit, Evin's go-to method of solving difficult problems was to run away from them. Clearly, this trait followed Evin with his reincarnation. He could focus on his magic practices so diligently, only because he had nothing else to do, and the subject was interesting to him But for other problems, he'd do his best to avoid them.

As Evin pondered about such things, the memories started appearing in his head again.

After a while, Evan got into a college and soon distanced himself from his family. His fear of dripping liquids became less and less prevalent, and eventually, like everyone he started searching for someone nice to settle in with.

He met no financial problems in his life, so he wasn't really conscious about how he spent money. He thought that even if he got a wastrel of a fiance, he wouldn't really mind it that much, as long the girl didn't 100 to 0 his savings.

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After a while, he finally found a girl he liked. The girl seemed to like him as well, so they started meeting each other in balls or whatnot.

Then they started dating, but since the 18th century frowned upon public meetings, the two would meet at Evan's apartment in the city. The young lovers planned to marry soon after, but Evan was forced into the military. He served two years as a border guard, but when he came back after his military duty was over, he found that his lover had found someone else and married already.

Crushed with the news, Evan started drinking to relieve the pain. He couldn't blame the woman, since he also had his own fair share of escapades with some country girls in the border areas, but obviously he didn't give much value to those incidents. He told himself that it was natural to relieve one's bodily urges.

Wanting to feel betrayed, but not quite able to, Evan thought his life was over now, that he would fall into depression and kill himself... but reality told him otherwise. It actually didn't take a long time for him to forget about the matter, completely opposite of his expectation. He made a huge fuss of it, drinking and complaining but after two weeks, he was back at life like nothing ever happened.

Evan wondered if he was just like that. Numb and desensitized. These words didn't sound so bad to Evin. He knew that society frowned upon such emotionless people, but Evan didn't understand why such a view existed among others.

Soon afterwards, Evan went back to his usual life, going to his work and occasionally visiting his parents Them constantly nagging him about grandchildren and whatnot, since both his sister and brother already had their own life and children.

His parents' words made him even more stubborn about the prospect of marriage. Being single felt like a blessing to him, without the constant pestering of another on his side. The freedom felt refreshing as well.

Some of his friends joked that he got too hurt by one broken promise, so now he's acting like a little sissy, but Evan let the jokes slide off without caring.

But after constant repetitions of these incidents, one thought started to appear inside his head more and more often. About how society compares outgoing people to individuals who would rather keep to themselves. How society actively encourages its individuals to chase after relations and love. To create a family. But for the ones who would rather stay alone, society pressures them to follow the rest, just like his family and friends who constantly nagged at him to get married.

With such thoughts, Evan Lorelei decided to write a book.

To sell his idea, he made a study of ancient human behavior and ancient social structures where cooperation was absolutely necessary for survival. Humans could not hunt a lion alone, but if they cooperated, they could use a plethora of methods to slay one. In such a time, ones who wished to stay solitary did not meet a pleasant end most of the time.

He then compared these studies with modern human behavior, stating that there was no need for such tight societal dependency in modern days. One could easily take care of oneself, without the need to depend on others so heavily.

He then wrote that mankind's ancestral dependency on social relationships was a curse that was bound to their blood, and that it was time to ascend these primitive ways, to adventure not the Earth, but to delve deeper inside themselves, to understand oneself best before trying to tackle the World

Looking at these memories, the current Evin was shocked and flabbergasted. He didn't remember half of these things he evidently did. He always thought that he never wrote a book, but apparently he did!

'I was basically trying to tackle introversion and extraversion, huh? Wow, I can't believe I forgot about these things. Now that the potion reminded me, I can remember some bits and pieces. Pretty sure the book failed, though,' Evin thought.

As he guessed, next came memories of how he was devastated by the failure of his book. Obviously such radical thoughts were ill-received by most readers, pushing Earth's Evin even deeper into solitude. Obviously his family and friends offered to help him, but in the eyes of the ostracized loner, it felt like they were taking pity on him.

After this incident, Evan's life became more and more difficult. Without him realizing it, he became unable to trust others properly. Every time someone talked to him, he would suspect their intentions. Eventually he started lashing out at his own family and friends, and began to isolate himself completely. He even kicked out the servants from his house, because he suspected them of talking behind his back.

Although he had some trouble at first he got used to living alone, he even enjoyed it greatly. And with no one to pay, Evan could support such a lifestyle for quite a long time.

Drowning himself in his giant collection of books, Evan completely stopped taking proper care of himself, falling into a state of lethargy and filth. With such a way of life that completely disregarded health and hygiene, it wasn't be hard to guess that the young man would fall sick at some point.

One day, Evan had spent a little too much time outside and had gotten a fever from somewhere. The thought to consult a doctor or his family never occurred to Evan because first, he thought that the fever wasn't anything special. But the more prevalent reason was his inability to trust others with his well-being.

That day Evan went to the butcher's shop to buy some chicken legs and wings, sweating and lightly panting. The way the butcher looked at the smelly and quite obviously sick customer soured Evan's mood, but he desperately needed the ingredients. He could only curse at the butcher inside his head, while amiably smiling at the man.

After procuring his ingredients, he staggeringly walked home and started preparing the food, all while coughing and cursing. After starting the fire, Evan put all the ingredients in a pot filled with water and sat at the table, his back drenching with cold sweat.

A normal person would worry and panic when their body started showing such symptoms, but Evan's childhood which was riddled with such illnesses. His situation made him quite dull to the symptoms of a common fever. For him, it wasn't such a big deal. A good meal and a solid night of sleep would fix his body by the next morning.

After some time passed, Evan ate his beloved chicken soup and headed towards his bed, removing his clothes as he walked. But while he was taking off his shirt, he couldn't see that his foot was about to hit a crooked wooden tile and stumbled onto the floor with a rumbling noise.

Evan tried to get up, but the weakened state of his body did not allow him to move a single inch. Half-naked, with his shirt partially removed, Evan fell into a deadly slumber.

On the cold night in the middle of fall, Evan Lorelei passed out due to hypothermia.

And thus, the author who advocated solitude over socialization died because he refused to ask for the necessary help to cure a fever.

"This is so embarrassing, I can't do this," Evin mumbled under his head and sighed. He slouched deeper into the armchair and started comparing the memories that the potion was showing him and the memories that he thought were real beforehand.

'I always felt wronged with the way I died,' Evin thought as he was reminded about his own death.

His original assumption was that he died alone and shivering, suffering due to a heavy illness and no one to help him. Little did he know that over time, his brain gradually replaced some of the details, only leaving the part about him suffering with sickness. Completely overriding the part about him writing a book which led him to this state in the first place.

'But I still can't believe how wrongly I remember these. How can I completely forget the book that was practically the primary reason of my death?' Evin wondered. But even after thinking about it with the help of the World of Thoughts, he could only chalk it up to how big of a memory deviation three hundred years can actually create.

Soon after memories of how Evin started coping with his own death started coming to his mind.