Tales From the Terran Republic

Chapter 237: The Smiley's Settle

“You’re impossible, you know that?” Xree’s fiance declared proudly as he painfully hauled himself out of bed.

“The scene is still fresh,” he said as he started getting dressed.

She shook her head as she helped him into his shirt.

“I’ll get a wheelchair,” she said as she handed him his blaster.

“I can walk,” he replied.

“No, you can’t,” she replied. “You got it in the ear, darling. You’re already about to puke, aren’t you.”

“...”

“Thought so,” she said as she guided him to the chair she was recently occupying. “Now sit your mangled ass down, and I’ll get a chair.”

She loped from the room.

A few moments later, Gvx-Taa entered.

“Just what the fuck do you think you are doing?” he clicked.

“My job,” Xree replied.

Gvx-Taa just shrugged and handed him the scanner he was carrying as Xree’s fiance returned, pushing a chair.

“It’s a secure area,” Gvx-Taa clicked gently. “I’ll push him.”

***

“I told him it was safe...” a distraught doctor said as he clutched at his beak and nibbled his talons in distress. “I told him…”

Xree just sighed and patted the doctor’s shoulder.

“It’s the Hatchet,” he said with a shrug. “This isn’t the first ‘safe’ place they have struck. It isn’t even the first safe place they struck today. There was nothing you could have done.”

“He said he was in danger,” the doctor moaned. “He told me… I… I just thought...”

The doctor quietly started to weep.

Xree let out a mildly annoyed snort. The doctor was useless, at least for now. Pushing a Kreneel in this state would just make them shut down completely.

“We need to ask you some more questions,” Xree said gently, “when you are ready to talk, ok?”

“O-okay...” the doctor replied, still looking down. Xree glanced over at the Threen nurse behind the desk.

“Were you on duty when it happened?”

“Yes, sir,” the Threen replied.

“Tell me, step by step, what happened.”

“There isn’t really that much to say,” the Threen replied, “The patient was listed as potentially violent and extremely distressed, so the doctor...”

The doctor let out a strangled squawk.

“The doctor prescribed three ml of Gvaarkaltan, a potent tranquilizer, every six hours.”

“A bit strong,” Xree observed, much to the doctor’s distress.

“The patient was combative and actively struggling against his restraints,” the nurse replied, “there were concerns that he would injure himself… and he was nearly incoherent with distress…”

The Threen looked away.

“We thought he was being irrational.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Xree replied. “I can’t go into details, but nobody is finding fault with any of your actions. We are just trying to find out something that can help us catch this monster.”

The Threen nodded.

“So I entered the order into the system,” the Threen continued. “A few minutes later, we got an alarm from his room. We tried to…”

The Threen sighed.

“But it was far too late. The entire cassette was emptied into the patient, and the doser was still clicking. That’s impossible! There are safeguards, interlocks! How...”

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“We will be making a thorough investigation,” Xree said calmly, “and will be forwarding any and all findings to the appropriate agencies to ensure this does not happen again. We… Oh, Creator’s jizz...”

Xree scowled as several uniformed Naval Officers approached.

“Who is the agent in charge here?” A Vulxeen captain asked.

“That would be me,” Xree replied as he got out of his wheelchair to confront the greypig (and regretted it immediately. A Xvli’s superior balance and spatial perception is a very mixed blessing when the ears get hit.)

“Captain Bolkavar’Hauui-Maaxaimian, Naval Intelligence,” he said as he bent stiffly at the waist the appropriate amount required to greet a peer. “But that’s a mouthful. You can just call me Bolk.”

“Senior Agent [email protected]@, Federation Intelligence,” Xree replied, copying the captain’s bow. “I go by Xree.”

The captain looked around.

“I see you gentlebeings got here first,” he smiled, his lip nubs wiggling with amusement.

“Well, I had a shorter trip,” Xree smirked.

“I see that,” Captain Bolk replied. “I was at the demonstration. Are you certain that you are… um...”

“I’m fine,” Xree hissed as his head reeled.

