Transformation or Death

Chapter 19

Promise

It was cold. Since it’s now fall, my physical strength, which had deteriorated to the point of homelessness, was no longer able to withstand the cold.

My clothes are thin. 

I have even put on the hospital patient gown I got, but it still wasn’t enough to keep the cold out.

The hood is not made of thick material either, so the wind easily seeps through.

The sweatpants are the same.

On the days I was homeless in this outfit, I almost died, no exaggeration.

If it wasn’t for the blanket kindly provided by someone whose name and face I don’t know, I would have frozen to death.

At this rate, I’ll either get beaten to death by a villain or die of hypothermia before even completing the quest.

It was just the other day that I resolved to establish my memories and identity, but what am I doing now?

But dying would make everything useless. 

If I die, I’ll be wandering in the afterlife before even finding my future. Life must always be cherished.

That’s why I’ve spent all my free time in the past three days looking for a place to live. I’ve also avoided having contact with the magical girl. After completing the quest, I always went with Alkaid to avoid the risk of being chased by Deneb.

After much struggle, I was finally able to find a room.

Aside from the cockroaches, it’s a decent place with adequate space and decent amenities for living alone. Most importantly, the rent is reasonable, about half of what other places cost.

Of course, just like the principles of capitalism, the reason the rent is so low is because there’s a catch.

I turned my gaze to the sound of someone knocking on the window in the morning. Unfortunately, it was not the front door, but the window.

The sound was more like waves crashing than a knock.

Looking over, there was a slimy tentacle-like thing vigorously pounding on the window from the outside.

“Wow, shit.”

Not a river view, but a villain view.

As long as it’s safe, this could even be a popular unusual housing option.

Yes, the house I’m renting is in a high-risk area for villain appearances. 

That’s why the housing prices are significantly lower in this neighborhood.

There’s hardly any management, but at least I have a place to sleep now. I can just clean up the dirt. I willingly signed the contract for this place.

The downside is that I don’t know when the house might get destroyed by a villain. But at least I can fight and defeat those things, so I’m better off than most people living here.

In other words, everyone else living here is a crazy person who doesn’t care about their life.

The eyeballs attached to the suction cups of the tentacle outside the window were clearly visible.

I need to hurry up and move out of this crazy neighborhood.

[Would you like to transform now?]

“…Not right now.”

I didn’t want to draw attention to my activities, so I planned to lure it to a quiet place and take care of it discreetly. I put on the new clothes I had bought with teary eyes and got ready to go out.

Just having a house doesn’t mean everything is good.

Now I need to earn money to maintain this living situation. I’ve practically exhausted the insurance money, which was my only source of funds.

Today is an important day for earning money.

Specifically, government money, the most delicious kind of money.

In other words, I’m going to the suicide prevention support center to apply for aid.

In that sense, I’m quite similar to the magical girl, earning money from taxpayers.

Life…

***  

Ippotranslation

***

In the end, I was able to arrive at the counseling center after dealing with the octopus baby. 

The ink was quite unpleasant, but when I canceled the transformation, it disappeared like a ghost. 

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I almost ended up being late, but since I rode a bike supported by Megrez Form, it was easily resolved.

Transformation… might be quite convenient?

Of course, it’s a disadvantage in the job market. But this is not just a quest, it’s also because of this trauma-filled body.

No, it’s not the body, it should be the mind.

‘Han Jae-jung’s body is mine and my mind is Han Jae-jung’s, Han Jae-jung is me… how complicated.’

I was a butterfly and I was the butterfly.

Shaking my head at this dream-like reality, I walked down the street.

“Mr Han Jae-jung!”

“…?!”

Startled by the touch on my back, I swung my hand.

“Ah… Vega.”

It seems I reacted too sensitively due to all the recent hardships.

I laughed sheepishly and lowered my shoulders.

“Ah, I, I was too friendly? Next time I’ll be more careful….”

“It’s not that. I just got a little startled, that’s all.”

Especially since I’ve been constantly tormented by the villains in reality and in my dreams over the past few days.

It seems the vivid memories are just too difficult to forget.

I am still having dreams where I’m being chased by those villains. Just this morning, for example.

Even now, I can still feel the unpleasant sensation of that foul blood on my body.

The feelings of helplessness and fear were just not going away.

“I had a bad dream today….”

“Huh? Don’t tell me you didn’t sleep at all? That won’t do!”

