Vaudevillain

Chapter 17: Making New Friends

Dylan finished up activating the self-destruct sequence for the squid sub and made his way out through the hatch. "I should probably look into making a bag of holding or some kind of shrink ray. I don't want to have to blow up every invention." He mentally added it to the list of things to do after the kidnapping.

Which he could now do! He finally had some phlebotinium to make the gender bender gun. There was a trainyard located in the factory district and the mice were hard at work following the mayor's son. It was only a matter of time until he could enact his master plan. He brought up his inventory to look at the phlebotinium again.

The quest tab flashed as he looked over. Shrugging, Dylan opened it up to check the updates.

Dylan frowned. "All that work and I only get one increase in reputation? That doesn't seem fair. Feels like I could get a lot of reputation by doing a lot of small crimes or something."

Oh well, it wasn't worth dwelling on. He could do the things he needed without a high reputation. Like head back to his lab and make the gender bender gun! Dylan made to activate his rocket dress shoes only to have them sputter and shoot out water. "How are you not waterproof?" Annoyed, Dylan made his way off the beach and back into the city.

A voice called out to him. "Hey! Hey dude! Wait up!"

Dylan turned to find a surfer chasing after him. He was dressed in loose swim trunks and held a surfboard twice his size. His muscular chest easily lifted the wooden board as he dashed over. As he reached Dylan the man's thin blond hair fell in down, masking his bright blue eyes. As he made his way over he blurted out, "Are you the one who made that giant crab robot?"

Dylan looked confused. "Yeah. Why?"

The surfer brushed the hair away from his eyes. "Dude that was so cool! I didn't know you could make stuff like that in-game! Hey, do you think you can make me a super surfboard or something? I can trade for it." The blond man pulled out a stack of money from his inventory and offered it to Dylan.

Dylan debated about acting as Dr. Zlo. Keeping the roleplay up was important but he was also a bit tired out from the action. Even though he knew it was all fake he'd still be attacked and shot. In fact, his health bar at the top left still showed at about ten percent.

Dylan looked down at the wad of cash in the blond man's hands. "How much is that?"

"Around five thousand dollars. Why you need more?"

"How'd you make so much money in like two weeks?"

"Whaddya mean? It's not hard."

Dylan looked around the wreckage of the beach for a place to sit. Seeing none around he turned to the blond man, "Come with me. I probably shouldn't be out in the open."

The surfer nodded. "Yeah that makes sense."

The two made their way off the beach and back towards the city. "So how'd you make so much money?"

"Yeah, so the game lets you pick up a job if you make a secret identity. I started up with the Khaum family which let me get a secret identity pretty quick. I got a job as a lifeguard and just did that for the past couple of weeks."

"You didn't do any quests or robberies?"

"I mean I tried but my superpower kinda screwed me over."

"What do you mean?"

"So I asked for the power to surf anything. I thought it'd be really cool to be like that silver guy and surf on the air and stuff."

"Isn't he normally a hero?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want to stick to the whole moral code thing. A friend told me about it. Can't do whatever you want in the game, like mess around with the NPCs. I ain't about that life so I picked villain. But anyways turns out I can't surf on the air unless it's really windy."

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"Why not?"

"Here I'll show ya." The surfer held his board up at chest height and rolled onto it. The surfboard hung suspended in the air even after the man got on top of it. He stood and moved over to the front of the board, tipping the end down a bit. He inched forwards.

"See what I mean?"

"Not really?"

"So when surfing you get the wave to push your board. There's not enough force in the air to do that. So I need a superboard of some kind."

"Got it. And you want me to build it."

"Yeah! And then I can get reputation and find better contacts than the powerless Khaum family. Get some power armor or something."

"I could make that too. Probably."

"Oh dude could you! Can you make it like surfer themed?"

"Yeah, but what's in it for me?"

"I'll add you to my friends list and we can do crimes together. Plus I'll pay you." The man held out the stack of cash again.

Dylan thought about it for a second. He could always use the spare cash, just in case he needed to buy something to avoid suspicion. Plus this guy looked like he could be useful for another villainous scheme. "Throw in the materials and you're in."

The man pumped a fist into the air. "Aw yeah! I'm gonna get me a super board from Oh what's your name?"

"I'm going by Dr. Zlo, villainous mastermind and mad scientist."

