The Butcher of Gadobhra

Chapter 12: Squirmies and Bananas and Deer! Oh My!

"Dammit Greenberg, will you just show us the pages with the map?" This was the 4th time Monger had asked the ranger if he could look at the map he was making. Greenberg's refusal, and the ensuing arguments had been been annoying to everyone. As it became apparent the area wasn't very dangerous, the two women had headed back to the tavern leaving Manwar, Greenberg, and Monger to carry on with the mapping.

Greenberg had stopped and was sketching again in his large journal. "I told you, you can see it when it's done and I can copy my pages to a larger format. I'm not just letting you look at my journal." Monger continued to argue with him. Manwar scouted ahead a bit. After he was out of sight he circled back silently. He came up behind Greenberg and peered over his shoulder. Scowling, Manwar yelled at him, "That's a Deer! Why the hell are you drawing a Deer? You're supposed to be drawing a detailed map of the area!!"

"Eeep! Do not startle me that way when I'm drawing. I hate erasing things!!"

Monger grabbed the book away from him. The first few pages seemed to be an attempt to map the areas they had been to. Then it got confusing. Arrows would point to both sides of the page with 'North?' written next to both of them. The drawings became more and more confused. Finally, a page said only, "Screw it." The following page had a drawing of a deer. Followed by another page with a drawing of a deer. In fact, the next fifteen pages had drawings of deer. Very nice deer. But not a map.

Neither of his companions were happy. Greenberg ignored them and began eating a lemon.

Manwar finally looked at the elf and said "Ok, I'll admit they are nice pictures of deer. You really captured their images. But could you maybe explain why you quit mapping?"

"Oh, that's easy. It didn't make any sense; we kept changing direction. I tried to tell you, but you just kept telling me to draw the map and you knew where you were going. I was getting dizzy trying to map things and argue with you about what path was north. So I gave up and drew deer."

Manwar and Monger just stared at Greenberg. Thinking back, they did remember him arguing, but it had always seemed obvious to them which way to go. Some trails led in the right direction, and others didn't. Which seemed really strange when they thought about it. Manwar looked at the elf enjoying his snack. "Let me guess, you're immune to it because you eat lemons."

"Well, I was thinking it was my 6 WIS, Perception skill at 3, Tracking at 2, and innate Elven ability to resist mental attacks. But you're right, it must be the lemons." And with that he took out another lemon and bit into it.

Manwar looked at Monger and asked "So, what direction haven't we been in?" Monger thought a bit and pointed. Manwar looked at Greenberg, "Lead us in the opposite direction. If we start acting weird, just sit down and draw a deer."

Many deer drawings later, another picture was starting to appear. There was an area where, as Monger put it, "Shit just gets weird." The two humans felt a compulsion to go the other way. Greenberg seemed immune at first, but at a certain point, even he stopped. "I can't go any further, and it's hard to look at that rock." The other two couldn't even turn their heads in that direction. "What rock, Greenberg? Describe it."

"It's about two foot high, square at the bottom, maybe a foot across. The top has a flattened point. I think I can see writing on it, but it's hard to see with the vegetation. Hmm....and I can see a similar looking rock to the west of it about 20 feet, and one the other direction. Some sort of magic stones?"

Manwar's head was pounding. "Try to lead us along a path that parallels the stones. Monger, see if you can keep track of direction and distance. Plot it on a grid. Let's find out how big this area is."

You have died!

But you did it heroically! Saving a poor girl from a horrible death in the jaws of some mutant bug! Well done! You recieve a bonus of +1 to a stat. Choose well, the chosen stat also influences your heritage.

Suzette found herself sitting on a bench that was part of a large patio. The paving stones looked like marble. Palm trees surrounded the area and in the center were several medium- sized, white-feathered birds with long, black legs. Their heads and longish beaks were also black. Currently the birds were engaged in catching the food a man was tossing to them.

The bird feeder was a man with dusky skin, readily apparent since he wasn't wearing a shirt. Instead of pants he had a sort of skirt that went from his waist to his knees. It was pure white and trimmed in gold. He had a curly black beard, but his hair was covered with a white cloth held in place by a gold circlet. He had sandles on his feet. Smiling over at Suzette he dumped the rest of the bird food out of a small jar into his hand and flung it in the air.

Something landed near Suzette and she saw it was a shimmering blue scarab about an inch long. It tried to scurry away but it was caught by a long black beak. "I tried bread crumbs, but they didn't like it, told me it was for pigeons. The Ibis love the scarabs though, so scarabs it is."

