Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

Volume 3, Chapter 1: Only My Friend’s Little Sister Is Scary Towards Me

[Sumire]: Yesterday was a wonderful night. Thank you

[AKI]: Don’t just send me a message that could very well be taken the wrong way

[Sumire]: Ara, you’re acting like a king now, after doing it once? Even though you were an M in bed?

[Sumire]: I wonder if you’ll be able to keep it up during our honeymoon?

[Sumire]: Makes me remember that puppy face you made when we were out shopping for swimsuits

* [AKI]-san has blocked [Sumire]-san.

[OZ]: I just got a message saying ‘Waaaaaah, I was blocked by AKI!!!’. You know anything?

[AKI]: Understood. Sorry for the trouble

* [AKI]-san has unblocked [Sumire]-san.

[AKI]: If you send me any more of that, I’ll send screenshots to the police

[Sumire]: Please don’t! I just wanted to try some couple-like phrases!

[Sumire]: I was going to send screenshots to my family to show them how lovey-dovey we are!

[Sumire]: Just to make sure that our fake engagement setting is believable enough!

[AKI]: So that’s why you texted me with your [Sumire] account, and not [Murasaki Shikibu-sensei], huh

[Sumire]: Exactly. It’s just for my family

[AKI]: I wouldn’t do anything unnecessary…You might be digging your own grave here, you know?

[Sumire]: It’s fine, it’s fine. Just play along and answer like how a boyfriend would!

This pain of a LIME exchange happened on the shortest and fastest route possible home from school after classes had ended. In this season, right in the middle between the rainy season and the middle of summer, the sun was harshly attacking me with its rays, while an uncomfortable sweat was building up on my skin. This is already a painfully hot and sluggish season, so why do I have to deal with these irritating feelings on top of that?

I really thought that this would be a profitable situation for me, being able to get that illustrator into my hands with this engagement that we’re doing. But it seems I misjudged, seeing all this extra work I’m burdened with now. A few hours from now, I even have plans to buy swimsuits with her for an alibi. The day after tomorrow, summer break will start, so she’s already sent me countless LIME messages talking about going on lovey-dovey dates and taking lots of pictures.

Feeling fed up already by just thinking about it, I passed through the lobby of my flat. As I did, my smartphone vibrated. Getting in the mood to just mute her all together, I took it out of my pocket, only to find it wasn’t her.

[Mashiro]: Let’s make lots of memories during the summer, okay? ?

[Mashiro]: Be careful not to get a heatstroke, okay? Don’t just drink water, but also get some sodium to stay healthy, okay?

[Mashiro]: Mashiro knows it might be hard to sleep during this season, but wear enough clothes when sleeping, you hear? Your health is of the utmost priority! ?

You my girlfriend or something? Or did you go a step further and became my wife? No, it feels more like you’re my mother… Either way, with these messages that are more annoying than helpful, my irritation gauge started to rise. Really, after rejecting Mashiro’s confession, she’s been acting more and more like a real girlfriend.

Honestly. I’m a boy, you know? Being approached and treated like this by a girl that anyone would call beautiful, anyone might just indulge in that feeling and give in. That’s why, no matter how hard I try to stop my heart from wavering, I still can’t really hold back.

My current goal is to have the staff members of the [5th Floor Alliance], who all helped produce [The Night the Black Goat Screamed], find jobs under the promising Honey Plays Works. Family circumstances, personalities, environment, and other various reasons have made it impossible for those people, with true talent coursing through their veins, to shine in the entertainment business. And now, I’m trying to enable a bright future for them, ensuring that their genius won’t rot away for any reason. In order to achieve that, I chose the shortest path to that goal, using whatever I had at my disposal, offering my youth in exchange for their futures.

Returning a short ‘Yeah yeah, I got it.’ to Mashiro, I made my way back to my apartment and entered.

“…Hm?”

I spotted a pair of shoes in the entrance that didn’t belong to me, but looked oddly familiar.

“That girl… She selfishly invited herself again, huh?”

