The Exorcist

Book 8: Chapter 9: Doubts

It was evening by the time she reached the dried well.

Xiao Xia poked her head into the mouth and was met with an aura of profound stillness. It didnt have the expected chill, nor the smell of dampness, mold, withered leaves or dust. It gave off the same feeling as Ah Bai: gentle, quiet, kind and melancholy.

Looking into the darkness, Xiao Xia wasnt able to see anything for a moment. Yet she didnt make a sound, not knowing if Ah Bai was awake. For spirits, this was technically still early in their day.

Xiao Xia! Right as she was about to leave, planning to wait for the sky to completely darken, Ah Bais voice came from the bottom of the well. Why are you here?

Cant I come visit you? You said you would come visit me, but you never did. The voice made Xiao Xia exceptionally happy. She never expected her best friend to be a spirit instead of a human. Romance between human and ghost happened a lot in movies, but friendships were very rare.

Sorry, Xiao Xia. Ah Bai was as gentle as before. Thenhow about you come down first? Im unable to go up.

Xiao Xia had long since prepared a rope and tied it to the tree. After hearing Ah Bais invitation, she started climbing down the rope. The walls were dry and rough. She had never gotten good grades in sports before, but managed to smoothly reach the bottom.

Seeing Ah Bais serene yet haggard face, Xiao Xia instantly teared up. She went to embrace her, but only contacted air.

Sorry, I dont have a body.

Silly, its my fault for forgetting your situation. Why are you apologizing? Xiao Xia acted casual and shrugged, glancing around. The bottom of the well was spotlessly clean, but also completely empty. Even Ah Bais remains had been buried. It was like a meditation chamber, without any influence from the outside word.

Why dont you move into the octagon pagoda? Its unoccupied anyway. Ah Bais lonely state made Xiao Xias heart ache. She felt her own life was so blessed in comparison. At the least, Ruan Zhan had always helped her and never harmed her. She had also never sacrificed that much for him.

Ah Bai smiled beautiful and said quietly, Although that place is unoccupied, people often go there. Ive already left the human world. Its best not to bother others. Im buried here, so this place is my home.

But the environment there is at least somewhat better. You wont be bothered by the wind or rain.

Xiao Xia, you know my mana is basically depleted. Im unable to handle the dangers in the forest. When hesealed me here previously, a large part of it was to protect me. That barrier kept me trapped, but it also prevented anything else from entering. Therefore, I reactivated it the moment I got back here. Besides, Ive been cultivating anew these days. Although I cannot recover my innate powers, Ive still increased my mana a little. See, I can set up a simple barrier that keeps out the weather. Its like having a roof over my head, isnt it great?

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1. AS PRINCIPAIS HQS DE ASSASSIN'S...

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Xiao Xia was very surprised as she hurriedly looked up. She knew there was a formation on the walls. Ruan Zhan had shifted it slightly to free Ah Bai. Who would have thought Ah Bai would have moved it back in place from below. No wonder she said she wasnt able to come up.

But theres no freedom like this!

My freedom is wherever he is. Ah Bai said, an incredibly determined expression on her beautiful face.

Looking at the lovestruck woman, Xiao Xia didnt know what to say. How could a woman love a man so wholeheartedly? Perhaps only someone so extremely pure and kind like Ah Bai could make a devil like Si Ma Nan have a shred of conscience and love!

Looking around, she saw no sign of Si Ma Nan. Ah Bai seemed to know what she was thinking and pointed above her own head. Only then did Xiao Xia see a white silk-like band wrapped tightly around a strand of Ah Bais black hair. The silk band seemed to have a life of its own, flowing between her hair like a ray of light through the darkness. It lit up Ah Bais entire face.

Si Ma Nan?

Its no longer him, just a part of him. Ah Bai was a little sad, but then gave a gratified smile as she stroked the band with a finger. As if in response, the white silk band also naturally twined around her finger affectionately. For me, this is enough. If even a strand of his hair is with me, I wont be lonely until the end of time.

Xiao Xia was once again speechless. Yet as a woman herself, she understood Ah Bais heart.