"Glad you're here; I need your advice. Which do you think is better? This one?" he posed for her, turning sideways and putting one arm straight ahead and one behind.

".....or this one?" He turned sideways to her, but in the other direction. His head changed into that of an Ibis and he was holding a staff in his front hand.

"Holy shit! Who are you!!! What happened to your head?!"

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"Ah, well that settles that. I like the old traditional look, but it does make it more difficult to connect with people." The man's head returned to normal and the staff disappeared.

"Let's start over. I'm Hermes, Thrice Blessed God of Magic, Alchemy, and a lot of other cool things. And you are Suzette, the newest member of my secret order of Hermetic Scholars. Want lunch while we get acquainted?"

Lunch turned out to be skewers of lamb in some tangy sauce along with some very tasty sliced fruit. After inquiring about how Suzette's new job was going, he gave her some background on Hermetics. "It was really this nice fusion between Greek and Egyptian beliefs, along with what was going on in the studies of alchemy, ritual magics, and astrology. I could see it all fit together, but this blend of magic wasn't going to be for everyone. Most scholars like to specialize more. So I held a big get together in Alexandria, invited the people I wanted to come, leaked the information to see who else came. It was great - lasted over two weeks. Non-stop mix of philosophy, magic, science, and partying. I was surprised at who showed up. I expected the scholars, but I also got a fruit vendor from Carthage with some ideas on heavenly movements, a group of girls from Athena's temple who had their own heavenly movements, and the current royal assassin."

"At the end we decided to form a secret society and they named it after me. Really nice of them. We've been learning, and unlearning, and hiding in plain site ever since then. Oh, and I mentioned Cuthitcus, the Royal Assassin? He was really impressed by that little poisoning you did. Brought it to my attention. I agreed with him. and we sent the invite."

"Wait...I killed someone. That gets me into your secret society of magic?"

"Nope. It was how you killed him. Let me give you some more background. The world runs on natural laws. Dragons fly, pears fall off of trees, everybody dies. But if you know the laws, study them and really get a feel for them, you can sort of push back against them - flip them around. Gravity makes things fall, but you can learn to fly. Everything dies, but you can stretch things out, live longer; or maybe even walk back out of death. Like you get to do soon."

"So what you did is apply the principle of Polarity. Everything has poles. North and South. Sweet and sour. Things can be both alike and unlike. Opposites can be different in substance, but alike in degree. Extremes can meet. Paradoxes can all be reconciled."

"You did something brilliant. You took a healing herb, added a bit of tainted dark magic, and suddenly, in addition to cleansing the wound, you made sure the patient died of poison."

"But I-"

"But you didn't mean to. You didn't know. That's great. Through not knowing you found new knowledge. Another application of Polarity. You're a natural."

Suzette's head was whirling. "Wait. But I'm in a game, and I'm just a Contract Worker, and I don't even have primary skills. But I now have Hermetics as a primary skill? How does that work?"

Hermes stood up. "But is it a game? Or just one extreme of a reality and you have a foot in both? You'll figure it out. As to skills, yes, your masters at ACME clipped all your access to primary skills. You don't even get the normal ones. They went through other character classes and made a nice list of things you can't learn.

But they have to follow the rules. If they missed a skill, or it was hidden from them, then you can still learn it. The God of the Game says you do. But those skills are hidden until you find them. Similar to how I hid Hermetics. Seemed obvious to make sure my skill was in the list of hidden primary abilities. And you found it. So welcome. Glad to have you."

Hermes looked over at a sundial and scowled. "The sun always goes faster when I'm having fun. Or maybe Apollo has a hot date tonight and is cheating. But you have to go. I have two gifts for you. The first is my mark. You'll know the members of my order by it, and they you. No one else can see it. " His thumb reached out and brushed her forehead.

"And I have a book for you. It has some answers, some questions, and some puzzles that will lead you deeper into your studies and help you in 'the game.' It's yours, and you can't lose it, it will appear when you whisper 'Hermetica.'"

Suzette took the book. "Thanks. I think. No, definitely thanks. Can I come back again?"

Hermes smiled down at her. "Sure. Anytime you are between life and death. Oh, here, take a banana with you, they go bad quickly in the heat."

Things started to fade around her. She woke up sitting next to the fountain in the Sedgewick square - and wow! did she feel horrible. She saw why Ozzy had been so morose. This death stuff sucks - stupid caterpillar thing. She stood up and a banana dropped out of her lap. She picked it up and stared at it. Memories came back to her. She sat down and ate the banana. They went bad quickly in the heat.

Summary

-You have met Hermes, Thrice Blessed God of Magic, Alchemy, Astrology, Hermetics and all things cool.

