Chapter 67: Please Just Worry About Me
(From Blue's Perspective)
It was his fault. I wanted to talk to him about something important. But because of his behavior, I had forgotten about it.
I sighed loudly. It was frustrating not to know about something, especially when it came to him. I did not understand him and because of that, whenever it came to something about him, I would feel more tired than usual. I wanted to understand him, but the more I thought about it, the harder it became.
There was no way of giving up as well. It was not like I could not, but I did not want to. He was someone who cared for me and I liked him too. Of course, I needed to understand him even if it was the hardest thing possible.
I had been tired these days. It was his fault as well. He had been keeping doing it all night and because of that, I could not get a wink of sleep properly till dawn. He got even lesser sleep than me, but he looked as energetic as always. I was so jealous of him because of that. If only I had been a bit stronger, I would not have to be so tired all the time.
I always had lunch alone. Demetrius had work, so he would always have his lunch in his study or sometimes with his knights. I met some of his knights, but not all of them at once. He had never taken me to meet them. Perhaps it was not necessary.
"Your Highness, you look beautiful today," Ruby said as I was having lunch.
'What beautiful? I am more fatigued than usual today.'
"Is that so?"
"Yes, Your Highness! You look really beautiful," she exclaimed.
I could not even smile. I did not even remember when I fell asleep after lunch. I dreamt about something strange.
It was a long time ago. I was eleven years old. I saw a wolf on the street. It was hit by a car. There was no way I could leave it there. I had used all the money that I had earned from working at a flower shop to treat its wounds.
The wolf was whining. It felt like it understood what I was saying and recognized me.
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The wolf was reddish and beautiful. I had stayed with it in the forest. I had sneaked into my house to bring a torch and stole some food from the kitchen for it. I knew the consequences, yet I took the risk.
I stayed that night with it in the forest. It was cold, so I had brought my old blanket as well. But I actually wrapped the wolf in it.
The next morning, I found myself wrapped in the same blanket. The wolf was not there anymore. But what I did not understand was who could have wrapped the blanket around me. It was not like the wolf could do that. And where was the wolf? It was not fully recovered.
There was no way it could go away with that injured body.
After I returned home, I had to face the consequences of my actions. I was beaten up so badly that one of my fingers broke and my back became bluish. Max and I were almost the same age.
I had been sick for a whole week and could not move an inch. As I could not earn any money because of my health, I was starved.
Even though I was not regarded as a human being in my family, Max was not treated like that. He would get his meals all three times and he was not beaten up as well. That was because he was a boy. Father did not want a girl. According to him, girls were useless. And I was just a burden to him while Max and Draven were his heirs to take over the family business.
It was not like I wanted to take over his business. It would not make enough money in the first place.
Max had brought as much as he could though it was the amount a bird would eat. I knew he tried. He had cried the whole time while feeding me. It was not enough. Truth be told, it was far from enough. But I still had the meal with a smile.
Because I knew he had tried. And moreover, there was no point in crying while it would only burden me. It was the time when I had finally accepted the truth. Since that day, I did not have any hope. I gave up on all the dreams. I lived only to survive the day until my graduation.
I was planning on running away after I graduated.
I woke up suddenly. The dream was not good at all. Especially the beating part seemed too real. It had been so long yet I could not forget it. The pain, the screaming- everything was still raw inside me.
"You're alright. No one will hurt you. You're fine."
I heard a soothing voice. I opened my eyes slowly only to meet the familiar black ones. They were full of worry and care. It felt unreal.
The worry- it was for me. He was worried about me. Tears started to fall from my eyes and I wrapped my arms around him. This man was worried about me. I did not want anything else. 'Please, just worry about me.'
He rubbed my back calmingly while holding me in his embrace. I felt protected. It was not the first time. I had this feeling before too and it had been like this since the night he appeared in my life.
"I don't like to see you cry, my wife," he said.
"I'm sor-...
"More importantly, I don't like to see you holding back in front of me. So, it's fine to let it all out. Even though I prefer your smile, sometimes tears are manageable," he said.
Just as he said, I let it all out. It had been long since I cried properly. I had always tried to hold my tears back. I did not want to let my family see me cry. I did not want to look weak in front of them. But when I was with him, the act I put on had no use.
It was like he broke the shield I had kept up until now. But I was glad. It was good to have someone to whom I could open up to and show what I truly felt.
"It was the same type again, right?" he asked after I calmed down a bit. I had my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back. It was calming.
"... Yeah."
I had been having nightmares a lot of times. And every time it happened, I would always find myself in his arms while he would say soothing words to me. Without even asking me, he knew what type of nightmares I had.
"You know I won't hurt you, right?"
"I'm not afraid of you."
"You shouldn't be. You shouldn't be afraid of anyone," he said. "... Let me just kill them. Please."
"No."
"They hurt you, my wife. Please let me kill them."
"No, Dem. You shouldn't..."
"I don't care what I should do or I should not! They fucking hurt you!" he suddenly yelled while squeezing me tightly in his arms. It was hard for me to breathe. But I did not know why I was a bit happy. Someone was saying something like this because of me.
"... Please..."
"You keep saying that, my wife. But you're still hurting from the inside, aren't you?"
"I am hungry, Dem," I said, ignoring his question. But it was true that I was hungry. I did not have anything after lunch. I had fallen asleep and before I knew it, it had passed a long time.
"Of course, you're hungry. If you weren't, that would be a surprise," he said. "And before you ask, it's two at night."
"... Huh?"
'It's been that long? I had slept like a log for that long? And more importantly, I couldn't wait for him as I said I would! It was the worst!'
"Why are you sulking? It's okay to sleep, you know," he said. "It's good for your health as well."
"... I couldn't wait for you. I said I would, but I could not keep my word."
"What?"
"I said I would wait for you. But I couldn't...," I mumbled.
"You're worried about that? It's alright. And besides, I told you I will fuck you if you wait."
'Eek! Don't talk like that!'
"That... But..."
"You don't have to say anything, my wife. It's alright that you've slept. And I'm glad that you've taken some rest. Because of me, you couldn't sleep at night properly. I'm sorry about that," he said. "Honestly saying, you're so cute that I can't help but get excited.
And you know how dangerous it becomes if I get excited, right?"