"No like the name on your friends list."

"Oh, Superfan39526."

The man mimed typing out Dylan's username. "Alright sent."

Dylan opened up his friends list and saw the request. "Surfsup26?"

"Yeah that's me."

Dylan accepted the friend request and closed the tab. "Alright, what do you want for the surfboard?"

"It needs rockets at the end, or some kinda engine. Oh, and see if you can put lasers on it that shoot out when I do tricks or something."

Dylan opened up his power tab and entered in everything Surfsup wanted. "Okay. It says here I need two bottle rockets, a gun surfboard, solar panels, ten laser pointers, and a car battery."

"Woah and that makes me a rocket surfboard that shoots lasers?"

"Pretty much."

Surfsup pumped his fist again. "H*ll yeah! Oh could I get you to make me some armor as well? Like a set of swim trunks that act as a forcefield?" The man pulled out another wad of cash.

Dylan shrugged. "Sure." He typed "force-field swim trunks" into the power tab and added a bit to the description. He sucked a breath in as he saw the materials. "Uh, I'm going to need phlebotinium to make a force-field."

"Dang, you mean that super late game stuff? Okay alright. I'll think on the armor then."

Dylan decided to keep quiet about the two grams he had found in the underwater base. "Cool. Message me when you have the materials."

"Yeah will do Superfan." Surfsup turned down another alley and waved. "I'm going to get right on that. See you later man!"

Dylan waved back then made his way to his secret base. It was time to get down to business.

On reaching the gothic mansion Dylan saw Cass standing outside with a martini in hand. "Prepared you a drink boss."

"Thank you Cass." Dylan grabbed the martini and took a sip. The two walked into the front room where three Jacques were standing. They saluted as Dylan walked in, their plastic arms cracked and dented from the concurrent fighting.

"Good work minions. Thanks to your efforts we have successfully grabbed enough phlebotinium to conduct our master plan! Once we get word from our helpers underground we shall kidnap the mayor's son for ransom!"

Cass started clapping. "Great speech boss!" After a few seconds, the Jacques all started to clap along.

"But first!" The clapping stopped. "One of you three will receive an upgrade! The other two will be promoted to squad leaders and will be enhanced at a later date. I'll leave it up to you to decide."

The three Jacques turned to each other and for a moment it seemed a three-way brawl would break out. Each Jacques held their hands up in a boxing position. The three stared at each other and then by some unspoken agreement all three minions pumped their right fist. The fists pumped once, twice, then three times and finished with the unmistakable signs in rock paper scissors.

Two of the Jacques had selected paper while the last had gone with rock. Devastated, the minion crouched low to the ground and curled up while the last two faced off. Again the tension between the two increased before silently starting at the same time. Hands moved up and down, changing their signs with every motion.

Both hands shot out after the third motion. Dylan imagined a dust cloud exploding outward from the two minions, masking the results for a few seconds. The cloud dispersed and it looked like the Jacques on the right had won. Their paper had beaten the left Jacques' rock. But then Dylan looked closer and saw a thumb sticking out from the fist.

The right Jacques recoiled and jumped backward as if caught in an explosion. Suddenly, Cass was next to the Jacques on the left. He grabbed the minion's hand and held it high. "We have a winner!"

Dylan clapped once. "Very good. Come with me to the secret base."

The two made their way down the ladder in the basement. It was only a temporary solution to the pit issue. At some point, there would be an entire hidden elevator leading down. But for now a ladder would have to do.

Dylan led the minion to the center of the secret base and brought up his description for Mamma Mabel once again.

Momma Mabel

A follower of Dr. Zlo who joined the villain to learn his ways. She has her own power to control small groups of people. She calls all her minions her children and makes them call her Mom. Momma Mabel is known for her crass language and love of young men.

Sundress (1)

Lackey (1)

Southern Livin' (1 magazine)

Cantankerous joke book (1)

Phlebotinium (1 g)

He took out the materials and set them next to the Jacques, taking care not to drop the gram of phlebotinium. If he lost it because it fell through a crack in the floor he'd never live it down. He opened up his overlay and activated the power.

Everything besides the phlebotinium whirled around the lackey. The joke book and magazine broke into separate pages and seemed to stick on the Jacques body. Once fully covered the sundress spun over the head of papered minion and daintily slipped on top. Finally, the phlebotinium shot from the ground right into the Jacques' forehead and embedded itself.

