Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 419 ROLES

“How the fuck do you give the bad guys exactly what they want?!” Waller yelled. We were back at the base closest to New York after a short helicopter ride.

“I thought we were the bad guys,” I said, raising my hand.

The very fiery woman growled at me. “You, shut the fuck up. You literally yelled for Superman before you got to the mansion. The man can literally hear everything. They probably came to check it out.”

“I…” I had forgotten about that. I lowered my head, thoroughly chastised. 

“I don’t know how the hell you all fucked this up so bad,” Waller said. The dark woman sat down in a huff. Rage pouring off of her, it would probably be bad if her little project of Task Force X failed. I tried to think what our cool theme song should be as the others Haki flared. 

“What the hell was the plan anyway?” Deadshot asked. The trigger happy assassin was ready for some action after the short operation. “How was getting the green meth supposed to help us?” 

“Superman has weaknesses,” Flag assured. “We were hoping to test the rock from his homeworld for more clues. But the weaknesses are out there.”

“Like what?” I asked, trying to think about the comic. Everyone from my original world knew of kryptonite, and the fact that he couldn’t see through lead. I also thought he was weak to magic, so maybe the Enchantress could help. 

“That is a need to know secret,” Waller said. From her Haki I guessed that they really had no idea what his weaknesses were. 

“Since you all fucked this up. You will be fixing it. Stay alert, we will need to see if we can find them via satellite,” Waller said. She began to call people, barking orders at them as we sat around like the kids that pissed off mom. 

“Oy, June, what was up with the pink she-devil?” Boomerang asked. Flag ignored us, trying to think of some way to salvage this debacle. I had ideas how we could, but didn’t want to give too much away. I would have to see where the canon went.  

“That’s the Enchantress,” the normal looking girl said. She was wearing the military outfit from earlier, which now looked very small on her. No longer exuding sexuality or pink smoke, I could look at her again without feeling her affect my lifeforce. “She’s a witch from a long time ago. I uh, found this necklace that lets me channel her powers.” She fingered the necklace under her flak jacket. 

“Oh fancy. How come ladies always get the jewelry with superpowers,” Boomerang said.

“I’m surprised there isn’t some ancient boomerang in Australia. Some epic piece of metal that grants you powers,” I said.

“I looked once upon a time. There are legends,” he said. 

“Were they hinted at in the Crocodile Dundee movies? Like a bunch of Easter eggs?” I asked. 

“Oy, mate, I like you. But I wouldn’t mind beating the shite out of you for all the Aussie jokes,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll come back around to me,” I said with a nod. It took him a moment but he rolled his eyes. In a smooth motion he took his boomerang and threw it at me. Instead of dodging I let it hit me in such a way that didn’t overly hurt, but looked like it did. 

“Jesus,” Deadshot said, standing up. 

“Oh fuck me, I’m sorr-” Boomerang tried to say. 

“I’m fine,” I said, scrambling to stand up. “I’m gonna just hit the nurse’s office.” I began to walk out of the room. Since the military base was under lockdown we were all sequestered to one large section of the base. As I walked out, the guards decided to wait with the majority of inmates. They called in radios to notify some people I was stepping out. 

Once at an exterior wall I hit it. A Rift formed in space, opening up to the outside. Stepping through, the Rift pulled back into me and I looked around. The base was rather large. Plenty of army personnel all around, the light from the sun was just barely coming over the horizon. The day a little cloudy, I wondered what the hell to do. 

Fusing my hand to the wall I began to climb up the half-pipe shaped metal building. Since it would be a while before anyone noticed I was gone, I wanted some time to think. About halfway up I set my feet and began walking to the rounded peak of the building. 

Jeeps driving this way and that, they were on high alert, ready to strike at Superman at any moment. The cool breeze in my face, I sat down with a sigh and watched the scenery as I thought. Confused about my position in this world, where it was all leading, and what could come next, I tried to play it through my mind. 

“Number 1 weird thing, I’m old,” I said. I looked at my hands and for the first time in a long time there were wrinkles there. About 43 years old, I was 20 years older than most every life I had taken over on my quests. I had typically ranged from 12 years old to 19 years old thus far. What could have prompted this?

“The System did say that worlds would be updated with the addition of Hancock,” I said. “Didn’t L say at the beginning that the worlds or gods of the worlds picked which ones I lived in. They probably decide the age, timing that I join up, and most everything.” I chewed my lip, trying to think about this more. I had mostly ignored it thus far, but the change in body made me wonder. 