“Before we go any further,” the captain said politely, “I am NOT here to lick your breakfast. This is clearly your turf… unless you fall over and hit your other ear, that is.”

He gestured towards the wheelchair.

With a suspicious hiss, Xree sat back down.

“Tell me, Xree,” Captain Bolk said as he sat on a couch nearby. “Was this the ‘Hatchet’ that had Kraak-To so concerned?”

“We are still processing the scene,” Xree replied, “but it is highly likely. This matches their MO perfectly. The only thing that is lacking is...”

Jaxona exited Kraak-To’s room holding a tablet.

“Found it,” she said grimly. “It was encoded in the auto-doser pulses. They aren’t steady. There is a distinct rhythm. When converted to binary and then translated to Old Terran Unicode it translates to ‘U+1F642’.”

She turned her tablet to reveal a yellow smiley face emoji.

Xree just closed his eyes and hissed.

“And there it is,” Xree grumbled. “Their calling card. It was The Hatchet.”

“Fuck,” Captain Bolk said grimly. “We thought he would be safe here.”

“There is no safe when you deal with that monster,” Xree replied. “She hit us in our headquarters, for Void’s sake.”

The Captain pulled out his communicator.

“If there is anything we can do to assist, anything at all, tell me,” Captain Bolk said as he sent Xree his contact information. “I’ll deal with the red tape on our end.”

“What?”

“I know our agencies have historically had ‘issues’,” the captain said with a sigh, “But I no longer have time for that nonsense. We are at war with an enemy who has no scruple nor remorse, an enemy who uses terror and murder on a scale heretofore unimaginable...”

The captain sighed heavily.

“What they did to my home… I lost family...”

“I’m sorry,” Xree said, not quite sure how to respond.

“And I fear that we have only seen the beginning of what they have in store,” the captain continued. “We can’t fight them and each other if we have any hope of winning… If… If we had reached out earlier… Perhaps Captain Kraak-To and Commander Perkins would still be alive.”

“He was the human?”

The captain nodded.

“He was a good man,” Captain Bolk said, “And as one of the few loyal humans remaining, an invaluable resource.”

“Looks like a… ugh… looks like a pattern,” Xree said as he winced. He was not feeling very good at all. “Agent Smythe was one of the most senior humans we had left as well as our expert on human weaponry. The knowledge and experience we lost was a very real blow.”

“Do you think they are targeting human expertise?” The Captain asked.

“If they are, they are putting a very high priority on it,” Xree replied. “Are you familiar with The Hatchet, Captain?”

“Aside from Captain Kraak-To’s increasingly deranged ramblings, no.”

“Well,” Xree shrugged, “everything he told you was likely true.”

“Seriously?”

“They are a ‘kingslayer’,” Xree said in a weary tone, “quite possibly the best assassin… ever. It doesn’t matter who the target is. If they are given their name, and their fee is paid, that individual is dead, including the late Director Axlea.”

“That was this Hatchet?!?”

Xree nodded.

“Was she targeted by Jessica Morgan as well?”

“No,” Xree replied, “The Hatchet works for whoever pays. In that case, the person handing out the credits was Patricia Hu. The Hatchet has worked for people in the Federation, the Republic, the Empire, independent space… whoever can meet her rate, which is significant. If Jessica wants human knowledge removed from our reach, she is paying at least eight figures a head for it, at least.”

“Creators,” the captain muttered, “then there must be a reason besides just going after ‘traitors’.”

Xree nodded.

“We need to pull our remaining humans in and keep them secure,” Xree said as he pulled out his communicator.

The Captain did the same.

“I’m sorry ma’am,” a guard called out from around the corner, “This area is an active—“

“[email protected]@!” a very imperious and highly annoyed Xvli voice boomed. “You get your ass out here right now!”

Xree winced.

“The wife?” the captain asked with a smile.

“Not yet,” Xree replied ruefully.

“Get off of me!” his fiance shouted, presumably at the poor guards trying to stop her. “The soft-headed pellet actually has a fucking concussion! He needs to get his stupid tail in bed. [email protected]@! If you don’t wheel your sorry wilted pecker out here immediately, I will personally rip the rest of your ears off!”

