The 3 B's- Beauty, Brains and Bravery

Chapter 543: "It'll hurt even more if I stay"

Rakhatal, Logar, Afghanistan;

The next morning, Rong Xinghe woke up with a headache, the back of her neck aching. "Urgh!", she groaned, getting down from her bed. She was in her male alias. She was supposed to be... until the whole thing was over.

She stood in front of a small mirror, tied to one of the poles holding the tent, gazing at her appearance. At her pale lifeless eyes. She looked miserable, so much so that she couldn't even recognize herself for a moment there. 'Your emotions will affect the mission.', she told herself, shaking her head violently, as she let out a deep breath. 

Quickly then, she rushed over to close all the curtains in the tent, retrieving a contour palette from one of her suitcases.

She missed him. Her Yuan. It was weird, really. He had never been an obstruction in any of her missions before, and yet, this one was an exception. Probably because they'd parted at a misunderstanding, she sighed. 

"Zahir. It's me, Aayan.", a voice, from outside the tent, interrupted the woman's line of thoughts. 

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"Come in.", Rong Xinghe said, staring at the powder brush in her hands. Shortly after, Shawn Florence appeared in her line of sight, a refreshing smile across his lips, two cups in his hands.

"The villagers made some soup.", he said, handing over one of the cups to the woman as he sat down next to her, "Here."

"Thanks."

"Goodness, this is the first time I've seen you so shattered!", the man stated, turning to look at the girl, a tad surprised, "So what if he didn't trust you? Is it really that complicated? Just explain yourself to him when you see him next."

Rong Xinghe smiled at her friend, resting her head against his shoulder next, "But that's the thing. I've never had to explain myself to him. He knows me better than anyone, Shawn. Him not trusting me changes everything about us, you know. The sense of security I've always had around him; I feel like it's not there anymore. The idea that no matter what happens, I'll find that person standing by my side; it's just... fading.

"I know he is no Zhou Che, and that he'd definitely listen to me patiently as soon as I get back home. But would it hurt any less? I will always have to tiptoe around him, with a fear of what he might think, or would he believe me in any such, similar situation.

"That's pitiful, and in ways, toxic. I cannot lead a life like that, Shawn. My brothers have taught me better than that.", the girl said softly, "Loneliness is frightening. But not as much as abandonment is. Because the latter one comes with an endless amount of darkness, unbearable pain. And you and I, we both know, what that does to us. What our rage, and cries, do to us. It makes us Rippers."

Shawn Florence was stunned, as he placed his cup over the small table in front of them, "So you mean to say you'll leave him if he has had indeed doubted you?", he questioned the girl quite earnestly.

"I'll have to.", the girl mumbled, staring into the distance, "It'll sting if I quit, but it'll hurt even more if I stay. Because the very foundation of a relationship is trust and respect. We've always had that for one another. Both of us. How long do you think love, and passion lasts? Ten years? Twenty? What about after that? 

"I know I might be expecting too much from him provided we've known each other for merely three years. But if I don't shield my honor, I cannot expect anyone else to do that for me. I was born a fighter, and I will always be one. If I accept Yuan's lack of faith in me today, I'll lose myself. I will lose the woman I've fought so hard to become. 

"Rong Xinghe does not compromise, and neither does she kneel to anyone for mercy. I deal with death, in person. And so, I will not make a home on the ashes of my dignity, and my sanity."

The Hybrid sat still for a few minutes, quietly. He'd never admired this woman so much before. Maybe that's why millions of young girls across the globe sought inspiration from her today, he thought. They saw her doing not many women were courageous enough to even think of. Putting herself first. Prioritizing herself, for once. Being selfish, when necessary. 

She demanded a chair at the goddamned table, amongst thousands of those snobbish men who sat at the top. Rightfully so. With her unparalleled intellect and sense of righteousness; she deserved to be listened to by the world. And she knew that. Her Six Tigers had made sure of that. 

Though it was still wretched, the situation she was in now, Florence realized. They couldn't speak for Xi Yuan since the Hybrids hadn't known the man for long, but it distressed the Ten men to watch her like this.

Zhou Che was the reason she'd stopped believing in love, and family, and ever afters. For the first six months of their Military Chief Training, none of them had seen her smile even once. She was this living thing, existing, desperately searching for anything to hold onto. A mission, a purpose, in life. And the nation's army had given her that. A reason to think that she mattered. 

The Hybrids had watched her fight, and break, and laugh, and cry. They'd seen what her past had done to her. How it'd broken her and wounded her for the rest of her existence. And as a result of it all, they'd genuinely hoped to never find her in a state as dreary and horrid as she was in now.

This was worse than when it was with Zhou Che. Because while that man was her first love, Xi Yuan was her epic one. He was her husband, and friend, and everything else in between. She'd be crushed by her own darkness if they were to ever part. And that was the last thing Rong Xinghe needed in her life. To be deserted by her sweet, sweet Yuan.

How he wished Xi Yuan would not let that happen. How he wished he'd have faith in his Xinghe.