Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Love?
Isn’t it too early for that?
Do I love them back? I - I don’t know.
How do I respond to that?
Is there an angle behind it?
Are they just trying to use me?
This is too much!
“...ose!” someone calls out beside me.
I turn to look at Felicia who has the strangest look on her face. Is that what it looks like when someone’s worried about you?
“...ose?” she says, this time it’s more of a question.
“Yeah?” I reply, though my voice sounds distant. For that matter, so does everything.
Felicia lets out a sigh of relief and pulls me close. I feel another person hug me and realize Summer is here too.
When did she get here?
“You’ve been just staring off into space for hours now,” Summer whispers softly, finally snapping me mostly out of my daze.
“I - I’m sorry?” Why did I say it like a question? “I mean, I’m sorry.” There, more finality. “I - It was a lot to take in.”
“What was?” Felicia asks, as if she wasn’t the one to say it. “That we lo-” She cuts herself off as her eyes widen suddenly. “Right, so we can avoid the ‘L’ word,” she says softly, her expression shifting to one of concern again.
Summer wraps me in a tight hug and holds me close to her. She whispers reassurances while gently stroking my hair. I want to deny it, but it does help me feel better.
Maybe they deserve an explanation…
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“Th - thanks. It’s a… loaded word,” I admit. “After my parents died, it got kind of hard to accept love from anyone. Oh sure, people would say it all the time. People like Edgar, who wanted something from me!” I shake a bit as I dig up the unpleasant memories. “It felt more like a chain than any sort of positive emotion.”
“Damn,” Felicia states simply. Damn indeed.
“So yeah, thanks for avoiding the ‘L’ word. For now at least. It might take a bit before I can handle it.” My two girlfriends nod their agreement, making it a little easier to push aside the barely contained panic that they’d turn on me too.
We just stay here, holding each other for an indeterminate amount of time before reality begins to reassert itself as something important. Said assertion comes in the form of a rapid knocking at the door.
Fucking reality.
Looking over, I realize we’re already back at the resistance base, even though I don’t remember most of the trip.
Shitty brain.
Can’t handle stress normally, can you?
It’d sure be nice if I could avoid having panic attacks over stupid things! But no!
Maybe I’d be better off if I -
Willow baps my face to distract me from the spiral I’m heading towards.
Right, no time to spiral, Felicia has already answered the door, but it sounds like she could use some backup.
I get to my feet and walk over to the redhead and lean against the doorframe beside her. “Tell them we’re not buying any cookies,” I snark.
“Rose, is that you?” Lonnie asks from the other side.
Fucking great.
“No,” I reply, raising my voice to a falsetto. “Nobody here named Rose, please leave.”
Felicia has to bite back a snicker as Lonnie manages to push her way in. She looks like she can’t decide whether to be absolutely livid, or intensely worried. She settles on a happy median of cool irritation.
“What were you thinking?” she asks, her words sounding harsher than her tone. “If they had been able to compromise you, it’d undo everything! Not to mention how worried your girlfriends were!” She’s really laying into me. She goes on about how I have a responsibility to be more careful; she even lists every single reason why. Apparently Roger would be distraught if I was lost; he was really close with my parents after all. She winds up bouncing between worry and anger so quickly I worry I’ll get whiplash. Finally, she says, “Ultimately, I just want to make sure you’re okay. You talk a big game, and are willing to flaunt your power, but yours aren’t the actions of someone who has it together.” I want to argue with her, but she admittedly makes a lot of good points.
“You done?” I ask after a few seconds. She looks ready to tear into me again, but she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“Yeah. I’m done.”
“Good.” I run my hands through my hair as I pick Willow up and settle back on the bed with her on my lap. “I’m sorry.” Felicia and Summer look at me with matching expressions of shock as the words leave my lips.
I know. It’s so out of character.
“Also you’re right,” I admit as I gently stroke my familiar. “It’s been pretty much non stop since I got Willow. And even before that, I was barely holding on.” I gesture at Felicia, who has sat back down beside me, “Ask her what my living conditions were like. The short version is that they were bad.” I let out a humorless chuckle. “But, I didn’t care then. What did I matter in the grand scheme of things?”
Hugging Felicia and Summer close I offer a tired, weak smile. “But Willow and these beautiful women beside me? They made it easier to care. And that fucking scares me!” I shake my head, whipping my ebon hair back and forth. “Because being miserable and alone is honestly so much easier to handle than being happy with people I… with people I really, really like.” At Lonnie’s confused look, I clarify. “When you have nothing, you grow to accept it. It can’t get worse as even death seems like a relief. But, with people close to you, it’s difficult to believe that they’ll stay.” I squeeze my girls a little tighter. “I’m terrified of losing them.”
Lonnie stares at me as she pieces things together. When it clicks for her, it’s obvious by the little gasp that escapes her lips.
