You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 1 – The Affairs of Adviser Wu

These days, something seemed to be up with Adviser Wu Xingzi of the magistrate’s office.

Every other day, he would hire Old Liu’s cart and head to Goose City, which was half a day away. He would not stay for too long either, and was always ready to head home again before Old Liu was even halfway done smoking his pipe.

Old Liu did not mind at first, since he could earn a little more money if someone was willing to hire his cart. Winter was coming, and having more money could only be beneficial.

But more than ten days had passed like this, and Old Liu was starting to get concerned. He was worried that Wu Xingzi might have fallen for some scam.

After all, everyone in Qingcheng County knew Wu Xingzi. He lived alone in poverty, working in the magistrate’s office as an adviser for the past twenty-odd years. He was about to turn forty, but there was no sign of any companion by his side to care for him.

No matter how Old Liu pondered over it, it seemed as though Wu Xingzi had been cheated of his money. As for why he did not consider the possibility that Wu Xingzi might have been cheated of his love and body… Ugh, how embarrassing it would be for a man if he failed to last for at least a quarter of an hour!

In the beginning, Old Liu had only mentioned the issue in passing to his wife. Who would have guessed that the matter would become known to half the county in less than a couple of days?

Qingcheng County was really too small, and also too boring.

Therefore, when?Wu Xingzi came to look for Old Liu again one day, he was stopped by Auntie Liu.

“Xingzi,” she called out, her eyes reddening before she could continue. Alarmed, Wu Xingzi became flustered.

“What happened, auntie? Did someone anger you? Would you like me to write an indictment for you?” This was not the first time his neighbours had come crying to his door looking for help. Having been an adviser for over half his life, Wu Xingzi could practically write indictments in his sleep by now.

“Xingzi…” Auntie Liu started crying for real. Wu Xingzi raised both his hands in bewilderment, and threw a pleading look at Old Liu, who was brushing the back of his cow by the side.

Old Liu returned Wu Xingzi’s gaze before turning to look at his wife. Shaking his head, he heaved a soft sigh.

This matter seemed quite serious! Wu Xingzi hurriedly recalled the various incidents that happened over the past few days in the county.

A?few days ago, the Wang family and the Shi family had been arguing in the magistrate’s office due to their children secretly pledging themselves to each other. After much difficulties, they finally settled on the bride price and the dowry, and both families then cheerfully started discussing the wedding banquet.

The grandchild of the An family had stole some persimmons off the persimmon tree that was growing beyond the walls of the Xu family’s courtyard. When the An family discovered that the child had been shoved around by the Xu family, they then brought the case to the magistrate’s office. The indictment was also written by Wu Xingzi, but in less than the time an incense stick took to burn, the county magistrate had dealt with the matter, and both families then cheerfully left to eat persimmons together.

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Sister Li and Old Wang had some minor land disputes, Widow Zhou and her eldest daughter-in-law had some disagreements, Li San owed the head of his clan 3 silver ingots and refused to pay it back and instead wanted to mortgage it with his life… Wu Xingzi recalled many incidents, but he could not remember any that had to do with the Liu family.

Seeing that Auntie Liu had already cried till her eyes were swollen and her shoulders trembling, Wu Xingzi could only try to console her, “Don’t cry, Auntie Liu, don’t cry. What can Xingzi do to help you?” Finally, Old Liu could not watch this go on any longer and coughed loudly. Auntie Liu then forcibly stopped crying, wiping her tears away she stared at Wu Xingzi. That profound gaze gave Wu Xingzi a start, causing him to feel that something was wrong.

“Xingzi.” Auntie Liu called again. “Oh Xingzi.”

“Yes, Auntie.”?Please say something else!?Wu Xingzi had never had his name repeated so many times in his life before.

“Xingzi, you… Tell the truth to Auntie, are you interested in a girl now?” Thinking about it, Auntie Liu did not want to scare Wu Xingzi, and could only ask vaguely.

Wu Xingzi blinked, and a helpless expression quickly appeared on his face. He sighed, “Auntie, did, did… Did you forget? I’m not interested in girls.” Auntie Liu blinked back, stunned for a moment. However, she quickly recovered and started crying again, “Oh, poor Xingzi, did you get cheated by a man then?” This time, even Old Liu who was smoking by the side had a sympathetic expression on his face, while shaking his head.

Wu Xingzi flushed, “It’s not that, Auntie, why do you think that I was cheated by a man?”

“What? You cheated a man instead? Xingzi! How, how did you become like this? Auntie had told you long ago, you’re no longer young. Whether it’s a male or a female, it’s good to have someone by your side, but you… Hai, you even started cheating people… Hai…”

These past thirty-odd years, how big of a failure had he been?

“Auntie, you’re thinking too much. Xingzi didn’t cheat anyone, nor did anyone cheat me.” Wu Xingzi rubbed his face helplessly. Hunching his shoulders, he looked around and lowered his voice, “Auntie, what I’m telling you now, please don’t tell anyone else.”