Ah Bai was willing to remain in this dark well for centuries, leading a dull, lonely and even hopeless life. Yet she wasnt willing to reincarnate, because that would mean forgetting the love that was engraved in her body. Wasnt she the same way? Her memories were so important. How could she bear losing them?!

Until the oceans dried, the rocks crumbled, the skies wasted away and the earth aged. This was something difficult for both humans and spirits. Humans aged and spirits faded. Only memories remained whole. That one moment of mutual love and investment remained unchanging, no matter how the world transformed! If she couldnt find her own love, all she asked for was also that one perfect moment in her memories. How could Ruan Zhan have been so cruel, to casually take it away without her knowledge?! Pain, regret, resentment, and even falling out would have been fine. But how could he mercilessly ruin the only the she had?!

This was the only reason she hated him, why she couldnt face him!

When will you leave? Ah Bai suddenly asked.

Xiao Xia snapped out of her thoughts and tried her best to hide her emotions. I only just got here and youre kicking me out? Were friends, you know. Shouldnt you host me for a few days? Is spending some alone time with him all you can think about?

Ah Bai blushed a little. Its not that I dont want to have you around, Xiao Xia. I can go without food or drink, but you still need to stay alive! Its also not good for your health to sleep in a well. Besides, you are human after all. Its not alright to keep hanging around a spirit.

But I want to stay with you for a period of time. Xiao Xia said innocently. How about this? You can only restore the barrier sealing this place but I can open it since I have a physical body. How about you and Iand also Si Ma Nan leave this place for now and move into the octagon pagoda for a period of time. Then, after I leave, you guys can move back here. I will give the villagers a heads up. Xiao Xia patted her backpack. I brought some money. Not a lot, just a few ten thousand bucks. I plan on donating it to the village. Its not enough to renovate the place, but hopefully it can be used as investment capital to grow some wealth.

Im afraid I wont be able to protect you from the dangers in the woods. Ah Bai was a little hesitant. She was happy to see her friend. Although their worlds were separate, it was nice to have someone unafraid of her, and also not worship her as a mighty witch doctor. It was a blessing to be able to have some girls talk.

Dont worry. Xiao Xia raised her chin smugly. Im no longer the old Yue Xiao Xia. I have a senior apprentice brother now who taught me some spells. With these spells, well be unstoppable if we work together! She bragged while pulling out the remaining half of talismans from her backpack, reciting the five elements spell for Ah Bai.

Ah Bai smiled gently and took a step backwards. Dont do it so close to me. Although the spell wasnt cast, its filled with spirit power. It scares me, you know!

Xiao Xia hadnt considered this, and was startled. She hurriedly took a step back but forgot the well was narrow. She bumped into the wall and hissed from the pain.

Hey, be careful! Ah Bai felt a little guilty at Xiao Xias reaction and hurriedly approached to support her. Yet the moment she got close, Xiao Xias amulet gave off a glow, preventing her from getting closer.

The amulet has become so powerful! Ah Bai praised. She carefully observed it. Previously, it seemed to have gotten used to me and wouldnt have reacted. Now I cant even get close despite not having ill intentions. Ah Zhan must have continuously infused it with spirit power. Doing so causes him

Ah Bai was going to say that was very harmful to Ruan Zhan. However, she noticed Xiao Xias abnormal expression and her mind turned. She started to get an idea of why Xiao Xia had come. Looking at the sorrow written all over Xiao Xias face, she decided not to broach the topic. They successfully relocated to the bamboo pagoda.

A week passed and they spent their time in the tranquil mountains, living in peace and comfort. To accommodate Ah Bai, Xiao Xia also got accustomed to being nocturnal. The two chatted constantly but Xiao Xia avoided mentioning Ruan Zhan. She didnt even think about Wan Li and Bao Da Tong, afraid of stirring her emotional trauma. Ah Bai noticed all of this. On the seventh night, she was unable to refrain from asking.

Xiao Xia cried. She first teared up, and then actually started bawling, telling Ah Bai everything in bits and pieces. It was as if she finally vented out all the turbulent waters within her heart.

He really went too far this time. Ah Bai was silent for a while. She reached out to stroke Xiao Xias head, feeling vexed at her lack of body for the first time. If she had a body she could hug her comfortingly, but she was currently unable to do anything. However, he is a man. Men have their own ways of thinking. If he realized those memories were extremely important to you, he wouldnt have done it.

