The Decade of Deep Love

Chapter 14: “Are You Gay?”

Translator: Ruriko

After all, Wenxu Jiang was still young. He made a mistake that some men might unavoidably make when they were successful in career. They always had the wishful thinking of having a virtuous spouse at home and sultry lovers outside at the same time. However, Wenxu Jiang forgot that the person living with him was also a man with lofty and unyielding character, no matter how mild he was when they were together. Zhishu He had always indulged Wenxu Jiang for love and was willing to give Jiang everything he had, but Zhishu He was pertinacious in some aspects, for which Jiang could not understand even though they had been together for over a decade.

Zhishu He suppressed the nausea after dinner, sitting in the balcony shrouded in the bright sunshine and daydreaming. He looked at the silver ring blackened due to oxidation on his finger, and his eyes were moist.

Was it time for the love in the past fourteen years to be gone? Or it was easy for people to share woes, but difficult to share weal?

Zhishu He had never been aware of his regret like so. What he regretted was not his desperate love of Jiang for over a decade, but that he shouldn’t have given up his pursuit of dream and career, whatever the reason was. He shouldn’t have lowered his baseline again and again, or given up his wish to go out to explore the world as a man.

Staying at home for one day, Wenxu Jiang left again. It was said that a supervisor called him for there was something wrong with a huge order. He left with a promise that he would come back immediately when the problem was solved.

Zhishu He put a heavy navy cashmere scarf around Wenxu Jiang’s neck, and waved good-bye to him with a smile, “Don’t be silly. I know you aren’t afraid of cold weather, but your body can’t withstand cold wind.”

Wenxu Jiang kissed Zhishu He on the face, and then he went out with the key to the car. Although he did not mention Ziyu Ai, his mind was in a whirl.

In the balcony, Zhishu He watched Wenxu Jiang leave, sighed slightly and called Ziyu Ai, who answered immediately as if waiting for his call. “Doctor Ai, are you free now?”

“Come if you will. I’m on duty today. There will be an operation this afternoon, so you’d better come early.”

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“Well, thank you,” Zhishu He ran his fingered through his long bangs falling across his forehead, thinking that he could only have his hair trimmed after being back.

Ziyu Ai paused for a while before he added some words which had nothing to do with the treatment, “It’s colder today. Don’t forget to put on more clothes.”

Zhishu He was stunned. He hung up the phone without saying more than the word of thanks, so as not to affect Ziyu Ai’s normal working, and went to change his clothes.

It was really cold outside. Cold air irritated his nose, straight pouring into the respiratory tract. Zhishu He had a habit of not feeling like wearing a mask whenever it was. He did not know why.

Ziyu Ai had several other patients, so Zhishu He sat quietly there and waited. He sat and watched, in a trance. When he saw a couple in the office with a child diagnosed with leukemia crying in despair, he felt some distressed and pity for the child.

If his parents had not passed away, they must feel sad for him, too... Even though he was such an unfilial child.

Time ticked away…

“What are you thinking about?” Ziyu Ai called him, in a teasing tone, “Can you take off your down jacket? Is it rented?”

Zhishu He did not feel hot, but it was inconvenient to move with heavy clothes. So he smiled, took off his down jacket and sat on the chair across from Ziyu Ai’s desk.

Ziyu Ai was to make fun of Zhishu He, telling him not to be nervous when they talked about treatment later. But when he inadvertently glanced at the slender neck of Zhishu He, he could not help but gasp deeply- if he was right, it was a hickey.

Zhishu He, who was fixing his eyes on the cover of the latest magazine at the corner of the table, did not notice the change of Ziyu Ai’s expression, thinking that he had not subscribed to a magazine for a long time.

Ziyu Ai suddenly realized that he was just a doctor who should not care about Zhishu He’s private life, so his face grew solemn, and stared at Zhishu He, “You should undergo chemotherapy tomorrow...

Ziyu Ai was a distinguished young doctor in leukemia area. When talking about treatment and illness of patients, he did not carry any personal emotion. Zhishu He felt upset when he learnt more about his illness. Doctor Ai’s words sent a chill down his spine.

“You are still young. I will do my best to help you. You can’t give up on yourself.” When Ziyu Ai finished his words, he added such a sentence to comfort Zhishu He.

Before Zhishu He said something, his phone rang. It was Wenxu Jiang. He answered the phone immediately, so as not to make Wenxu Jiang wait for a long time, which had become a kind of habit.

“I’m not coming back in the evening. Eat something good, even I’m not at your side.”

The volume of the microphone was high, and the sound waves spread in the quiet room. Zhishu He smiled at Ziyu Ai in embarrassment. He turned the volume down and headed for the door.

Ziyu Ai looked at the two pots of orchids, twirling the Parker pen with his fingers, and no one knew what he was thinking about.

A few minutes later, Zhishu He came back. He smiled with apology, “I have muted my phone this time... I’m sorry.”

“Are you gay?” After saying that, Ziyu Ai felt his IQ at this point must be zero. As an adult, he certainly knew it was rude to ask such a question.

Zhishu He was stunned, and wore a twisted smile, “That’s my...” He wanted to say “roommate”, but was interrupted before he finished his words.

“There’s more than one hickey on your neck.”

Zhishu He pulled his collar in conditioned reflex. Then he realized how embarrassing the behavior was. The more he tried to hide, the more conspicuous the fact was. After a while, he sighed, and jested moderately to give both sides an out, “Doesn’t the hospital treat gays?”

Ziyu Ai shook his head, and inexplicably, he was sad and disappointed, “I don’t care about sexual orientation. But I don’t know what’s going on between you two. First, do you think your body can withstand violent sex?” Ziyu Ai was not a fool. It was evident that the hickeys were caused by violent suck just to show the possessiveness of the other party.

“Second and the most important, what is your relationship? From the examination to the treatment confirmation, it’s always been you yourself...”

“Doctor,” Zhishu He interrupted him, with coldness, “I didn’t tell him. I’m afraid he will be sad. Okay?”

Zhishu He did not like people commenting on Wenxu Jiang and him, but he was not bold enough to defend Wenxu Jiang. He could only interrupt the topic so tactlessly.

Ziyu Ai was still busy this afternoon. He made an appointment with Zhishu He, letting him come back tomorrow.

Zhishu He coughed twice, and it hurt deep in the bones. He thought of the saying that once a person told a lie, even the most silly and disgusting excuse could be made up flawlessly. If Wenxu Jiang could love him as much as before, he would never have endured it alone. He would cry if it hurt and tell the man to boil water and to prepare medicine for him. Even his last words would be said in a petulant way— “You cannot have any new date after I pass away.”

But he would not do these things. In addition to putting up with it and trying not to be annoying, he failed to find other way.