Why do I have to deal with a heated person like her on a heated day like this? They’re all just living at their own pace. Think about me for once, would you? Well, enough of that. For now, I just want to get a cold shower and change my clothes, so I can cool down a bit. On the bright side, she must have turned the A/C in my room way up. Taking off my shoes and walking down the small hallway, I put my hand on the door knob.

—Rattle

“Huh? …Hey, did you lock the door or something?”

‘Ah, is that Senpai out there~?’

I heard a dumb-sounding voice coming from across the door. Well, it has to be. Only she would have the audacity to pull off something like this. Being the little sister of my trusted friend, Ozu, she is the shadow member of the [5th Floor Alliance]. There might be moments that leave you thinking “Huh? Isn’t she actually a good girl?”, but all she’s done is act annoyingly towards me all year long, irritating me more than anything. That’s how Kohinata Iroha is for you.

“Open up already.”

‘Wait just a minute, oki? Just a bit longer! I’m in the middle of changing~!’

“Changing? In my home?”

‘Don’t sweat the small stuff, okay? A JK like me is giving updates on how she’s changing, you know? For free! You should feel grateful~!’

“I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me here. Why don’t you just change in your own home?”

‘Eh…You’re telling me to walk outside with these clothes? How fiendish you are, Senpai…’

“What clothes are you putting on, even?!”

What sort of clothes are you wearing that you can’t even walk outside?!

‘You want to know, huh…? Well, it’s that. THAT. During summer, it can only be that, right?’

“Summer…that…?”

‘Exactly, that. This year’s models just came out, so I wanted to try it~’

“Summer…that…this year…new one…”

Coming up with only one simple answer to her riddle, I gulped. What was reflected in my brain just now was a golden beach. The brilliant sun shining down, soothing music in the background, her high-pitched voice getting carried along with the soft breeze. Walking towards me with small steps, waving her hand, was Iroha, flashing her body in a bold bikini, attracting the gazes of both boys and girls around her. Her bare, smooth body was visible through the revealing fabric of her swimsuit, almost like a risqué piece of art. She was like a mermaid princess, doubling that with the charm of having those bare feet that I found myself—wait hold on, stop with the imagination.

Also, why is she changing into a swimsuit in another person’s room? Buddha, man of virtue, complete and absolute purity, help me. A being known as the reasoning behind the steel demon that I am, this was no problem for me, but things wouldn’t end that easy if you went to do that in some bastard’s room, alright? —Or so I thought to myself, when…

‘I’m done~! You can come in now~’

“…!”

I received permission from the person inside. At the same time, I heard the sound of the door being unlocked. A droplet of sweat ran down my cheek amidst the heat, and I gulped heavily. I could easily turn the door knob and enter the room. But the knob felt heavier than ever. Once I entered, I would be greeted by Iroha wearing a swimsuit. Seriously? Holy shit. Will I be able to handle that?

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I mean, nothing would change if I just stayed here in the living room, and the A/C isn’t on, and it’s hot, and the sweat made my clothes all sticky that it feels uncomfortable, so I’d really like to change into my private clothes, and now that I think about it, I could have just turned on the A/C in this room, but I completely got swept along her pace now so stepping down here would be embarrassing and—Ahhh, this is my room to begin with! Why should I be hesitating?!

After opening the door, I’ll close my eyes and pass her, take the shortest route to my closet, pick up a change of clothes and a towel, leave the bedroom again and make my way to the bath—Deciding on my plan of action, I took a deep breath and steeled my resolve, opening the door.

“Curse youuuuuu!!!”

“Gyaaah?!”

I let out a shriek out of surprise. W-What…is that?! When I opened the door, a woman dressed in white jumped at me. A chilly atmosphere soon filled the room. With a triangular piece of fabric to her head, the girl slowly and awkwardly turned her head to the side with stiff movements, and looked up at me. A pale expression, purple lips, and red blood running down from her mouth. A dead person. That’s the only way to explain the existence in my arms, sending shivers down my spine. Having come to terms with my future of being cursed and killed by this ghost momentarily, all my life’s memories and regrets ran through my brain like in a movie.

