The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System

Chapter 29

TN: Preliminary edit. Also, the third person in our traveling group talks in such annoyingly formal language, ughhhhh.

Shen Qingqiu said: “Do you remember a kind of rare, appearing only once every thousand years kind of organism you created?”

“......” Shang Qinghua was speechless: “This range of yours is too broad. Those kinds of things I created number in the eight hundreds if not thousands, okay.”

You know it yourself, too!

Shen Qingqiu sighed, and said five words next to his ear.

Shang Qinghua heard it and was frightened. A moment later, the gaze with which he looked at Shen Qingqiu was a lot more profound.

Shen Qingqiu: “......Why are you looking at me?”

“Nothing.” Shang Qinghua said: “It’s just that I feel like you’re a loyal reader of mine after all. You were actually able to dig out from a corner somewhere the creations that I forgot and lost a long time ago. I feel a little moved.”

“......” Shen Qingqiu said: “Tomorrow, come with me for a trip down the mountain to its origin to search for it.”

Shang Qinghua: “Tomorrow? This......isn’t this a little rushed?” He stammered: “Actually, I......can’t recall where its designated location is. The entire text spans nearly twenty million words and it’s mentioned only in one instance. Let me think it over slowly, then I’ll tell you.”

Shen Qingqiu said very sincerely: “Then we’ll wait until Luo Binghe kills his way back, receives Mo Beijun as a follower, kills me, and kills you. It won’t be too late for you to remember then.”

Shang Qinghua: “......Okay. I’ll definitely remember it by tomorrow!”

Anyway, on An Ding Peak, the Peak Lord didn’t necessarily have to care of trivialities like the allocation of rooms or customization of uniforms for the various new disciples.

Shang Qinghua returned and bitterly thought for an entire night, wracking his brains like overturning seas and rivers [1] until finally, in the darkness before dawn, he was illuminated and circled a spot on the map.

Seeing the map, Shen Qingqiu slapped the table and they set off at once down the mountain. Eating and drinking part of the way, playing and having fun part of the way, defending against attacks part of the way, and traveling by carriage part of the way. It should have been very pleasant.

There was one very tiny, unpleasant exception. Shang Qinghua sat in the driver’s seat of the carriage and groaned.

“Why is the person paying for all meals and accommodations me? Why is the person sitting here and driving the carriage also me?”

From inside the carriage, Shen Qingqiu said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? These funds are given by senior brother Sect Head as a public expense. You only took the money out from the pouch at your waist.”

Thinking of how earnestly Yue Qingyuan looked at him just before they left, Shang Qinghua felt heartsore for himself.

What would you call, “Martial brother Shang, I will have to give Qingqiu to your care during the pleasure trip. He has poison in his body, so please look after him.”

You’re even calling him by name so intimately! [2] It was only that the place he cultivated at when he was little was a bit far away, or he’d really become a toy horse! [3]

Compared to these inner disciples who were carefully cultivated by Peak Lords from the start, the outer disciples who climbed up just had no human rights.

That was why there was really no future in logistics.

As the author, he originally wanted to pit his life to mold Shang Qinghua into an extremely base person, but Great G.o.d Airplane Towards the Sky finally realized the pain of his character role.

Shang Qinghua said: “You have hands and feet, why don’t you......f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k!”

Shen Qingqiu felt the carriage slam forward and Shang Qinghua reining in the horse afterwards. He drew up the curtains and said warily: “What’s the matter?”

The horse carriage was traveling through a thick forest.

In the midst of ancient trees towering toward the sky and numerous falling leaves, sunlight was blocked by the layers upon layers of leaves. Even a spot of light was hard to see.

Shen Qingqiu saw there was nothing going on, but still didn’t relax his guard. He said: “What were you screeching about earlier?”

Shang Qinghua was still shocked and his spirits hadn’t yet recovered: “Earlier, I saw a woman crawling over on the ground like a snake! If the carriage hadn’t stopped, it would have smushed right over!”

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It sounded a bit weird. “That truly is worth screeching about.”