Red Vega vigorously moved her two arms, showing off her healthiness.

“People need to eat three meals a day, exercise, and get proper sleep! The old saying that a healthy body leads to a healthy mind is absolutely true!”

Among those, she’s only keeping up with the exercise.

My meals is just one a day, and I keep waking up from nightmares and going back to sleep.

But even Red Vega herself doesn’t seem to be in great shape today.

“By the way, you didn’t transform today?”

“Ah. Yes. Ahaha! Does it still feel a bit awkward? I remembered that Han Jae-jung didn’t like me being too conspicuous before….”

Indeed, it was a consideration.

I feel pitiful and ashamed of the reality where I’m still being cared for by Mija, but I’m also grateful that she remembers and puts into practice even such small things.

Even without transforming, her beauty hasn’t faded.

Certainly, the vivid red hair, twin tails, red outer skirt, and the frilly white skirt are gone.

But her distinctive red and clear eyes, and the flowing black hair are enough to give a refreshing, pure feeling even without the transformation.

The light makeup enhances her natural beauty and freshness.

But because of that, the dark circles around her eyes cannot be hidden.

“No, you’re really pretty even without transforming. But… It seems Vega isn’t in a position to point that out either, right?”

I laughed playfully and tapped the area around my eyes. It seems we both spent the night awake.

“Huh? Ah… This is because I’ve been on call since this morning! I’m not usually like this!”

“Since this morning?”

These crazy kids, what did they do with the youth labor standards law?

“Vega, you’re still a minor, right? But you’re working until night?”

“Hehe… Usually my sisters tell me to go home. But with the recent increase in villain appearances, how can I ignore the suffering of the citizens! Of course I have to roll up my sleeves as a magical girl!”

There was a hint of longing for recognition in Red Vega’s voice.

Well, Libra has started seriously testing the magical girls lately.

They must be planning to push them to the extreme, to the point of not being able to sleep.

From today, I resolve to also hunt down the villains that haven’t caused any quests yet.

But still, the kid needs to be put to bed.

“That’s really impressive. To be so diligent at that age.”

“Haha, of course! And I’m actually not that young anymore. I’ll be an adult in just a few months!”

Even after becoming an adult in a few months, you’ll still be a kid.

Did you think I didn’t know your age? 

Those who have only lived a fraction of their lives are all still kids. After all, they are still walking the path of spring.

Her statement actually made her immaturity even more apparent.

“If you’re that busy, you don’t have to come here.”

“Huh?? That’s absolutely not possible! If I don’t keep an eye on you, Han Jae-jung might have weird thoughts again, right?”

“…You’ve got a point. If Vega doesn’t watch over my will to live, I’ll be in trouble too.”

Suppressing a sigh, I smiled and made a suggestion.

“Vega. We don’t necessarily have to do the counseling inside this center, right?”

“Eh… I think so!”

“Then how about we have a conversation while enjoying the breeze outside?”

Talking directly while experiencing nature would be better than the eye-straining fluorescent lights and the sunlight blocked by the windows.

“There’s something healing about that, you know. And Vega didn’t seem satisfied with just the cup ramen last time… This time, let’s buy some street food you like.”

“Honestly, can I say it?”

Red Vega grinned mischievously.

“Totally, totally, totally!!! I love it!!!”

*** 

Ippotranslation

***

“Hey there….”

“What is it?”

“What’s the reason you chose the river? Don’t tell me….”

The place we came to was the same river where Vega mistakenly thought I had tried to jump in the past.

However, it was not on the bridge this time, but on a promenade built to allow resting while overlooking the river.

“Haha, no way. I told you before, I’m afraid of death. There won’t be any of that now.”

The river was blue. It flowed blue from start to finish. Youth had passed, but the blueness remained, flowing into autumn, truly a blue autumn.

Moreover, the person next to me is still in their youth.

Of course, if we’re being picky, I’m also in the age of spring, but…

“And if you jump in here, you’ll just get your clothes wet, and Vega will have to fish you out. Not the best ending, right?”

“Of course! I’m confident I can rescue you in under 3 seconds!”

“Then I’m glad. I really don’t want to die.”

It was sincere.

I don’t want to die, nor do I want to be in a life-threatening situation.

Judging by this mindset alone, I’d be qualified to graduate from a suicide counseling program and receive a certificate.

“But what’s that you brought?”

“Ah, this!”

