The Beautiful Monster

She could tell that Elias was a bit sad over her being so distant, but she could tell that he wanted to be supportive of her too.

He never asked her to put aside her work for him or to cut into her studying time to spend time with him instead. Maybe his care was actually a lack of care, though.

Maybe he was fine with her continuously blowing him off because he didn't want to hang out with her that bad.

Maybe he liked the growing distance between them. That thought saddened her. Were they already breaking apart?

"Alyssa! Hey!"

Alyssa looked up from her daze as she walked through campus to her next class. She saw Zoe waving from down the sidewalk, prompting her to lift her hand as well.

"Hey," she said, trying to conjure up as much enthusiasm as she could. Her voice still fell flat, though. She just didn't have much spirit in her right now.

Zoe immediately frowned and crossed her arms over her chest when she came to a stop in front of Alyssa.

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"What's the matter?" she asked.

Alyssa sighed and lowered her eyes. She knew that she couldn't lie to Zoe.

The truth would be forced out of her one way or another, and it would be nice to talk to someone about what was going on. It wasn't like she could talk to Elias about it.

"Elias and I have been a little distant lately. I mean… it's my fault," she sighed.

Zoe gave her a confused look.

"How is it your fault?"

Alyssa motioned for Zoe to walk with her. She still had to get to class on time.

"My grades have been slipping. Bad. I keep hanging out with him instead of studying," she explained.

"So, I've been blowing him off lately to get my work done. He's been totally fine with it, but… what if he's fine with the distance?"

Zoe gave Alyssa a pointed look.

"You sound ridiculous. You're making a problem out of nothing," she said.

Alyssa frowned as she listened. Maybe Zoe was right, but she couldn't help it! She hadn't been in this situation before, and she expected Elias to pitch more of a fit about them not seeing each other lately.

Then again, she wanted him to be supportive of her. She didn't know what she wanted! She just didn't know what was going through his head.

"I want to be with him, but I can't lose my scholarship and drop out. That would ruin me," Alyssa said. She could only imagine how her parents would rub her failure in her face.

They never believed in her desire to go to college, and she knew that they were just waiting for her to mess up and drop out.

"I think you're stressing yourself out. You can organize your schedule better so that you can have both. You don't have to choose," Zoe told her.

Those words comforted Alyssa. She always thought that she had a choice to make, that things were black and white.

She wasn't the most flexible person in the world, but she needed to learn how to bend to accommodate all of the different things in her life.

As she grew older, she would have more and more things in her life to deal with. When she first started college, she was awful at juggling the new things in her life.

Now, she was getting better, but she easily got intimidated. One little slip nearly sent her spiraling when that didn't need to be the case.

"I'm just afraid to slack a little when it comes to school for a relationship that might not work out in the end. I want it to be forever. I… feel so much for him, but I can't say the same for him.

What if he just drops me one day?" Alyssa asked Zoe. She knew that her friend didn't have all the answers, but she needed comfort. She needed to stop overthinking.

Zoe slowed her pace so that she could take Alyssa's arm, drawing her closer to her side.

"I know it's scary, but you guys are so good together. I believe in you two," she said with a warm smile.

Alyssa felt the side of her mouth curl up slightly. She hoped that things turned out well on all fronts for her.

She wanted her grades to soar, and she also wanted her relationship to succeed. She had never balanced so many things in her life before, but she also felt far happier and more fulfilled than ever before.

That had to be a sign that she was moving in the right direction.

"I just needed some time to catch up on my work and think things through. I hope I haven't ruined things,"

Alyssa murmured. Once again, her own fear threatened to take things away from her. She was still wary of the future, but she tried to remain optimistic. That was all that she could do.

"Talk to him. Stop running away," Zoe told her pointedly.

Alyssa knew that Zoe had a point. She needed to be honest with Elias. Maybe they could work something out so that they had time for themselves and for each other.

They both had so much to juggle, and she didn't want either of them to fall behind on anything.

"I'll text him later and see if he wants to meet up. After I get my homework done," she said. She had to prioritize her time, even if it was a bit tedious.

She wished that she could brush her work off and just do what she wanted instead of what she had to do.

"Good. I bet he's dying to see you," Zoe said as she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, quit," Alyssa smirked as she nudged Zoe. She was the one dying to see Elias. It had been torture not being with him lately, but at least she caught up on her work.

Maybe she could spare some time to hang out with him. "I love you."

Zoe beamed at that.

"I love you. There's someone else you should be saying that to," she said.