It was quiet in the forest, and there hadn’t yet been anything strange. Shen Qingqiu did not dare take things lightly. He didn’t return to sitting in the carriage and instead sat with Shang Qinghua in the driver’s seat, one hand held in a sword seal [4] while secretly surveying the surroundings. With his other hand, he reached into the bag of snacks and pulled out a bunch of melon seeds. He shoved them to Shang Qinghua: “Hush, go inside. Gnaw on melon seeds and play.” [5]

Shang Qinghua’s abilities at ordering people about and doing odd jobs were decent, but when brought to fight against the supernatural were truly not of much use. Knowing his own level was like that, he honestly and obediently took over the melon seeds and started cracking them. With every step the horse carriage advanced, he gnawed on one.

So, after the time it took to burn a stick of incense [6], they finally......discovered a very serious problem.

Two people looked silently at the familiar melon seed hulls on the ground.

Shang Qinghua said: “Mm, there’s no need to doubt. Cang Qiong Mountain sect’s Qian Cao Peak’s fragrant longgu melon seeds are cooked red on the outside and golden yellow inside. It’s definitely the pile I gnawed on earlier.”

Shen Qingqiu: “I know peddling melon seeds is one of your An Ding Peak’s side businesses. Enough.”

Then, the question. How did they come around to their original position?

Both people looked at each other.

Gui da qiang [7], a traditional and cla.s.sic scenario, was now placed in front of them.

Shang Qinghua thought of a folk method: “Why don’t we try using a boy’s urine and drenching the horse’s eyes with it?”

Shen Qingqiu said: “......The good horse also has its self-respect. Why throw excretions into its eyes? Also, on this wild and remote mountain, where do you want me to go to find a boy’s urine?”

Once these words were uttered, he found that Shang Qinghua was regarding him very seriously.

Shen Qingqiu: “What are you looking at me for? I, myself......Let’s not talk about that for now. Shen Qingqiu’s original character is of a high and lofty outer appearance and inner dissoluteness, going on all day about harmony until his being burns with it but carrying on clandestine affairs with adolescents. Young people can look for chickens, but do you think I’m still a boy?”

Actually, Shang Qinghua’s character seems about right.

Shen Qingqiu’s brows wrinkled for a moment, then he slapped his thigh.

He turned around and burrowed into the carriage. Suddenly, he heard Shang Qinghua who was still outside wail like a ghost and howl like a wolf.

Shen Qingqiu took what he went to find and came out, shouting: “What is it?”

Shang Qinghua was so frightened that he spoke without proper punctuation: “Once you went inside I felt a furry thing on my neck once I raised my head I saw it was a bunch of hair behind the hair was a big white face I didn’t see it clearly f.u.c.k!”

Shen Qingqiu raised his head. Naturally, he didn’t see anything. In his heart, he thought it didn’t matter what this thing was. It was quite clever and knew to pinch a soft persimmon [8], only daring to play around with the softer-looking Shang Qinghua and didn’t dare bait him.

He patted his shoulder again: “No matter how horrifying it is, it’s still something you wrote. What are you afraid of!”

Shen Qingqiu opened his palm. What he went to fetch was actually a map.

Shang Qinghua said: “Big bro, I thought you were so powerful that you could find a map to make sense of this Bailu Forest [9], but look clearly. This is a map of the mainland. The entire continent is at the top. Even if Bailu Forest is on there, it would only be about the size of a dot. You won’t be able to find the way while holding that.”

Shen Qingqiu said: “Look for yourself, this place.”

He pointed towards the lower part of the map.

Cang Qiong Mountain sect was towards the east, Tian Yi Overlook close to the center, and towards the south, it was the territory of Huan Hua Palace.

The spot that Bailu Forest occupied was just on the border of the site of Huan Hua Palace.

Shang Qinghua suddenly realized: “Huan Hua Palace also drew Bailu Forest as part of its territory? So what we’ve entered isn’t a gui da qiang, we’ve entered their protective formation?”

