The Flower Dances and the Wind Sings

74.

“Young Master!”

Vicente looked back at the voice calling him. Lianne came scurrying towards him. Stopping right in front of Vicente, Lianne gasped for breath. Vicente waited until Lianne caught her breath and asked, “What’s the matter?”

“There is something I want to tell you. Young Master, if Madam eats too much, her body rejects it and she throws up.”

This was the first time he heard of this, and secondly, Vicente was rendered speechless by the absurdity of it. His mother’s plate barely changes to the point one may doubt if she even eats when she eats. It would not be strange if she died young while eating like that.

“She barely ate much. She’ll get weak if she eats like that.”

“But she’ll gain weight.”

“…What?” Vicente thought for a moment that he might have misheard. What kind of silly reason is this? It’s not even a plausible reason.

However, Lianne looked serious. “She’s a bit sensitive about that. So please keep that in mind next time.”

Suddenly, Vicente recalled how Ercella quit picking up canapé at Princess Garten’s Coming-of-Age party. He looked at Lianne as if he could not understand. “The doctor should have said something.”

“She’s become weak so she sleeps a lot. But it can’t be helped. She’s so thin and doesn’t even eat much, so naturally her energy is low.”

“…Did Father say anything?”

“He did, but…Madam is quite stubborn… Instead, she takes rejuvenating medicine prescribed by the doctor.”

“Do you know why she does that? Is it a chronic disease perhaps?”

“No, she is just trying to lose weight,” Lianne said while occasionally glancing around out of the corner of her eyes.

“Excuse me then.” Lianne turned around and quickly disappeared.

A strange feeling enveloped him. Why do I feel this way? He didn’t know. And why is that girl here? Seeing Adora from a distance, Vicente rubbed his eyes a little nervously.

Vicente did not know what Adora was looking at. Obviously, she was looking at something he had not seen, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Even now, he could not understand. Why did her purple eyes watching Ercella trying to pick up a canapé have the exact same look as now? And why he was bothered by it.

“What?”

Adora felt his razor-sharp focus on her, so she couldn’t ignore him as she normally would. She flinched at his seemingly chilling voice. But soon narrowed the distance to Vicente at a brisk pace.

“We should call a doctor.”

“Why—”

“The Duchess seems to have an upset stomach.”

He had infinite things to say, yet all of them were vaporized by the words that his mother had an upset stomach. She was someone who ate little. Naturally, she would have an upset stomach after stuffing all that food… He suddenly felt self-conscious.

Adora gave Vicente a profound and mysterious look and felt that she was running out of time.

“Then, excuse me. Have a good night,” Adora formally greeted him and walked away. Vicente stared at the dining room he came out of. If you can’t eat it, you shouldn’t eat it. Don’t compete with me. But why…. The boy swept his hand across his face, pushing down the simmering emotion in his throat. He had never seen such a fool in his life.

* * *

“You have indigestion.”

The doctor diagnosing Ercella briefly described the symptoms. I thought so. Ercella gently stroked her stomach.

“Your Grace, what did you eat today?”

The doctor was unaware of the atrocities she had committed. He assumed there might have been something wrong with the food. Sadly, the food was as splendid as always. It was just because of her stupid stubbornness.

Ercella slowly shook her head, “It’s nothin— Ugh.” A sickly moan escaped her throat. Ercella leaned her neck back. Not only did she feel bloated, but also felt her throat clogged. The doctor looked at Ercella with a concerned look. “Does it hurt a lot?”

“I think so.”

As she tilted her neck, her gaze turned upward; she saw Harsen. Ercella grinned faintly at his discontented face. He glanced blankly at her playful blue eyes, then turned to the doctor. “Prescribe her medicine first.”

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“I will. Also, I recommend taking a stroll… If you go to bed right away, you are sure to feel sick the next day.”

At the doctor’s advice, Ercella hurriedly said, “I don’t feel like…”

“You have to.”

Her petty whining was reduced to ashes by Harsen.

Ercella pleaded, pretending to have no strength, “I can’t move. I want to lie down.”

“Listen to him.”

