The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 22: Baiting

Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

“I am a good person, I really am a good person.”

This has pretty much become my catchphrase. Every time I say these words, the listener’s expressions and attitude would subtly change very weirdly.

“Hehe, today’s weather isn’t bad. A clear sky and a light breeze, very suited for outdoor camping. Right, we Taurens aren’t very interested in eating grass feed. Next time we go for outdoor camping, can you bring steak instead of grass? I like it medium-rare, it tastes best with a hint of blood.

Which dumb cow is it, proclaiming that it only eats beef. He is obviously changing the topic, but this also the reply that I am most comfortable with.

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“Hehe, master, you really like cracking jokes. But this joke is a little outdated.”

“HAHA, good person? I am about to die out of laughter here! If you are a good person, then I must be a love saint!” Adam doesn’t spare me any face.

“No, even Roland becomes a good person, it is impossible for you to become a love saint. But, Adam, you really have lofty goals, love saint huh? Why don’t I build you a forbidden city so that you can collect beauties?” Very quickly, Margaret’s tangible resentment let Adam know what trouble comes from the mouth means. Un, I was the one who passed along his words to Margaret.

Alright, most of the people who knows me would probably have the same reaction as Elisa and that dumb Adam, treat my ‘good person declaration’ as a type of joke.

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However, within my own means, I am indeed trying to be a good person.

“As a Lich, if I were to help old grannies across the road, the old grannies would probably go running for the Town Security for help. However, getting rid of evil is also a kind act. Getting rid of a criminal is much more effective than doing ten kind little things. Granting order to this city and allowing the citizens to live in prosperity, no matter how I look at it, it is equivalent to doing 10,000 good deeds.

But, that Evil Lich System refuses to accept it and continues to send one after another immoral daily quests.

Furthermore, I can’t avoid doing these missions and if my Evil Points keep getting deducted, how am I going to revive myself. But, as a law enforcer, I cannot simply do as I please thus, I have to spend my brain juice to ponder upon how to convert these destructive daily quests into a prank which does not overstep the boundary of law.

“Make more than hundred people roll on the floor in despair? Let’s try the tickling hell…” The side effect is that the chicken feathers that I used to create the tickling hell awarded me with heavy fines and reconciliation fee…

“Torture an intelligent being in public, the more gruesome its death, the better it is? This is simply. I choose you, cockroach-kun. An intelligence raising spell then a full set of my 10 most cruel tortures. Hehe, should I start with Wu Ma Fen Shi* or the stabs of a thousand knives. Elisa, lend me the needle you use to sew clothes. What do I need it for? Of course, it is for an operation.”

TL: Wu Ma Fen Shi, a death penalty used in ancient China. It involves 5 horses and a rope is tied to connect each horse to a limb and the last to the head. Then, the horse all run in different directions, ripping the body apart.

The side effects of that incident are Elisa ignoring me for an entire week, refusing to come within 3 meters of me for a month and the eyes she looks at me with were full of despise. When she has no choice but to call me, she would shout ‘Smelly bug master’…

Messing around like that is tiring from the start but eventually, it became an interesting intellectual battle with the Town Security. Hm? I seem to finally understand why Xueti and Lilith always seem to join the faction against the Town Security and pit courage and intelligence against them. The words of sages from the past weren’t wrong, happiness and perversion is contagious.

Hmph, as a law enforcer, they can’t always cause trouble to the Town Security army. I must find an opportunity to talk to them (Mysterious voice: You have the cheek to say them?!)

Cough, looks like I went out of topic. Let’s go back to talking about important matters.

I used to not understand why the system refuses to admit that I am a good person, and that whether I am condemned to be an evil Lich forever. But one day, as I was shouting at a criminal, the thought suddenly struck me.

“You think that after killing the other party’s father, then giving up all of your wealth to compensate his daughter and doing moral compensation, you would become guiltless? You are simply lying to yourself! You hypocrite!”

“No matter what you have do afterwards, you have already sinned. The victim’s pain has become a reality the moment you committed the crime. No matter how you try to explain or compensate, you can’t change what you have done. Only through accepting the judgement and punishment of the law can you wash away your misdeeds. If you really regret what you have done, then reform yourself properly in prison, atone for your sins and come out to start anew.”

As the daughter of the victim pleaded for him, he was sentenced to a lighter verdict, 15 years of imprisonment for an impulsive murder.

After this case was concluded, I felt extremely weak. I have never felt so useless…

In a solitary chamber, I slumped on the chair. I grabbed my head, but when I could only see those skeleton arms, I suddenly felt enlightened.