Every large sect had their own formation to prevent various unscrupulous people from causing trouble. For instance, Cang Qiong sect’s Ascending Heaven Ladder – if you were a mortal who didn’t know the way, you would climb yourself half to death on the over 13,000 stairs, forever unable to reach the top. You could only wait for the guard disciples to send you down.

Stuck here without anyone to guide them, they could only keep going in circles on the same spot.

Shen Qingqiu knocked on the door: ‘System? You there?’

He paused. There was no reply. He knocked again: “Didn’t you say you would give 24/7 hours of service? If you don’t come out, I’ll give a bad review!”

System: 【 h.e.l.lo, the system has entered hibernation mode. Right now there is only automated service. If you require service, please help yourself. 】

Shen Qingqiu: ‘......What, hibernating?’

He suddenly remembered that the system truly hadn’t given him scores of B points and other kinds of odd values lately.

Automated service: 【 The system’s connection to the main energy source ‘Luo Binghe’ has broken. It is undergoing maintenance and upgrades in the background. Once the connection is reestablished, the system will be activated. I hope you will find using the self-service a pleasant experience. Thank you. 】

You’re already making my b.a.l.l.s hurt so much in this version, is the next version going to straightaway crush my b.a.l.l.s – incorrect, the main point is that it seems that Luo Binghe is still the f.u.c.king main source of energy!

Shen Qingqiu was going to pursue with further questions, when he discovered this kind of service only gave these two sentences.

What sort of freaking automated service, isn’t this the same as the QQ automated response [10]? Aren’t you embarra.s.sed to add the two words ‘self-service’ in front!

Shen Qingqiu smacked Shang Qinghua: “Look at your family’s system, see if it’s still online?”

Shang Qinghua blinked, then after a moment: “It says it’s in the middle of maintenance.”

So Luo Binghe actually wasn’t the power source for just one system! Once he dropped offline, all the systems followed him down! What a big kill!

This matter was serious, but also wasn’t that serious, not unless Luo Binghe was unable to cultivate some levels in h.e.l.l and get B points. Thinking about it, it was pretty good. If he couldn’t get points, then they wouldn’t meet. It would be as though there were no taboos and nothing was forbidden!

Shen Qingqiu was consoling himself in this way when suddenly, a bush moved.

Shen Qingqiu hit with a ringing sound, shouting: “Come out!” From his waist, the Xiu Ya sword came out of its scabbard, following the commands of the sword seal formed by Shen Qingqiu’s hand. It revolved and slashed, but that thing was like a fish, hiding in the bush like a slippery loach. Not even one in a hundred stabs met their mark.

Suddenly, in front of Shen Qingqiu’s eyes, an eye-piercingly strong light pa.s.sed by. That thing shouted shrilly, rapidly slammed back several feet. The bush had already been hacked into pieces here and there and was unable to hide anything. That playful thing had long since fled, and there was no more movement.

Didn’t he just make a big move? It appeared that it only reflected a moment’s worth of light.

Shang Qinghua took the advantage to come over: “Can it be that it’s afraid of light?”

Shen Qingqiu: “f.u.c.k, it truly is a female ghost!”

Both were about to have a discussion when suddenly, the faint sound of footsteps carried over. This person’s technique was very good. If it wasn’t for Shen Qingqiu’s cultivation being not bad, then he almost wouldn’t have heard it. From within the depths of the forest, a white-clothed young man was revealed.

The young man originally held his sword out from its scabbard, his entire face vigilant. But after he saw them clearly, his face changed and he hurriedly withdrew his sword.

“This junior was investigating a change in the surroundings and specially rushed here, but didn’t know it was Immortal Master Shen and Immortal Master Shang here, who are of the Nascent Soul stage.”

Shen Qingqiu saw he was quite handsome, just with eyes that were a little green with inexperience. He politely said: “And this young hero is?”

The young man’s feet slipped.

Shang Qinghua spoke next to his ear in a low voice: “......You really don’t remember a person’s face or give them face. This is Gongyi Xiao.”