“You have a concussion?” Jaxona exclaimed as she rushed out of Kraak-To’s room.

“It’s nothing,” Xree replied. “We need… ugh… we need to try to find out where… where they...”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jaxona replied, “We need to find out where they tapped in before the Sani-clear or whatever she used strips everything down to the masonry.”

She grabbed Xree’s wheelchair and firmly started marching him toward his somewhat annoyed future bride.

“We’ll handle that,” Jaxona said as Xree’s fiance glared at him. “You just lay down and drool for a little bit. Kalent teams are sweeping the area as well. If she left so much as a pube, we’ll find it.”

“Wait,” Xree said, “She?”

“Yeah,” Jaxona replied, “we now know that The Hatchet is a human female and even have her rough physical dimensions.”

”How?” Xree said as he gripped the wheels of his chair, causing them to squeal against the tiles.

“We know how she got into our headquarters now,” Jaxona said grimly. “She killed Agent Lin and assumed her identity. She didn’t pick her by accident. She had to be close enough so The Hatchet could pull it off.”

“Lin’s dead?!?” Xree exclaimed. ”When?!?”

“Last night,” Jaxona replied, “when we were reviewing the security footage and access logs, she was the only one who was in the same room with the weapons and ammo for the presentation. We sent a team to ‘politely invite’ her in for ‘a little chat’ and found her face down on her living room floor. What was done to her was… she… The Hatchet, I mean… she… um… she removed enough dermal samples that she could pass through the bio-scanners... somehow.”

“But… but I saw her today!” Xree shouted. “That… That bitch even waved at me!… I’ll KILL HER!!! I WILL RIP… BLEAGH”

Xree doubled over and vomited on the floor, causing his fiance to leap over the guards and rush to him.

Jaxona waved frantically at the guards preventing them from literally stunning the pellets out of Xree’s future bride.

“Darling!” she gushed as she stroked his fur, “Oh, darling! Oh, love!”

“It’s… just… puke...” Xree grumbled.

“Get him back to the emergency room or wherever,” Jaxona said. “I’ll lead things here until they send someone actually... qualified,” she added with a bit of amusement.

“I can’t believe they told you I had a concussion,” Xree grumbled as his fiance wheeled him down the hall.

“They didn’t,” she said as she batted him with one of her intact ears. “But they did discuss it among themselves when they thought nobody was within ‘earshot’. Now let’s get you back to bed.”

***

“Well done!” Jessica said to a hard-hat wearing Brenda, who was leaning against a large mining machine while eating a ‘ham’ and cheese sandwich. “You actually infiltrated Federation Intelligence’s HQ? How?”

“A little quirk of those ‘impregnable’ bio scanners,” Brenda grinned, “They are used at shift changes and other times when a lot of people are coming through at once. They have a very narrow and shallow sweep with a lot of noise canceling to keep the false alarms down. I had an ID and enough living skin on me to fool it.”

“You skinned a Fed?” Jessica laughed.

“Not all the way!” Brenda replied, “Just enough so I could spread it out over the smuggler’s bodysuit I had on under her uniform.”

“What about the face?”

“Yeah, that was kinda gross,” Brenda said as she made an ick face. “Let’s just say that my foundation has an extra special ingredient.”

“And that worked?”

“It worked this time,” Brenda shrugged as she took another bite. “It won’t the next. They are probably already all over it. Gross! I just ate some makeup. I guess I’m a real porkie now!”

“Watch it!” Jessica laughed. “So… That’s three of ten. How quickly can you move on the rest?”

“I need to lay low for a few,” Brenda replied. “and see how their search is going to go. I should be able to start working up the next batch in maybe a week. I might get lucky and be able to move on someone before then, but I dunno.”

Jessica made a less than satisfied face.