“In manga worlds I wasn’t given the best lives,” I admitted. “Except for Naruto. That was a pretty sweet backstory. But most all of them put me in the path of the canon.” Manga and manhwa were rather linear though, books too would most likely be the same. 

“Marvel and DC are a bitch,” I said. So many different renditions and stories of the same characters, it was no wonder I was mostly lost about where everything was going. My own custom story that could go any which way. 

“So why am I an old guy?” I mumbled. “What does the world want from me? Do I really need to kill Superman?” I frowned, doubting that. Unless Lois Lane was in danger, I didn’t think Superman would be a danger to humanity. Then again, these were comic book worlds. World ending drama at every turn, I didn’t know what to expect.  

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“But these worlds pick where I go. I’ve proven myself resourceful and not normally a bad guy,” I mumbled. “Then again if the worlds updated, maybe whoever controls them saw what I did in My Hero Academia. Maybe they want the anti-hero role? The once villain turned good guy?”

“If that’s the case, maybe I need to rethink all my worlds,” I said slowly. The 300 world had been pretty straightforward, kill some Persians. Marvel was good about keeping me in the canon. “Invincible?” I asked. For some reason I was teleported to some far off place, put in the path of a psycho god-killer, then perhaps got to the one group that wanted the Viltrumites dead. 

“What is the main goal of Invincible?” I mumbled. I had seen the show, but also read the comics a long time ago. “Wasn’t there an actual god in the story?” I mumbled. I remembered the main protagonist getting his ass beat a lot. Omniman turning his life around. Drama after drama, taking everything good about comics and shoving it all into a little over 100 issues.

“Near the end though, didn’t they do a Returner aspect?” I asked. I could have sworn the main protagonist was offered the chance to go back in time to save everyone, but he denied it. Deciding to stay in the present where his daughter was alive. 

“Didn’t a god being send him back?” I asked. Doing my best to remember from so long ago. “Is that the god that chose me for the Invincible World? Does it want me to set right what Omniman and Invincible fuck up? Or did I get a world where Invincible sides with his father?” Too many possibilities out there. I knew I needed to be stronger before I attempted the world. Day by day I was getting ready, but this wasn’t a DBZ episode where I could shoot in power after 10 days/100 episodes. Things took time. 

But there was plenty to keep me busy. I needed to reopen the Manga Hall. Get World Lasting Physique as a Challenger Slot. Figure out what the hell I was doing in the worlds. Fuck more women that I always dreamed of having. Enter the Book Hall. Maybe open more halls and-

“What are you doing?” A voice whispered in my ear. 

“What the fuck,” I said, turning to face the pink haired she-demon. She didn’t expel any Spiritual Energy whatsoever as she floated just behind me. My eyes locked with hers for a split second and I felt the lust again. 

Like my soul wanted to touch her, but thought I was unworthy of touching her at the same time. Her skin was pale white, without a blemish on it. Her iris’ shaped as hearts, her face was shaped like one as well. Long pink hair twirling around her body, it wrapped around her like clothes. A pink aura emitting from her the girl spoke like a giggle was going to escape her with every word. Cleavage spilling out of her hair I forced a sneer on as I looked at her black nailed hands. 

Using Gyo I could see a pink aura coming from her that was trying to ensnare me. Focusing my mind I used Zetsu to pull my lifeforce all the way in. 

“See, you did it again,” she said in a voice that reminded me of bubblegum. The only Enchantress version I knew of was the swamp-like one from the failed movie attempt. This girl felt like the X-Rated version of the Enchantress. “What are you doing, exactly?” Her face moved to within inches of mine. I focused on her chin, unwilling to give up any of my power and look into her eyes. In my book this bitch was far more dangerous than an Uchiha. 

“Whatever I want,” I said, forcing myself to look away. 

“Don’t be like that,” she whispered, her voice following me as my head turned. She continued to float just in front of me, like she were a fish in water inspecting something.

“Why not?” I asked, annoyed. 

“Because I like you,” she mumbled cutely. I shook my head. “June likes you too.”

“Oh yeah, well it’s not mutual,” I growled. 

“Why not?” She asked, pouting. “You seemed to be interested in us before.”

“I was,” I admitted slowly. “Before all this crap.” I pointed at her body.

“I’m crap?” She asked. Her eyes got big and began to water. I bit my lip, annoyed by my own thoughts. All I wanted to do was protect her and make sure she didn’t cry. I hated myself for that. “See, how do you fight me?” She asked, her face moved closer, looking at this part and that of me as if she would find an answer. 