Gongyi Xiao was a little depressed. Even though he was cast down from the gold ranking board by Luo Binghe rus.h.i.+ng up, he was still second place and had a very good score. Plus, he was previously regarded as the person with the highest chance of getting the honors, and met many high-level leaders in events alongside the old Palace Lord. For Shen Qingqiu not to recognize him was truly unexpected to him.

Shen Qingqiu: “Truly a young hero.”

Gongyi Xiao said: “I don’t dare. For these two Peak Lords to come to Huan Hua Palace’s borders, why didn’t you send notice ahead of time? We’ve truly delayed you elders and given you difficulties.”

This was really treating Bailu Forest as their territory.

Shen Qingqiu said: “We have no plan to pay respects to Huan Hua Palace; we’ve only come to deal with a situation in Bailu Forest.”

Blank, Gongyi Xiao was about to ask them what situation it was. But his brain moved quickly and he kept quiet.

Shen Qingqiu had preemptively put forward that he had come to Bailu Forest to deal with matters, yet didn’t clearly state his purpose. There was no need for further discussion. No matter how curious, he didn’t dare to arbitrarily ask questions to his elders. After all, he was the old Palace Lord’s First Disciple for many years and couldn’t be that ky [11]. It was too inappropriate for someone of the younger generation to directly ask about an elder’s thoughts.

Considering the situation from another perspective: what if they wanted to figure out why there were suddenly two Cang Qiong Mountain sect Peak Lords here and sneaking around their territory borders and what their plans were? What if they felt that ‘if it stands in my home’s backyard, then of course it belongs to my home’ and ‘if it’s standing on my home’s fence, then it’s also one of my home’s things’? The logic was just that simple.

Shen Qingqiu originally wanted to say a few words and send him away. However, Gongyi Xiao hesitated a moment: “What the elders are going to do, this junior won’t guess at but would please ask to be of a.s.sistance to them.”

Shen Qingqiu’s face carried a faint smile and his lips almost didn’t move. Lowly, he muttered: “Why don’t we bring him along, he can fight enemies.”

The one who was unable to fight enemies, Shang Qinghua also muttered: “What if he doesn’t let us take away the Sun and Moon Dew Flower Seed [12], then what do we do?”

Shen Qingqiu was very shameless: “Are you stupid? When the time comes, just take it and go. He can’t use force to take it back. Returning to his old master to report is something to be handled later. At that time, we just need to stand up early, pat our trousers and leave. What are we waiting for them for?”

Shang Qinghua: “What if the two sects antagonize each other?”

“You call this freaking tiny matter antagonizing? What’s more, Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed is a lifesaver. Your old life or political relations, which do you choose?”

Shang Qinghua unhesitatingly said: “Take it and go!”

Shen Qingqiu raised his head and resolutely said to Gongyi Xiao: “Let’s go!”

As a result, the hard work of driving was handed over to the younger generation.

While controlling the reins, he curiously asked: “Elder Shen, this junior has a problem he can’t solve.”

Shen Qingqiu: “Please speak.”

Gongyi Xiao said: “According to Elder’s cultivation strength, breaking through my sect’s formation wouldn’t even take a moment and also would be achieved without our knowing why. Why did it result in such a large fluctuation of spiritual power?”

Haha. The reason was very simple. It was like memorizing your formulas completely thoroughly, yet not necessarily being able to do the problems.

Shen Qingqiu spoke half truthfully and half falsely: “That fluctuation wasn’t created when the formation was broken. It was generated when confronting a strange monster.”

Gongyi Xiao was stunned for a moment: “A strange monster?”

Shen Qingqiu said: “Actually, it’s difficult to tell whether it was a monster, but its appearance seemed evil and unlike a normal human being.”

Gongyi Xiao said: “Near Bailu Forest, there are signs of human smoke within ten li. There has never been anything regarding monster invasions. There aren’t even wild tigers and beasts.”

Shen Qingqiu said solemnly: “Then what can it be? Loose hair spread all over, bone frame all over the place, and even the face swollen like a hungry corpse.”