The minion glowed with white light and Dylan was forced to turn away for a second. He blinked the spots out of his eyes and turned back. In front of him stood a middle-aged woman in a sundress, sunhat, and carrying a pearl-studded handbag. Her skin was the reddish-brownish color of rusted iron and her hair a copper tan. She smiled at Dylan and he saw one of her front teeth was missing.

"Well now Mr. Zlo, are you gonna keep standing there with your mouth open or help Momma Mabel out?" The minion held out her hand. Dylan grabbed it and Mabel stepped down from the small platform she had been on. "Much better. Thank you darlin'."

"A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Mabel."

"Oh, hush now I haven't been Ms. Mabel for years. Call me Mabel."

"Well then Mabel, are you ready to make some mischief?"

"Honey I've been making mischief since before you were born. Just tell me where we gonna go."

"I'll have Cass fill you in on the details. Right now I need to create the lynchpin to my entire scheme."

Mabel pinched Dylan's cheek. "Of course dear. Just let ol' momma know if'n you need help."

The new minion made her way over to the ladder and climbed up faster than Dylan expected of someone looking her age. It looked like deep down she was still a minion, with all the natural strength and agility that gave.

Dylan turned back towards his laboratory and brought up the description for the gender bender gun.

Gender Bender gun

Phlebotinium (1 g)

Hair Dryer (1)

His and Her wedding rings (1 pair)

Shaving cream (1 can)

Rule 63 printout (1)

He pulled out the items listed. The hairdryer and shaving cream he had bought from the corner store at the beginning, the His and Her wedding rings he'd bought at the jewelry store at the mall, and the phlebotinium he had stolen from the secret lab. Finally, he walked over to the simple printer and computer combo he'd installed in the corner of the base and printed out a copy of rule 63.

Placing all items on the ground in front of him, Dylan activated his power. The hair dryer was first, rising into the air as if on strings. The his and her wedding rings came next, swirling around the hairdryer until they became a blur. The can of shaving cream popped open and its foamy contents spilled out to cover the whirling items. The printout crumpled over the phlebotinium and the two items rose above the rest and fell on top of the foamed mass.

The items spun faster and faster, becoming a tornado. A light formed and the invention sparked as the mass shrank down to the size of a gun. Lightning arced out, striking the stone floor as the phlebotinium embedded itself on top. And then all at once the items flashed, blinding Dylan. He blinked the spots out of his eyes a second time that day and took a look at his newest creation.

The gun was of course shaped like a hairdryer. On top of it sat the phlebotinium in a spherical cage. The material hovered in the middle defying gravity. Looking closer, Dylan saw an archaic-looking script wind its way around the phlebotinium.

The rest of the gun was a cool purple with golden rings on the handle and barrel. The two rings at the end of the barrel were shaped into the symbols for male and female. Both rings were also colored in their respective hues of blue and pink.

Dylan gingerly picked up his new gender-bender gun. It was light and fit perfectly in his hands. Unable to resist, he cried out, "Behold my greatest creation! With it, I shall make the mayor's son a daughter and tie him to the train tracks for ransom! If the mayor does not accede to my demands he shall be forced to watch his changed son lay helpless as a ton of metal comes chugging towards him! Muahahahahaha!"

A squeaking noise brought him out of his monologue. He looked down to see a small white mouse tugging at his pants leg. Once it had been seen, the mouse made its way over to the computer and used its techno brethren to open up a word processor.

Hello master my name is Leo, the son of Einstein and Lovelace. They've sent me here to inform you of the whereabouts of the mayor's son.

Dylan stored the gender bender gun and rubbed his hands together. "Excellent! Where can I find him!"

During the day the teen can be found at the mayor's office issuing commands to the heroes below him. At night he goes out into town, visiting various clubs. Strangely, we are unable to track him after he enters the third club of the night.

"I wonder if the heroes have a secret base." Dylan mused.

We assume that is the case. Would you like us to continue monitoring?

"No need! Point me to the clubs in question and I shall endeavor to kidnap the man. I have a new project for you to work on. I need access to television and radio stations around the city. Look into it will you?"

It shall be done.

The mouse scurried off the computer and away into the darkness.

Dylan cackled. "Soon."