Transformation or Death

Chapter 73

Severed Traces (6)

“Ah…”

He saw Ah-yoon’s appearance. Her forehead and hair were damp, and there were traces of water all over her clothes. Her breath was rough, her chest repeatedly rising and falling without rest. 

Pulling his large body out of the bathroom must have been hard labor. She must have sweated a lot and gotten soaked.

“I’m sorry… I made you drag someone who’s about twice your size…”

“Not twice as big!” 

Ah-yoon abruptly shouted, seemingly upset that her small stature was mentioned. Han Jae-jung smiled bitterly and sat up.

“…Ugh.”

He was in pain, both mentally and physically. There seemed to be a lump on the back of his head, as if he had hit something hard after falling in the bathroom.

“Not twice as big, really… It’s a height difference where people might mistake us for a couple when we go out… You’re always treating me like a kid, so you’re exaggerating…”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Not twice as big. More like… um, 1.5 times…?”

“If I’m 5 feet and you’re 6 feet, that’s not even 1.5 times!”

“Hey, you’re rounding up sneakily while rounding me down? If that’s the case, I’ll round up and say I’m 6’3″…”

“So what if you’re tall! You’re freakishly huge! Too big for me to handle! Happy now?”

Ah-yoon’s face flushed red as she yelled loudly. Han Jae-jung felt a chill and looked down at himself. 

He was completely naked except for a large blanket draped over him. He had essentially exposed himself to her.

“Just disgustingly huge…”

Ah-yoon mumbled, her face as red as a pomegranate, unable to decide where to look. Picking up on her meaningful reaction, Han Jae-jung clutched the blanket tighter.

‘This isn’t sexual harassment, is it? …Nah, couldn’t be.’

Instead, he should feel sorry for offending her eyes, even if they were as close as family.

No matter how casually they behaved with each other, seeing a man’s naked body must have been difficult for her.

While feeling ashamed, Han Jae-jung also felt immense gratitude and respect for Ah-yoon, who had taken care of him without a single complaint.

“You, you have no idea how shocked I was? I heard this ruckus coming from the bathroom, but you didn’t respond when I knocked… When I opened the door, you were naked and collapsed on the floor… For no reason, I couldn’t even lift you because you’re so huge, so I had to drag you out… You don’t know how much I… I, I didn’t cry! Anyway, I was so worried! I even thought about calling 119. But then I thought it might make things more complicated… Ah, my heart is still pounding! You know?”

“No, I don’t…? I’m sorry…”

“Yeah, you should be sorry! You have to be sorry! There!”

Han Jae-jung feebly responded to Ah-yoon’s tearful protest.

She was right. He should apologize.

She must have already been confused from his missing memories and what happened to him, and now he had given her another needless worry.

“What happened? Is, is that transformation thing causing terrible after-effects? To make you suddenly collapse like that? Oh, that’s so dangerous! Don’t do that anymore from now on!”

“No, it’s not that. This is…”

“Then what happened?!”

What did happen? Han Jae-jung closed his lips.

‘Yeah, I’d like to know too.’

The memory he recalled earlier. In it, he looked in the mirror, realized he had become a villain, and decided to kill himself.  

Perhaps he was in a state where, like Ah-yoon now, he couldn’t freely transform.

More precisely, it must have been shortly after he made the contract with the star.

It was strange. In the memory, Han Jae-jung didn’t remember making the contract, but he did remember everything before that. He must have remembered everything up to his time with Virgo… and Red Spica.

Did this mean losing his memories wasn’t a result of the star contract, contrary to his current state?

Let’s retrace the timeline.

After going into seclusion, Han Jae-jung entered the Dark Matter. It’s highly likely he severed ties with Virgo during that process. 

Afterwards, he somehow survived and prepared for the bar exam. During that time, he came into contact with the Belt.

Not long after picking up the Belt, he was attacked by monsters and ended up in a state between life and becoming a villain.

That’s when he made the contract with the star, causing part of his memory to disappear.

He then decided to commit suicide.

However, after attempting suicide and waking up, he had lost all his memories.

‘Something happened before I tried to kill myself.’

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Or else…

“Brother.”

“Huh? Uh…”

“What are you thinking about so hard…?”

“Ah, that’s…”

Ah-yoon smiled wryly. It wasn’t a smile with a positive meaning.

“You didn’t listen to me.”

“Eh, eh of course… Why would I tune out Ah-yoon’s voice? Even if I heard the voice of a god, I couldn’t be more focused than right now. I was just listening so intently that you mistook it for me being lost in thought…”

“A mistake?”

She gave a light mocking laugh. Han Jae-jung averted his gaze slightly.  

“Say back to me exactly what I just said.”

“Say back to me exactly what I just said.”

“What?”

“What, what. You just said it.”

“You want to get spanked?”

“I’m sorry.”

Without any hesitation, he bowed his head, and Ah-yoon responded with a deep sigh.

“…Brother.”

“Yes.”