“I know it’s hard, but please walk a little, Your Grace.”

As if Harsen alone wasn’t daunting enough, now even the doctor joined him. Ercella had to bring her legs down to the floor.

‘Ow, my stomach hurts…’

I thought I didn’t push myself much, but I guess I did overdo it. She felt like her stomach was full with no empty space left. If someone put food in front of her right now, she might even throw up.

Harsen straightened her with her arm as she stood clumsily. Having gotten up suddenly, she felt nauseous again.

Ercella was about to pound her chest but stopped in time. She couldn’t hit it when she remembered her chest squeezing for breath in the past. Promising to cherish herself, she headed towards the back garden with Harsen.

The back garden, soaked in the moonlight, was green even at midnight. Holding Harsen’s hand, Ercella was unwillingly taking a walk. But why was it that as time went by, instead of the food being digested, she only felt more stuffed?

“Wait a minute…”

After walking for a while, Ercella bent down. She grabbed her stomach and took a deep breath in contemplation. Is it because the night air is quite cool? I feel like my stuffy chest is gradually being relieved from congestion¹. After all, summer is over now.

Ercella found the endlessly passing hours heartless. The time given to her was finite. Anxiety built up inside her. She was wondering if she should urge Dale to hurry.

“Feeling unwell?”

She heard his voice. Ercella looked at Harsen. Is he worried? I can’t tell from his face. Ercella gently shook her head, “It’s okay now.”

She felt bloated, but it was relieved to some extent because of walking.

However, Harsen reached out, as if her words were unreliable. “Let me see.”

“It’s okay!” Surprised, Ercella stopped his hand with all her might. “What, what are you doing?”

Harsen frowned at Ercella’s stammering words.

“…What?”

“Why, why would you suddenly…”

Harsen looked at her incredulously as she held her stomach as if she was hiding a treasure trove. It was ridiculous that he couldn’t touch her stomach when they had mixed flesh together.

But this was the only thing she could never give up on. What she just ate would be three times her usual meal. In fact, Ercella’s stomach has been protruding to the point where she had to exert herself to push it in.

How can I… How…can I show him this? She could never do that out of shame.

“What are you doing..?”

“A-anyway, how can you tell from touching? Are you a doctor?” Unknowingly, she let out a harsh reaction.

Perhaps, this excuse made sense because Harsen spoke no further. However, his black eyes were cold as if dissatisfied with her attitude.

Ercella fought back without losing, but the meaningless staring contest soon ended. At this point, she knew it was useless. Lowering her eyelids halfway, Ercella said timidly, “I’ll gain weight if I eat a lot.”

Maybe I’ve already gained weight. What if I feel heavier tomorrow? I don’t want to gain weight again… Petty worries lingered in her mind.

“I wish you would gain some weight.”

A sigh fell over her head. Ercella slowly looked up. Scanning her up and down as if looking at a much smaller body than hers, Harsen curved his lips obliquely.

“You could fall just from a touch.”

At his mischievous remark, heat rose to the nape of her neck. Ercella instinctively wrapped her reddening neck in her hand.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Do I sound like I’m joking?”

“If it’s not a joke—”

“You’re pretty.”

Tak-

The words stopped. The heat seeping into her hand was burning hot. She rubbed her neck stained with heat, but the heat was not going away.

“You’re lying.”

The words came out habitually. After all, it was the first time someone had so blatantly called her pretty. She was used to compliments from others but couldn’t remain calm after hearing his words.

‘Why is he…’

The incomprehensible wrongness of his words made her insides roil.

Harsen tilted his head as if puzzled, “I don’t know why you would conclude that.”

“Because—”

Even if she tried to explain the reason, nothing could come out of her messy mind, so she only mumbled helplessly. She heard a sound that she couldn’t tell if it was a sigh or a laugh.

“As I’m a man as well, I’m not unaffected by you.”

Ercella felt strange. That was what he said. It was so strange that she could not figure out what expression to make, what to say, or what to do, as if she was under a spell. Her chest felt constricted again. She consciously clenched and unclenched her hand. How should I…take that remark?