Red Vega opened the paper box she had brought. Inside were visually appealing donuts. Ah, could it be…

“It’s Polaritee donuts!”

“Ah, that’s the one. The donut truck started by Magical Girl Polarise.”

“You know about it?! It’s an old story now! But yes, that’s the one!”

She looked at the donut box proudly.

“See the autograph printed on the box? Kyaa… It’s amazing!”

“There aren’t any of those around here… Did you just fly there and back real quick?”

“Since I have the ability, I might as well put it to good use!”

“That’s true. I envy that.”

I may have a flying bike, but being able to fly without any tools is something I envy.

I picked up a chocolate donut and popped it in my mouth, gazing at the river.

“I also have coffee! Look, the clear symbol of Sky Polarise, EBE1FF, is printed on the cup!”

“Ah, thank you…”

The Magical Girl setup seems to still be a thing.

No, now that it’s reality, the term setup would be inappropriate.

The webtoon ‘The Golden Age of Magical Girls’ is still vivid in my memory.

This memory being fake and me actually being Han Jae-jung? I’m still having trouble accepting that. Of course, the possibility of this guess being wrong still remains.

“But Vega, do you remember your own symbol color?”

“Eh? Umm… It was E something…”

“What, you don’t even know your own color?”

“Well, I’m not really into fangirling over myself…”

“That’s true too.”

And at the same time, it means she’s lost interest in herself. I took a sip of the coffee she had given me.

“Vega, listen while I eat. This is a counseling session.”

“Eep?! Yes, yes!”

As the hot coffee flowed down my throat, I felt a sense of relief.

“I said I overcame the fear of death, right? I think that fear is something everyone who tries to commit suicide has. Even people who have resolved to take their own life must still be afraid of death. So why do people try to die?”

The fear had not gone away since the day I recalled the memory.

Or perhaps it had been there since the day I was hanging.

“Maybe when the fear of living outweighs the fear of dying. When facing tomorrow becomes more terrifying than dying right now. Ah, I’m sorry, that was too heavy a topic. You must be choking. Have your coffee.”

“Oh, this is actually hot chocolate for me. But thank you!”

Gulping.

Vega, who had been so focused on the conversation that she had stuffed a mouthful of donut without chewing, happily sipped her hot chocolate.

“So what I’m trying to say is… Vega, when you said before that you’re not afraid of death, it sounded to me like this.”

Vega’s eyes were serious as she drank the hot chocolate.

She seemed to have forgotten what was in her mouth again, and flinched as her tongue got burned. She then stuck out her tongue and fanned it with her hand.

What was she doing?

“What’s wrong?”

“Be careful when drinking hot things… Anyway.”

I handed her a napkin and continued. “For you, Vega, the most precious thing isn’t your own life, but the lives of clueless strangers. And losing that is what you’re most afraid of. That’s why you can so easily say you don’t fear death, because you can recklessly throw away a life that others are too afraid to casually discard. I had that impression. I’m sorry, I was a bit selfish.”

Vega’s hand holding the napkin paused as she wiped the hot chocolate and donut crumbs.

“As a counselor, you shouldn’t disregard even your own life.”

“I, I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m the one who should apologize. Please always fear death. Life is so precious.”

I accepted her apology without refusing.

“And promise me. Just like I promised I wouldn’t try to take my life here again, Vega, you have to promise that too.”

Magical girls’ lives are lighter than one might imagine.

That’s why the world was destroyed.

They didn’t value their own lives, nor did they value others’.

And when their lives were wasted like that, no one was left to uphold the order of the world.

“Fear the villains and death, and if you ever find yourself in mortal peril, run away.”

When Paradox and Red Vega perished together, the only ones left in the world were the villains seeking answers from the magical girls, and the people who would be sacrificed to those villains.

The villains, unable to find the answers they sought, flew into a rage and massacred the people.

A hero’s life is not meant for sacrifice. It should not be disregarded.

For my own survival, and for their survival.

Now Libra has begun her activities in earnest.

But she is not alone. The other members of the Dilemma will also emerge from the shadows.

Now their lives are in serious danger.

“Because that’s how I’ll survive. Vega encouraged me to live, and if the Vega who cheered me on were to disappear, what would I do?”

Having experienced being close to death, I could understand the value of life better than anyone.

Death must be feared. Knowing that fear, I can cherish life more dearly.

The experience, though not exactly from homelessness, was still a valuable one.