“You really can’t tell me what happened? Is it a story I’m not supposed to know? Oh, if you say so, I can’t do anything about it, but…”

Her face gradually became tinged with sadness. Her eyes, a mixture of disappointment and self-deprecation, stirred sympathy.

“No, that’s not it.”

Han Jae-jung immediately straightened his posture to sit up properly. The blanket slipped down a little.

“Kyah!” 

Ah-yoon let out a small cry and covered her eyes with both hands.

“So provocative… Too stimulating… An, anyway, put some clothes on first… I, I’m still damp too… I’ll change after you do.”

She carefully removed one hand from her face and used her shaky finger to point at a paper bag beside her. It likely contained clothes.

Realizing he had exposed himself in front of a woman again, Han Jae-jung nodded without hesitation.

“…Shall we?”

***

Ippotranslation

***

What was inside the paper bag was an adorable animal pajama set. It had something like bear ears attached to it. A typical taste of Joo Ah-yoon. 

‘I thought it would have the clothes I was wearing earlier…’

Could it be that she washed everything I had taken off? Seeing that it’s pajamas, it must mean she wants me to sleep.

Since I’m not in a position to be picky about clothes, Han Jae-jung put them on without complaint.

It felt a little tight, but it was a size that I could wear without too much trouble. I probably would have fit perfectly if it was when I was in high school.

When I opened the door and went to the living room, there was Joo Ah-yoon wearing a similar pajama set.

“Oh, you’re here? …It suits you well.”

A pink furry pajama set with either a duck or parrot beak on the hood. Joo Ah-yoon, who had pulled that hood down, quickly turned her head when she made eye contact with Han Jae-jung.

“Somehow there was a man’s size that fit me perfectly… Ah, don’t tell me it was your boyfriend’s? Haha, I’m so sorry about this…”

“I’m bald now, who are you mocking? I’ve been busy…”

Joo Ah-yoon glanced at Han Jae-jung and quickly turned her head away again.

“Ah, anyway, I’ve been too busy for a boyfriend. Plus, what man would even like me…”

“My dear Ah-yoon, what are you saying? There’s a man who likes you right in front of you. But then why is this here?”

“It’s a pajama set I bought a long time ago to give as a gift to my brother. Why? What? If, if you don’t like it, just take it off! Ah, no, don’t take it off…”

“Oh…”

He was touched. She had kept a gift meant for him all this time.  

Come to think of it, didn’t she also not change her phone number for his sake? She must have been harassed by malicious fans and reporters.

Along with the feeling of being touched, he felt apologetic. This was someone who remembered him to this extent, yet he hadn’t shown his face to her at all during that time.

The suddenly pensive Han Jae-jung expressed those feelings in a playful manner.

“Ohh~ how thoughtful~ You even tried to give a couple pajamas as a gift to this brother, how admirable.”

“It’s, it’s not a couple set! Look! The company series is just the same…the animals are different! Yours is a bear! Mine is a red macaw parrot!”

“Ah, that is a couple set. Ah-yoon, did you really dislike wearing the same clothes as brother that much?”

“That’s not what I… Ah, anyway, get to the main point! What’s wrong with you? What made you collapse in the bathroom! High blood pressure? Do, do you have something like that?”

Joo Ah-yoon’s voice, raised from feeling embarrassed for no reason, was starting to get choked up with emotion.  

“…You even tried to commit suicide, brother. Did you contract some kind of terminal illness…? Or was it really a side effect from that transformation…”

In an instant, her expression changed to one of concern for him. Her emotions were changing rapidly.

It was probably because her mental state had become unstable from experiencing so many confusing events.  

Loss of memory and changed former acquaintances are things that would unsettle anyone.

“It’s not like that, it’s just tangled up with this belt…”

“I knew it! Don’t transform like me either, brother! Just ignore it!”  

“Listen until the end. There’s something I couldn’t tell you before.”

Han Jae-jung went up in front of Joo Ah-yoon and knelt down. Then, just like before, he held her two hands within his own. Joo Ah-yoon swallowed her ragged breaths and looked him in the eye.

Under the shadow cast by the hood, her face which had been obscured greeted him, with moist eyes and slightly reddened cheeks.  

Giving a slight smile at that sight, Han Jae-jung opened his mouth.

“First, stay calm, Ah-yoon. I’m not going anywhere now. I’ll be with you. Okay? I’ll come back anytime if you want. I’ve already shown you everything unsightly about me, so where would I go?”

Putting a bit more strength into the hands he was holding, he spoke firmly.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ah-yoon. Of course, the fact that I made you anxious doesn’t change… But still, I hope you can trust me. One last time, give me a chance.”  

He gently caressed the back of Joo Ah-yoon’s hand. It was soft. Unbelievably soft for hands that must have gone through countless harsh ordeals.

He didn’t want to stain these hands with blood again.

“Ah-yoon. You can take your time speaking. There’s no need to rush. I’ll answer anything I can answer.”

“Sniffle. Really…?”

“Yes, really.”  

When Han Jae-jung nodded softly, Joo Ah-yoon sulkily pursed her lips.

“You don’t have a terminal illness?”