“I don’t want to make a big deal of it, at least not right now. I just want to focus on the now.”
Summer’s aunt nods and lets the tension flow out of her. “Alright. That… ah… that explains a lot actually,” she finally says. “We have staff on hand to help with mental and emotional help. I’d recommend talking to them.”
“No promises,” I mutter. As hard as it is to bare myself to people I respect or lo- care about, the idea of revealing my soft vulnerable parts to a stranger makes me almost physically recoil.
She looks ready to argue the point, but a quick look from Summer closes the matter rather neatly. “Right… Well, regardless of your acknowledgement of your own shortcomings, you still need more training.” I start to object, but she holds her hand up. I want so bad to just continue on anyways, but I did agree I messed up. “It will benefit you as well to have a better understanding of tactics, especially on your trip. Which will be in a few days.”
“So we don’t have much time to work with,” Felicia surmises. Lonnie nods and pulls out a datapad and uses it to put some video feeds up on the walls.
“These are recordings of your fights. All three of you need more awareness in battle as well as more practice working alone and as a team,” Lonnie points out as she plays the videos.
It’s like a highlight reel of all my fuckups, but instead of anger, I just feel annoyed, mostly at myself. It really emphasizes that I had succumbed to the rookiest of rookie mistakes: an overabundance of unearned pride.
My ego had swollen once I had found out what Willow could do. Couple that with feeling at home in my skin for the first time ever, and it was a recipe for disaster waiting to happen. I’m just damn lucky I didn’t get anyone else hurt in the process.
“Okay. So where do we begin?”
“Tomorrow morning, I’ll have someone show you where to go. We’ll start then.” Her stern look softens. “For tonight, I want you three to write reports of what happened then get some rest. We’re going to have a busy next few days.”
Lonnie departs with little fanfare, leaving the four of us alone. I flop back into the bed and am quickly joined by Felicia and Summer. “So, how fucked do you think we are?” I ask as I stare up at the ceiling. I find myself counting the cracks in the concrete above us while I wait for either of my girls to reply.
Eventually Summer speaks up with an amused tone, “Well, probably less than tonight I’d wager.” She shares a glance with Felicia who lights up.
“What do you mean?” I ask, falling right into her trap.
She grins wickedly as she caresses my face, sending shivers of eager anticipation down my spine.
Oh.
Felicia licks her lips and slides up next to me so she can place her lips on mine. With my face busy, Summer slips a hand up under my dress.
They are both very careful not to straddle me or put any weight on me. That simple gesture of understanding conveys more affection than anything they do with their tongues or fingers.
I’m quickly lost in a flurry of gentle touches, flicking tongues and deft fingers. I don’t stay passive long, and with us finally having some time to ourselves, we find we’re more than ready to see how far we can take it.
****
Waking up with my girlfriends on either side of me is probably the highlight of my new life. Willow has opted to sleep on a flung pillow instead of the most likely slightly sticky bed. By the time we had finished last night, we barely had the mental acuity to write up some quick reports and send them to Lonnie.
I never want this blissful moment to end as I snuggle my face between Summer’s boobs and shimmy my ass against Felicia’s hips. Unfortunately, fucking reality rears its ugly head again.
There’s a knock at the door and I reluctantly extra myself from my girls and throw on the first thing I can find. It’s one of Felicia’s flannel shirts. Honestly? I kinda like the look as it’s a bit big on me and -
Knock Knock Knock
“Fuckin’ hold on a damn minute!” I shout before clamping my hands over my mouth.
A quick glance back at the bed shows the girls are starting to stir. Catching Summer’s eye, I give her an apologetic smile before answering the door with much less kindness.
“The fuck you want?” I demand of the mousy brunette before me.
“Oh! Ah, um, Miss Lonnie told me to take you to the -”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember. Just wait here a sec,” I cut her off and close the door.
Turning around, it seems Felicia and Summer are way ahead of me and are already getting dressed. I shrug and grab my dress, donning it as quickly as I can.
Eyeing myself in the mirror, I’m kind of wishing I could make some adjustments when Willow merps at me. I look down at her and she paws my dress gently. “Oh! You can do that?” She nods. “Then by all means!”
It takes a few minutes, but Willow is able to transform my dress into something different. The skirt shortens at the front, leaving my legs exposed. The sleeves retreat up to hang off the shoulders. The bodice changes into a tight fitting halter top with a boob window that makes my tits pop!
When we’re done, Felicia and Summer are staring at us like we grew a second head. Though it’s probably the feat of reality altering that has their mouths hanging open.
“What? It’s like you haven’t seen us do things like this before,” I tease them.
They snap out of it and share a look between them before Summer giggles and Felicia steps forward to gently grab my shoulders. “It’s not that, it’s that this dress is fucking hot Rose. How are we supposed to focus if you look so beautiful?”
Ah.
The enemy of trans women everywhere. Earnest, honest compliments.
Fuck.