Weird. How did things end up like this? Past the door should have been a swimsuit paradise. If I knew that this would happen, I would have lived my life more efficiently, trying out all sorts of things. I really wanted to go on a trip overseas, finish all the games I haven’t finished, and there’s lots of movies I still wanted to watch. On top of that, there are some airing anime that are nearly complete, and a remake of one of my favorite games from my childhood right around the corner, so dying now is really frustrating.

But, more than anything, I should have gathered at least ten more pages of Murasaki Shikibu-sensei’s illustrations. With that, Makigai Namako would have had enough material to finish part five of the scenario, so that the others should have been able to make it to the end without me—Still, this sure is taking its time. Am I not dead yet?

I slowly opened my eyes, and realized that I felt a certain warmth touching my hand.

“P…Pffft! Senpai is seriously trembling in fear?! So cute~~~!!”

“Y-You…Iroha?!”

“Indeed, it is me~ Seems like you enjoyed my summer SADAKO1 style so much that it made you cry~”

“I-I’m not crying!”

“No need to be embarrassed, Senpai! Seeing a man cry is total gap moe, I tell you! If you keep showing that to Iroha-san like that, you’ll make me die by having my heart leap out of my chest out of cuteness!”

Giggling to herself, Iroha kept poking me in the chest, her annoyingness level at its max. Yet again, I realized that she was indeed my friend’s little sister, Kohinata Iroha.

“Senpai, I called out to you before you opened the door, but you still got scared, huh? This time it’s definitely a complete victory for me, I see~”

“S…Shit…”

I couldn’t even retort. I did hear Iroha’s voice, after all. But even so, the reason I couldn’t help but believe that I would die here was—

“Your horror voice was the complete opposite of that, you know!”

“Hmmm? Ahh, do you mean…”

Tilting her head and playing dumb, Iroha put her hands on my shoulders. As I unconsciously straightened my back, she pulled closer.

“Do you mean this voice?”

“Gyaaa! Stop! Don’t whisper into my ear with that voice!”

“Ahahaha! Seems that I’ve found yet another weakness of Senpai!”

“Haa… Haa… Even if I know it’s you, it still sends a chill down my spine. Sometimes I can’t help but curse your talent.”

“I prepare voices like these in case I need them~! Otoi-san helped a lot with her effects for my horror voice, but that wasn’t enough for me, see~ I thought that I’d definitely be able to scare you if I managed one, so I secretly practiced it!”

“I really appreciate your efforts, but don’t show the fruits of your labor in such a way—”

“I love you, Senpai?”

“Stop it already!”

“Hahaha. This is exactly why I can’t stop teasing you, Senpai.”

Iroha hid her mouth behind her white sleeve, letting out a snicker. No matter how much makeup she used for her corpse outfit, and no matter her acting skill, that expression doesn’t change. Rather than a ghost from a horror film, she seemed more like a teasing ghost going around scaring kids for fun. Also, did she put on that makeup herself? She can be skilled at the weirdest things.

“Really, making me get the wrong idea with how you were emphasizing it. Never in my life have I gotten my hopes up like this, only to be scared to death by some ghost cosplay.”

“Hm…? …Ohoooo?”

Iroha’s eyes suddenly lit up, her lips forming a rather mischievous grin.

“W-What is it?”

“You just said ‘Gotten my hopes up’, right?”

“I didn’t.”

‘Never in my life have I gotten my hopes up like this, only to be scared to death by some ghost cosplay.’

“Why did you go and record that?!”

“Because I judged that this might be the perfect material to keep teasing Senpai!” The fake ghost grinned as she waved her smartphone at me. Although I felt a certain urge to make her pass on with raw violence (a gut punch), I decided to hold back and approach it in a different manner.

“S-So what if I said that?”

“Just what might you have been referring to with that? Maybe… some perverted swimsuit~?”

“D-Don’t be ridiculous, idiot. As if that was the case. I don’t hold any interest in a brat’s swimsuit.”

“Ehhh, really~? That’s a bit frustrating. Then, what were you expecting?”

“S-So annoying. Nothing special.”

“Well, you don’t have to answer~ I’ll just decide on an answer myself, okay~? I’ll just go ahead and assume that you were getting excited at the idea of your Kouhai’s swimsuit-wearing body, while saying that you’re a pervert~ You don’t mind if I remember it like that, right?”