“Of course not.”

He ignored the existence of the quest, since it wasn’t an illness.  

“Then why did you collapse, brother?”

“Right, about that… Ah-yoon, I told you before that I have amnesia, right?” 

“Yes. Like me, from getting caught up in that belt…”

“Got caught up in it wrongly… Although my case is a bit different from saying it that way, if you look at it, that’s what happened.”

Han Jae-jung had wanted to make a contract with the stars himself, in order to fulfill the dream he had right before death.

He still didn’t know about Joo Ah-yoon’s case. He didn’t make the assumption that she had wanted to make a contract with the stars like himself.

“This contract doesn’t just involve losing memories, but also a way to regain them – by illuminating the stars. If you gather starlight from the criminals who defeated you and create stars, your memories will be restored.”

Memory.  

While oblivion may be a blessing, being a blank slate is a curse. For Han Jae-jung, it was the latter. 

He had lost not only bad memories but good ones too, to the point where he didn’t even know who he was or how he came to be.

If a person is made of body and soul, then he has experienced the death of his soul.  

The ‘self’ is formed through various learnings accumulated. Learning is experience, and experience is memory. The various clays that made up Han Jae-jung vanished in an instant.

Without a ‘self’, it was tantamount to death.  

Until now, he had thought the cause was the belt, but he had to change his perspective a bit.

Upon making the contract, only related memories disappear.  

As seen from Joo Ah-yoon’s case.

Right now, she has only lost memories related to being a magical girl, but retains other memories intact.

The fact that she remembers being busy despite forgetting her magical girl duties, or buying a gift in the past, or the things I said to her before she used the Black Dwarf, etc.  

Aside from specific memories, she retains most other memories relatively unscathed.

‘But I had lost all my memories… why?’

Han Jae-jung became even more confused from the memory he recalled in the bathroom earlier. However, he did not show this confusion on his face as he desperately consoled Ah-yoon.

“The process of that memory being replayed forcibly flashes back to my consciousness… Sometimes my consciousness becomes dim. That’s why I collapsed. I really startled you. I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry.” 

After going around and around a lot, he finally finished making excuses. Joo Ah-yoon stared at him intently.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Have you ever seen me lie?”

“Yes. A hell of a lot.”

“You’ve learned well. There are no people in the world who only tell the truth. Always keep that cautious attitude.”  

“Your shamelessness really doesn’t change.”

Only then did a smile spread across her face.

“Huh? It doesn’t change…”

As she chuckled and looked at the hand held by Han Jaejung, her voice became sweeter than before.

“So do I have to find my memories by tearing apart villains like you? Like… transforming? Something like that?”

“I still don’t really know about that… If it comes to that, I’ll leave the monsters half-dead and you can just cut off their breathing. Or… you don’t even have to find your memories.”

“Ah…”

That’s true too. She had retired from being a magical girl anyway. Not having magical girl knowledge wouldn’t be that much of an inconvenience. 

She even had quite a bit of money saved up from back then in her bank account.

They could just open a store together somewhere quiet. 

Was there really a need to stain herself with blood to find her memories? It was unnecessary for him to suffer on her behalf too.

“But… even so, shouldn’t I try to find my memories?”

For some reason, Joo Ah-yoon thought that. It was closer to an emotional reason than a logical one. She didn’t desperately need the memories, but she felt the need to find them.

“…I suppose so?”

Han Jae-jung smiled bitterly, as if he had said something unnecessary. 

“Hey, bro.”

“Yeah, what?”

“What information did you get today?”

“…”

“Bro?”

There was a brief silence. 

Around the time the ticking of the second hand struck her eardrum four times, he opened his mouth again.

“I heard a suspicion that you made the Star Contract of your own free will…”

“…What?”

For a moment, Joo Ah-yoon couldn’t understand.

The meaning that she made the wish to find the star of her own free will meant she must have had some great wish. 

A wish she wanted to fulfill, even if she had to find a shooting star or someone’s power to do so.

“I made the wish of my own free will…? Why? I don’t have any dreams and just want to play around.”

“That’s why it’s just a suspicion. Just forget about it.”

Han Jae-jung agreed with her. Whether it was an act or genuine, the fact remained that he had reminded her that she had a more steadfast ally than anyone right now.

“…Ah-yoon, I told you today that I’ll protect you no matter what happens. I’ll add one more thing.”

His gently smiling expression:

“No matter what choice you make, if it’s what you wished for, I won’t say a word and will just follow you.”

It gave her the assurance that even if she set foot in hell herself, he would be by her side. 

“So don’t worry too much. I’ll always be on your side.”

His large, sturdy hand wrapped around hers. A warmth that could melt away winter passed from those thick hands.

A warmth that seemed capable of melting any cold.

Melting into it, Joo Ah-yoon also smiled softly.

“Don’t be cheesy. Bathroom rioter.” 

“People are supposed to be cheesy at times like this.”

“You do it too often, that’s why.”

As their body temperatures mingled, slowly, darkness and moonlight mingled in the sky as the night deepened.

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