The Fox of France

After the Canadians forcefully advanced, the Americans also realized it was best not to rely on urban warfare. There was a fear that the barbaric British might resort to using incendiary bombs to set Pittsburgh ablaze, as American cities of this era were mostly sprung up wildly with cheap wooden houses. An attack with incendiary bombs would truly be like the advertisement for Vulcan (the Roman god of fire) lighters from the Bonaparte munitions factory: “Ignites with a single strike, guaranteed ignition every time.”

Therefore, following the advice of French consultants, the U.S. military had already constructed fortifications along the road leading north to Cleveland from Pittsburgh, using these fortifications for defense. At this time, the U.S. military had about forty thousand soldiers, while the approaching British forces numbered only twenty-five thousand, most of whom, like their American counterparts, were militia.

However, these French consultants looked down upon the Americans, firmly believing that if the Americans left their defensive positions to engage in field battles with the British, even with their superior numbers, the British would easily defeat them. The British, although also primarily composed of militia, had many officers with combat experience in continental Europe or Ireland.

In contrast, the American militia had at best some experience bullying Native Americans, possessing only a semblance of fervor and brute courage. The French consultants remarked, “They are not real soldiers; they don’t even understand the most basic tactics.” The strength of the lower-ranking officers often guarantees combat effectiveness. Thus, the French insisted that the American troops would do well to simply stay in their trenches and avoid making a spectacle of themselves.

The Americans were quite indignant at the French's assessment. Many felt that the French were exaggerating the threats. The British had previously gained some advantages, primarily because they faced the Northerners. Although the United States only had thirteen states at this time, regional discrimination persisted. This phenomenon is common in most nations, such as the distinction between Kanto and Kansai in Japan, or the North and South in the United States.

The members of the U.S. military for this operation were mainly state troops reinforced from the Southern states. The Southerners tended to look down on the Northerners, seeing them as cowards and fools in warfare. Thus, even though the British had easily defeated American forces in two previous engagements, since the defeats were of "Northerners," the Southern reinforcements were not particularly surprised or disheartened, even harboring thoughts that “Northerners truly are incapable of fighting.”

These Southerners also did not hold the French consultants in high regard. Despite the widespread acclaim of the French army as unbeatable, many arrogant Southerners thought little of it, noting that they had seen the French army in action before.

Of course, given their age, they couldn’t have participated in the Revolutionary War or fought alongside Lafayette’s French forces. Their knowledge of the French army came from their forefathers, who had actually fought in the Revolutionary War.

However, there's a common tendency among veterans worldwide to embellish stories. As the saying goes, "A veteran’s mouth is like the sea." When they start boasting, the tales become more elaborate and detailed than the finest beer foam.

In their stories, the French were credited with a minor, non-critical role in the Revolutionary War, which, according to them, was primarily won by the Americans themselves. The French were brave in battle, albeit a bit arrogant, but still not as formidable as “your father here.” However, they were considered better than the Northerners. This narrative was common among the older generation, aiming to impress the younger one, who often took these exaggerated tales at face value. On the battlefield, filled with dreams of charging valiantly at the British like the heroic Lion King against a pack of despicable, ugly hyenas, they expected a swift victory that would reaffirm the Southerners as natural-born warriors.

Yet, the disdainful French did not think highly of them, believing that even in a two-to-one scenario, they were no match for the British, or rather, the Canadians. This was seen as an extreme insult, equating them to the detested Northerners!

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If it were just about this, it might have been bearable. After all, they believed a fierce charge on the battlefield would utterly defeat the Canadians, proving the French wrong. This thought alone was quite satisfying for the young slave owners.

However, what happened next nearly drove these proud Southerners to explode. The French actually demanded that they dig trenches like lowly slaves—was this a task befitting noble warriors? They were also instructed to fight from these trenches because it would significantly reduce the chances of being hit by enemy bullets.

This logic, mathematically sound, was deemed cowardly, unprofessional, and insincere. Bullets, as everyone knows, are drawn to cowards on the battlefield and avoid the fearless heroes. Hiding is

futile against bullets; only a brave charge can prevent one from being struck down.

Moreover, one's fate on the battlefield is determined not just by personal effort but, more importantly, by the will of God. If God decides someone should not die, could any bullet defy His will? If God wishes for someone to join Him in Heaven for a chat, would hiding prevent that? Thus, any attempt to avoid bullets through trenches was seen as a lack of faith in God. In later times, devout believers would refuse to wear masks during plagues or avoid gatherings based on the advice of "unfaithful" scientists. They would instead rely on the Bible to command the virus to flee, much like commanding evil spirits.