Gain 100 EP in Hermetics

-You have been tutored by Hermes The Cool

-Gain 100 EP in Hermetics

Congratulations! You gained enough EP to earn Hermetics Level 2

-You gained the Mark of the Hermetic Order of the Eternal Dawn

-You gained a copy of volume 1 of Corpus Hermeticus. Command word: Hermetica

-You have gained 200 EP in INT. Your INT skill is now Level 2. +1 to INT

-Your Heroic Death earned you a bonus stat point. This is added to your your natural stats and is a clue to your heritage. You might want to pick that sometime. Clock is ticking.

Wow! Time to focus. Let's grab that bonus before the clock runs out. My INT, CHR, and DEX are all at 2 now. Looks like I can pick up more points of INT through Hermetics. Baking will give me DEX. It's slow, but Ozzy already got at least one STR point. CHR seems like the smart choice. It's already part of my heritage somehow. And it's always been something I like to max. CHR it is.

You have chosen to increase your CHR. Your natural CHR bonus is now +3. You have uncovered more of your heritage. Current Race: Mixed. 95% Human 5% other planar.

-You have discovered that you have a natural resistance to paralysis of 50%.

-You feel pretty!

Going into the Tavern, she looked in the mirror behind the bar. She looked a bit different. Her hair had more curls. Were her eyes bigger? And what was up with her ears?

"Oh god! I've got Spock Ears."

Outside, Billy had gathered everyone around the table for daily assignments. She wandered out. She started to pull her hair over her ears and then said to hell with it. This is who she was, no sense hiding it. Especially when she looked a darn sight prettier than all the rest.

Several people looked at her. Ben cocked an eyebrow and smiled. Rolly gave a two thumbs up sign. Billy looked at her for a second and then sighed. "Ok, not even going to ask how you managed a makeover and pointed ears. Looks good. And just shows that my instincts are 100% correct again. Betty has been crushing it as a baker and churning out the muffins. So we don't need two bakers. But as I have just secured the lease of that fine tavern across the road, it turns out I do need a barmaid. It was easy to reassign you while you were dead; less cost. You start today in the afternoon and get to sleep in most mornings. Talk to Derek the Bartender."

Your specialty as a Contract Worker has been reassigned.

You have lost the specialty 'Baker.' You may not improve skills from Baker, or gain EP from them.

You have gained the specialty 'Barmaid.'

You have gained the skills: Mixology, Flirt, Pub Games, Barmaid's Balance.

Because your specialty was changed while you were dead, no additional cost was charged to ACME Corporation for the change.

Because your specialty was changed while you were dead, by your employer, you retain the following:

EP in Muffinmaker: 100 Level 1

EP in DEX: 100 Level 1 Your DEX is increased by +1.

Rolly thought that sedgebeasts must have been bred to be stupid. No animal could be so dumb naturally. They seemed to be able to get stuck in anything: thickets, trees, and quicksand, to name a few. If there was a way to get stuck, they put a hoof into it. Which made his current job of rounding them up a lot more difficult.

He'd been working up in some light forest north of the village, running the ugly cows out of the thickets and down to where Lyle could herd them into the corral. The things seemed to be everywhere - probably no natural predators; well, until now. He was pretty sure Ozzy now held that spot in their 'circle of life.' He killed dozens every day and they had only gotten him one time so far.

They bred fast too. He swore that some of the cows were already heavily pregnant again after having a calf or two. Some even gave birth to three at once! There seemed to be a correlation between how many calves they birthed at once and how ugly they were. There was one he called Big Bertha. She was nursing three calves when he first started in the game, and they had looked like newborns. Now, a week later, they were half grown and she looked like she was going put down another batch any day now. She was at least half again the size of the more normal looking cows. She had a third eye in the middle of her forehead, a double tail, a rack that would make a longhorn steer envious, and a middle horn that put any unicorn to shame. She also had a club hoof, a hairy mane like a buffalo, and two udders.

She was beautiful in an ugly sort of way. She had a preferred bull he had nicknamed Ferdinand with an equally impressive set of horns, one cyclopean eye, and a bright red hide. Rolly wondered if having one parent with three eyes cancelled out the other having one eye? Have to take a tally as they kept breeding.

They obviously wouldn't be slaughtering the whole herd, even if they could. He was slowly moving his favorites over to a second herd. Big Bertha and Ferdinand hadn't been much trouble to move to the second pasture. He'd put out salt licks for them and bribed them with some bags of groats each day. Ferdinand had tended to wander back until he figured out that Rolly was moving more and more cows over to his private pleasure field. They had plenty of water; the river that ran past the town and under the bridge bordered the pasture. There was more good grazing on the other side. He needed to look along that section where it widened and see if there was a shallow area he could herd more sedgebeasts across.