No matter what I do in the future, the past sins still weigh upon me. The souls that died because of me were sufficient to fill the entire River Styx. No matter how many people I save, how many good things I do, I am still a sinner. I can’t even lie to my own heart, so how am I able to get the system to admit that I am a kind person.

“The words on the law monument at the entrance of the Supreme Court were even handwritten by me? Only impartial judgement and the punishment can wash away sins, no one is an exception?”

But, it seems that there is no one that can judge me. Then, I can only continue treading the lines of good and evil and wait for the day that might not even arrive, the day that I can be judged…

Perhaps, I have vaguely sensed it in my heart that it was ironic that a great sinner who almost destroyed the entire world end up proudly on the seat of a judge and sentence those criminals who have killed a few people. How funny it is…

“Hah, so what if I am a hypocrite. I am not going to say dumb words like asking for a peace of mind. I only think that since Eich continent isn’t destroyed yet and the original ‘history’ have proven that normal means is not sufficient for us to escape this great calamity. If so, then let this hypocrite give a try his unorthodox methods.”

Yes, so I managed to do it but then, I met with a little trouble.

At this moment, we received intelligence from ‘Onlookers’ that the ones who were invading Sulfur Mountain City’s east gate is Chrome City’s Blackwater army, the Royal Guards of the City Lord Steelback Pig Hng Hng.

Yeah, ‘Hng Hng’ is the name of this Beastman city’s lord. Please respect the Pig Tribe’s tradition of calling their child by the sound they make when they are born.

But, it is a pity that this tradition has a side effect. If you were to shout ‘Hng Hng, I shall do your X’ in a place where the Pig Tribe Beastmen are gathered, then around 300 to 400 Hng Hngs will come find trouble with you…

There was once a wise sage from Red Heavens Pig Tribe who suggested putting a number behind the name to solve that problem. But, due to the low intelligence of the Pig Tribe Beastmen, they can only count to 20 using their toes as well. It was impossible to put this idea into play, so he could only give up in frustration.

Alright, the creator is still quite fair. The Pig Tribe Beastmen may have low intelligence, incredibly ugly and smelly to the point that makes one think of a pig sty, but they are born with great strength and thick skin. Most important of all, they reproduce very quickly. A common fact among any race, as long as their numbers stack up, there are bound to be geniuses and experts appearing.

The Blackwater army is an ideal example. Every new soldier is specially chosen from thousand pigs. Then, they are trained through killing each other. The weak are eliminated while the strong one remains. The final ten who survives would have the glory of become Hng Hng City Lord’s Royal Guards.

The Blackwater army may only have 3000 personnel and as foot soldiers, they have an obvious weakness, which is their mobility. But, their average strength is LV50 silver-rank, and their formation consists of the classic Beastman Berserker coupled with Beast Shaman. The Pig Tribe Beastman, who were born with naturally thick skin, and when buffed with a Bloodthirst sorcery, they go into a frenzied state and on the battlefield, it is reminiscent of countless moving mountains of flesh, making it hard to block them head on, making them quite a prestigious army.

Of course, this is when placed in the underground world where experts are everywhere. If such an army were to appear on the surface, it would be the level of a human empire’s Royal Army.

15 minutes ago, almost a thousand Blackwater foot soldiers and Black Shamans charged in at through the opened east gate, rushing in straight without fear.

Looks like in order to express goodwill to the Underground Alliance through taking down Sulfur Mountain City, City Lord Hng Hng was willing to send out over half of his total military power and those corrupt councilors actually hid them outside the city all this while.

The newest team to meet them head on is the Dark Elf Town Security Patrol Team who first got the news and they are only a small team consisting of 10 people…

Covering the back of the citizens so that they can escape, the small team of Dark Elf Holy Knights fought to their death without even retreating. Furthermore, Dark Elves are well known for their beauty and the Pig Tribe Beastman are born savage and with strong sexual desire, they aren’t even choosy between the living and the dead…

They played and defiled the corpses while eating them. The corpses of those responsible guards ended up as toys for the Beastman. Should I grateful for the Pig Tribe Beastman’s loose military discipline and their foolishness? To fight over the priority in usage of their ‘war trophy’, they even began to start fighting.

Then, just as I arrived, the sight before me is one depicting hell in the mortal world.

“Hah, however, I am still quite grateful for the Evil Lich System now. As long as I do as I please, I can become stronger. How easy is that. After all, evil people need evil people to sharpen their edges. Also that, to be more evil than evil, be more reckless than thugs is something that makes one happy.”

A cold and venomous curse resonates with my soul and countless killing intent roars within my head. Finally, it transforms into an ice-cold phrase.

“Kill them all!”