When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

Story 3 - Spiritual Vines and a Smokey Pill Cauldron (16)

Fortunately, everyone here knew the unspoken rule of, Don’t fuck with a Formation Array Master while they’re setting up a formation... Unless you’re trying to kill them... Or yourself.

Since they couldn't hear me, I awkwardly bowed in apology, then I used a gesture to decrease the flame.

When I stepped out I used my best impression of a child who knew they’d done wrong. ”I suppose I should have asked for permission before setting up a formation?”

The manager sighed deeply. ”Absolutely... But seeing as all our expensive and carefully arranged isolation formations haven't collapsed, it’s fine.” He peered back at my setup. “By any chance, is that cauldron...”

”Old Smokey.” I confirmed.

He practically stumbled in shock. “How?”

I grinned. ”I have a good master.”

He guided me to a spot next to an unfamiliar alchemist, then took front and center.

He welcomed everyone and quickly introduced the three judges.

The first one was an alarmingly beautiful woman with long black hair. They called her Pill Master White Lily and her realm was at the early Nascent Soul stage.

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One of the judges had a middle-aged countenance and visible signs of kidney deficiency from overindulgence in the bedroom. A disturbing thing to see in someone at his cultivation level. His name was Pill Master Burning Tyrannical Stallion. Considering the situation of his body, he should change that name to something that matched him better. Maybe keep the burning part though.

The last judge was introduced as Pill Master Ruthless Divine Medicine. He had the look of a man who was a little over intense. Like he took life too seriously and wanted to force others to do the same.

Considering that he wore robes that had a pattern of cauldrons all over them and had a pendant at his side in the same shape I wondered, was he like... an intense alchemy otaku?

Whatever. It was still a very prestigious lineup of judges for a youth tournament. It also confused me. I mean. I could see those at the peak of Golden Core judging this, but Nascent Soul? For a youth tournament?

Was it because of Violet Pill Fairy? She was a genius to reach the very beginning of Golden Core by her age. It might be that the guild was giving her face by having the judges be so high in realm.

And considering that at Nascent Soul a cultivator started to understand the soul I was a tiny bit worried. But that was just my paranoia acting up again. As long as White Lily didn’t rip out my giant Ascension Stage soul to study, I would be fine.

“For the first round, we’ve placed a large variety of pill recipes on the board for Pill Master White Lily to choose from.”

She made a grasping gesture and one of the recipes flew off the board and into the manager’s hands.

When he read the name silently to himself he opened his mouth for a second, shocked, but quickly returned to his consummate professional mask.

“For the first round, you’ll all be making,” he paused. The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife. “A medicinal pill that is very useful for cultivators who enjoy life.” Again he paused.

He stared us down as if daring us to do or say something. “The pill you’ll create is the Five Stages Bowel Clearing Dan!”

I coughed... others in the crowd cried out in alarm.

“You can’t be serious. That pill is—“

“—a needed medicine for cultivators who prefer to not practice grain liberation... and overindulge a bit too much.”

I mean, technically he was right, but it was also a poison that caused a cultivator to go through 5 stages of diarrhea... each one worse than the last.

One could even say it was the perfect prank pill.

He wrote the recipe on the board so everyone could see it. It had 15 spiritual herbs, but the tricky ones were the Crimson Blush-Chrysanthemum, Tearful Lapis Hawthorn Berry, and Festering King Root.

I mean the names themselves were just... well, it was a dumb harem Xianxia world. I couldn’t expect much. At least they weren’t based on random references to Classical Chinese literature that had absolutely nothing to do with the spiritual plant themselves...

The participants rushed to their stations. I found Violet in the crowd. She took off a brown pill testing beast and passed it to her attendant in the stands before walking towards her spot.

Seriously, another pill testing beast scarf? Did she have one for each outfit or did she accidentally kill the last one in some ill-conceived experiment?

I didn't have time for this since the employees were already rushing to give each cultivator boxes of ingredients.

After taking a few steps to my station, I turned up the heat on Old Smokey and gave him a pat for good luck. This old worn-down cauldron had just missed becoming a spiritual item and then went on to be used and abused. And finally, he was cursed... I assumed.

But today, he would help me win.

An employee ran to my station, placed fifteen jade boxes on my worktable, then placed a basket next to it with instructions to return the boxes when done.

After agreeing, I shooed them away. There was planning to be done! Muhahaha!

First, I reviewed my knowledge of each herb and of the recipe itself, while scanning every plant with my divine sense to ensure that it was the best possible for this pill.

A lot had changed in the past thousand years, and while I’d created a pill with the same name and effect before, the recipe was slightly different.