He hates me!

Enough, Xiao Xia. Stop sulking. Even if you dont know whether he loves you or not, you should at least know he definitely doesnt hate you.

Xiao Xia sobbed, her heart feeling much better. She had kept this matter bottled up this whole time, without anyone to talk about it with. After telling Ah Bai, it was like she had shed all her burdens. She was now able to examine things objectively.

Thinking of how well Ruan Zhan normally treated her, she suddenly felt she was a little bit of a bully. Yet she still couldnt accept him wanting to erase her memories. It implied that he regretted what happened between them, implied that he wanted to give it up.

Yet if he was giving up, why had the vanished telepathic summons resumed three days ago again? Guilt? Or was it sympathy? The summons had come too suddenly and she had almost responded. Almost relapsing made her realize how much she missed him, and how much she loved him. It hadnt decreased in the slightest despite hating his actions. She started to truly understand Ah Bai. When a woman truly loved a person, she would continue loving whether or not it was worth it, and whether or not it was harmful. Nothing would be able to change it.

Did he love her, or did he just like her? The way he normally acted confused her, and she couldnt be sure. Sometimes his gaze made it seem like he loved her, but sometimes he was so distant. His treatment of her was like a mirage. She could see it, but never touch it.

Perhaps he has some secret difficulties. Ah Bai thought of Si Ma Nan and sighed gloomily. You fell in love with a complicated man, so you have to consider more things. For your sake, and also for his.

Secret difficulties?

Xiao Xia hadnt considered this possibility. She was like a firebrand that burned continuously after she fell in love, trying to melt him and warm him. She never thought about why he would refuse to melt.

What secret difficulties could he have? There are only a few things standing in the way of a relationship: parents not agreeing, materialistic pressures, a third partys interference. His parents are long gone Speaking of this, Xiao Xia suddenly recalled Father Ruans situation, but then shook her head. She knew Ruan Zhans relationship with his father was extremely bad. He wouldnt reject her for his fathers sake. Besides, Father Ruan hadnt appeared yet when he forcibly erased her memories in Hongqing Town.

We dont have any materialistic pressures. He has his own bar and I have a career. Im also not asking for an extravagant lifestyle. There are absolutely no monetary issues. A third party? There doesnt seem to beunless, he already has a wife? Xiao Xia was startled by her own guess.

How could that be? Ah Bai laughed. Any woman would keep a close eye on a husband like him. How could there be a chance for another woman to get involved? Besides, youve been together for so long. Have you ever seen his wife show up?

Maybe his situation is similar to that of Mr. Rochester. Xiao Xias wild imagination was activated, recalling the plot of Jane Eyre. She imagined that Ruan Zhan might have an insane wife he kept hidden in the attic, or back home!

She felt it more possible the more she thought about it, and her heart couldnt help but ache. It turns out he was already married!

Xiao Xia, stop letting your thoughts run wild. Trust me, Ah Zhan definitely doesnt have a wife. Ah Bai interrupted Xiao Xias thoughts. Although she didnt know who Mr. Rochester was, she knew Xiao Xias thoughts had far departed from reality.

Then what other secret difficulties could he have? Unless he doesnt love me, or perhaps he cannot love me! Xiao Xia paused, startled at her second thought.

She couldnt confirm that Ruan Zhan loved her, but she was sure he cared about her. Otherwise, he would have treated her the same way he treated his other pursuers. He wouldnt be at such a loss when faced with her towering tantrum. On that day, a man such as him, who faced enormous danger without blinkingperhaps he did truly love her. But what was stopping him?

Was she allowed to think like that?

Could he be seriously ill, and was on the verge of death? But he was always so healthy, and quickly recovered from his injuries. How could he be sick? Even if he was, he would have known it prior to Hongqing Town. Why were there no symptoms after such a long period of time?

Nope! That wasnt it!

But the words secret difficulties opened Xiao Xias mind. She started thinking of other possibilities that would make Ruan Zhan indecisive.

Why not go back and see? Its clear youve been missing him for a while. Ah Bai said softly. But dont reveal your doubts. Otherwise, a man like him who bottles everything up inside might very well cover things up again!