Chapter 82: [Bonus chapter] Giving Up An Obsession Is Not Possible
(From Blue's Perspective)
He made his way to the closet and started rummaging through the dresses. I just stood there and watched my husband being childishly stubborn and find me a dress to wear today.
As he was looking for a dress for me, my mind went back to our conversation. I could not believe he hid that important information from me and most importantly, he behaved as if he would do anything for me, only if I stayed by his side.
I had found out about his nature, thanks to the full moon. He did not want to let me know about it and because of that, he had been trying so he did not say about his desires aloud. I had to admit that he was right about this. His desires were indeed a bit creepy.
But I knew that it was not just an obsession. If it was, then I would not be able to move as freely as I could now. But there was no way to deny that there was no obsession though it was good to know that he was trying his best.
But I knew something perhaps he did not. Obsession was not an ordinary thing. And most importantly, it was not something that anyone could get rid of. It was impossible. Just how getting obsessed with something was hard, giving up the obsession was rather impossible.
I decided not to tell him that I knew about it. It would stress him out and he might try to do something that might put his mental condition under pressure. Doing something against physical ability was one thing, but when it came to mental condition, it was not something one should do since it might lead to an unimaginable inner pressure.
"What about this dress? It's light and the color looks good as well," he said.
He held out a light crimson A-line dress made with thin fabric. To be honest, I did not care about what I wore. I just wanted to pass through the day without remaining naked.
"Alright," I said. "But I still don't understand why we have to go to the garden."
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"Why? Can't a husband and a wife spend some time together without any particular reason?" he said. He was not angry anymore as before and it seemed like he did not yell at me in the morning. It was as if the morning incident had not transpired at all.
"No, it's not that... I mean, it's hot today."
"That's why we're going to sit under the willow tree," he said.
Again, everything I knew about Willow trees came right into my mind. The thoughts were like bullets, coming too suddenly before I could figure anything out. There was no way of controlling the thoughts. It was simply impossible for me. If I knew about something, my mind felt the necessity to let me know in details. Sometimes, my mouth would start rambling.
It was like they worked without my consent. Whether I liked it or not, it would happen nonetheless.
When I was young, if a teacher asked me something, I would start rambling half the book. The kids would look at me weirdly as if I had gone mad. The teachers would also be surprised.
When I was in the third grade, the teacher called my parents to meet them. When they came, they told them about my strange but extraordinary condition and expressed the necessity to go to a doctor or something since conditions like mine were not very normal and it could mean something serious was wrong with my brain. But my parents just shrugged, saying I was weird since the beginning.
I never could go to the doctor about this matter, so I never truly knew if something was wrong with me or not.
Was something wrong with me?
As the words flooded back in my head once more, I wondered again. Was I truly normal? Was someone else had this condition like mine? Was it so acute in their cases? Or was it just me?
I desperately wished it was not just me. Why would I suffer only? Sure, it came in handy sometimes, but not often. Most of the times, it was just a pain in the ass.
Like right now.
"What are you thinking about so intently?"
"Nothing, just my photographic memory kicked in," I muttered. "By the way, why is there a willow tree out of nowhere in the middle of the garden? I mean, it's not something that's meant to be there, right? It's a royal palace. I had never heard of a willow tree to be in the middle of a garden, let alone a royal garden."
"Well, it's true that it's quite unusual for your world. But in the royal gardens of all five kingdoms, there is a willow tree in the middle."
"What?"
"Yeah, it's said that one of these trees possess the power to connect to the Moon Goddess."
"... Is it just a tale or is it a real deal?"
"I don't know. Actually, I couldn't care less. Who cares about Moon Goddess? She made weird rules for us that we got to follow like dogs. Why would I care about connecting to her? I want to do nothing with her."
'Well, wolves are a kind of dogs. But I better not say that...'
"So you don't like the Moon Goddess?"
"Of course, I don't. If I wasn't the Alpha, can you believe what could have happened? I would have another mate and had to live with her. So annoying! Fuck, I can't even think about it! Let's just forget it, okay?
The willow tree is good even though the maker is total scam," he grumbled. "I just want you," he added in a whisper. But I still heard it. The words hit as if my heart was hit with a truck. I should control myself, or I might die because of this excessive affection though I was greedy enough to want more.