“I’ve lived for thousands of years, Weston,” she said. Her voice a hiss as she began to spin around me. “Back when you humans were the low one’s on the food chain.” She giggled again, looking up to the brightening sky as she reminisced. “So many people. So many men, threw themselves at me. All to be near me. To worship me. And yet, I’ve met so few like you. Able to fight it.”

“Well…thanks,” I said, moving to walk away. 

“I want to know your secrets,” she said. Her face moving to in front of mine, I couldn’t look away from her eyes. They were like big pools of lust. Every moment thus far in my life, all the sex in the world couldn’t give me as much pleasure as she would. I could spend every waking hour in the Makuramoto with endless women and they wouldn’t be able to give me a fraction of the pleasure she could. Everything else would pale in comparison, like a candle compared to a bonfire.

I growled, charging my fist I did an uppercut, hitting her with my O-shot. As my fist connected I sent pleasurable sparks into her, causing her to orgasm with the blow. Catching her in the diaphragm she coughed up air as the pink faded. Moaning and gasping she was coated in the pink smoke like a cocoon. When the cocoon was fully formed a gust of wind blew it away to reveal the very clothed June.

“Fucking hell,” I said. “Is it seriously that easy to switch you back?” I bent down to help her up. She still struggled for air. “Slow breaths. Nice and quick. There you go.” I moved her to sit back on the metal roof with me. It took her time but she caught herself.

“I’m sorry,” the dark haired librarian looking girl said. “She uh, gets out sometimes.”

“It’s fine,” I said, only a little annoyed. To be honest it was a testament to my skills that I was able to resist her. “Do you see what she sees?”

“Yeah,” June said with a nod. “She uh, really, um, likes you.” She blushed deeply. 

“That sucks,” I admitted with a frown.

“Why? I thought you wanted-”

“I wanted some fun,” I said. “I mean, it’s been a long time since I got laid so I’d probably hit on an oak tree if it had the right curves.” This body really did want to get laid. 20 years was a long time for anyone. “But not by her. I met someone that gave off the same vibe as the Enchantresss once.”

“Who?” June asked. 

“Madix?” I asked, trying to remember the blue skinned porn star’s name from MHA. “She could make anyone lust after her. She was the sister of someone I respected. I kind of got the same vibe from the Enchantress as her. I’m not much for sharing, and your alter ego seems the type that doesn’t like to be locked down.”

“Who knows what the hell type of being the Enchantress is,” June said with a tired sigh. “But she hasn’t really shown an interest in anyone but you.” She smiled at me shyly.

“Really, now,” I said, giving her my best grin. “I think I’d rather get to know you though. Tell me, how does a…quiet girl such as yourself get a cursed amulet that makes her the opposite?”

“Now Enchantress is my opposite?” June asked, feigning hurt. “I’ll have you know that I’m an archeologist. I’ve been on plenty of adventures.”

“I don’t see you as the Indiana Jones type,” I admitted. “I bet all of your adventures tended to happen in the literary variety.”

“That’s not…totally wrong,” she said cutely as she looked away. “But I’ve been expanding my horizons.”

“How so? Did some of those horizons lead you to robbing a bunch of places and getting thrown in with our suicide pact of a group?” 

“Perhaps,” she said, blushing. “What about you? I heard you were some famous villain from back in the day.”

“I was a villain,” I said with a nod and left it at that. Conversation died down after the admission. Neither of us wanting to delve more into the circumstances that brought us there. Both simply watching the sun rise we took comfort in one another’s company. That was until Boomerang yelled at us. 

“Oy, love birds!” He said. Jumping up and down as he waved his arms. “They got a location on alien-boy and his busty sidekick. Time to go.”

“We got a plan to deal with them yet?” I asked as I helped June to her feet and began walking down the slope of the building.

“No?” He asked, unsure.

“Not surprised,” I said. I had my own plans if it came to that, but Murphy’s law was going to play a big part in all of this. That was for sure. I picked up June in a princess carry and jumped down to the ground. “Well, time to go kill ourselves,” I said.

“Maybe you’ll die, but I’m making it through this,” Boomerang said.

“That’s not happening. Part of my plan is using you as a human shield,” I said with a smile.

“What? Is this about the little whack?” I nodded. “Mate, I’m sorry. I let it slip. I promise, it won’t happen again.”

“I doubt that,” I said, rolling my eyes, but throwing my arm over his shoulder. “Just let me throw it at you, and all will be forgiven.”

“Hell no, only I can touch them,” he said.

“Oh come on,” I said, playing along as we headed inside. Ready to prepare for our last day on earth as living people as we went up against the strongest man in the world.