Gongyi Xiao sincerely said: “Whatever it is, it would be best if it never appeared again. If it appears, there is no need to bother you elders to move your hands. It is enough for this junior to handle it.”

The respect within these words was not false. Though he didn’t have much of an understanding towards this Elder Xiu Ya Sword, only having seen his face once from far away long ago, he’d partic.i.p.ated in the Immortal Alliance Conference and Shen Qingqiu’s own direct disciple had exceeded him and s.n.a.t.c.hed the ranking board’s first place. He’d also saved not a few Huan Hua Palace disciples and so was, truthfully speaking, truly worthy of special respect.

Shen Qingqiu saw that his bearing suited the occasion, not lacking in the humility he should have, and also that his appearance was of the same mold as Luo Binghe’s. It belonged to the kind that was warm and full of feelings, his features and smile handsome, making it hard to cause others to feel displeased.

Of course, he completely didn’t notice that these kinds of feelings could be described with one sentence: Love the house and its crow. [13]

He only lamented: Luo Binghe, ah, Luo Binghe. This day and age, running east and west, it’s all because he’s afraid of Luo Binghe!

—End Chapter 29—

[1] Like overturning seas and rivers: It’s a saying meaning ‘overwhelming’ or ‘earth-shattering.’ So it’s just expressing how hard he’s thinking. LOL.

[2] ...calling him by name so intimately: You don’t see this in English, but in Chinese, you get suffixes and certain terms of address to denote familiarity with a person. For a sect head, Yue Qingyuan is calling Shen Qingqiu very informally – using only his first name ‘Qingqiu.’ These two characters (I mean the original Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan) have a backstory you’ll learn about later. *winks*

[3] Toy horse: Literally ‘bamboo horse,’ but referring to that toy you see a lot that’s basically a stick with a horse head in front that you straddle while pretending you’re riding a real horse. Shang Qinghua’s point (expanded on in the next paragraph or so) is that normal people who enter the sect like him get no respect and are worked to the bone.

[4] One hand held in a sword seal: I think I might have mentioned this before, but it never hurts to recap. When we’re talking about ‘seals’ made with hands, it’s referring to a hand pose – kinda like how you see Naruto moving through different hand seals to make his kage-buns.h.i.+n/shadow clone.

[5] “Hush, go inside...”: This cracked me up so hard. Hopefully I got this across in English, but the words Shen Qingqiu uses are spot-on for what you’d hear a parent telling their kid. The term guai in Chinese is literally means ‘obedient/behave’ or ‘be obedient.’ Methinks Shen Qingqiu’s too used to being a s.h.i.+fu talking to a bunch of little bun disciples. No dignity for the author. RIP author’s dignity.

[6] Time it took to burn a stick of incense: This is an old way of measuring time. It’s a short time period ranging from 5-30 minutes.

[7] Gui da qiang (鬼打牆): Literally ‘ghost hitting wall.’ It’s referring to the phenomenon of walking in circles (TY readerz, you saved my b.u.m on this one)

[8] Pinch a soft persimmon: A saying meaning to bully the weak. Poor author never gets a break. LOL.

[9] Bailu Forest (白露林): Literally bai (white/clear/blank) lu (road) lin (forest).

[10] QQ automated response: QQ is a popular messenger platform in China. It’s like WeChat.

[11] KY: Abbreviation of a j.a.panese term 空気が読めない (kuuki ga yomenai), meaning someone who can’t read the atmosphere. So in context of this sentence, Shen Qingqiu means that Gongyi Xiao is someone who can read the atmosphere.

[12] Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed (日月露華芝): I kid you not, this is the name of this freaking plant. Pinyin is ri yue lu hua zhi.

[13] Love the house and its crow (愛屋及烏): A saying equivalent to the English one of ‘love me, love my dog.’ I.e. to love everything about a person, even the bad bits.

So...anyone else think that Shen Qingqiu’s judging everyone by the Luo BingheTM standard? Poor Gongyi Xiao, s.h.i.+fu only has Binghe in his eyes. XD