‘I…’

I… I don’t know. Whether it’s because he’s a man or just lusts for me, to me they are just words based on external things.

She was not yet capable of distinguishing such things from him. Ugly thoughts gnawed at her head like worms. If I’m ugly… She stopped thinking.

“If I agree with you…”

“…”

“Don’t ever take any mistresses.”

She wanted him wholly beside her.

“If you do, I will never forgive you.”

She was greedy even though she knew that saying that she would never forgive him wouldn’t even threaten him. She was in this position for sixteen years; she didn’t want to hand it over to anyone.

At Ercella’s words, Harsen had a complicated look, not knowing what to say. Nevertheless, he gave a fleeting smile, “I’ve never done anything that would upset you.”

“In the future too.”

“I promise.”

“…”

“In return, you too.”

“…”

“You mustn’t leave me. Not for another man.”

Ercella was taken aback for a split second. “Tha-that’s a matter of course.”

“You are hesitating.” Harsen twisted his lips coldly.

But she was so surprised that she missed the time to explain. It was really weird. This second chance in life brought her only unfamiliar things.

They shared words they never did before, and raw emotions were welling up in her stomach— those mean, vulgar and infinitely degrading things. Just like now.

“Just in case…”

It’s as if she was being tested.

“How would you feel if I died?”

How did Harsen live after I died? Did he live as usual? Did he get a new wife? Did he grieve my death even a little? She was curious about such things. Perhaps it was a strange question as his answer came a beat later.

“Well…”

Would he feel dejected?

“I don’t know.”

Can’t you be a little more earnest? Ercella’s eyes drooped.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I would be.”

But Harsen said empty words and just smiled softly as if he really didn’t know.

Ercella tapped a stone stuck in the ground. “I’d be very sad if you died.”

Not only would she spend every night in tears, but she also might not be able to live properly for a while. Just like when Eshahilde died.

But Harsen didn’t seem particularly bothered. “Is that so?”

Ercella’s mouth became dry. He will never know how my heart pounded whenever he went to the battlefield wondering if he was safe. How upsetting it is to see stab wounds everywhere on his body.

As he kept going to war after war and built the army, his wounds steadily increased. The bloodstains on his body seemed to recreate the horrendous atmosphere of the battlefield, and though he returned alive, he was wounded every time. Whenever she saw these wounds, she always realized this: she was not a fairytale princess and he was not a fairytale prince. Life was nothing short of a silent war. Married life was neither as sweet as a fantasy nor as mellow as a dream.

She cried all the time, and he soothed her. That’s all their marriage was. A broken heart could not hold any more expectations. She knew it was a fleeting and futile dream. I know…yet where does this fleeting fantasy rise from? Even though she knew the colors would seep into her already faded heart and crumble it to ashes, the sixteen-year-old girl inside her would still show up.

“I like you.”

Ercella could not call it love. The love she knew was sweet and meant caring for each other. Despite knowing it would hurt him, she spoke bluntly, putting daggers in her words; yet fearing abandonment, she would put on a pretty smile for him. She was taking advantage of the guilt and responsibility he felt toward her to hold on to her. Ercella did not know such a destructive love.

“I like you, Harsen.”

Did it get across? Or does he think I’m talking nonsense in fear of abandonment again? Maybe I should be…more specific. She attempted to say something, albeit clumsily, when

“Me too.”

“…”

“I like you.”

She thought her ears had lost hearing by his clumsy confession. This was the first time he ever replied to her I like yous.

‘Strange.’

It was a confession as commonplace as grains of sand touching the foot. Yet, her heart was pounding so hard that she couldn’t handle it. It was so quiet even the sound of their breathing could be heard. Suddenly, Ercella burst into laughter as she gazed at Harsen’s shadow created at his feet by moonlight.

“I see.”

You like me, too.

I like it.

Not knowing how cautious he was until he uttered that word, she just smiled happily.

A cool breeze blew — autumn stole up on them.

Vicente and Olivia were officially engaged.

* * *

I’m sorry this took so long. There were some lines that I couldn’t make sense of, otherwise, I would’ve updated a month ago.