In the back of his mind Rolly was thinking about trying to breed the best of the segebeasts and see if he could raise one as a pet. Maybe getting a riding pet out of it. Every game had pets. People loved them. He considered it a huge flaw that his Shepherd specialty didn't come with one. In fact, his skills were a bit meagre. He had: Herd Animal or Beast, Talk at Animals, Animal Healing, and Pet Commands. The problem was, he didn't have a pet and the commands seemed to heavily assume he had some type of dog. With Rover being absent, he couldn't use the commands Round 'em up, Hold 'em, Go Find, and That'll do, Pig.

Down by the river, he slid down the bank and walked along it. The water was fairly deep right here, but it widened out in a bit getting shallower. A large gravel bar stretched across the center. Might make a good ford, but he'd have to get rid of the broken logs and other flotsam that got deposited there or the stupid cows would somehow get a horn or hoof stuck. He'd made it to the middle of the gravel bar when he saw something that made his heart sing!

It was a Squirmie! Just like in Pokemasters3000. A big caterpillar with orange and black fur, and big nasty jaws it could use to attack other Pokefriends in duels. And it was hurt! The poor thing was just laying there and not moving. A couple of its two dozen stumpy legs were missing and it had a nasty look to its head, all swollen up. He had to act quickly.

Moving down by the poor critter, he used his Talk at Animals skill. It didn't really let him pull a Dr. Doolittle and communicate - but sort of get across his intentions to them. Right now he was trying to say, "Don't worry little buddy, I'll get you out of the river and fix up all your ouchies." It was remaining calm, so he bent down and picked Squirmie up. He was soft and fuzzy. A little stiff too, probably from the cold water. Rolly ran across the gravel bar and up the bank with his bundle.

He needed to get the poor thing warm and find a safe spot for it. There was a tight grove of willows growing next to the bank, but up above the water. He set the caterpillar down and cut enough of the tight stalks that he could get inside the thicket to a small open area. He wove the cut willow into a sort of wall around the area and bent the willows into the center and tied them with strips of the long flexible bark. He'd make it better later. First, he needed some straw from the barn for a nest. Once the nest was made he moved the Squirmie into the hidden area.

His animal healing was pretty weak, but he had a lot of stamina. He'd healed a big cut Ferdinand had on his ass where Bertha bit him. She got a bit jealous at times when he flirted with the other cows. He put his hands on Squirmie's head first and kept healing until it looked better and it's jaw pinchers started moving.

The way it was moving its mouth meant it was hungry. "Be right back little buddy, I'll get you a big batch of yummy leaves to eat."

"Or maybe some meat, I bet you'd love a big bunch of fresh meat!"

Rolly ran over to where Ozzy piled up all the parts from the sedgebeasts he killed. He saved the brains for Ben. But the entrails, liver, and other organs just went into a stinking pit for now. He stole a grain basket from the barn, and filled it with squishy meat bits from the pit. Squirmie will love these. Squirmies always eat meat, don't they?

Squirmie just ate and ate. Then rolled into a ball and seemed to sleep. Nearly the whole basket of offal was gone. Rolly was going to put more by him in case he work up. It was getting late. He knew he was supposed to sleep in the huts, but they got stuffy and he often slept outside near the barn. He got his blanket and more straw and made a bed for himself. Then he put another two baskets of offal by Squirmie. He'd sleep out here with him and heal him more in the morning. This was so great! He just knew he was going to get a pet now. He wouldn't screw this up.

Squirmy was at this moment feeling a bit better and was slowly working his thoughts into the two-leg's brain. It was surprised; there was a lot going on inside there. And it was fond of him? Wanted to form some type of bond with him? Well, he would be needing an animal to incubate in. He could do far worse than to use this beast. He might even be able to assimilate some of its rudimentary healing ability into his next form. Leaving an anchor in the two-legs brain, it withdrew its thoughts and, confident it could rest, fell into a healing coma.

'Squirmie' has offered to form a bond with you. He needs help with his next evolution.

Will you help this poor squirmie and agree to a Master-Pet relationship? Y/N

Rolly felt a tear roll down his cheek. BEST DAY EVER! Wow! The others will be so jealous. Squirmie wanted to be his pet. He'd keep him secret until he got better and evolves. This was so awesome. He was going to miss rabbit hunting, but hopefully he could make it be next week!