Despite orders, the quality of the trenches dug by these Southerners was abysmal, cutting corners wherever possible. The depth and frequency of turns were all subpar, infuriating the French consultants who demanded rework. However, the French were only advisors without direct command authority, and General Andrew, the U.S. military commander, feared that ordering rework might incite mutiny, so the fortifications remained as is.

Unfamiliar with military developments, the U.S. military also faced issues with equipment. They had rifled guns and cannons but lacked seemingly inconspicuous yet critical items like barbed wire and landmines.

The French consultants strongly demanded these items, urging the Americans to procure or order them immediately. However, these items were not readily available, especially in Louisiana. Barbed wire was bought up by those who spoke German more than French to protect their properties from wild bison. Landmines were sold to Mexicans. Thus, these essential items were hard to come by at the time.

Under such conditions, with the help of French consultants, the U.S. military set up a "Joseph-style defense" that was lacking in many respects. Yet, the French consultants believed that with the numerical advantage and high morale, the U.S. military should be able to hold off the British.

The battle, however, left the French consultants dumbfounded.

Initially, the U.S. military managed to stay in their trenches and fire at the advancing British forces. However, the lack of landmines, barbed wire, and claymore mines made it difficult to stop the enemy's advance. After sustaining some casualties, the Canadians still managed to approach the American trenches. 𝙍

Had there been barbed wire, the Canadians would have been trapped and turned into easy targets. With claymore mines, they could have been directly hit with steel balls. Without these defenses, what should be done if the enemy got too close? The obvious response was to charge with bayonets to push back the enemy.

This plan was approved by the French consultants. So, the young slave owners eagerly fixed their bayonets and rushed out of their trenches, which they were reluctant to stay in.

With the numerical advantage, the U.S. military gained the upper hand in the bayonet fight, forcing the Canadians to retreat. According to the original plan, if the Canadians retreated, the U.S. military should return to their positions and continue to hold their ground. But at this moment, these young slave owners had no intention of returning to the trenches. They saw this as an opportunity to completely defeat the British and show the fearful, faithless French what the world's number one land army looked like in action. So, they pursued the Canadians.

Had it only been these individuals who pursued, it might have been manageable since there were other units behind, and the U.S. military had plenty of men. However, to the French's surprise, the Southerners in the trenches, upon seeing their comrades advance, spontaneously jumped out and charged without waiting for orders.

Then, after advancing a certain distance, they were covered by British artillery firing canister shots, suffering heavy casualties. Despite this, these young slave owners stubbornly continued their charge, only to be cunningly attacked by the British with makeshift claymore mines, disrupting their assault formation. The British, seizing the opportunity, deployed over a thousand cavalry into the fray, causing the U.S. military to collapse. They fled back to their positions, with the British following closely behind.

The tactical skills of these young slave owners were poor at this point; they ran back to their positions, inadvertently providing cover for the advancing British forces. The French consultants were so frustrated that they suggested opening fire on them. However, this suggestion was not adopted, leading to the complete disarray of the American defense as the British launched a major assault and overwhelmed the U.S. military.

Pittsburgh was indefensible, and in the end, General Andrew only managed to escape back to Washington with over a thousand men, including about a hundred from the French consultant group (the French had horses and could run faster than most Americans).

From Pittsburgh to Washington, there were no longer any organized American military forces capable of stopping the British. The French consultants believed that it was no longer possible to defend Washington. President Jefferson had to urgently relocate

the government south to Richmond. As they left, British cavalry appeared near Washington.

The appearance of British cavalry threw Washington into chaos, with citizens fleeing the city. A few days later, when the British main force arrived in Washington, they found it to be a ghost town.

In the original history, the British set fire to the American President's house, turning it black. When the Americans returned to Washington, they painted the entire President's house white to cover the burn marks, thus giving rise to the "White House." The exterior appears white, but underneath it's all black—a fitting metaphor for America.

However, in that timeline, the British (or Canadians) burned down the White House because the Americans had previously set a large fire in Toronto. In this timeline, the Americans never had the chance to burn Toronto. Therefore, the Canadians refrained from burning the American President's house.

Instead, the Canadians decided to hold a graffiti contest at the American President's house. Finding the decor tasteless, they "helped" by redecorating it in a postmodern style. For instance, the walls of the President's office were adorned with a new message: “Dear Americans, we'll come back often to check on your 'Art of War' progress.”