“Ugh…”

“Just be honest and say ‘I was expecting a swimsuit’, okay? With that, you’ll only end up as a ‘Cute Senpai’, you know~?”

Iroha brought her body closer to mine, running down a finger down my chest. No time to indulge in that ticklish feeling. Right now, a female Kouhai of mine is stepping on my pride and respect as a man.

—Alright, I got it. I’ll admit that, but don’t think you’ll get off the hook that easily.

“I… admit it. I was expecting a swimsuit.”

“Oh~”

While I had my fist shaking, a sparkle appeared in Iroha’s eyes as she spoke up.

“So you finally admitted it? That you were expecting my swimsuit appearance!”

“—No, that’s not quite it.”

“Eh?”

“What I was expecting was a swimsuit as a picture. And you were the person coincidentally wearing that!”

“E-Ehhh?!”

I pointed my index finger at Iroha, who took a step back in confusion.

“This summer, I will have Murasaki Shikibu-sensei put out character illustrations for a special ‘The Night the Black Goat Screamed’ summer event. And if she had a proper model for it, it would speed up her work significantly! That’s why I was thinking of immediately taking you to her place if you were wearing a swimsuit!!”

A complete lie. But that’s the only excuse I could come up with in that short amount of time. I can’t admit that I lost against her overflowing charm!

“Ugh… I can’t argue against that flawless logic. Even though I can typically pinpoint the discrepancies in Senpai’s personality…!”

“Fuahaha, go and give up. You stand no chance.”

“Grrr…!”

She must have finally understood that she can’t hope to compete against me. In the end, she averted her face while pouting, puffing out her cheeks.

“H-Hmpf! I don’t really care anyway! Summer break is about to begin, so I’ll get many more chances to tease you~? Being able to enter Senpai’s room all the time is like a bonus stage for meee?”

“Gimme a break, will you…”

“That should be obvious~ There are many manga to read, and many games to play, which all belongs to you!”

“Well, I can’t argue against that.”

Knowing how it is at her home, I can’t force myself to shut her out just like that. There is a strict ban on everything entertainment-related at the Kohinata Family. All put into action by her mother, Otoha-san. I don’t know what happened in the past that led to that, but the ban is enforced very strictly, and Iroha can’t even have a TV, a PC, or even a music player. Only Ozu is allowed to have a computer, seeing that his strong talents as a programmer would all go to waste otherwise. All Iroha can do is to come to my room if she wants to find some entertainment.

“That being said, please treat me well during this summer break~!” Iroha said, as she dove directly on my bed.

In response, I flashed a bitter smile.

“…I don’t care that much, but not everyday, alright? You must have homework and all that.”

“Eh? I’ll just be doing my homework here then?”

“Why? Do your studying in your own damn house. It’d be much easier with nothing else to distract you.”

“What are you talking about~? You’re a Senpai of mine, are you not? Senpai.”

“I know that very well. What about it?”

“That means that you already did all this homework a year ago, right? So you just have to teach me, and I’ll be done with it in the blink of an eye! If done right, even a new game can be easy to clear! ‘Eh, did I do something wrong? Please teach me, Senpai!’ you know, tehe~”

“Don’t underestimate life like that… No, from an effective point of view, that sounds very plausible.”

Really, I feel like all this summer break homework doesn’t have any influence at all on entrance exams and stuff. Seeing as that’s the case, it’s way more efficient to take care of them quickly, and focus on doing other more helpful and reasonable things with your precious time. Not to mention that Iroha’s grades are already at the top of her class, even the best among her entire year level. I doubt that it’d be a bad influence on her even if she cheated a bit on her summer break homework.

“Then…!”

“Yeah, that’s a no from me.”

Iroha had her hopes up, her eyes sparkling. I quickly went to poke at her cheek, dashing those hopes.

“Ehhh, whyyy?”

“Seeing you trying to mooch off my hard work and effort pissed me off.”

“So petty! How petty are you, Senpai?!”

“Shut up! I don’t have the time to waste on you! No merits for me at all.”

“You’ll get to be lovey-dovey with a cute girl like me every day!”