“Well, you got Smythe, Perkins, and Kraak-To,” Jessica replied, “Those were the three I definitely wanted gone first. You have until the tunnel is finished to take out as many on the list as you can. I know how you are about always making a kill, but please, don’t try to do the truly impossible. I would rather retain your services than you die because you had to prove something that no longer needs to be proven. If you can’t complete the capital city list before the tunnel is complete, abort the rest of the assignment except for the last target. Do you need anything more concerning that one?”

“I think I got what I need,” Brenda smiled, “I’m pretty sure what I want to do, but I’m still working out the details. That one’s tricky. Hey, what is the deal with this tunnel anyway?” Brenda asked. “Why is it so big? Are we building a secret subway or something?”

“It’s a surprise,” Jessica smiled.

“Ooo! I love surprises!”

***

Later that night, Gvx-Taa sat in front of his monitor looking at the refined red-frilled Admiral Kelunkthinani, the head of Naval Intelligence and a Kalent.

“I agree,” Gvx-Taa said to the group, “These latest attacks only further prove that we need to open up permanent channels of communication and increase cooperation between our agencies, not only where The Hatchet is concerned, but for every endeavor we are undertaking. I don’t think I need to tell anyone here exactly how grim things actually are.”

“Absolutely,” the Admiral replied. “It’s going to be a little rough at first, and there are a great many details we need to resolve as far as access to our classified materials go, but we need every advantage we can get. I’m willing to set aside our pointless rivalry for the duration. As the humans say, ‘We can hate each other later.’,” he added with a smile.

“There has been a… shift… as far as our internal… administration goes. As a result, we will open our archives to you both,” the Kalent said, “as well as increase the rate of technological exchange, provided that your agencies are willing to keep what we share to yourselves… for now. There is simply no reason for you not to be properly equipped, and both of your agencies have shown that you are responsible both in temperament and in how you protect classified information and technology. We shall start with your injured Xvli. I believe you will find the ‘prosthetics’ to be satisfactory. We will transfer him to our ‘diplomatic vessel’ in orbit immediately.”

The Kalent paused.

“We will also begin the process of connecting both of you to the rather significant surveillance feeds from that same ship. It is parked directly above Capital City and covers the entire area. We have, of course, been informing you both of any significant findings, but perhaps you will think to look where we do not. If it increases the chance of finding that fiend by the barest of margins, then we have no issue. We will also start the process of directly connecting you both into our galactic observation grid.”

“So it does exist after all,” the Admiral said.

“That it does,” the Kalent replied. “Until now, we have been passing along information with the explanation that a ‘passing ship’ saw whatever it was we wanted to pass along. We shall, as they say, omit the feces from now on.”

The Kalent let forth a chuckle-bloop.

“I must prepare you for disappointment, though,” he said, “We are far from omniscient, and Jessica Morgan obviously knows far more about our observation grid than we had hoped. She is successfully concealing most of her ships and doing a distressingly impressive job of obscuring their movements.”

“How?!?” the Admiral exclaimed.

“I would love to know that myself,” the Kalent replied.

The Kalent flared its gills.

“However, there is one thing that I do know,” it said with quiet malice. “It is time that this ‘Hatchet’ and the Forsaken are dealt with once and for all. The galaxy has become a much more dangerous place, and our time of warm slumbering upon the gentle currents is now at an end. If we wish to survive as a Federation, we must fight in earnest, no half-measures, and if we wish to survive as individual species, we must do so together. I will not lie to you. We have been dissatisfied with the Federation for quite some time, but our dissatisfaction can be addressed later. It will be addressed by those in power dealing with those in power and not by withholding the very tools, weapons, and support needed to prevail against the Forsaken. The Argent program is only the beginning. I can promise you that.”

It spun in agitation.

“It is not our job to determine the future path of the Federation. Our job is to protect the Federation that currently exists so that it can have that future. I don’t care about nip-a-fin games, and I know you gentlebeings are sick of them as well. Let’s catch ourselves a murderer and put down a criminal gang with delusions of sovereignty and put them down so hard that they never trouble us again.”

The Admiral just dipped its slender needle-like beak in agreement as Gvx-Taa hurled a gob of bile into his spittoon.

“Sounds good to me,” Gvx-Taa buzzed. “Shall we begin?”