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Chapter 11
Just as in
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Meanwhile, Desian ended tea time in a somewhat muddled, possibly confused mood.
That day, he was troubled. He thought of the afternoon tea time, the conversation with Citrina and Aaron, and the various meaningless things the duke and Toloji told him.
For someone like him who had lived indifferently up until now, it was like a wave crashing over him. Desian felt the need to clarify this situation.
What is it to like?
He didnt feel anything for other people. He didnt feel anything when he killed Toloji.
But why did he feel so strange when he saw her?
Was it because she was the first person he met after feeling like he had been trapped underwater?
His consciousness had slowly emerged after Toloji had been gone for a long time. And he met up with Citrina after killing Toloji.
He ran into her when he first felt like he had broken out from under the water and gotten free.
It was the sharpest first encounter after a world of emptiness.
Its quite. a headache.
His expression was still languid. He was still troubled by the side effects of that time.
His thoughts rang in his ears. Along with the peculiar ringing in his ears was the question about what it was to like, which he had never considered before.
How does everyone know this feeling?
Citrina asked if he liked summer roses and the way she answered made if sound as if she liked them, so he had answered maybe because she interesting.
Aaron on the other hand, made it clear at tea time that he like Citrina.
Aaron had said as much. Desian liked Aaron and Citrina both. However, something was bothering him.
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His feelings for the two, were they really the same?
It was a question that gnawed at him. Desian shook his head once.
He decided to go to the library.
There had to be something in the library that would help him answer the question.
The room he was staying in temporarily and Aarons room were separated, so he thought they would not run into each other. That did not seem to be the case today.
Brother, where are you going?
Aaron asked as he laughed when encountering a silent Desian walking through the hallway. Aaron seemed to become brighter everyday as he got away from the dukes influence and spent more and more time with Citrina.
The library.
Desian replied quietly as he looked at Desians spotless bright eyes.
AhBrother, but you know what!
Dont go into the prison, Citrina tootell her.
Desians voice was cold.
Aaron seemed unconcerned even though he was deliberately interrupted. Rather, he replied with a big smile.
Yup! Thank you for your concern, Brother.
Concern?
Yup, concern.
The more he faced Citrina and the more he talked to Aaron, the more tangled his thoughts felt.
Desian was determined to not answer him and remain silent. He turned to continue his path to the library.
The prison still shouldnt be opened, thats all.
Inside the prison were two corpses that would not decay. The one who had tried to given him the potions-the dark wizard Toloji and the head butler, they had already died and become corpses.
Why dont we let the duke discover them in the prison?
He was curious what the dukes reaction would be. In the end, his dreadful fear that the monster he had brought into the world would ruin everything would be realized.
How will the duke feel at that time? How would Desian feel?
There was a different kind of displeasure sitting weakly at the tip of his tongue. Desian sluggishly opened and closed his eyes. He was outside of the dukes control for the first time.
He didnt feel bad.
Desian entered the library after his brief chat with Aaron.
He glanced at the neatly organized bookshelves, the tables with signs of use, and the sunlight streaming through the windows.
His feet led him to the shelf with the book he was looking for.
It was his first time in the library since childhood. Actually, his memory was blurry. The only thing that was clear was the recent past and the present.
Desian began to read through the titles with languid eyes.
His mouth twisted at the sight. The level was extremely infantile. Besides, he had already mastered black magic.
Its justnot a useful book.
Walking slowly past several books, he stopped in front of a particular bookshelf.
He didnt need help with magic, buthe was interested in this bookshelf.
Desian slowly opened the second book about emotional expression.
Human Emotional Expression?
He leaned against the bookshelf and began reading about a novel topic for Desian. He slowly flipped through the thick volume.
He didnt know how many minutes passed.
Desian absorbed the contents of the book.
It stated there were many ways one could like someone. The interest of the person could range from a light affection to deep love.
So to like someone is to have affection for them?
Desian finally had a definition for his feelings. However, it was not a perfect explanation. His feelings for Citrina, they were a little more affectionate
to put it another way, its more of a heated feeling.
Something like the summer heat when he first met her.
Soon, Desians gaze stopped further down on the page. A sentence had caught his attention.
Everyone has boundaries. They show interest to those inside of their circle and are indifferent to those outside of the circle.
It was an easy to understand concept for him who was indifferent to most everyone. The contents of the book were really interesting for something left in the abandoned annex.
Desian skimmed through a few more pages of the book. Soon more interesting content appeared.
The most obvious way to show affection is
What was this?
normally, to smile brightly.
Desian read out loud.
There was an illustration next to it titled, Laughter, Smile. It depicted a person with the corners of their mouth raised.
Aarons expression that day had looked the same. When Aaron smiled, Citrina smiled back at him.
So did the two of them have feelings for each other?
Desians face twisted subtly for a moment.
Is this a smile?
A way to show your likable, to smile.
He couldnt tell the subtle differences in other peoples feelings, but he was beginning to understand happiness. Those joyous feelings were too far away from his way of thinking.
But it feels like the fog has lifted a bit.
He walked away from the bookshelf with the book in hand.
It was a good thing Toloji had not given him the last potion.
Unlike others, Desian did not really know what affection was. And he had never learned how to smile to express affection.
Therefore it wouldnt hurt to give it a try.
That was Desians method. To face something directly.
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