“Go ahead, I would definitely not repeat it to anyone.” Auntie Liu nodded her head vigorously, her eyes shone as she clasped onto Wu Xingzi’s hands.

After some hesitation, Wu Xingzi finally continued quietly, “Auntie, I’ve recently made some penpals through the pigeon express.”

“Penpals through the pigeon express?” Auntie Liu stared at Wu Xingzi, her face troubled.

“Ah, yes.” Wu Xingzi rubbed at his cheek, and spilled everything, “Auntie, you also know that I’ll be forty next year. At this age, I have no prospects nor money, and also like men. It’s really not easy to find someone to accompany me.”

“That’s true…” Auntie Liu nodded her head knowingly. Wu Xingzi’s face became pale, and he felt even more hopeless about his future.

“So, through the pigeon express, I thought I might be able to find a partner…” Wu Xingzi silently wiped away the blood from his wounded heart, his tone light as though he was talking about someone else.

“That’s possible…” Auntie Liu nodded again, then asked. “Is it safe to make friends through the pigeon express?” This was something new to her, and Auntie Liu did not understand it. In Qingcheng county, pigeons were food. They were so poor that they were about to starve, who would have the energy to raise pigeons for penpals? Pigeons were so delicious, fat and tender, after braising them they were… Saliva pooled in Auntie Liu’s mouth.

“Uh, it should be safe.” Wu Xingzi nodded, his ears blushing faintly. “These days, I’ve been going to Goose City to collect mail from the pigeon express.”

“Oh, it’s like this…” Auntie Liu muttered. “Xingzi, Auntie doesn’t know much about such matters, but it’s still somewhat worrying that you’re not able to see the other person’s face. You have to be careful, if you really want to look for a partner, Auntie can help you ask around as well.”

“No need to trouble yourself for me, Auntie.” Wu Xingzi patted the back of Auntie Liu’s hand in placation. He looked up at the sky, the sun was already high up in the sky. It was too late for him to make his way to Goose City, and he looked a little desolate. “Uncle Liu, I’ll trouble you to drive me to Goose City tomorrow again.” Old Liu did not say anything, he puffed at his pipe, and nodded his head faintly.

Wu Xingzi planned to go to the magistrate’s office to work after the conversation. Qingcheng County was small, and the conditions were harsh. Even robbers would avoid coming to the county, other than the occasional squabbling within families and neighbours, there was really nothing much to handle in the magistrate’s office. As such, Wu Xingzi was able to run off to Goose City every other day without the county magistrate showing any disapproval.

Getting the information she wanted, Auntie Liu also did not hold Wu Xingzi back. Stuffing a basket of steamed bread in his arms, she waved him off.

Once she was sure that Wu Xingzi was a distance away, she picked up a basket of mountain vegetables and ran to Zhang Ahniu next door for a chat. Within a few days, the affair of Wu Xingzi making friends through the pigeon express, again spread through half of Qingcheng county. For some reason, it brought about a trend of raising pigeons to deliver mail, but that was another story.

Unable to go to Goose City to collect mail, Wu Xingzi was a little disappointed.

This penpals through the pigeon express, it started from a month ago.

As a person, there was no issues with his looks. His eyes flanked his nose, his eyebrows tilted down, his nose fleshy and a little round, his short philtrum causing his mouth and nose to look too close to each other. However his lips were plump and full, according to face reading, that was a sign that he would lose wealth easily.

Although Wu Xingzi’s looks were far from handsome, but he looked very approachable. It was because of his approachable looks, he landed the job of being the adviser to the magistrate.

When Wu Xingzi was about sixteen or seventeen, all his family members had died, leaving him with nothing.

His father was once a scholar who had passed the country’s imperial examinations. However, his progress stopped there. One reason being that he did not have the money to continue with the examinations, and the second reason was that he was not talented enough to achieve higher honours. However, Father Wu was a practical person, he decided to open a private school in his hometown instead, and managed to take care of his family with that.

Since young, Wu Xingzi’s talents were average, he neither stood out nor fell back. After passing the apprentice exams in the district, he then… Then, nothing.

The Wu family always had only one son each generation, after Wu Xingzi’s grandparents passed away, only the three of them were left. His mother had very few family members as well, they had left Qingcheng County long ago, and no one knew where they moved to. Hence, he was left all alone after the massive flood that happened when he was sixteen years old.

As there were not many people who could read or write in the county, Wu Xingzi could be considered heads above the rest. With his reading and writing skills, along with the magistrate’s sympathy for him, he hired him as his adviser. Although the salary was not high, but it was enough for him to live on. Magistrates who were assigned to Qingcheng County also tended to be free from corruption, and usually were unable to bring along their own advisers. As such, Wu Xingzi’s position as the adviser was unshakeable, and he had continued remaining as the adviser till now.

Wu Xingzi never found a problem with his way of living. However, as years passed one after another, as he slowly progressed from his youth to becoming middle aged, both his pockets and his house were still empty. One day, he suddenly felt that his life was too boring, and wondered why should he continue living his life aimlessly.