“Shut it, you ghost. Come on, pass on, pass on already!”

“H-Hey hey hey! Why are you trying to push me out?!”

Wrapping Iroha up in the bed sheets that she was laying on, I rolled her towards the door.

“It’s hot, so I want to change. Come on, leave already.”

“I – don’t – want – to! The A/C isn’t turned on in the living room, so it’s way too hot and stuffy!”

“Then turn it on.”

“Nooo! It’ll take some time until it’s cool and pleasant! You don’t have to change, Senpai, your sweat will dry off in here anyway~”

“I reek of sweat, and I can’t stand that. Would you be able to put up with that?”

“Hmmm? You’re really that conscious of it?”

Iroha approached me, coming out of the sheets. She went towards my clothes and started sniffing them.

“Hey, don’t go sniffing other people like that.”

“Hmmm… Well, I don’t think you reek that much, Senpai.”

“…Seriously. Do you have a smell fetish or something?”

“Come on, don’t go talking badly about people like that. It’s like the smell after gym, or in a classroom, not so much that I’d be bothered by it.”

Well, it seems like I’m not reeking all that much. Weirdly enough.

“Still, you might not mind it so much, but I do. And I do have to change and freshen up a bit, okay? Got stuff to do.”

“Stuff to do?”

“I have a date after this. Precisely, going shopping for swimsuits with Sumire-sensei.”

“Ehhhhh?! What’s up with that, I didn’t hear about this!”

“Because I didn’t tell you, idiot.”

Pushing away Iroha’s approaching, displeased-looking face, I checked the time. It was 5pm. Sumire’s job at school will probably end at around 6pm, so we’ll meet up at the nearby shopping center in an hour and a half.

“The thing about being engaged is a front, right? It’s nothing but a lie, right?”

“Of course. As if I’d really go out with her.”

“Then why are you going out on a date?!”

“It’s to make a convincing alibi for her family. It’s not like I want to, you know.”

It’s just to make sure, so I might as well go the extra mile.

“Hmmm, really. That just means—” Iroha grinned.

Following that, she opened up her arms in both directions, standing in front of the door.

“—Even more of a reason not to let you leave~”

“What…?”

“If you can’t wash off your sweat, you can’t go on a date. And that would be troublesome for you, right? Meaning I’ll have to give it my everything to be a bother now! I definitely won’t let you change your clothes, let alone take a shower!”

“What kind of thinking is that?”

Complaining like that, I looked up at the ceiling. Really… Why are there only annoying girls around me?

In the end, I turned off the A/C in my room, making it a sauna. Iroha ran away quickly, unable to bear the heat. Hence, I was finally able to take a shower and change into something more comfortable.

*

「…………」

「What’s wrong, Ozu? You suddenly got all quiet」

「Can I say one thing, Aki?」

「Fire ahead」

「What’s up with that lovey-dovey atmosphere you had?」

Seafood Tomato (2)

[Iroha]

Clang clang clang! We will now begin Senpai's swimsuit trial!

[Mashiro]

What's wrong?

[Iroha]

Senpai seems to be going shopping for swimsuits with Sumire-chan after this.

[Mashiro]

Huh?

[Iroha]

We can't forgive that, can we? He might end up as a clubber, right?!

[Iroha]

Presiding Judge Mashiro, Your judgement?!

[Mashiro]

Death.

[Iroha]

-Death sentence hesitation!

[Mashiro] It doesn't make any sense. They're just acting as fiances, right?

[Iroha]

They sure are.

[Mashiro]

And they're still going out to buy swimsuits?

[Iroha]

They sure are.

[Mashiro]

Death.

[Iroha]

We've received a second judgement! An unwavering death sentence!

[Iroha]

That being said, we have to gather proof to support that judgment!

[Mashiro]

Don't tell me...

[Iroha]

It's tailing time~!

[Mashiro]

True, that's an option.

[Iroha]

Glad that you agree~ Hurry and prepare, we're meeting in the corridor of the apartment it quick!

[Mashiro]

Y-yeah, Mashiro will make it quick!

[Iroha]

Let's properly observe Senpai's unfaithfulness

[Mashiro]

Y-yeah!