Once this thought surfaced, he could not stop thinking about it.

So, after staring blankly at his walls for a day and a night, Wu Xingzi decided to commit suicide on his fortieth birthday.

With this decision, Wu Xingzi felt free like a bird. After a meal and a good night’s sleep, he started thinking about the least alarming ways to die.

As he was contemplating, for some unknown reason he suddenly thought of the lad who sold beancurd jelly in the market. That lad’s appearance was very clean, just like the beancurd he sold. Recalling the curve of his eyes and his white teeth as he smiled, together with those pink, plump lips, Wu Xingzi felt his trousers becoming a little tight.

Since he had decided to die, before dying, he thought he should do something he would never have dared to do!

Wu Xingzi grabbed his money pouch. First he went to the jewellery store and bought a jade hairpin of relatively good quality, then he headed to the beancurd jelly store. By then, the sun was setting, most of the stores in the market was already closed. With a bare chest, the lad of the beancurd store was wiping his sweat away. Upon seeing Wu Xingzi, he smiled.

“Brother Xingzi.” The beancurd lad called his name warmly.

“Hey.” Wu Xingzi mopped at the sweat on his forehead. His mouth was dry to the point where his tongue felt stuck. He stealthily peeped at the beancurd lad’s firm body that was being outlined by the rays of the setting sun. The lad was about seventeen or eighteen years of age, he was tall with long, slender limbs. With clothes on, he looked very lean, but there were muscles hiding under the clothes, with perfectly defined abs, and there was a fine patch of hair on his belly that disappeared under his trousers.

Wu Xingzi gulped, his throat burning.

“Brother Xingzi, is there any reason you’re looking for me?” The lad casually tossed his shirt over his shoulder, and walked closer to Wu Xingzi.

“I, I… You, you…” Wu Xingzi could not complete his thoughts, he clamped his legs awkwardly together and hunched over slightly, sneaking glances at the lad’s abs.

Those washboard abs! Such chiselled grooves, so well carved… Wu Xingzi’s hips trembled slightly, he felt that things were not progressing well.

“Brother Xingzi?” The lad seemed a little perplexed as he did not get a response.

“You, you… Do… Do you like men?” Wu Xingzi immediately felt like running away once he blurted that out.

The Great Xia Dynasty did not ban homosexuality, and there were incidents of male couples spending their lives together. However, majority of the people were still of a heterosexual orientation, and many people were still disgusted by the thoughts of homosexuality.

Wu Xingzi could not believe that he had managed to say it aloud.

The lad was dumbfounded, seeing that Wu Xingzi was about to turn and run away, he reached out and grabbed him, “Brother Xingzi, don’t panic. I, I like men.” Wu Xingzi could not help but smile hearing that. He stopped running and turned back with starry eyes, his mouth open as though he was about to say something, but was interrupted by the lad. “I already have a partner.” Looking at his shy yet blissful look, Wu Xingzi’s head was filled with a buzz.

“Oh, it, it’s like this… Congratulations…”

“Brother Xingzi…” The beancurd lad could not bear to look at his despondent figure, and pulled Wu Xingzi to his store, speaking softly, “Brother Xingzi, have you heard about the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen?”

“Peng?Society for Gentlemen?” Wu Xingzi blinked, a look of incomprehension on his face.

“That’s right, the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen.” The lad lowered his voice even further, whispering secretively, “The society has a book called?The Pengornisseur, specially catering to people of homosexual orientation. In it are listed penpals with whom you can exchange mail via the pigeon express.”

“Penpals via pigeon express?” Wu Xingzi was still befuddled. He knew about using pigeons to deliver mail, and there were even a few pigeons kept at the magistrate’s office for the purpose of official communication between Qingcheng County and the state capital. Wu Xingzi was also the one in charge of taking care of these pigeons.

“That’s right, using the pigeon mail to make friends.” The lad then explained the system to Wu Xingzi in detail.

Anyway, this was a secret society called the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen. Once you submitted a drawing of yourself, the preferred destination for your letters, your name, your likes, as well as 50 coins, you would receive a copy of?The Pengornisseur?that was valid for a month. It was a record of men who were interested in looking for partners, and everyone could get to know each other through the pigeon express. If things progressed well, they could choose to meet privately.

“That’s how I met my man.” The lad’s face was red, and his gleaming white teeth dazzled Wu Xingzi… Of course, it could also be the existence of?The Pengornisseur?that dazzled him.

“Brother Xingzi, if you’re interested, I can guide you along.”

“Guide me along…” That jade hairpin was still in the pocket of Wu Xingzi’s sleeve, and he was still lost in his confusion. “Let me think about it…” He had originally wanted to confess his attraction to the lad, but now was only bemused.

“Of course.” The beancurd lad took a look and comforted him, “Brother Xingzi, don’t think too much about it, you’ll meet him when it’s time.” Wu Xingzi nodded his head in a daze, waving goodbye, he headed back home in a stupor.